The Man Who Faps

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A tale of inaction and masturbation.
2.3k words
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A Tale of Inaction and Masturbation

Once upon a time there was a lonely nerd. This lonely nerd had no girlfriend, no one to love or to hold. He wanted a girlfriend, someone to love and to hold, but he couldn't seem to get one because he was extremely shy, shy to the point that when he talked to girls, he'd freeze up and become a statue.

The Nerd had many fantasies of a life with a girlfriend. These fantasies consisted of going out on dates and having fun times with the nerdy things he imagined sharing with his lover. He imagined that he would marry this perfect girl and have a family with her. He imagined raising the children that would result the relationship, the little nooblets becoming nerds like he. However since he had no girl, these fantasies of cooperative gaming, of sons or daughters were way out of his reach. He'd imagine these fantasies at every hour of the day, but mostly in his bed where he could not push them out his mind with his nerdy distractions.

The Nerd was in high school, and there was this one girl he liked. She sat next to him in many of his classes, but most noticeably in his literature class. She was funny, would actually give him the time of day. She was a little fat, however, but that did not stop the nerd from thinking she was the most beautiful thing in the world. However, he was too afraid of rejection, too afraid of consequences. Whenever he would almost gather up the courage to say something, anything, he would make a blunder, or she would smile at him, or she would say something in anyway negative and so his courage would melt away. So with each of these failures he went right home and into his room in despair and frustration. He would sit on his bed; grab some porn and fap, fap, fap right into the trash bin. His future sons and daughters would move right out of his head with one splurt, two splurts, 3 splurts and fall miserably right into the trash bin to die silent deaths.

So the Nerd went to college, leaving his feelings for his High School Crush forever unresolved. At the college he went there was another girl he liked. She was smart, funny, and cute, but furthermore she became good friends with the Nerd. Good enough friends with him that she told him many of her secrets, and discussed her problems with him. She, however, had a boyfriend, a boyfriend she loved very much. The Nerd was hesitant to tell the girl his feelings, he valued his friendship with her and he thought she was happy with her boyfriend. However, one day this girl broke up with her boyfriend, and the Nerd was ready to take his chance. He had learned from his previous mistakes, and had decided that falling prey to the fear of rejection ensured rejection. After he heard about the breakup from her, he resolved that he was going to confess his feelings to her, and ask her on a date.

When the Nerd next saw her online, he talked to her a little bit, trying to lead up to his confession to her, bidding his time until he would build up his courage. Right when he was about to come out with it, she went offline for a minute. She went offline for another minute, then another five minutes, and then another ten minutes. She was offline for an hour, and then she was back, with a happy announcement of "steve just called! we're back together! :)" The Nerd's heart dropped, it heavy in his chest. He was lucky they had happened over the internet and not over the phone or, god forbid, in person. Otherwise she would have noticed him droop as he half heartedly congratulated her happy news, with tears in his eyes. He was genuinely happy that she was happy, but he was so, so disappointed. After she signed off, the Nerd stared at his computer screen for a moment. He recovered from his crushed hopes, or at least so he told himself, and moved onto his bed in despair and frustration. Looking at a doujinshi to distract himself from thoughts about the girl, he fap, fap, fapped right into the trash bin. His future progeny came right out of his head in one splurt, two splurts, three splurts, falling right into the trash bin to die an agnozing and silent death.

So the Nerd in no matter time graduated college and was gainfully employed at a software production company, staying in distant company with his college best friend, she never realizing why the had become so distant. He was well paid at the job, but money didn't make the nerd any less shy. Now yet another beautiful girl tickled his fancy, drew his affections. She was a Coworker. He liked her, and found her cute, and she worked in the cubical next him, but like the nerd he was, he had no idea on how to tell her opinions of him. Still, she said to him that she liked "Nerdy Guys," so he thought he might, just might for once have a chance. So the Nerd, at the water cooler, asked her if she wanted to go out for coffee sometime. It was a modest request, but it was most forward proposal that the Nerd had ever given a girl.

The Coworker easily got the hint, but did not like what she got from the Nerd. The coworker quickly and brutally turned the Nerd down. She laughed at him like he had always feared, criticized the nerd's apparent flaws, and told him, "I like them nerdy, but not that nerdy. If you want someone to take your V-Card, you'll have to look somewhere else." The Nerd was crushed as his fears of rejection turned true. When he tried to make up excuses and said he only wanted to be her friend, she told him coldly, with no sense of sympathy in her voice whatsoever, "Yeah, I can tell. Kept it in your pants." Embarrassed and saddened, the Nerd immediately rushed to his boss, told him he wasn't feeling too well, and proceeded to use one of his sick days, all in order to avoid seeing his Coworker's disapproving glare.

The Nerd arrived home, more dejected than he had ever been. He walked into his bedroom: a different location as it had been before, but the same as ever. It was the same dimensions and everything was in the same exact relation to the door, which was naturally concurrent to the room's former location. Yes, indeed, he sat down and as usual, fap fap fapped right into the trash bin. His discarded dreams came right out of his head in one splurt, two splurts, three splurts, falling right into the trash bin to die a silent and tearful death.

The Nerd had given up after the Coworker. The Nerd did nothing for ten years but work. The Nerd became increasingly wealthy, but increasingly lonely. He became largely withdrawn, his only reason for living to play video games and go to work. He suffered a mild case of depression. He was also incredibly paranoid at any woman who actually advanced at him, as they began to do, for reason that he thought they were merely after his newfound wealth. That was, until he met one last girl.

A new girl began work at the software company. The new girl was lovely and young, in contrast to the aging Nerd. This girl was the first girl who actually talked to him in a long time. She was the first one to actually listen to him as well. They quickly became friends, and then quickly fell in love. He was, as one should expect from him, hesitant to express his feelings of love for her. Things were so bad for him that time he was even he was hesitant to admit to himself that he had feelings after the previous Coworker. She, however, was not hesitant in her own genuine feelings, as she quickly asked him on a date. Though the ten years of paranoia flashed in his head, the Nerd decided, "Ah, what the hell. Sure." They dated, and laughed, and eventually kissed.

The Nerd and his Lovely Girl went to his high scale apartment, and then his fairly Spartan room in turn. He dimmed the lights and lit the one red candle that he had put in his room years ago in anticipation for this one moment. The Nerd pushed her on the bed and started unbuttoning and unzipping her clothes, kissing her like an experienced lover, though he had no real experience. Everything he saw and did he did was for the first time, but simultaneously was influenced by over twenty five years of porn, fantasies, and thought. Every move he made was carefully calculated, so while the younger girl had more experience, she creamed easily in his hands. Almost literally as she did figuratively, he getting her off by toying around with her clit. The Lovely Girl's moans put a smile on the nerd's face.

When it was her turn to please the Nerd, she started off with a handjob, which turned into a blowjob, which turned into boob job topped with cherry red lips. Her actions, her very wet tongue, her cherry red, wet lips, and her firm, but soft breasts pulsed through his body. He felt at all times like he going to cum, but then he didn't. He was at the sensation level that would have normally made him cream, yet nothing came out. His resilience was enough to impress the Lovely Girl, as she pulled the Nerd's cock out of her mouth long enough to tell him, "It may be the most average penis I've ever seen size wise, but your endurance makes it seem like a porn star penis." The Nerd laughed in flattery.

It was basically time for the main act for the Nerd. He put his cock right into her and he moved his hips like there was no tomorrow. He didn't have the rhythm right as first, but quickly the Lovely Girl's perfect movements got the Nerd into sync. He push, push, pushed right into her, while her hips received him and pushed back in satisfaction. With each thrust he felt closer and closer and closer to climax, and she felt closer and closer and closer to climax until they were both right over it. The difference was, she had actually reacted with orgasmic release, biting her lip and closing her eyes with a supreme blush, while he hadn't. The Nerd felt like something should be coming out, but nothing did at all. No splurts: not one, two, or three. The one time they could actually reach their intended goal, an ovary, his children were nowhere to be found.

The Nerd continued to thrust until the Lovely Girl told him, "Come on honey, cum already. You don't have to polite any longer. I've already climaxed like three times. I'm feeling really sore actually." The Nerd did too, and he pulled out. After trying five minutes with her hands, and still no result, she brought out some lube. "If you can't cum in my pussy, then cum in my ass. I've had guys with this problem, and this has always worked." The Nerd was hesitant to subject the girl to such pain, but she said it was okay. He thrust into the Lovely Girl's ass as long as he could, trying to make himself do what he could not have for the entire night, but had been so easy to do by himself for all of his lonely years. Midway through this last half hour long attempt, the Lovely Girl passed out from physical exhaustion. Yet the Nerd kept on going, even though it felt like his own member was going to fall off. He had to cum, he just had to! How could he lose his virginity if he didn't cum! If he didn't cum to the girl of his dreams when he actually had her in bed, how much of failure would that mean he was...

His penis finally forced him to give out though. The Nerd, dejected, finally pulled out. Even so, his torture wasn't over yet, as the unconscious, Lovely Girl's ass was tight, and his shipwreck of a penis was kinda stuck in it. As he pulled it out with all of his weight he made several audible cries. First the base, then the shaft, then the foreskin. The head itself was so sensitive that the scream he made while pulling it out woke up the Lovely Girl from her anal sex induced coma.

At work the Nerd and the Lonely Girl avoided each other in mutual shame for a week, she disappointed in her failure to make a virgin cock cum, he at his impotence and the plain awkwardness of anal sex. They continued their relationship afterwards and attempted to make love many times, but the Nerd never, ever came again. The Doctors were bewildered when the Nerd went in to fix the problem: he was no longer producing spermatozoa or semen. He became a medical mystery, one so legendary that they wrote an episode of the popular showHouseafter him. In the end, the cause of his sterility was never found, the Nerd's disability never rectified; thus he and his Lovely Girl would never have children

Ironically, the source of the Nerd's sadness was staring at him as he and his Lovely Girl attempted to copulate. It was something the Doctor's never thought of, were incapable of thinking of. In the nerd's bedroom was a graveyard full of innocents, buried among trash, all hope lost. The Nerd's impotence, as sad a fact as it was, was in fact just! His children were nowhere to be seen because the Nerd had ignorantly killed them all. In the end, he suffered from the sabotage of his own desolate, resigned children: the silent revenge of trillions dead, wasted. The Nerd's long dead children, killed by procrastination and hesitation, buried in a sad disgusting trash bin.

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3 Comments
Polly_DollyPolly_Dolly11 months ago

Some truly emotional sperm in that story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
This is such a sad story!! :(

Why is it in the humor section??

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
it was fine...

you need to edit there are a few "be"s that need to be added inbetween words...

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