The Marriage Ch. 02

"I fancy you today, I will fancy you tomorrow and when were are old, you will have to beat me off with your walking stick," I said, trying to let my anger cool, "I love you and I do not intend to stop."

"I know it is featherbrained." Alia was getting choked up. "It suddenly scares me that I cannot keep you happy." It was not right what I was thinking of my mother at that moment. She was still angry at how Angelica manipulated her. She was stirring things up. "I thought mayhap if I were more like a lady it would be better."

I smiled at her. "It makes my desire grow, though I love you the same," I said honestly, "I do not see that love ever changing."

"You must make heirs," Alia stated. I could see in Alia's eyes what my mother started. She was doubting herself. A queen can tear a hole in a maid's mind in seconds. I paused for moments trying to word a response.

"I kissed Angelica on the lips once," I said apologetically, "it felt like I was kissing my aunt. Angelica and I must produce an heir, and we cannot run from it. I can promise it will be a duty, and not like you and I. I will not lie and say the child will not be loved."

"Like your aunt?" Alia repeated. It think it was the only thing she heard.

"Yes, we kiss each other's cheeks now." I smiled when Alia smiled.

"I am not beneath you then?" Alia asked. It was my mother's words coming from her mouth. I was getting angry and knew it was not at Alia. I swallowed my ire, and tried to look calm.

"You will never be beneath me," I said sweetly, "I have always seen you as greater than I. There is no one who will ever replace you, and I will not tire of you. My mother speaks unknowingly." Alia smiled again, but I did not trust it. It would take years to convince her at this pace.

"When will Mylle arrive?" Alia asked, thankfully changing the subject.

"The king sent a messenger today; maybe two weeks. Prior to the wedding to be sure," I answered.

"She is a lady also?" Alia queried, seemingly uninterested in the answer. I felt my bile rise. I knew where this was going.

"Titled or not, she will not be interested in me, and I not in her," I answered quickly. Alia took another sip of her wine, mentally digesting my words and mixing them with my mother's. I would have words with her tomorrow, and I hoped a night of sleep would temper them.

"Angelica and Mylle will attend functions with you. They will see and talk with all who you know. I will be hidden away and we may grow apart," Alia continued, "are you sure a lifetime of nights will be enough." I had not planned on hiding her away. I had not worked out how, but a few days was not enough time to find a solution. Everything happened too quickly. My mother was working faster than I was. My frustration boiled over.

"I will not lose you again," I said way too crossly. Alia cringed and my heart broke. She set down her glass and rose warily. "I am sorry, my love," I said quietly, "this doubt is my mother's, not yours, I think. I have none of it in my heart." Surprisingly, she leaned down and kissed my lips sweetly.

"I will sleep on it and talk again tomorrow, my Lord," Alia said formally. I watched her leave my bedroom. The door closed and the wine glass shattered in my hand. My anger would not wait for sunrise.

*****

I burst into my mother's room unannounced. I no longer cared for protocol or proprietary. My anger only increased on my travels. My mother stopped brushing her hair, and turned away from her vanity when the door slammed open.

"Cayden!" my mother yelled with indignation. I would have none of it.

"Father said to leave it to me," I yelled back, "you went too far to talk to Alia." I was shaking my finger at her.

"Your hand is bleeding," my mother said with concern. I would have none of that either.

"Your meddling was costly as you well knew it would be." I brought my tone down, but increased the venom. "It was not your place!"

"I am your mother!" She stood as her own anger grew. "It is my place and always will be my place. I gave her knowledge and nothing more."

"You gave her doubts," I fought back. "You rip happiness from me for your own desires."

"Angelica will see to your happiness," my mother said with conviction. I do not do well when my anger boils over. I said things I knew I would regret, but I meant them at the time.

"You stupid woman! You know nothing of this marriage you have devised." I moved closer, bloody hand and all. I saw fear in my mother's eyes. Shamefully, I relished it. "Angelica will never keep a man happy. She does not desire men. All you have done is send my happiness away." I growled in frustration through clenched teeth.

"If it takes me a lifetime to repair what you have done, I will spend it." I took a step back, not comfortable with my anger so close to her. "If the damage is too great," I lost some of my venom thinking about failure, "then," I paused, looking at her, "my hate will be too great for us." My mother was beyond shocked. Queens were not dealt with in such a manner. Mothers were.

I left her there, my blood on her floor. I knew what damage I had done. I had possibly lost both my love and my mother. At the time, it seemed a fair trade. If she took her anger out on Alia, I would abdicate and seek solace in a marriage of my own making. Let the kingdom fall to ruin. Heirless and insecure, I would sink them all.

It was Lucius who found me, bandaged my hand and calmed me.

"The queen is crying, my Lord," Lucius said, "the king has bade me to keep you here, in your room." I laughed at that.

"Have I been sent to my room?" I asked sarcastically.

"I believe his Highness wishes you calmed, my Lord." Then Lucius added, "And out of view."

"I may have lost her, Lucius." I saddened quickly. The anger drained away and was replaced by emptiness.

"You thought so afore, my Lord. It was not so." Lucius was always an optimist. I grabbed the half empty bottle of wine and drank deeply. Lucius did not appear to approve. "Mayhap tomorrow will look better, my Lord." I laughed again. It was the same stupid thing people always said when disaster struck.

"Tomorrow, I will need to put things right with Alia." I looked over at Lucius who seemed uncomfortable. "I may not be your lord when it is done." I took another angry swig.

"You have drill tomorrow, my Lord," Lucius reminded me, "let me make inquiries while you let out the fury. I will request Alia meet alone with you. You will not want her to see you like this." He was right, of course. Seeing her now would do more harm than good. I took a deep breath and let it out.

"Aye, you are right," I said slowly and put the bottle back on the table. Nothing I had done since Alia had left was in any way a solution. I had succeeded in making my mother feel as badly as I did. It was of little solace, although I was quite convinced she deserved it. Lucius sweep away the bottle, feigning he was cleaning up. I let him believe I was fooled. He meant well, and was one of the few I trusted with my well being. I slept in the chair that night, the bed simply being too far away.

*****

The dummy before me was bleeding sand profusely. We had been practicing infantry tactics with spear. It did not take long for my mind to return to last night.

"I believe it is dead, my Lord," Ruddi chuckled, standing off to the side. I had ruined it. It was designed as a simple target you were supposed to strike once and move around. I had lacerated it to death.

"Better it than..." I trailed off. Mentioning my mother would not be wise here. "It was a difficult night," I finished.

"Brides are always difficult, my Lord," Ruddi chuckled again, "they make up for it on the wedding night." I smiled, letting him think he had the right of it. I placed the spear on the rack and circled to watch the proceedings. Commander Kancraft was as loud as ever. It was a welcome distraction to watch him mold organized soldiers out of rabble. He had a way of commanding that did not allow for dissent. His voice possessed a level anger that was accepted. Not so much that you hated him, just enough so you respected him. I envied his control.

I saw Lucius moving quickly, weaving among the soldiers toward me. It was an odd sight to see him on the practice field. I moved to meet him as concern filled me.

"The princess was angry, my Lord." Lucius was breathing hard," I think she had words with the queen." I started moving off the field as he spoke, "They called Alia to the throne room. No one knows anything. I cannot speak to anyone who does." I started running. If this was how they wanted to play it, so be it. There was no way I would allow Alia to be persecuted for our love. I no longer wished to be part of my family.

To be continued...