The Medical Record

Now the emotional problems began to bother me deeply. I had obtained the damning information illegally and unethically. This could not be used in court for a divorce. In fact, if she knew I knew and then got really mad at me, my career could be goosed in the worst possible way. I could see my medical license disappearing and my years of medical school and residency trashed by some niggardly trial lawyer she might hire in a vindictive mood. She just wouldn't do that to me. Then again she wouldn't cheat on me either, would she? What am I to do? My thinking was so mixed up. Confusion had me in its terrible grip.

Her secret life had been revealed. I wanted her to know I knew but even more, I wanted our current state of marriage to continue. These two seemed to be mutually exclusive. I thought I could not have both. If I couldn't have both then which would I choose? Somehow I couldn't do anything except realize how conflicted I was. I even thought maybe I had had a small frontal lobe stroke since I couldn't think straight.

How was I going to let her know that I knew? Should I even let her know? Was it best to let that sleeping dog sleep? Could I go on as if nothing had happened? Apparently she could, and had. I certainly had not recognized anything out of place with our marriage. The improvement in our sex lives could very well be attributed to her extramarital learning experiences. I wanted desperately to trust her. I had to. Not to trust her meant the end of the world for me.

Should I get tested for the sexually transmitted disease she had had? How would I explain that to my doctor? Would my insurance show the diagnosis? My wife opened all our mail. She would find out just by seeing I had a doctor's visit billed to our insurance. If she asked me why I went, I would not lie to her and she would know that I knew.

Janet had become very proficient in computer sciences as a result of having taken all the computer courses available via the local community college. She had top grades in all the courses. Had she met someone in her computer courses? Was it an instructor? She was very attractive sexually and flirted. Maybe she had gone too far? My mind was filled with terrible thoughts of sexual infidelity and distrusting.

Her community college classes started around, or shortly before, her first visit to the clinic. Was this related in some way? Her going back to school pretty much coincided with her last clinic visit.

It looked like she had had enough of whoever it was when she contracted an STD. Her lover must have been as unfaithful to her as she had been to me. What could she expect of a guy who would have secret sex with a married woman? I bet he was married too. Guess I'll never know. I wondered if I wanted to know. I already knew too much. Yesterday I was happy. Today I was troubled, deeply troubled.

Looking back, I now began to think I knew why she didn't want me to take this particular clinic's opening. She had said that the drive might be dangerous. (It was 90 percent interstate). Then she said she had heard about some legal problems this particular clinic was having and didn't want me involved. She had never had any problems with any other assignments. Then she said we had enough money and I didn't need to work so hard. The other local clinics hadn't needed me. I had the free time. I enjoyed working at my profession so I took it.

Driving home with all this going through my head, I wondered what I should do and, if anything, when? Would she see any difference in my interactions with her tonight? Would I give my self away accidentally? What awaited me.

.............................................................................................................

Chapter 03: Advice avoided, Sharing discussed.

In chapter 01, I described our marital relationship. Chapter 02 described finding my wife's damning medical record. This chapter is a continuation of my true story.

We greeted each other in our usual enthusiastic manner. She had another of her tasty suppers ready to eat. After washing up we ate in a normal fashion.

As usual she asked how my day had gone. I replied that it was a good morning but then in the afternoon I had had a difficult situation arise with a patient who had had an STD but was wanting to be retested after completion of antibiotics. Usually we don't retest or retreat so I was going to have to get consultation and might have to contact an Infectious Disease specialist or our family internist for advice. We talked of other things not related to my new knowledge about her.

She was all over me that evening and we really had great sex and another wonderful snuggling time. I knew that I loved her and could not live without her. I didn't want anything to interfere in our marriage but knowing of her extramarital affair and her lies, I knew that serious trouble was already brewing.

The next day, from work, I called my psychologist friend. He agreed to meet me "for coffee" at the neighborhood coffee (diner) house that evening. I told him it had to do with my marriage and was potentially serious.

That evening at supper time I told Janet nothing more. I hate this secrecy thing.

Jennie, Bob's wife and also our close friend, called and invited us to come over and see the renovations to their old house they were fixing up. I made the excuse of needing to do online Continuing Medical Education and could not go. Janet went alone. It was only a few blocks away. I went to meet with Bob. I hated deceiving her but I did but I still felt bad doing it.

Bob didn't do a lot of marriage counseling but was a knowledgeable good friend. We talked as friends for an hour. We drank coffee together as good friends do. I told him what I knew; how I got it and my concerns about the unethical way I got the information. I told him what he already knew as a friend and frequent visitor in my house, how happy our marriage was and is and how I wanted to preserve it. The discovery of the infidelity and ensuing secrecy had to be dealt with. Already I had deceived her by telling her a lie about what I was doing tonight. I felt badly about my lying. He understood. He seemed a little nervous at different times but I attributed that to the facts I was telling him about his friend, my wife.

As we talked, I felt my mind clearing. It is amazing how just talking something out helps. The problem remained but my mind seemed to be working again.

He agreed that I had a problem. I told him of our otherwise happy marriage. My major concern was that neither of us had withheld anything from the other and we both believed that honesty and trust were the foundations of our marriage. I didn't want my knowledge of her infidelity and subsequent cover up to eat away at my love for her. Somehow I needed for her to know that I knew and that I would forgive her. I wondered how I might get her to tell me without my telling her. That way I could be the innocent party to the deception and give her my full forgiveness.

Bob said he would have to think about it. We agreed to talk again in the near future. His was more a frontal assault on the problem with just confronting Janet with the medical record and ask for an explanation. I figured I could not do that, for a while at least.

Nothing seemed to change at home. I worked, she worked. She made love and did things together as always.

About a week later, while we were having exciting sex, she asked, "Honey, do you ever think about your cock in another woman's vagina?"

I continued to thrust in and out of her ever warm and wet pussy.

"I think every man has those ideas from time to time. Why do you ask?" I was near climax and she was throwing her head back as she does when she is near.

"Janet, are you thinking of another guy's cock spearing you right now and riding you to a huge climax?"

With that she shuddered and shook and writhed, wringing my cum from my organ.

As we cooled down, snuggling and spooning, I asked her again if she had fantasized about another man making wild love to her as we climaxed.

"OHhhhhh, Jon, I'm so ashamed to admit it. I climaxed thinking that another man was taking me. Please forgive me."

"Janet, you know I forgive you. In fact, if it had been another man I could forgive you under certain circumstances," I told her gently.

She pushed into me, pressing her soft breasts onto my chest.

"Jon," she continued, "I hope I'll never have to ask your forgiveness for infidelity. Are you sure you could forgive me?"

I replied, knowing we were both skirting the subject that the other was not supposed to know about, "Janet, the only way I would not forgive you is if you continued being sexually involved without my permission. I could not live as your cuckold husband. If we had agreed then that is a whole different situation. It's all about truthfulness. We should have no secrets. Secrets have a way of dividing us. Our marriage is based on fidelity of mind, soul and body. You are my soul mate. You are my only lover. It's important to me that our sharing is done in honesty. If we share honestly, then I know of nothing that cannot be forgiven. Doing something that might damage our marriage in secret can only bring harm to us. Nevertheless, I hope that we are both mature enough to forgive anything."

"Now if we agree to swap and both of us are up front with everything, then there isn't anything to confess, there would be no guilt to be absolved and no sin to be forgiven. Doing stuff behind the other's back, in secret that is, is a very different situation. That would be terribly wrong and would need to cease and never start again. Then confession would or should bring forgiveness. Would you forgive me if I had a tryst without your knowledge but then confessed?"

I had thrown down the gauntlet, so to speak. The ball was in her court. I waited for her reply.

I wanted her to confess so I could forgive her.

"Honey, I could and would forgive you. I feel exactly the same way as you do about cheating, truth and forgiveness." She paused as if to think.

"Why did you get off on the subject of swapping though?" she asked.

"I brought that up to emphasize the difference that secrecy makes to our marriage. We need to keep sacred our fidelity of truth and trusting. The sexual part is important but it's the honesty between us that is our real marriage binder. Do you agree?"

She was quiet for a moment, and then responded with a deep kiss and a tight hug. "Honey, everything is important. I have thought about you being with another woman and me being with another man."

I noted that she didn't say anything about her having been with another man. I didn't press that point.

"Janet, what would you think if I said I wanted us to think seriously about sharing our bodies in a sexual way with another couple?"

"Oh, my gosh, Jon, do you really want another woman? I thought you were satisfied with our sex."

"Janet," I countered, "I asked a rhetorical question. I just wanted your opinion. I'm very satisfied, in fact totally satisfied with you sexually and as a woman and as my wife."

"Who have you been talking to, Jon?" she inquired.

"No one, really. I was only thinking, not making preparations."

She was fully engaged in this now, not just post-coital dreaming as I had been. This was beginning to be interesting. We had indeed thought about swinging but had never really considered it before.

"So you have dreamed of having another man? Right?" I reminded her. "When we were climaxing together, you said you imagined another cock in your pussy. You have had these thoughts before. Be honest with me now."

She actually blushed and told me she had had those thoughts.

"If we both have thoughts about it in our private minds, perhaps we should share those thoughts with each other. Isn't that what true sharing is all about?" I wanted to explore this idea with her if she would.

"Tell you what, Jon, let's sleep on this and talk about it tomorrow, okay?"

I felt like I had avoided the confrontation, which I had but it only prolonged my problem. Maybe Bob was right; I should confront her and let the chips fall where they would. Our marriage should be strong enough to survive. Telling her I knew would not change the facts anyway. I knew I had chickened out. She was not going to confess so I had to force the issue.

The next day was a Friday. I went to work without any more conversation about sharing or swapping.

Janet called me at work and told me that she and Jennifer had talked for a long time that morning. As a result, Janet had invited Bob and Jennifer over that night for coffee and desert. That was a terrific idea and agreed immediately. I wondered what topic or topics could have taken the whole morning for them to discuss. Had Janet confessed to Jennifer rather than me? Was she recruiting Jennifer to help her out? They talked a lot as it was. Never mind; I was happy she had friends and especially Bob and Jennifer.

Driving home that evening, I got a ring on my cell from Bob.

"Hey, Jon," he opened the conversation. "I have been talking to my wife, Jennifer."

"I know you guys are coming over for desert and coffee tonight. Sounds like fun tonight," I countered.

"Look, buddy, you need to know something about what Janet and Jennifer talked about this morning. Let me give you a heads up so you won't be blindsided with Jennifer and me in the room and before you and Janet have time to talk about things."

"Okay," I shot back, "I'm all ears. Janet didn't say anything about what they talked about."

"Jennifer says that you and Janet have talked about swinging. Well, Jennifer told Janet that Jennifer and I have talked about that subject also. We never went any farther than just talking. Like you guys, we never acted on it. If we were to ever get serious about this, Jennifer and I would want to approach you all.

"Tonight may be different kind of meal together for the first time for all of us. I think the girls are setting us up to consider doing a lot more than just talking about it in the privacy of our homes. Don't be surprised. Listen, this may open the door for you to talk to Janet about what you talked to me about. This whole thing may be not only lots of fun but therapeutic as well."

I was all ears and eager for the evening to begin but Janet and I had to talk before 'desert was served'. I had a lot of talking to Janet before we got into conversation with another couple. We had to agree on ground rules between us. We had to explore our feelings and the negative fallout that might occur. Our marriage might come under severe attack. I had a thousand things to get cleared up before talking with another couple and tonight was just too close for all that to actually happen.

I thought our pillow talk had been just that. It never occurred to me that Janet would give serious thought to swinging, much less talk to anyone, especially without discussing this in depth with me. She was making unilateral decisions. This bothered me even though I agreed with her on the subject matter. She had made a unilateral decision eight years ago and I definitely did not agree with hers back then. I didn't want us making marriage-impacting decisions in secret.

Another wonderful Friday night meal was waiting for me at home, this all thanks to Janet. This was a lighter meal and she had glasses of wine poured. We emptied our first glass then she refilled each of them.

I brought up my more pressing need for discussion before our guests arrived.

"Janet, I am delighted that Bob and Jennifer are coming over tonight. Bob called me on the way home. He told me a little about what you and Jennifer had talked about this morning." She was all ears now and smiling.

"Sweetheart, I'm in favor of discussing the subject you and Jennifer talked about. What is of serious concern to me is your talking about this to outsiders before you and I have had time to fully explore it in private. I resent your decision to talk to Jennifer, or anyone, about sexual things that affect me and our marriage without consulting me.

I view this as a very serious concern. Do you hear me? I need for you to understand how serious I see this. It is no little matter to me. I'm fearful you might have done this in the past or might do something even more serious in the future. Secrecy in marriage is a very serious concern for me. You have voiced the same concern also. Are you still committed to always being open to me about things that might affect our happy marriage?"

"Jon, I know I overstepped this morning. I promise never to do that again. Openness and truthfulness is even more important now that it has ever been, given the subject to be discussed tonight."

"Janet, I have to have your promise that you will never even entertain the idea of secret sex. I promise you this for myself here and now and I need for you to promise me the same."

She replied with a simple, "I promise you." Her reply was rapid, complete and without any sign of remorse or strain. That satisfied me for the future but I knew the past had not been included.

"We need to talk a lot more, just you and me, before we get into any discussions with Bob and Jennifer, or any other couple. I have a lot of anxiety and questions that need addressing before we go any farther."

Before she had a chance to respond, the door bell rang. Janet hopped up to answer the door.

Bob and Jennifer arrived and we sat at the dining room table with some soft background music on a CD playing. Janet served a light desert of fresh peaches on pound cake with real whipped cream. We shared coffee and wine.

Janet got up and put on some slow dance music and invited us all to dance. This met with universal approval. We danced several numbers with our respective spouses. I saw Jennifer and Janet glancing at each other as we danced. Jennifer then broke off with Bob and tapped Janet on the shoulder.

"I want to borrow Jon and you can have Bob for the next dance," she said.

We all agreed. My hands slipped to Jennifer's waist and pulled her a little closer. She smiled and laid her head on my shoulder. I noticed that Janet was dancing plastered up against Bob. Naturally, Bob had his hand on Janet's butt and I saw him digging his finger tips into her. Then he put both hands on her butt, gripped her tightly and lifted her slightly up against his bulge. Janet responded by rubbing her pubic mound on his bulging trousers.

I took notice that Janet and Bob seemed to be enjoying themselves. Janet and Bob had gotten into nibbling necks and kissing deeply.

I kissed Jennifer lightly on her lips with a touch of tongue. She responded with her tongue exploring my mouth. Our tongues danced as we pressed together even harder below the waist.

The music ran out. I suggested we sit for a minute and enjoy yet another glass of wine together. This time, after Janet had re-filled our wine glasses, we retired to our seven foot couch. Janet sat close to Bob while Jennifer and I sat in separate chairs across from them.

"Bob," I started the conversation, "Janet and I have not had the opportunity to fully discuss together in private what she and Jennifer apparently talked about this morning."

Jennifer chimed in, "Bob and I have never been involved with another couple. In fact, we both have been totally monogamous and faithful to each other. Neither of us have had another person other than our marriage partner. It might seem strange but both Bob and I were virgins when we got married. This idea of experiencing a different person has certainly gotten our attention and interest. As Janet and I were talking this morning, I just took it for granted that you guys had talked and agreed just as Bob and I have. We both feel that open communications and prior agreement, especially regarding experiencing another sexual partner, is like totally important."