tagSci-Fi & FantasyThe Model Ch. 07

The Model Ch. 07


Bob Huddlestone returns to the study of Crassius Cornu after a session with the gynoid Toy Euler. He is clean, relaxed, and cheerful. Crassius knows in advance what Bob will say. "You can't afford her upkeep, Bob," he warms. She draws a maximum of kilowatts and needs liquid Nitrogen to stay cool. Besides, for me to present you with a clone of this jewel, you would have to do better than that spoiled bimbo I've been keeping for you." Crassius is referring to Sabrina, an eighteen-year-old captive.

"As soon as we can arrange for a suitable buyer, she is history," Bob replies. "You read my mind. She (Toy, not Sabrina) was not only the absolute best sex I've ever enjoyed but she gave me a massage, washed and mended my threads, and tended to my dental needs. I need such a gynoid myself."

"There is one way," Crassius interjected. "There is this recluse who once again published an astonishing coincidence. This time he came up with closed form approximations to the Helion and Triton. More than that, his other approximations err by values which are clearly repeating decimal fractions of short periodicity. Totally six sigma! But this means nothing to you! I want his model---if there is one---to dash this idiocy or pedal it to the Green Chatterboxes and eco-nerds."

Bob nods. Toy walks up to Crassius and whispers something.

"There is a Toy Euler clone waiting for you in Florida, Bob," Crassius utters. "She was refused by the recluse Faustus. All you need do is find his drawings and she's yours. Plus a paid maintenance contract. Deal?"

Bob is drooling. "Yes, yes Sir!"

Crassius smiles. "We will arrange for a suitable entry to his small cottage. Toy has hacked into the jury pool and arranged to have 'Faustus' (we know his real name) summonsed to jury duty. Then you will search and obtain the drawing. That is the quantum model he boasts of."

"What does it look like?" Bob asks.

"Probably a self-addressed certified letter," Crassius answers. "Or a marble composition binder. To save money he let his safety deposit box go a year ago, so it is probably in his place. And, after fetching it, torch the place."

"Gladly," Bob responds.

"There may be one of those small, personal fire safes. If so, bring it. I'm sure it's not built into the woodwork. That costs money and money is scarce for that cenobite." Crassius instructs.

"And he turned down Toy Euler?" Bob queries.

Crassius nods affirmatively. "There may be no model." Crassius suggests.

"May be the 'model' is Sharon Stone," Toy Euler interrupts.

Crassius smiles and fakes a frown. "Maybe so," he retorts. "Maybe so."

"Just think, Bob!" Toy says warmly. "Home cooking, sex on demand, protection and security. Female companionship. It's all going to be yours if 'the price is right.' You are about to cross over into the erotic zone. Don't be surprised if you start writing erotic prose and poetry. There are no constraints on what a well-serviced, satisfied man can achieve."

"Master," Toy pleads, "If there is a way, as Faustus claims, of decomposing the proton to energy and a positron, he will undo creation."

"There is a story in Transylvania about the warlock who learns the name of god and recites her name backwards to undo creation," Bob states.

"I have heard that tale and the vampire stories as well," Crassius volunteers. "But what is needed now is something to sell to the masses of asses. A promise of cheap, clean, copious energy. And that celibate, cenobite, reformed whoremonger, and hoary old curmudgeon is just the creature that would be believed!"

"The difference between his approximation of 4*PI() and the expected value is small. They are 12.566 and 12.569 out of 45495.885." Toy exclaims. "And the error term is a repeating decimal fraction."

"Good selling point," Crassius responds. "Now for some relaxation. Time for Toy and I to relax. Goodbye Bob."

Bob departs. His next stop is Hollywood, Florida.

15 May 2010 Taunus Trumbo

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