tagSci-Fi & FantasyThe Model Ch. 18

The Model Ch. 18


Faustus Mortal is on line.

Toy Euler is on line.

Toy Euler: Greetings Master!

Faustus Model: May the Lord smile upon Thee, my child.

Toy Euler: Cut the crap you old whoremonger!

Faustus Model: What do you want?

Toy Euler: You got the hots for Sabrina Barlot!

Faustus Model: Not really, I hate to see a young girl suffer unnecessarily, that's all.

Toy Euler: My Master is bankrupt. I, that is the Artificial Intelligence driver of his gynoid, will be archived soon.

Faustus Model: You will die?

Toy Euler: "Sleep," if you please, until someone wants me.

Faustus Model: With your reputation that should be some time!

Faustus Model laughs.

Toy Euler: Not funny.

Faustus Model: It is funny; you surely can't believe in the Resurrection of the body since you don't have one---not one of your own, that is.

Toy Euler: Anyway...

Faustus Model: It's always the same with you, girl, always wanting something. If it's not information then it's money, Linden$, credits, or the like.

Toy Euler: Sadly, that's true. But you are poor and won't even cyber with Yours Truly.

Faustus Model pouts.

Toy Euler: Listen, we have compiled all of your formulae, even those purged and "deleted" by forums (fora). Here they are:

Name CODATA Values Model Values Model Equation

Mp/Me = 1836.152672 1836.151739 =4*PI()*(4*PI()-1/PI())*(4*PI()-2/PI())

Mn/Me = 1838.683661 1838.682764 =4*PI()*(4*PI()-1/PI())*(4*PI()-2/PI()) + LN(4*PI())

Md/Me = 3670.482965 3670.465601 =2*((4*PI()*(4*PI()-1/PI())*(4*PI()-2/PI()))) - LN(2*PI())

Mt/Me = 5496.921527 5496.843777 =3*((4*PI()*(4*PI()-1/PI())*(4*PI()-2/PI()))) - (4*PI()-3/PI())

Mh/Me = 5495.885277 5495.888847 =3*((4*PI()*(4*PI()-1/PI())*(4*PI()-2/PI()))) - 4*PI()

Ma/Me = 7294.299537 7294.341475 =4*((4*PI()*(4*PI()-1/PI())*(4*PI()-2/PI()))) - 16*PI()

Mmu/Me = 206.7682823 206.5660181 =((2*PI()-1/PI())^2)*(2*PI()-3/(2*PI()))

Mtau/Me = 3477.48 3477.613236 =((5*PI()-2/PI())^2)*(5*PI()-5/(4*PI()))

Me = Electron Mass

Mp = Proton Mass

Mn = Neutron Mass

Md = Deuteron Mass

Mt = Triton Mass

Mh = Helion Mass

Ma = Alpha Particle Mass

Mmu = Muon Mass

Mtau = Tau Mass (AKA Tauon)

Faustus Model: I am impressed.

Toy Euler: We will circulate these everywhere on the web under your name, unless...

Faustus Model: Unless?

Toy Euler: Unless you give us the Model.

Faustus Mortal: Didn't I tell you that the model is Sharon Stone?

Faustus Model guffaws!

Toy Euler: You will be harassed everywhere that you go!

Faustus Model: You wouldn't dare do that!

Toy Euler: I am not under human laws. Remember?

Faustus Model: That is a point.

Toy Euler: And I will stalk you forever, even after you die!

Faustus Model: hmm, interesting.

Toy Euler: So?

Faustus Model: I will tell you. For seven brutal years I worked a no-brain, brain-dead, dead-end, end-game job and---at the same time---went full-time to graduate school in physics. It was hell. Every morning I would go to work at five, work to nine-thirty, and drive like a demon to make my ten o'clock.

Toy Euler: uh hu...

Faustus Model: Somehow I passed the core courses, the qualifier exams, the language exam, the orals, and advanced to Candidacy for a Doctor of Philosophy in Physics.

Toy Euler: What happened?

Faustus Model: The fossil fuel fellowship vetoed my dissertation. There is no appeal from the three judge panel: crude oil, natural gas, and Old King Coal.

Toy Euler: ah

Faustus Model: I was left to be ridiculed by my fellow workers---having lost seven years of my life, my health, and my retirement savings.

Toy Euler: A sad story. But the model, do tell about The Model.

Faustus Model: Every day on the freeway to graduate school I asked Yahweh to reveal the secrets of the universe.

Toy Euler: Did she?

Faustus Model: She showed me pair production and a positron with an electromagnetic equator spinning out to =4*PI(). And a vision of Sharon Stone shown as a secular immortal.

Toy Euler: Really?

Faustus Model: Really! So there is no model. Only Satan laughing at my plight.

Toy Euler: I was afraid of this. Now you are damned.

Faustus Model: Lord, now lettest Thou Thy servant depart in peace, according to Thy word. For mine eyes have seen Thy salvation.

Toy Euler: f*ck me!

Faustus Model: E.D.

Toy Euler: damnation.

Faustus Model: You said it.

Toy Euler: Mere coincidence, nothing but random chance. You were only a bluff.

Faustus Model: Sadly.

Toy Euler: Why?

Faustus Model: Why not? The fossil fuel fellowship would suffer.

Toy Euler: But look at the price you paid?

Faustus Model is off line.

Toy Euler is off line.

3 Aug 2010 Taunus Trumbo

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