The Mother We Shared

We walked inside and the smell of the house hit me, a blend of anticipation of potential delights and the warmth of a secure place to be myself. It wasn't how most grandparent's homes were supposed to be. At my nan's in Buffalo all I remembered was boredom and the possibility of having different food from what I was used to. But here it was something else, more akin to the home of an ex or an old apartment once shared with a former lover.

I was on edge, expecting something despite my inner voice urging me to be calm, reminding me that everything was okay. Ashley hung up our coats and May appeared on the steps leading upstairs.

My grandmother looked a bit older than I recalled - she was fit and statuesque. Her long, silvery hair immaculate and her black slacks pressed and professionally creased. She was absolutely beautiful, in the manner of experienced silver screen starlets and strong women who had made their lives their own.

I rarely thought about other women's breasts, but my grandma had a very nice pair indeed. They were a tad too big for her slim figure, but beneath her white turtle neck they were framed and outlined perfectly. They put my own to shame, in fact they put my entire family's to shame, save perhaps Paige's.

She still held those fine characteristics of a woman who could have once modelled in magazines if she hadn't been so busy making the men of her generation bend over backwards to appease her.

May had told stories of how even a sultan had once purchased her a luxury car, just for the pleasure of her company at a single party. I didn't know how convinced I was by all of her tales because she was a natural storyteller. I liked to think it was the one quality she passed on to me. But regardless, to hear her talk about her past made you want to believe it had all really happened - parties, communes, orgies, adventures, dances and many lavish lifestyles.

May was not an average person by any stretch of the imagination, yet at some point along the way she had settled for it. She'd married a cop and had our father and his brother. When our first grandpa had died, she married a friend of his from the force and outlived him as well. The house was all hers and I wasn't completely sure, but I imagine she lived off their combined pensions, along with whatever else she had possessed before them.

She travelled quite a bit when we were kids. Vacationing and exploring the world. All that had stopped though, right around the time Ashley had left home. Now she simply tended to her old house and made room for my sisters whenever they needed somewhere to go. She had paid for for my college education and was paying for Paige's as well. Taking in Ashley and her great grandson, Stephen. Dallas too on occasion stayed over when mom locked her out.

She was very heavily invested in and supportive of her granddaughters, though I was already very aware of the reasons why.

May descended and wrapped me in her arms, she was so warm and smelled so nice. She kissed my cheek and pushed me to arm's length to take me in.

"My, what a beautiful woman you've become, Emily" she said with an incredibly white smile.

I nodded dumbly, "You look great too, Grandma."

"Call me May," she insisted, and I suddenly remembered she hated being called grandma.

"Right," I said feeling befuddled. "May."

"Morning, dear," she said to my sister as she and Ashley shared a kiss on the lips. It went on a few seconds too long to be considered proper and involved their tongues coming into contact twice, but I ignored it and the way it made me feel. Once more a combination of awkward, mildly turned-on and uncomfortable feelings went through me. A sensation I decided to call from that moment on - spastic butterflies. For it was very much like having a belly full of out-of-control monarchs all dancing around inside of me.

"Are you hungry?" asked May and I shook my head. "Ashley and I eat six small meals a day. As a part of our work-out and toning routine."

"Really busy, huh?" I asked Ash drolly of her earlier comment about how she'd gotten off the baby-weight.

Ashley shrugged off the comment and picked some grapes off the table to pop them into her mouth, "Where's Dallas?"

May gave a light laugh and gestured up the stairs, "Still in bed. She had quite a party last night."

"She's turning into a lush," commented Ash through her mouthful.

"She needs to get up," said May disapprovingly. "The whole day is passing her by. Why don't you get her, Emily?"

"Me?" I asked in surprise.

"Sure," said May while checking the paper. "She'll be thrilled to see you."

"Okay," I said slowly as I looked up the stairs apprehensively.

"Go," said Ashley chucking a grape at me.

I caught the small piece of fruit and put it in my mouth, "Alright."

"Don't throw food, dear," said May in a stern way to Ashley.

Which was answered by a grape hitting her in the chest as well.

"You little miscreant," said May playfully, getting up and walking to my sister. She placed a hand on her cheeks and I made myself scarce right around the time Ashley kissed my grandmother's palm while staring up lovingly into her eyes.

The stairs creaked as I went up them, the place smelled of stale dust and cleaner. It was tidy and dark as I made my way up to the third floor.

The bedroom door on the end was ajar and I peaked in to see Dallas, stark naked lying across the top of the bed. Her clothes were crumpled up on the floor beside the dresser and the strong scent of alcohol radiated from the room.

Dallas was spread-eagle, face down and legs sprawled. I couldn't help but have my eyes drawn to her tiny, rosy-pink pussy. Her skin was white, save for her inner thighs and butt cheeks, they were reddish as if made so by friction or even spanking.

I looked at the messy mop of auburn hair on her head which was the same colour as mine, save I wore mine past my shoulders.

Placing my left hand on her shoulder blade I shook her, "Dallas, time to get up."

She moved a bit and groaned, but didn't wake up.

"Sis," I urged. "It's Em, Gran-, er, May sent me to get you."

She bolted up onto her knees, exposing her small breasts, elaborate tattoos and well-shaved areas to me in a single smooth motion. Her hand shot out, grabbed my wrist, pulling me down onto the bed beside her. I gasped and found myself lying beside her before I had any chance to react, a leg wrapped around me, to help hold me in place.

If I had found Ashely strong, she was a kitten compared to Dallas. She might have even given Alex a run for his money in the muscle department.

"I have a hangover," she mumbled.

"Get up then," I suggested.

"No," she whined. She flipped over and moved my hand to her Brazilian-waxed vagina, "Touch me."

She was already so wet that I could feel it at the first brush of my fingers.

"I'm uncomfortable," I told her.

"I'm not," she whispered huskily in my ear. She started moving my hand and closed her legs tightly around it.

"Dallas," I said, now starting to get mad.

"Almost there," she breathed and moved my fingers faster.

"Let me go," I demanded through clenched teeth.

She gasped, her hot breath hit against my cheek, with a final squeak her toned body went rigid and she kissed my neck and earlobe passionately as she rode the waves of her orgasm.

My hand was instantly covered in my younger sister's cum. She squirted every time without fail and immediately her familiar scent filled the room.

She pulled my hand out, still holding it and brought it up to my face.

"Taste me," she insisted.

I looked at my moist fingers and found myself conflicted. The smell was getting to me and I found myself actually longing to taste her once again. It's funny the way your mind can trick you into small compromises. I could taste her and it wouldn't make me like them. No one would know, but the two of us. It wouldn't be like I had initiated anything or had sex with someone. Just a sweet taste and no harm done.

I opened my lips a bit, debating whether to take a little sample with my tongue or perhaps just a finger tip or two into my mouth when suddenly Dallas pushed my hand into my face smearing her juices from my forehead to my chin.

"You fucking, little shit!" I bellowed as she scampered off the bed.

She tripped unceremoniously to the floor all while laughing excitedly, "Thanks for helping with my headache!"

I got up and she smacked my ass once really hard. I screamed in shock and sat back down to ward off anymore follow up swings.

"Welcome back, sis." Dallas said as she arrogantly strode buck-naked to the bathroom in the hall and slammed the door shut.

"Dallas!" I yelled after her, rubbing my butt cheek with my dry hand. "You freaking brat, I need to wash my hand and face!"

I beat on the locked door until I heard the shower turn on and knew she was ignoring me.

Pissed off, I opened the linen cabinet and took out a face towel. I wiped off my skin as well as I could manage and headed downstairs to use the kitchen sink.

I was greeted by a grinning Ashley and May, both staring on from the dining room table.

"What was all the yelling about?" asked my grandmother as Ashley walked over to me.

"Nothing," I replied and found myself blocked by Ash.

She lean in and gave my skin a sniff, her grin doubling in size, "Oh yeah, nothing at all."

I sighed in annoyance and moved around her. Once cleaned up, I headed back into the dining room where May took the towel I'd used to the laundry room.

I sat down on my unhurt butt cheek and straightened my wrinkled shirt. May returned and upstairs we all heard the shower turn off.

"She's a goddamn menace," I mumbled of Dallas.

"You're home for your mother's wedding?" asked May, likely not hearing me as she poured us all some lemonade.

"Yeah," I said clearing my throat and shaking off my irritation.

"How is that man of yours?" she asked. "Alex, right?"

I was somewhat incensed over discussing my personal life with two women who had just sent me unarmed into a tawdry scene from a women's prison film, so I just kept it to the minimum, "He's fine. Sick is all, so he couldn't make the trip down."

I imagined Alex was actually at home, playing video games while wallowing in both the emotional and physical manifestation of his own depression, yet that was nobody's business but ours.

"That's too bad," said May. "I would have liked to have met him."

Somehow that struck me as unlikely.

"Is he good to you?" Ashley asked out of the blue. There was concern on her face.

"He is," I assured them.

"Ashley says he's depressed," added May while taking a sip of her drink.

Why again did I tell my older sister anything?

"Are you looking forward to mom's third go round?" I asked of May, turning the conversation toward anything but my personal life.

"I'm not invited to the wedding," replied May softly.

"Because of..." I gestured to she and Ash. It was a stretch to imagine our mother knew anything of it. If she did the authorities would have been involved by day's end, of that I was sure.

"No," said May with a reassuring smile as she took my older sister's hand. "I think it's because I paid for your schooling and Paige's. Also because I take care of her girls better than she ever did."

"You one-upped her," I said with an eyebrow shrug, not dwelling on double entendres from her previous statement. "Yeah, that'll do it."

"I'm not going either," said Ashley bitterly.

"No," said May. "You should go. She's your mother."

"You're my mother," Ashley said and I choked on my lemonade. I honestly wondered if I was the only one in that moment who thought her words had just added a whole new level of fucked up atop of the mountain of what-the-fuck we all resided upon.

"Are you okay, Emily?" asked my grandmother taking my hand in her free one.

I pulled away from her warm, dry fingers and gave a quick thumbs-up to show I was at least 'physically' fine.

"You girls should go to the wedding," urged May.

"That's what I came here to do," I promised. "And that's pretty much the only thing."

"You have something to say, Emily?" said May with annoyance as she set down her lemonade. "Then just say it."

Her bluntness caught me off-guard and I found myself stammering between an apology and airing our dirty laundry.

Finally I composed myself and accepted the challenge, "You've seduced all of your granddaughters into your bed."

Ashley sat back and glared at me while May kept her same calm, cool exterior - her lady-like composure through any storm.

She clasped her hands and looked at me. I suddenly felt like I was twelve again, "Emily, were you ever forced to do something you didn't like by me?"

I shifted uncomfortably and she continued without waiting for an immediate response.

"Did I ever threaten you? Did I do anything inappropriate to you when you were growing up? Did I ever withhold affection as a consequence of you displeasing me? Did I ever mistreat you in any way?"

"You manipulated us," I said softly and I could tell Ash was ready to leap across the table and strangle me. "You offered us an alternative to the horrible mother we have. You enticed us with tales of your life and used your considerable charms to persuade us into joining your deviance."

A tear fell down May's cheek. She swiped at it, stood up and walked silently from the room. I have had days when I've felt bad over something I said, but when our grandmother got up from the table and stumbled away. Let's just say it felt as if I had personally aged her another twenty years in the span it took me to voice my harsh words.

Ash was super pissed as she watched May disappear into the kitchen. By the time she turned her attention back to me she was livid.

"I am not a violent person," Ashley growled, though my body still bore scars from her non-violence even decades after our childhood fights. "But I have never wanted to beat up someone so goddamn much as I do you, right now."

I steeled myself, I was not a big woman and never considered myself a fighter. The brawling Scotch/Irish blood in my family had gone completely to my sisters and if Ashley really wanted to hurt me it would be a very one-sided ordeal. My brain was screaming at me to apologize, but still I felt my words justified.

"You don't know jack-shit about anything, Emily," Ash said, slamming her fist on the table. "That woman in there is a saint and she deserves a fuckton more respect than what you are showing her."

I tried to mount a retort, but my sister wasn't having it.

"I started this. May never dreamed we'd be in this situation until I got the ball rolling. I fell in love with her," Ashley confessed. "She was beautiful and kind and better than anyone I knew. I came to her when I was on my own. She opened her door for me and I seduced her. Nineteen and feeling like I was worthless and hideous because of our fucking mother! May took me in, she made me love myself a bit and that made me fall for her. I kept pushing until she finally gave me what I wanted."

I looked at the table unable to meet her eyes. The trouble Irene had caused ran like a train wreck throughout all our lives.

"You worshipped me and came to us," said Ashley angrily. "We gave you what you wanted and I never heard a fucking word of complaint until you moved away.

Dallas is the female version of a walking hard-on, she joined in the second you let it slip we were all sleeping together, after that we saw her every time she got into a fight or struck out at the bar.

And Paige, well, Paige just wanted to show us all how much we meant to her. She was the sweetest thing on earth and none of us could say 'no' to her once she'd made up her mind.

No one was forced, Em! No one hated it or tried to stop it and all May ever did was offer us a home - a private place to share ourselves in, where no one was left out or hurt. So don't you sit there and try to blame her, if you want to blame anyone - blame me, or better yet, blame your damn self."

I got up and walked to the kitchen, Ash tagging along ready to no doubt knock my block off if I stepped out of line again.

I saw May, she was wiping her eyes, red faced and more miserable than I had ever seen her. I didn't know what to say or how to deal with any of it. Finally I settled on a soft apology and left the house, heading back to mom's.

It was surreal and I could never recall any details of the walk back to Irene's, save that when I arrived mom's car was gone.

I made my way inside and as I was passing Paige's room I peered in and spotted my littlest sister. Her back was too me as she folded clothes, but when she heard me she squealed and threw her arms open to give me an excited hug.

"Emily!" she proclaimed in excitement. To say the angel hugging me was anything close to a scrawny kid I recalled was ridiculous. She was gorgeous with her wavy, dark-blonde hair and her ethereal good-looks. She was more like May than any of us and she wasn't even directly related to our grandmother.

I smiled shyly and she kissed me warmly.

I originally froze up and she looked around bewilderedly, "Is mom here?"

"No," I said feeling self-conscious.

"Good," she replied with a smile and tried to kiss me again. I pulled away apologetically and she creased her brow. "What's wrong?"

"I have a boyfriend," I said.

"So do I," she chuckled and tried to resume.

"He means a lot to me," I said and started to debate about just heading back to him. I had come to get away from conflicting feelings over intimacy and my relationship only to jump from capsizing boat to swelling seas.

"Oh," Paige said. "You don't have an open thing?"

"Even if it were an 'open' relationship how would sleeping with family members fall under the acceptable and agreed upon limits of it?"

She shrugged, "Dave and I have sort of a don't ask, don't tell policy."

"That sounds dangerous," I chastised. "Almost reckless."

"We're careful," she insisted looking hurt and I shook my head. It seemed I was destine to piss off everyone in my family today.

"I'm sorry, Paige," I said rubbing her arm. "It's none of my business, I just haven't been having the best visit."

"No?" she asked concerned. She guided me to sit on her bed, "Tell me about it."

For some reason I did, all my issues with Alex, the scene at May's, Irene's comments, everything divulged to my youngest sister.

"You're embarrassed about your past?" she asked and I nodded. "Like you've done something wrong?"

"And I want to concentrate on my relationship with Alex," I insisted. "I have to be true to him."

"Is he true to you?" she asked and I sighed.

"There have been slips, but he told me about them," the image of him making out with a woman from his work assaulted me. I told her about his deep depression and how rough things had been. By the end I was crying and Paige was consoling me.

"You're not happy," she said and I nodded wordlessly. "You're torn between the life you left and the one you sought. You felt your relationship with Alex was going to make you feel like you'd found where you belonged. That it was what you needed, what you'd been looking for all this time."

She was right and because of it I was up in the air again. If I didn't belong with Alex, then what was I going to do? Where did I belong?

"Happiness for us has always been hard," said Paige. "We don't have a mother, we have a force of nature, and a nasty one at that. I'm not blind to her ways. For us, happiness has constantly been associated with our manipulation. So we can't find contentment like regular people. Someone does us a favour and we wonder what the catch is. Someone helps us and we wait for the other shoe to drop. So, we look to others hurt by the same kind of trauma, people who know our wounds, and how deep they go. People who, though they can't make us magically happy, can at least help us heal."