The Mountain Cabin

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Debbie and Megan knelt between his open thighs, running their hands along the tensed muscles. They leaned forward, slipping their tongues over his aching balls and the bottom his shaft where is disappeared into the woman's pussy. Their hands roamed all over their bodies as the woman rocked up and down on Jeff's member.

The heat was so intense in nearly burned. His face was buried in the copper waterfall of her hair, which smelled fragrantly of pine and night air. His hands found her breasts, so smooth and heavy and enticing. He cupped them in his palms, squeezing them, running his hands over their soft roundness. The nipples were like stone monoliths perched on the peak of a hill. He pinched them, and was satisfied to feel her shiver under his touch.

The heat of her intensified around him and her wetness became a flood until it felt like Jeff was fucking an erupting geyser.

"Plant your seed of life in the field of my womb!" she called out.

It was as if she had flipped a switch. His orgasm came tearing up his cock from his balls and an angry torrent, shooting stream after stream of thick cum into the forge of her body.

"Worship the union of the flesh!" She called with her hands raised in reverence. "Taste of the fruit that is desire!"

Megan and Debbie leaned forward in unison to slurp the thick cum coursing out of her pussy and down Jeff's cock. Their tongues danced over one another, sharing the seed. The woman rode him harder still, punishing his cock. The girls continued to lap up their combined juices eagerly.

The succubus released an ear splitting wail as she came. Her pussy sprang shut like a bear trap around Jeff's cock. An intense blue-white light began to build, centered on the place where flesh met flesh. It grew and grew until they had to shield their eyes.

There was a moment of exquisite pain, followed by a sickening vertigo and then blackness.

***

Jeff stirred. His body felt cold and stiff, and he ached all over. He moved his leg and it bumped into something hard. To his right he heard a soft moan. Suddenly he remembered what had happened and sat up, banging his head against something hard.

He opened his eyes and strong yellow light assaulted his retinas. A spider web of glass was just inches from his face. He moved and banged his knee on something: the steering wheel. He looked around and was shocked to find himself back in his wrecked Explorer. Debbie was in the passenger seat, slumped against the door and moaning.

He jerked his body around, sending bolts of pain into his groin and up his spine. In the back Megan was sprawled across the back seat in a very un-lady like fashion. A pile of neatly folded clothing was in the floor board between them.

"Whuhappen?" Debbie asked groggily. She was squinting against the bright afternoon light and rubbing her temples. She hadn't noticed yet that she was nude. She looked at Jeff, her eyes flicking between his haggard face and his flaccid cock lying against his thigh and understanding dawned on her face.

"Where did she go!? Where's Megan!?"

"Ooohhh," Megan groaned from the back. Jeff and Debbie spun in their seats. She had sat up and pulled her knees up to her chest. Her blonde hair was disheveled and dusted with brown, dry leaves. A tap on the window caused all three of them to scream.

Standing outside their door was a portly park ranger in a dark green wind breaker and a tan smoky-the-bear hat. Jeff cracked the door open.

"You Jeff Kratz?"

"Yes sir."

"Good." He keyed the mic on his shoulder and mumbled something. "We found yer friends early this mornin'."

"Our friends?" Megan asked.

"Yup. One of 'em, a fella named Travis I believe, flagged me down 'bout six o'clock. We found the rest about five mile inta the woods. Couple people was hurt, one girl I think's gonna lose a leg. They said they was in a crash and there was three otherns with em. So we been a lookin.

"Ya'll three look to a been makin' good use of the time."

"We uh..." Jeff stammered.

"Git dressed and let's git ya'll home. We can have a wrecker come pick up yer vehicle later." With that he turned and walked back up the slope to where his big four-wheel drive Dodge sat idling on the shoulder of the road not more than a hundred yards from where Jeff's explorer had come to rest against a huge tree.

"What the fuck happened?" Megan sounded bewildered.

"Did we?" Debbie started.

"The cabin! Do you remember the cabin? And the redheaded lady? And the-the-the" Megan shouted, interrupting her.

"Yes." Jeff and Debbie answered in unison.

They sat looking at each other for a long time before anyone moved to get dressed.

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3 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Another section

Think this is better of in the Erotic Horror section

sleeplessgurlsleeplessgurlover 12 years ago
I liked the story a lot but...

...I have to agree with the other commenter. Toward the end of the story, there seemed to be more grammatical errors and they became slightly distracting. Your style of writing is quite enjoyable, and I enjoyed the characters and the surprise at the end. However, this needed an editor to find mistakes that would not be caught by a spell-checker.

Two examples from this page alone:

"the bottom his shaft where is disappeared into the woman's pussy."

"The heat was so intense in nearly burned."

These errors may seem minor, but they stop the reader's flow momentarily while the reader's mind mentally corrects the mistake. In a story like this, where you want the reader to suspend disbelief and be carried along with the tale, anything that stops the reader's flow detracts from the experience you are trying to create. As the writer it's easy to miss them because your mind fills in what should be there. But another person editing would find them. Strongly recommend you get an editor, especially when submitting to a contest.

I gave you 4 stars. Would have been a 5 if it were not for the errors, because I really enjoyed the story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
Great story

Very well written - but it would have been better if yo had paid attention to spelling and grammar! E.g. Things are dragged not drug!! This seems to be a common error in most of these stories :-(

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