The Muse

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I crossed a really charming stone footbridge to get to Richard's condo complex. The complex had a rustic, but affluent, look about it. The units were mostly done in shades of brown and tan stone with large windows overlooking the River Walk. It was all very serene.

I paused at Richard's door. My intent was to just knock and get it over with when my brain decided to interfere. I was at a man's door, eighteen hundred miles from home, to ask for his forgiveness about a spilled cup of coffee. I suddenly felt stupid. I held my finger an inch from the doorbell, trying to will it to push. My mind kept echoing the phrase, 'This is really dumb.'

Mid-push, the door swung open. I was brought out of my stupor by a jacketed Richard who was obviously on his way out. We just stared at each other, neither with words in our mouths. It was his door so I needed to start.

"Ah...hi, Richard.." That stupid feeling was increasing. This wasn't one of my wisest decisions. "This might seem a bit weird, but I.." How do you tell someone you hopped on a plane to apologize? I was at a loss for words.

"Dinner?" Richard asked. It came out of nowhere. He was still looking at me, the longest stare since I had known him. Bless me, he had hazel puppy-dog eyes. Behind them there seethed an intensity I couldn't get a handle on. I realized my hand was still inches away from the doorbell so I dropped it self-consciously.

"Yes," I answered. He tricked me with his eyes. This was Richard and I just agreed to have dinner with him. I couldn't imagine the silent drudgery I just committed myself to. It would have been better to eat alone. "I mean, I just came to apologize." I moved quickly to salvage myself and maybe end this with a short conversation. Richard moved past me, closing his door.

"Over dinner," Richard stated, gesturing down the walk,"I haven't eaten all day. I hope you don't mind Italian, I have a taste for pasta." I stayed at his threshold staring as he walked down the path. Coherent sentences from Richard was the last thing I expected. He turned when he realized I wasn't following. "Coming, Melissa?" he asked with all sincerity.

"My name is Mary, Richard," I stated. Following him now seemed unhealthy. I wasn't sure if I was at the beginning of a murder mystery. He looked up at me and smiled. Almost the same smile he had when he saw me dressed for the interview.

"Of course, Mary, " he confirmed, "but it would be better for my book if you called me Adam, at least for this evening." He was calm and attentive. Patiently waiting for me to catch up. Those damn eyes made me follow. He had been hiding them for years. I played along, convincing myself Janice would approve.

"Ah..Italian is perfect, Adam," I said with a shrug. This was going to be one weird evening. He held out his hand, patient and insistent at the same time. I took it like an idiot. He headed off with me in tow, a quarter step behind him. Any ideas of me controlling the evening faded away in that walk. How he had asserted his control was subtle and startling. I began to wonder if Janice set me up. I didn't like how good my hand felt in his.

The walk was silent. Richard didn't seem as uncomfortable with the silence as I felt. He bypassed the front entrance of an Italian bistro and walked down a small alley to the back door. I thought I may have made a grave error as I followed into the dark, quiet passage. I was relieved by the greeting Richard received when the door opened.

"Adam, good to see you again." A gray-haired man in a stained white apron smiled his greeting. His accent was Italian, but many years removed from Europe. It looked like we were all playing the name game. I was happy it wasn't just me. It seemed a bit more sane.

"I brought a surprise guest, Raphael," Richard responded.

"Mama help me, I would recognize Melissa anywhere." Raphael wiped his hand on a towel and held it out with big smile. I blushed as I shook it. I was beginning to think I was the last person in the world who knew about Melissa. "Your table is ready and I set aside some of the those spicy meatballs you like." He led us to a private room in the back, away from the kitchen and separated from the restaurant proper. The table was laid with fresh bread and a bottle of red wine. Raphael quickly retrieved a place setting for me and headed off to give me time to go over the menu. It seemed Richard's order was already in progress.

Richard was watching me as I perused the menu. I tried not to smile at his attention, but it was hopeless. I finally looked up at him. "What?" I knew he knew what I meant.

"I'm glad you came," Richard smiled softly as he spoke, "I was surprised, but very happy." Those hazel eyes were not looking away. They seemed so strange on a man who could barely say hello a week ago. For some reason, I needed to get my apology out.

"I really came to apologize for the way I acted..." Richard didn't let me finish. He reached out and covered my hand with his. I shocked myself by letting go of the menu and letting him have my hand.

"You acted perfectly," Richard said with grace, "I couldn't have scripted a better response and I relished every moment of it." I should have pulled back my hand. I am sure my face showed my confusion. I couldn't think of anything to say. Richard chuckled and let go of my hand. I wished he didn't. "You are truly God's Flower." He made it sound endearing.

"Okay, what is God's flower?" I asked, trying to fill my confused silence.

"It stems from the first time I saw you." Richard realized his word choice. " 'Stems' I have to remember that." His eyes left mine as he filed the word away in his brain.

"I haven't been to a botanical garden since grade school," I said, trying to verify that his fantasy world wasn't colliding with reality. Richard's eyes returned to mine and so did his smile.

"About five years ago I was researching landscaping and botanical care," Richard said as he leaned back in his chair, "in truth, I was stalling with a bad case writer's block. Adam Westlake was getting repetitious and frankly boring. I was at a home and garden show where a florist was showing me a crossbred purple rose he had developed." My eyes went wide with realization. My company frequently attended those shows and I had worked the booth many times. Richard saw me connecting the dots and leaned forward to continue. "The florist told me that if God had a favorite flower, his purple flower would be it." Richard paused for a moment, letting me remember. "It was exactly then that a lovely young woman came by to admire the purple roses. Her exact words to her friend were, 'They're gorgeous, and my favorite color too.' " Richard smiled as my memories flooded back.

"At that instant, it came to me," Richard continued and leaned back again, "Adam needed a strong love interest, someone mysterious who could pull him apart and paste him back together. The florist's words kind of stuck and you became God's Flower."

"I remember those roses," I admitted, "I remember that moment." I looked at Richard, trying to remember him standing there by the roses. Sadly, there was nothing but the roses and my friend Cathy still in my brain. "But you moved into my apartment building," I said, leaning away, "you were all anti-social."

"Sadly, the anti-social part is not far from the truth," Richard said quietly, "ten years ago, this dinner would have been torture." He was looking at the table, folding a bit inward. "My writing helps. That's why I stalked you to your apartment. I needed to keep seeing you without you seeing me." I really wished he didn't use the word stalked. I wished his eyes were still on me.

Raphael chose that moment to come back in. I hadn't spent enough time with the menu so I took a chance and asked for whatever Richard was having. Raphael smiled and took off to the kitchen. I decided to fish for more information.

"Janice thinks I ruined you," I stated as I placed my napkin on my lap, "I am supposed to make sure you know I don't hate you." Richard's eyes widened.

"Oh, God, you hate me for all this?" Richard asked desperately.

"No," I answered as I took back a bit of control. I realized I had been following Richard's lead since his doorstep. It was awful of me, but it felt nice to see him a bit flustered. "I am not sure what I feel. You kind of trespassed a bit. I read some of things you wrote about me."

"You didn't like it?" Richard pleaded, "it was never meant to hurt."

"Oh, no, the words were lovely," I tried to clarify my statements, "it's just that the erotic parts seemed...too erotic."

"Oh, those parts." Richard was looking back at the table. "My imagination tends to wander and that stuff kind of wrote itself." He was actually blushing. "I guess it seems like an invasion of privacy to you. It was how I saw you at the time." I blushed. Where is dinner when you need it?

"And how do you see me now?" I had no idea why I let my mouth utter that question. It wasn't the time or the place. This guy had been stalking me with his words for a long time. I still wasn't convinced I was totally safe. Those hazel eyes found mine.

"I would embarrass you even more if I told you," Richard answered sincerely. My blush wasn't receding and I had trouble controlling my stupid smile. I did the only thing I could think of, distract myself. I grabbed some bread and began buttering it. I saw, out of the corner of my eye, Richard smile. I suspected he was happy I didn't just storm out. He caught the hint and grabbed the bottle of wine to refill our glasses. Then he nicely changed the subject.

"I hope Janice is paying for this trip," Richard said as he placed the bottle back on the table.

"Yep, and first class all the way," I acknowledged. Something struck me then "She doesn't know you're...kind of...normal?" Richard laughed. I guess my searching for the right words did seem a bit humorous. I liked his laugh.

"She has no idea that my anxiety disorder," Richard emphasized 'anxiety disorder' for my benefit, "has receded. I am not ready for book tours and TV appearances. I hope you can keep my secret."

"Of course I can," I conspired with a wide grin. I believed we just had moved into the friends stage. The sharing of secrets. Of course, he didn't know any of mine and that still seemed prudent at this point.

It was over salad that I reentered the name game. "So, I shot at you, now what?" I asked with curiosity. I sensed he may have written himself into a corner.

"Melissa, you are forgetting you just flew across the country to apologize for it," Richard said as if it was obvious. What a cop out. I wasn't going to let him get away with that!

"Adam, I shot and missed you three times for a reason," I said in between bites. They had some kind of house-made wine and vinegar dressing. I couldn't pick out the seasonings they added, but it really was quite good. Richard was smiling as he finished chewing.

"Melissa, my love, I have been waiting patiently all night for your explanation," Richard stated with his eyes all a twinkle, "I am so ecstatic you came back, I would be willing to pretend it never happened if necessary." There was no way his readers would stand for it. Then I realized he was dumping it on me.

"You wouldn't?" I grinned, stalling for time. Richard just nodded and went back to his salad. From what little I read, Melissa didn't have a defined past. She was this mysterious woman, much sexier than I, who kept disappearing from Adam's life. She always deftly deflected Adam's questions and he accepted that in trade for her passion.

"Adam, the people I work for can't know about the true us," I leaned closer and almost whispered my lies, "your love has cost me more than you know. Neither of us would have walked out of the coffee shop alive had I not done what I did." There, I thought, that ought to be cryptic enough. I answered everything with nothing.

"We can run away, find our own private corner of the planet," Richard leaned closer to me, his whispering deeper than mine, "let's just allow the world to turn without us." Yeah, like I want to go back and explain to Janice why this is Donald Rickers' last book. There is no way we were running away together.

"If it were only that simple." I leaned a bit closer. "They would never let us go. We would be running for the rest of our lives. We have tonight. Let me be happy tonight." I don't know why I did it. It just happened. I reached up and combed my fingers along the the side of his head, pushing some errant brown hairs softly behind his ear. Adam/Richard kissed me then. His lips weren't as tentative as mine. They were soft, but firmly decisive and very demanding.

Raphael chose that moment to deliver dinner. Richard snapped back before Melissa/I wanted him to. I was a split-second behind, looking like a schoolgirl leaning in for more. Raphael's grin told me he saw enough to make me blush. I quickly returned to a more upright position and glanced at Richard. He was also a bit red around the cheeks. Raphael moved extra quickly, laying down the dishes and grating some Parmesan to our whims. He was still smiling when he made his exit.

"Mary, I'm sorry about that kiss," Richard said quietly once the coast was clear. He already copped out once tonight. I wasn't going to let him do it again.

"Did you like it?" I queried with as neutral an expression as I could muster. He quickly took a bite of his spaghetti, obviously stalling for time. Suddenly he put his fork down and swallowed hard.

"As a writer, it was wonderful," Richard admitted, "as a man, it was phenomenal." He was staring at me with a hazel intensity. I was so happy he took the risk. My lips curled up involuntarily. I felt like how he wrote me. I stood and moved toward him, following his eyes. I cradled his head in my hands. When our lips touched this time, it was mine that were demanding. He pulled me onto his lap, his hands exploring my back and thigh. We necked like teenagers in that private room. I felt a warmth growing, a need I hadn't answered in a long time. I found a fireman.

It was the sound of the door opening that broke our kiss. No blushing this time when it closed quickly followed by a muffled chuckle on the other side. I moved back to my seat after I gave his forehead a little peck. I wanted more of him later. I loved that he was hesitant to let me go.

"Mary, I am no longer sorry about that kiss," Richard teased as he twirled his fork among the noodles. I laughed a bit too loudly and almost snorted it back. God, I hoped it didn't come out like I thought it did. Richard just grinned sweetly, so I forgave myself.

I am ashamed to say Richard corrupted me into running up a tab for Janice. We decided to go to my hotel's bar and charge a few drinks to the room. He had a strange desire to torture Janice a little. I was complicit and found it devilishly fun. We ordered the expensive house-concocted martinis. I had the Alamo Apple and Richard went for the Crockett Coconut. The conversation was light and airy. I filled in Richard on what had transpired at Themes Publishing and he told me funny stories about how Janice handles him. I loved how he made sure he touched me whenever he made a salient point. I just made sure I touched him whenever I felt like it.

I could tell Richard loved Janice like a sister. The way he talked about her, but held her at arm's length at the same time, was endearing. He liked the whole idea of Janice thinking he needed her more than he actually did. Secretly, I think he needed her more than he was willing to admit. Richard wrote books and Janice took care of everything else. It was a very symbiotic relationship. I found it poetic she was the one who sent me to Richard.

"I have to write some tonight, before I forget any of it," Richard said as we were finishing our drinks. He was looking around rather apprehensively. The bar was beginning to fill with its Friday night crowd. "I would love to pick you up and take you to breakfast in the morning." It was wonderful he didn't take me for granted, but I wasn't ready for the night to end. It was time for me to take a risk.

"I would rather watch you write." I smiled and focused on Richard's eyes so my meaning was clear. I loved the way he looked at me, assessing my thoughts through my eyes. A grin slowly formed as he realized what I was asking.

"You could make sure I don't leave anything out," Richard said as he covered my hand with his. His eyes were split between mine and the growing crowd. I could feel his anxiety as he tried to make sure I understood he wanted me with him. I smiled to help him relax.

"Let me grab a few things from my room," I said softly, caressing Richard's hand lightly with my fingers. I knew what he was going to say before he said it. I saw it in his anxiety-filled eyes.

"I'll go up with you," Richard stated and stood and led me toward the elevators. When the elevator doors closed, he released the breath he had been holding. He looked over at me wearing embarrassment on his face. "I'm sorry, it can come on suddenly." He paused for a moment then added, "I'll understand if it makes you too uncomfortable." I heard the pain in his voice. He was going to let me run if I chose. I chose otherwise.

I cupped my hand around the back of his neck and pulled his lips down to mine. I felt the tension leave his body as he wrapped his arms around me. There was so much strength in his kiss, I wanted to be devoured right there, in the elevator. The doors opened on my floor, breaking the moment. I knew I was going to have him tonight, I could wait.

Richard was still a bit flustered about his actions. I saw it in his posture as I gathered a few essentials for the night. I saw how much the crowd affected him. I remembered how ill my 'shiver' regrets could make me. His anxiety had to be something similar, only insuppressible. I had no idea how to help him beat it, but I certainly didn't have to add to it. After I placed my toothbrush in my little travel case, I moved next to him and grabbed his hand.

"Any time you need to leave a place," I said with as much compassion as I could muster, "tap me like this." I subtly tapped his hand three times with my finger. "We'll leave together, no questions asked." Richard pulled me into his embrace. I was expecting a kiss, but received an intense hug instead. I think his eyes were watering, which made mine water.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Richard released me, he could feel it too. "It's Janice," I said, looking the screen.

"Don't answer it," Richard said and smiled conspiratorially, "let's let her sweat a bit." I swatted him playfully on the shoulder.

"You're just mean," I said, but sent the call to voice mail anyway. Janice was a bit controlling and I hated to admit it, but I found it a little satisfying to make her stew for a while. It was just a bonus I could lay it on Richard.

Our walk back to Richard's condo was leisurely and very pleasant. Richard led me across a small wooden bridge to the less-traveled side of the river. Except for a few other amorous couples, the walk was very private. We could hear the revelry and see the lights on the other side, but its distance was buffered by the slow-moving, silent river. I liked this Richard, the invulnerable one. Here, without the crowds, he had a commanding presence. It didn't hurt at all that his entire attention was on me. I molded my body into his as we sauntered slowly down the trail.

Richard's condo was a bachelor pad. Not the invite-the-boys-over kind of pad, but definitely never touched by a woman. The door opened on a great room with no pictures on the walls. The large glass window overlooking the River Walk was covered by thick drapes. There was one couch facing a large flat panel on the wall and a large desk against the other wall. The most comfortable seat looked to be the large leather chair near the desk. The desk held a fairly large flat panel computer screen that was currently flipping through a series of pictures, obviously a screen saver of some type.

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