The Music of the Mind Ch. 15

"There is only one problem with that," I said softly. Tuyen watched me for long moments waiting for me to speak, not letting me off the hook. "Jill."

The room filled with silence again, and all three women looked at me. Ellen spoke this time, and I wanted to curse her insight, and her training, but I think this was simply friendship.

"You have to say it Mike, go on, we all know already." I sat for a long moment. I don't know if it was minutes or seconds, but when I finally spoke, it felt as if a great time had passed. In my mind, I had watched all the lies, all the charades fall away to leave the truth staring at me.

"I love her," I said quietly, looking up at my friends. I was met with three very beautiful smiles on the very different faces of my friends. "I love her," I said again now more loudly and with more understanding.

"Did you know I have never read her mind? At least not deeply. I haven't. I think I know why now. Because if I looked there, and found no love for me in her, I would have been devastated and I don't think I could face that."

"It is more than that Mike, and you know it," Ellen said. I nodded, taking another inward step.

"She also doesn't let me not care for myself. She is always saying that I need to be kinder to myself. I think if I let her in, I would have had to face the things I was hiding from," I said my mind now starting to run with the truth.

"She would call you on your shit you mean," Tuyen said with a smile. I nodded and we all laughed.

"I have a date with her tomorrow night. I think it is time I told her how I feel, and come clean about all of us."

I could see a bit of concern on the faces of my friends here now. They all loved Jill too, and I think we all were afraid of what might happen when she knew how intimate we had all been. I myself felt conflicted, and I figured who better to share that with than my friends here.

"Look, I am so grateful for each of you for your friendships, and every bit of intimacy we have shared has been the most wonderful thing to me. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Jill and I have never been dating, so there were no formal boundaries to cross. It is the unwritten rules that we have breached, and we need to have faith that she will understand. I am going to tell her everything, and if she wants the gift I am going to give it to her."

"Good for you Mike," Susan said, and Tuyen and Ellen nodded.

Then Ellen turned to Tuyen. "I have another idea about establishing the bond." And she smiled as Tuyen's mouth dropped open.

"You mean?" Tuyen asked looking from Ellen to Susan.

"I'm game if Susan is," Ellen said looking at her partner. Susan blushed again but nodded yes and smiled.

In short order a bed was made up for me on the couch, and I received three very nice hugs and kisses good night. Soon I lay in the dark looking out at the snow and the twinkling lights of Boulder.

I closed the curtain in my mind firmly, but I still felt trickles of passion and love through the link I had to Susan and Ellen as I tried to sleep. Eventually I drifted off, and I dreamed.