The Mystery at Pere Lachaise

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"So why not kill me earlier? Oh she wanted to but they needed to find the amulet that's why she saw Anna-Elise in Paris just after she stopped being a lady in black she wanted to know the secrets she assumed that she knew. All Anna knew was she was visiting the tomb of the origin of her family bloodline she was a serpent like us. Alice's mind was closed to her. Oh and the sick part is Chantal and Miriam are sisters Max had two sisters not one. Now the codex it's a letter that explains everything to us. There is no elixir."

Noah passed the codex to his father who speed-read it.

"So I am a vampire and she found a way to permanently suppress the need to drink blood. All our time together I was a vampire and she used her magic to deal with it. The elixir was a once only thing to suppress the lust forever. Hugo the same she turned him into a vampire with Luminous blood then tested the elixir. She was always going to die she knew that her son would be immortal born of a serpent and a dragon she needed my pendant for a spell to save you as a foetus. She couldn't become a vampire because of her powers. You have all her powers now"

"Not quite you have to kill Max, you're the chosen dragon slayer not me, then they will all be released from the amulet that you have around your neck. Oh and Alice is part dragon part serpent so born immortal like me but doesn't have the same powers she has some she inherited from Miriam. But none of you can lose your heads right because that is death sorry I didn't make the rules"

Peter stopped and pulled from under his shirt a gold chain from which hung a pendant of two serpents twirled around a bar and between there heads a blood red ruby. He removed it and passed it to Noah and placed his own gold pendant in its place.

Alice knocked on the tomb

"We have company"

"I don't have my sword with me" Peter said

"Yes, you do dad it's here the sword was now clearly visible in its cover. Peter removed it. It had a serpent hilt and the blade was straight and Noah could read the engraved charms and messages his mother had imprinted on it. It told him they had to kill Miriam and Chantal and then his father alone had to kill Max in his dragon form. He relayed the information and they left the tomb.

Standing in front of them were Miriam, Chantal, Max and Randall. Hugo sighed with disbelief that his wife Miriam was a traitor. Alice was already preparing for battle she had her serpent sword at the ready. Hugo unleashed his and they stood either side of Peter and Noah. Noah realised he didn't have a sword as he thought it one appeared in his hand. Wow magic was good. He relayed through thought to them all that they had to decapitate everyone while trying not to lose their own.

The fight commenced. Alice and Hugo were only visible to Max so he told the others to beware. Swords clashed and in no time Randall was dead. Alice had decapitated him. Hugo and Alice together set about Miriam. Which left Noah and Peter with Chantal and Max.

"We meet again Noah or I guess you now know your Anundr. We had such good times together fucking. I will miss you when I kill you give my love to your mother when you meet in hell"

Noah just looked at her and smiled and the sword fight began. Hugo and Alice though badly wounded by Miriam eventually removed her head and they tended to each other.

Noah found he had sword skills beyond his imagination and also that another's hands held his sword with him and he knew without looking it was his mother. His own previous injuries had not fully healed yet and he was glad his mother helped him. His body burnt with pain but her thoughts took it from his mind. Together they impaled Chantal with the sword several times. She squealed and thrashed in front of them then finally took her dragon form and tried to burn Noah. He thrashed at her and with one last swipe took her head. He fell to the floor covered in blood and Hugo and Alice rushed to his side.

They could see Max and Peter fighting but Max was not in dragon form so could not be killed. Noah told Alice and Noah to help his father but to remember only he could kill Max. They left to do as asked. Fighting three attackers eventually wore Max down and he had to turn to dragon form and Peter soon jumped up and cut his neck. Not fully decapitating him at first but with another hit and a push of his head the battle ended.

The amulet around Noah's neck became hot and the ruby became a bright red light then turned into a diamond. Noah felt pain as the powers filled his body. He saw many battles, his parent's story, and his birth and then it stopped. He found himself looking at his mother they were in a different place a garden full of flowers. She smiled at him walked forward and touched his head. It was like an electric surge through his head.

When Noah awoke he was in a bed and his father was sitting in a chair beside the bed asleep. He woke as soon as Noah moved.

"So your back with us. Nice way of getting out of the clear up job at Per. We had minds to wipe dead dragons to hide"

"No, you didn't they disappeared you just had a few minds to clear and to get me home. You can't lie to me I can read your mind"

"Ok so poetic licence are you ok?"

"Yes I am and you no you can call me Anundr it's the name you gave me"

"Ok. Well, I guess you want to see your mother?"

"What?"

"Sorry did I forget to say she back. Remember Alice seems there was an admin error she was born on 29th February 1988 not the 28th and at 5pm some five hours after you and when your Mum died. Perhaps Inodea didn't trust either of us with the whole story."

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4 Comments
bzarajicbzarajicalmost 12 years agoAuthor
Sorry

I think part of the problem is that I use Mac and when I send the story to Lit some of the punctuation changes but I did use an editor, as I have dyslexia, who said it was ok but far too long. It also passed the human test via Lit so they should have picked it up as well. I have decided to add a revision to the story at a later point the full ending so come back then if you didn't like the end.

late2thepartylate2thepartyalmost 12 years ago
Great story. However,...

Interesting plot snd settings. Love all the promo tie-ins.

This needs a great deal of editing for grammar and a final review for spelling. I've enjoyed reading up to page 5. However, the lack of much needed punctuation makes this tedious. I've had to reread several sentences and paragraphs to figure out what the author is trying to convey. That disrupts the pace of the story and my chance to enjoy distraction-free reading as the inherent issues cause the distractions in the first place.

I still hope to revisit "The Mystery at Pere Lachaise" later.

KolrinKolrinalmost 12 years ago
A bit at a loss of words here.

The story was excellent up until roughly page 9. Lots of mystery and suspense, great development and just enough facts to make lots of fun guesses.

And then you blew it. After the stabbing the story is just rushed. You just spill it all out, with no pretense at any mystery anymore. This story could have been so much more. These two pages could easily have been drawn out over p to 6, revealing more only in bits and pieces, leading up to a glorious confrontation between serpents and dragons.

The way it is is just anti climatic. Like two hours foreplay and then shooting before the fun really starts.

I hate to do this, as I'd love to give the first 9 pages the credit they deserve, but with such an ending I honestly can't give the story 5 stars.

Please rewrite that ending. This story deserves so much better.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
New direction

different direction from your other stories but liked it

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