The Naked Weapon Pt. 07

"Oh Stygexians," she said. "We come seeking knowledge."

"Ahh...humans."

The sibilant, hissing voice that came from behind us made my skin crawl. If the black hole had filled me with awe, the creature behind us made my skin want to get off my body and hide in a hole. And my bones were eager to follow. The demon looked vaguely humanoid. It had two arms, a vaguely leg-like shape beneath it, two eyes, and a wide mouth. There, all similarity with humanity ended - and honestly, I would have preferred if it had been more different, like Vicky. Seeing echos of a human being within that mass of inky blackness just made my bones want to go and run for cover.

Whatever passed for the creature's skin rippled like water, though the indications of movement were more suggestions than overt changes in tone or position. It was to dark, to black, to really show much of anything. Its head was slightly to wide, to swept back, and it had a pair of black horns that emerged from the top of its forehead. Its mouth wasn't so much a mouth - in the same way its eyes weren't exactly eyes.

Rather, those facial features were pale white glows that were visible more by the absence of blackness than by any intrinsic features.

"I am Mr. Morden," he said.

"And I'm Kosh," I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

Those glows narrowed. "I forgot how much I enjoyed humans..." He hissed. And yes, the black hole alien that was possible from other dimensions was definitely male. He sounded skeezy too. I slowly shifted slightly, trying to put my body between my girlfriend and his eyes. If he wasn't checking her out...I shook my head slightly.

"We're the first humans you've ever met," I said.

"In this braneworld," he said, dismissively. "But you come to have your questions answered. You want your friend brought back to life. Don't you?"

Tycho reacted as if she had been punched in the gut. But rather than running forward to start throwing out potential payments, she actually got grabbed and yanked back by Ebony and Opal. The two of them held her tightly, while Tycho snarled and spat, then finally managed to get a word out: "You motherfucker! How fucking dare you! How dare you!" Her eyes flashed. "No one comes back from being fucking dead!"

Mr. Morden spread his hands. Inclined his head. As if to say 'if you say so.'

Okay. Please slot me into line to punch this fucker after Tycho.

"Then why have you come?" he hissed.

"To get answers," I said. "What is Dr. Oblivion and how do we fucking kill him?"

"That will require payment," Mr. Morden said. "And the only payment is information of equivalent rarity."

"Snape kills Dumbledore," I said, smirking.

"And it took him long enough," Mr. Morden shot back, sounding amused. And slowly, it dawned on me. He had met humans. In another 'braneworld', whatever that was. He had met humans and they had also asked questions. Like the humans living here, they also had a vast profusion of fiction and literature. Sweat beaded. The gate guard had said we didn't get home without paying. I coughed, then stammered.

"Morgan Yue is actually a Typhon - the whole station is a simulation," I said.

Mr. Morden just laughed.

"Fuck." I chewed my lip.

"Anikin Skywalker is Darth Vader!" Opal said.

"The Romance of the Five Houses ends with a simultaneous assassination of the two closest allies, Tuvekec and Xonla," Ali pitched in.

"Oh, come on," Mr. Morden sounded offended. "There's nothing your pathetic race has discovered that they haven't bartered to me for trinkets. Keep trying, though. This is funny."

"Atlas is actually Fontaine and he's been controlling the main character the whole time!" Opal suggested.

"The main character was Reven!" I said, nodding desperately. Ebony sighed, loudly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Bruce Willis was dead the whole time," she said, sounding slightly offended that this was what we had come too. Mr. Morden's smile was growing wider and wider. I reached, desperately. What could the humans from the other dimension never have traded? What? What? I paused, thinking furiously, my mind wheeling. Then...a slender hope.

"Donald Trump is the 45^th President of the United States!" I exclaimed.

Everyone looked at me.

Mr. Morden's eyes widened. "What?" He spluttered.

I groaned. "Aww fuck. We are in the darkest timeline." But seeing Mr. Morden's expression, I didn't give him time to complain. I stepped forward and pointed my finger at him. "You got information. Now fucking fork it over." I tried to sound stern. Mr. Morden glared at me, sullenly, then thrust out a tentacle-arm. A shimmering USB stick dropped into my hand - it looked like someone had taken Morden's flesh, then sculpted it into the shape of a stick. But the actually connection port thingy was nice and human seeming.

"Get out," he snarled.

I managed to walk through the portal that flared to life behind us before I sagged in relief. "Wow, holy shit," I said, shaking my head as I looked at the rest of the group. "That was fucking intense, huh? But we-"

I turned and saw that we had emerged onto the Gate on the far side. Doyen guards and other people cuing up to head through the portal all gaped at us. In our human forms. I blinked slowly, then started to hope that the guards wouldn't recognize us. But then I realized it didn't fucking matter if they knew we were humans.

"Imposters!" the guard shouted. "KILL THEM!"

Fuck.

TO BE CONTINUED