The Naked Weapon Pt. 10

The entire room gulped in unison. The courtier stammered. "I-It's just, while I do think that Paladin-Master Rinzaldi was a bit, ah, hasty..." she said, her voice slightly hoarse from disuse. "It does still, um, I am wondering that is, since I'm no military genius, uh, what exactly did we gain from all this?"

Doctor Oblivion chuckled, softly. "Why...we killed Abadai Hatem." He grinned, slightly. "Now the only thing that stands in the way of our conquest of the universe...has been delt with." He picked up the goblet of psychic energy and smirked. "To victory."

And with that, he downed the goblet.

And I flitted out of the room.

I...had a plan.

***

Paladin-Master Rinzaldi, or Rinny from here on out, sprawled in a cot made of shimmering blue psychic energy and glared at her feet. They looked like tiny stumpy little baby feet. The flesh sculptors had clearly just given her body a fresh spurt of grow energy and then left her to sit and contemplate her horrible mistake of 'being absolutely right in a room with a fucking psychopath' and then left her alone. Which meant it was now time for moi to begin Stage One of my Posthumous Plan. And I was growing increasingly sure that my original body had been atomized.

So, it seemed that you could survive in an astral form. Not sure how long, exactly. But you could still do it. I rubbed my palms together, then tried to look only at Paladin-Master Rinzaldi's rack.

She had...a...spectacular rack. Something I was learning about the Doyen while on this ship? They had ethnic variation within their group. Tzali was purple, for example. This girl was solid gold and ripped to hell and gone. Clearly, she didn't only rely on her psychic powers. Her abs were toned and tight and her arms were muscular and sleek. She let them rest over her head, which meant that her breasts - contained only by a thin bikini of smoky black crystal - were perfectly on display. They were about a cup bigger than Ali's, and just as perky. But then my eyes slid along a belly that could reflect sunlight intensely enough to set newspapers on fire to a pair of hips that simply did not quit to her slender battle-thong of smoky black crystal.

The end result of this voyeuristic pervation?

I started to get...well...

Turned on. My cock hardened and I licked my lips as I slowly closed my hand around the base of my cock. And the sudden flare of intense emotions had the exact response that I was hoping for.

Rinny sat up, her eyes narrowing. She swung her legs around and stopped herself before she set her tiny babyfeet on the ground. Instead, sent out a wide spectrum telepathic growl that I could hear clearly, despite being psychically deadened astral body. Who the fuck is here? If it's you again, Nightshadow, I will personally dropkick you into a fucking star.

Nah, I said, cheerfully, focusing as hard as I could. It's me, Abdai Hatem!

Rinny swung a psi-sword that crackled out of nowhere (as psi-swords were wont to do) at my exact midsection. Being an astral projection, the blade simply cleared my blue chest with only a faint feeling that reminded me a bit of heart burn. I coughed and rubbed my chest.

...ow.

Hey. Bad heartburn really fucking hurt.

Where are you, you human fuck? Rinny snarled, slightly, focusing. A pair of blue telekinetic leg braces appeared on her feet and she stood, the psychic energy humming and crackling as it interferred with the telekinatically maintained floor. She glared around herself. I flitted to float before her, sighing slightly.

Focus! I'm right here. Astral style.

Slowly, Rinny narrowed her eyes. By the suns of Worvhan... she sent towards me directly - a tight beam that I was fairly sure non one else could hear. How...what are you right now?

Astral form! I spun in a circle, then spread my hands. Neat trick, huh? So, uh, tiny question: Did my original body survive?

It was hit by a lance that I've seen cut through a small moon, Rinny said, snapping her hand slightly to dismiss her psi-blade.

...so is that a no? I asked, biting my lip.

Rinny rolled her eyes and brushed her hand through her hair, which was as silver as her skin was golden. So, you're a Pakma? A spirit? Hows that working out for you, you murdering, cheating son of a fucking bitch?

Hey, you're the race who feed on psychic pain and enslave millions of sentient beings! I said, angrily. And using machine guns isn't cheating!

A machine what? She paused. Oh, those dead-things that spit metal.

Yup!

Yeah, that's basically under the dictionary definition of cheating. Any dictionary, she said, shaking her head. Unchivalrous bastard.

I scowled at her, my hands going to my hips. Lets cut past all this my species is better than yours BS and go to the twenty questions. Do you think Doctor Oblivion has the best interests of the Doyen at heart?

Rin clenched her jaw. But she couldn't disagree. She shook her head mutely, then slowly sat down on the cot, which bobbed under her weight. The blue boots she had formed fizzled away as she leaned back against the wall that the cot floated against.

Do you think that the Doyen nobility are worth serving? Hey. I'm a ghost, I'm not going to tell anyone.

Rin frowned slowly. You want me to turn my coat like that Tzali bitch, don't you?

I was shocked at the depth of rage that exploded in my gut. My hands shook and Rin actually looked taken aback. You can insult me, my species, my military. But you cannot, you cannot insult my fucking girlfriend. I snarled: I expect you to apologize to Ali when you meet her.

Rin blinked slowly. You...love her... it sounded in my head like she was utterly stunned that such a trio of words could be strung together in this context. She spoke in the same way that I'd use the phrase 'oh, it's raining donuts. Slowly, Rin leaned forward, her elbows resting on her thighs as she cupped her chin in her palms. You honestly, deeply love her? I can feel it from here.

Well, yeah, I said, feeling absurdly anxious. I rubbed my shoulder slightly. She's a Doyen noble that I could love. And doesn't that say something about her? I paused. Hell, she doesn't even want to be a noble. She's seen Hamilton, she's down for the representative democracy!

Reprewhat? Rin asked.

I grinned. Hey, not everything we humans made is a really gun or sunbomb. We've had some actually good ideas. Like internet porn, donuts, diet pepsi, and Weird Al. And, I mean, I guess progressiveism, democracy, universal rights for all sentient beings, that kinda stuff. But, dude, let me start with how great donuts are!

The next few minutes were me sketching out the best parts of the enlightenment and the 20^th and 21^st centuries. Stuff like voting, slavery being bad, women being treated as people, the attempt to abolish war (though we hadn't quite figured that out.) And I topped it off by describing, at least a little, the absurdist masterpiece of Smells Like Nirvana. Once I was done, Rin looked thoughtful. She rubbed her chin slowly as she did so.

"Very well..." she said, aloud. "But here's the real question. How do we stop him? Every noble we has met Doctor Oblivion falls in line behind him. They're too scared of him, and too excited by what he promises."

I grinned. That's where part two of my awesome plan comes in.

***

The Doyen mothership finished hopping through the Empire after a half a dozen careful, short jumps. The Doyen could have jumped further in a single go, but they remained scared of the mysterious force that smacks them down whenever they warp too far, too fast, too greedily. That mysterious force? The neanderthals. Humanity's cousins had, as it transpired, didn't interbreed with us to the point where they effectively became a part of our genetic structure. It turns out a big chunk had gained superpowers and made a big mistake on their calculations. They had thought the ice age that had been going strong that time was part of a continual and irreversible trend of cooling.

So they had fucked off. Using their superpowers.

Don't be too hard on our ancient super-intelligent cousins for mistaking a temporary ice age for the end of the world. The science of climatology hadn't really progressed beyond casting bones and reading the future from chicken entrails.

But now, the Doyen had returned to the world their attack force had set out from.

And I was tailing behind Rinny as she strode through the corridors of said mothership with her brand new feet. Floating beside her was a nerve wracking experience, considering the number of Doyen milling about. But being nervous would only draw their attention more. So, I tried to make like a chunk of solidified helium and chill. That was only kind of working, though.

The Doyen were heading down to the planet via using several servants crafting telekinetic bubbles with their wills, then flying said bubbles to the planets surface. The Paladins got down by forming their war-bodies and then flinging themselves down. I soared along with the mass of Paladins, making sure to keep pace with Rinny, since I did not want to get Paladins confused in the huge mess of glowing, building sized bodies.

The planet itself was a rather pretty one. It looked nicely Terran, with a broad swath of greenery around the equator, lots of wispy white clouds, and huge expanses of ocean that bracketed around a single long, thin continent that was shaped a bit like a sideways ~ sign. I was so focused on admiring that tilda continent that I almost didn't notice Rinny breaking away from the pack. I wasn't sure what telepathic signal she had used, since she wasn't broad-beaming it everywhere. But no one seemed to find it odd. I banked to the right, and followed her as we dove through clouds and thick storms. When we emerged and shot past the front bank of a swirling mass if stormclouds, we were shooting above a vast jungle. Trees whipped by underneath my astral feet and I spread my arms wide, grinning broadly.

Whee!

It is rather fun, isn't it? Rinny's voice was dry as she spoke in my head. You better be right about this working, though.

Trust me! I flew backwards. Or, more accurately, trust Tycho.

She grunted.

Then we dipped down and I decelerated as fast as I could. This turned out to be not fast enough, because I plowed into the ground. Or, I would have plowed. I was still in my astral form, remember? I popped out of the ground like a cork after flipping and shooting back upwards. As I shook my head and blinked my eyes to get the sensation of flying through fifty meters of earth out of my brain, I saw that Rinny had hit the ground and skidded five hundred or so meters, leaving behind two steaming furrows in the ground, cut there by the ankles of her warform. Said warform had vanished and she was walking confidently along the emerald green grass that surrounded a massive, crystaline ring.

It was one of those Eternal Angst gates. Like the very first mission. They were Doyen stargates, created by literally fusing one of their more potent psychics to a pair of crystal ring and using the feeling of longing for the rest of their freaking brains to create a psionic wormhole. This particular ring was guarded by a pair of very bored looking Paladins. They both snapped to attention as Rinny strode forward.

I wasn't sure what she said.

The plan was to give them a cock and bull story about an inspection. And, if they were the kind of people who might listen to reason, to convert them. Rinny looked nervous - remember the Doyen's inability to have a poker face? Then she looked angry. She swept her hand to the side, then slammed her palm into her fist. The formerly bored Paladins also looked furious. One of them stepped forward, thrusting his finger at his chest, then at Rinny. The other Paladin looked more conflicted. Rinny snarled verbally, then stepped forward again.

They were telepathically shouting, but since they were also doing so in a focused way, I couldn't hear a fucking word of it. Fan-fucking-tastic.

The more angrier Paladin drew his psi-sword.

A look of anguish flitted across Rinny's face. Then she jerked her head, Eleven style. The Doyen Paladin who hadn't been convinced to switch sides lurched as his head twisted almost a hundred and eighty degrees around. He toppled to the ground as Rinny sprang forward and slashed in a single movement. The head of the other Paladin hit the ground. She landed lightly on the grass, her psi-sword vanishing a moment later. The storm-front that we had chased to r each her rumbled in the distance. The rain that sleeted ahead of it started to patter down. I could feel the raindrops zipping through me.

Don't. Even. Rinny said, lifting her hand. Don't say anything. Don't quip or joke or tell me a fucking thing. Just... She shook her head. Just shut the fuck up and lets do this.

I inclined my head, then licked my lips. I floated forward, then put my palm on her shoulder. My astral fingers sunk slightly past her armor, pressing to her skin. I could almost feel her, but...that might have just been my imagination. Her hand reached out and she touched the Eternal Angst. Her eyes closed and I felt her touching my mind. I focused and filled my mind with one thing. I had only been the leader of Beta Squad for a few short days. But during that time, I had touched minds with each.

If desire could reach across space/time with an intensity that let a psychic create a warp that mechas and starships could fly through...

Then this could reach them.

The connection sparked.

Flared.

Died.

"RRR!" Rinny snarled, then slammed both of her palms against the Eternal Angst. Then the portal snapped open and there were all the girls of Beta Squad. They were holding those drinking bulbs that Vicky could make and I could see Ali looking right at me. My heart almost exploded with relief, and I could see her face - her tear streaked, snotty face - splitting into the worlds biggest, most insane grin. She leaped to her feet and screamed.

"PARAGON! THROUGH THE HOLE!"

And then she flung herself forward before anyone could stop her. She flew through my body and faceplanted on the grass at my astral feet.

"Ow." she muttered.

Then several things happened very very very rapidly, all at the same time.

A blurr of black and gold light flew past me and Rinny in a series of whip whip whip whip noises. With each whip-crack snap, a new psychic appeared. There was Barry! There was Beli! There was some blond Russian chick from Gamma Squad! There was Lieutenant Amelia, the sexy as sin British chick who had been the first person to greet me. Everyone was here. The portal snapped shut with one last swirl of motion and each mecha for each of the PsiCom psychics crashed to the ground in a vast, confused pile. Dust exploded through the air and I heard a loud, long, angry scream.

"Hollllllly...FUCK!"

As the dust cleared, I flew forward and saw that Paragon - the gold-black blurr, of course - was sprawling on the ground, her cape smoldering, with both of her feet smoothly hacked off by the closing of the stargate. Rinny was sprawled on the ground next to her, looking like she had passed out from the sheer effort of keeping the contact between worlds open. Next to her, I could see Diamond - or Tycho, if we were in mission - on her knees, hanging her head forward, gasping heavily.

"Man..." I said. "What is with feet this mission?"

So, hey.

Paragon hissed as Barry and Amelia ran up to her, the other psychics clustering around us. Vicky knelt down, putting her palm on Paragon's back. Psychic energy flowed into the super-tough superhero and Paragon hissed as her feet actually regrew. And since Vicky wasn't a fucking hack, they regrew incredibly quickly. She wiggled her toes once her feet had returned, breathing out a ragged sigh.

"That's the first time I've been hurt...every..." She said, gritting her teeth.

"What the fuck did you do!?" Barry snarled. "Where the fuck are we?"

Ali pushed herself to her feet. "We're on Doyen Prime!"

Barry and Amelia and every other psychic turned to face her.

Ami beamed. "I told Paragon to get everyone here before the Warp collapsed. She was the only one fast enough, and she has one of the League communicators, so the PsiCom headquarters ship can follow us here." She clasped her hands behind her back. "I decided to improvise. Why bother weakening the Doyen...when we can destroy the Empire. Right here. Right now." She slammed her palm into her fist.

"I cannot even begin to list the number of fucking regulations you just broke right now..." Barry growled. "You dropped us without supplies, without support, without backup, in the enemy's back door!" He thrust his finger at Ali. "You just got us all killed."

"Noooo!" Ali said, grinning. "We have munitions and supplies enough for one mission and a superhero...and her." She pointed her finger at Rinny. Vicky was doing her biokinetic thang and had gotten Rinny back on her feet. "That's Paladin Master Rinzaldi's. She's the most respected, powerful Paladin that my father has, and she knows his every security psyfer." She rubbed her palms together. "With us here, and her on our side, we have the best possible moment for a sneak attack. But we have to do it now, before the Doyen can regroup."

Barry looked at Amelia. Quietly. "You're the officer here, Lt. Pond."

"Lt. JG!" she hissed. "I only passed my officer exams last week."

Oh, rad! I had thought she had just been a Squaddie when we met. That meant she was one of the first psychics to hit officer rank. I'd high five her once part three of my plan came to fruition. I just needed to...I blinked, my brow furrowing. Vicky was, in the background, walking through the high grass. Her arms lashed out and she picked up small, fluffy looking creatures that looked like elk that were the size of kittens and had huge, plush eyes. She had already gathered up a huge handful of the adorable little things.

"But...when you're in a situation like this," Amelia said, shaking her head. "They say to go for it. Even if it's the wrong tactical decision, standing around and waiting to get your ass shot off is always worse. And we're not getting back to PsiCom headquarters without an astronomy observation to determine where exactly Doyen Prime is." She nodded.

"All right, pukes!" Barry shouted. "Telekinetics, get to sorting out our armor and munitions. Paragon, can you patrol the sky and make sure nothing sneaks up on us?"

"Got it," Paragon said. "Should I send a signal to PsiCom?"

Barry glanced at Amelia.

Amelia shook her head. "Doctor Oblivion is here. He's likely got a way to trace your signals, right?"

God, Amelia was cute while she was in charge. Almost as cute as the...whoa...almost fifty of those tiny kitten-elks that Vicky had gathered up. I noticed that I was not the only one who had noticed Vicky's gathering quest. Slowly, Barry, Amelia and Beta Squad turned to face her. Ali grinned as she rubbed her palms together. Barry sighed. "Cadet Smith, what in the holy name of every God humanity has ever worshiped are you fucking doing?"