tagCelebrities & Fan FictionThe Name Your Sex Act Tool

The Name Your Sex Act Tool


Author's note: this is my entry for the 2017 Lit Winter Holiday Contest. Please vote and leave comments if you feel inclined and have the time.

This is my first take at writing a Celebrity story. It's a rather silly story that popped into my head one day while watching television, and I felt compelled to write it.

It features Flo, one of American TV's most famous advertising spokespersons, getting her nasty freak on with her coworker Jamie. Love her, or hate her, Flo has become a cultural icon in the U.S. That said, I realize this story might not be everyone's cuppa, so you have been forewarned.

Happy Holidays everyone!

* * * * *

Jamie sat forlorn, forehead pressed into the palms of his hands, on a chair in the Progressive Insurance break room.

"Cheer up, sport," a familiar female voice said to him. "It's not the end of the world."

Jamie looked up at her―his supervisor, his inspiration, his idol. "But I was so close, Flo . . . so close to closing that multi-policy deal."

"You'll get 'em next time, tiger."

"I will?" Jamie asked. "You think so?"

"I know so," she assured him.

"Thanks, Flo. You always know how to make me feel better."

"Speaking of which, I have a little surprise for you."

"You do? What is it?"

"Guess who your Secret Santa is?"

"I don't have a clue," Jamie replied.

"I'll give you a hint: their name rhymes with 'Go'."


"Nope. Try again."


"Okay, one last clue, Sherlock: your Secret Santa is in this very room right now."

"You? Flo? It's you?" Jamie asked. "You're my Secret Santa?"


"Wow! This is so incredibly awesome. And guess what?


"I'm your Secret Santa," Jamie proudly announced.

"Yeah, I know."

"How did you know?"

"Well, there's only the two of us that work here, so it wasn't all that hard to figure out," Flo explained. "We really do need to hire more people to make this game more interesting."

"Here, Flo, Happy Hanukkah," Jamie said as he handed her, her present.

"Thanks, Jamie, but I'm not Jewish."

"You're not? Are you sure? Jewish girls are SFH."


"So Fucking Hot."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Jamie, but I'm pretty sure I'm not Jewish," Flo said as she unwrapped his gift. "The Complete Unabridged History of Insurance. How did you know I wanted this?"

"Lucky guess," said Jamie. "It's the leather-bound, collector's edition."

"Oh, Jamie, thank you so much. It's the perfect gift." Flo reached into her handbag and pulled out a futuristic-looking, plastic, scanner gun. "Here," she said handing it to him, "here's your gift. Sorry, I didn't have time to wrap it."

"Thanks, Flo, but I already have a Name Your Price Tool."

"This only looks like a Name Your Price Tool," she informed him, "but it's not; it's something more, much more, something revolutionary."

"What . . . What is it?"

"It's called the Name Your Sex Act Tool."

"The what?" asked Jamie. "I don't understand. How does it work?"

"Point it at me and find out," Flo said.

"Like this?" Jamie asked and pulled the trigger.

"Yes, now read the display. What does it say?"

"It says: Lipstick on my dipstick."

"Ding, ding, ding, winner, winner, chicken dinner."

"I don't understand. What does it mean?"

"It's mean you're about to get a Flojob?"

"A what?"

"A Flo blowjob. I'm going to suck your cock and get you off, Jamie."

"You are?" an astonished Jamie asked.

"Yes, well eventually, if you stop asking so many stupid questions. Now, drop trow and let's get this party started."


"Jeez, let me do it then," Flo said, then removed Jamie's white apron, blue Chuck Taylors, white polo shirt and white jeans. "Now it's pecker checker time, Jamie, time for me to check out what kind of tool you are packing," Flo said and thrust her hands down into Jamie's tighty whities. "Small hands, small feet, I should've known you weren't packing a whole lot."

"I'm a grower, not shower," Jamie replied defensively.

"Sure you are, big boy. I bet you say that to all the girls you meet on Tinder."

Flo yanked off Jamie's underwear and stared at his semi-rigid cock.

"I'm sorry, Flo. You're right, I guess I am on the small side," Jamie confessed, his head hung low.

"No, need to apologize, Jamie. Remember, it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean."

"It is?"

"Sure, it is," Flo said, "as far as you know. I think you have a very cute little fella. It's adorable. Do you know how to use it?"

"Yeah . . . I mean I think so."

"Think so? I need to know so, and tonight we're going to find out. "Lie down on the table with your legs hanging over the edge," she ordered.

Flo pulled up a chair, sat down between his thighs, placed her tongue at the base of Jamie's balls and licked her way up his scrotum and rock-hard shaft, ending the journey with a swirl of her tongue around the sensitive, swollen head of his cock. Then she repeated the action.

Each teasing trip brought Jamie to an ever higher level of arousal. The building climax abruptly changed direction when when Flo's tongue ventured south and made contact with Jamie's asshole. "Flo, What? What are doing?" he asked.

She peered over his cock with her sparkling blue eyes, and pulled a pubic hair out from between her pearly white teeth. "It's called bundling, Jamie. Guys who bundle a rimjob with their blowjob come forty percent harder." Flo flicked the tip of her tongue against his puckered butthole. "Do you like it?"

Jamie didn't respond, surprised and embarrassed by how good it felt.

Flo flicked her tongue again. "Do you want me to keep bundling you, Jamie?"

"Yes," he reluctantly admitted. "Please don't stop."

Flo started assaulting his ass with her tongue while she stroked his rock-hard shaft with her hand. "Are you ready to come now, Jamie? Are you ready to give me a big load of your baby batter?"

"Yes," he confessed. "I can't take anymore. I'm ready. I need to come. Please, Flo. Please let me come!"

"Good, I thought so." Flo grabbed his cock tightly at the base, stretched her ruby red lips around it, and engulfed him with her mouth. She kept working it, deeper and deeper, until she was taking the entire saliva-coated length into her mouth and throat.

Flo's nose was pressed against his stomach, her tongue lapping at Jamie's ball sack, when he blurted out, "I'm gonna come!"

Flo didn't let up, working his cock, hard, fast and deep. Jamie couldn't hold back any longer and he exploded, flooding Flo's mouth with his warm cum. His cock kept coming and coming, uncontrollably, like it was never going to end. When it was finally over, when Jamie was totally spent, when Flo had sucked the last drip of cum from his cock, she pulled off of him.

"I'm sorry," Jamie said to her.

"For what?"

"For coming in your mouth, Flo. It was an accident."

"Don't worry about it, you spunky hunk. Your policy comes with accident forgiveness," she said and gave him a wink. "Now, it's my turn." Flo pointed the gun at Jamie and pulled the trigger.

"What does it say?" Jamie asked.

"See for yourself," she said and handing him the gun.

"The Shocker? What's that?"

"Two in the pink and one in the stink," Flo said as she stripped down to her underwear: a plain white bra and sensible, white-cotton, granny panties.

Jamie's jaw dropped when Flo removed her bra and freed her large breasts from their confinement. "Wha . . . What?" he stammered.

"You're going to finger fuck me, Jamie―two fingers in my pussy and one up my butthole." Flo bent her ring finger to her thumb and flashed him the Shocker sign, then bent her hand so that it was parallel to the floor, and used a side-to-side motion to simulate the penetration. "But before we do that, you need to get me wet and ready.

Jamie watched her turn her back to him, bend over, and slowly peel off her panties, slowly, seductively revealing her luscious, curvy round ass. The lovers switched their previous positions: Flo lying on the table and Jamie on the chair, his face positioned in front of her shaved, puffy, swollen pussy.

She was his mentor, his friend, and from the first day they met, his sex crush. But Flo was also his boss, so Jamie had kept his sexual thoughts about her to himself, only exploring them when he masturbated and fantasized about her. But now it was really happening; Jamie's dream was really coming true.

For the first time since they met, Jamie finally had a chance to express how he felt about her and give Flo the pleasure she had given him―first in his fantasies and now in the flesh. He began gently licking her slick slit up and down, similar to the way she had used her tongue on him.

Flo started moaning, softly at first, but increasingly growing louder as the pleasure progressed. "Oh God!" she screamed out when Jamie began licking her asshole. "That's it, bundle me, baby. That's how I like it, you naughty boy."

Jamie alternated pleasuring her ass, pussy and clit with his tongue, slowly building her up to what he hoped would be an incredible, mind-blowing orgasm, like the one she had just given him.

"Now, Jamie, time for it," Flo said, "time for the Shocker."

Jamie worked his index finger inside her surprisingly tight pussy. Flo let out a loud gasp when his middle finger joined in and entered her, and an even louder gasp when his pinky penetrated her puckered pink asshole.

Flo grabbed a handful of his hair and positioned his head so that his tongue was focused solely on her clit. "Now!" she demanded. "Make me come, Jamie!"

Jamie frantically flicked his tongue on her swollen, hooded button, while he furiously finger-fucked her pussy and ass. Flo's body tensed and she went off like nothing Jamie had ever seen before. Her body shook so violently, Jamie thought she might be having a seizure. When it was finally over, she pushed his head away from her sex. "Wow! Jamie, that was amazing. You made me squirt; I've never done that before. Thank you so much. You don't know how badly I wanted and needed that."

"You're welcome, Flo, my pleasure."

"No, my pleasure," she corrected him. "Now what do you say, you big stud, are you ready for another round?"

"Yes, more than anything."

"Then pull the trigger."

Jamie once again pointed the gun at her and fired.

"What does it say?" Flo asked.

"Rear Ended. What does that mean?"

"Well, since I didn't bring my strap-on with me, I think it means you're about to take a ride up my Hershey Highway."

"Your what?"

"Rump Humpin', big fella."


"Buttsex, Jamie. Have you ever fucked a girl in her ass?"

"No," he admitted.

"Well then, I guess today's your lucky day." Flo pulled out a bottle of Astroglide from her purse, lubed up Jamie's, once again, rigid cock, then bent herself over onto the table.

Jamie looked down and for the first time noticed the tramp stamp tattoo on Flo's lower back. "I ❤ INSURANCE" it read in Old English script with floral flourishes at either end.

"Get behind me and put your cock in my hand," she demanded. Flo grabbed his shaft and guided the head of Jamie's slippery, well-lubed cock to her puckered, pink rosebud. "Don't move until I tell you to, Jamie. Let me do the work. It's been a long time since I've done it this way."

Flo backed her big ass up and the bulbous tip of Jamie's cock pushed into her. Slowly, gently, she started rocking back and forth against him, gradually working more of the length into her tight, reluctant hole.

Jamie watched Flo struggling to take his cock inside of her, not sure if the expression on her face was one of pain, pleasure, or some combination of both. She paused with half of his cock inside of her. "Jeez, it feels so big inside my ass."

"I'm sorry, Flo. Are you okay?" Jamie asked. "Do you want to stop?"

"Stop?" Flo laughed. "We're just getting started, sweetie." She released her grip from his shaft. "I want you to take control now, Jamie, slow and gentle. Okay?"

"Okay." The muscles of her ass clenching tightly around his cock, Jamie began to fuck her in short, slow, tentative strokes.

"That's it, just like that. That's some good butt-luvin', baby. Nothing like a good old-fashioned assfuck to get a girl going."

Flo seemed to be enjoying it more now. Her ass relaxed and began to accept the persistent penetration; she started to queef. With each stroke, Jamie went a bit deeper, until he had bottomed out, balls deep, in Flo's accepting ass.

"How does it feel, Jamie? Do you like fucking my fat old ass?"

"It feels amazing."

"It's about to feel even better. I'm ready now. I want you to fuck me, seriously fuck me!"

Jamie grabbed Flo's wide hips and started fucking her in long, deep strokes. She let out a grunt every time he pushed back into her―the sound was guttural, primal, like a animal in heat.

"Spank me, Jamie, pull my hair," she begged. "Make me feel like the dirty slut I am."

Jamie hadn't been with many women in his life, and certainly not one as wild and kinky as Flo, so he was loving every second of the raucous, raunchy sex.

"That's it, Jamie. Give it to me. Fill me. Fuck me. Stretch me with your big fat cock!"

Jamie could feel the climax building inside of him, like nothing he had felt before, and picked up the pace, furiously fucking Flo's ass, fast, hard and deep.

"You're gonna make me come again!" Flo blurted out as Jamie continued the relentless pounding. The sounds of their bodies slapping together now echoed off the plaster walls of the breakroom.

"I'm coming!" Flo screamed out. Jamie felt the muscles of her ass clenching around his cock, like Chinese fingercuffs, and he went off, pumping her ass full of a seemingly unending load of his cum.

Gradually, Jamie's cock began to soften and slid out of Flo's pleasurably punished gaping hole. His lover looked back over her shoulder at him. "Feel better now, Jamie?"

"Much," he replied, grinning. "This is the best Christmas ever!"

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by Anonymous

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by Anonymous05/04/18


Good story. Very inventive and I like the characterization of the two.

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by Anonymous12/05/17


Cute... and original... and, sigh, I do indeed find Flo kinda sexy. Well written story, love the novel concept. An enjoyable change, many thanks.

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by Axelotto11/23/17

Not too serious, spunky, just like flo herself

Short but fine, as Flo might have said in this one...

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