The Order Ch. 06

"You like children?"

"I love children."

The tone of their conversation had a calming effect on him. He was learning about her on a deeper level; an emotional level as opposed to a physical one. Andraemalek liked it. "Do you want any?" When she looked at him incredulously he defended himself, "There are people out there who love kids but don't want any."

"I suppose your right." Nadia smiled to herself as she envisioned her future. "Yes, I want children. At least five."

"That's a big number."

"When you spend the bulk of your life alone, you tend to realize that pretty much forcing a kid to live the same way isn't fair." Shrugging, she focused her attention to picking the lint off of her pajama pants. "I want to move to an island. Someplace like Martinique and have a huge house built to fit all of my kids."

"Why an island?"

"Who doesn't want to live in paradise?" Nadia smiled when he grunted thoughtfully. "It'll probably never happen, but it's nice to dream."

"You can make it happen if you really want it." And if he let her live long enough to do it. Andraemalek felt his stomach constrict in guilt at the realization that he was potentially ridding the world of someone like her. Nadia was a rare type of human; kind, selfless, and incredibly trusting. Those were all valuable traits to pass onto children.

Children he couldn't father.

"What's your dream?"

Without thinking, he said, "To find someone who wants me because of who I am, not despite." Living a life where he was turned away because of his half breed status only forced him to make others need him. His brothers needed him because he was of their blood. Demons needed him because he was a guaranteed result when tracking marks. Never, in the centuries that he lived, was he ever wanted by any living being simply because he was who he was.

Saying nothing, Nadia only nodded. For the first time, he'd shared something with her that made her feel more connected to him. She almost wished he would get into fights more often. "What's your last name?"

"Royce." Technically, he had no last name, but he and his brothers thought it best to create a family name. Naming themselves after their father seemed the best idea since they came from different mothers.

"Andrae Royce. Has a nice ring to it."

"Sure." Andraemalek watched the emotions play over Nadia's face as they sat together. All traces of her nervousness and anger were gone, leaving a calm he'd rarely seen in her. "What other dreams do you have?"

"That's pretty much it," she shrugged. "Most of my life, I've just wanted to be part of a family."

"I can understand that."

"Can you?"

Andraemalek nodded and focused his attention on the ceiling as he said, "I mean, I have brothers, but I've never really felt like I was part of the family."

"Are you the black sheep?

"You could say that."

"Have you ever tried to connect with them?"

"No."

"There goes your answer." When he looked at her curiously, she said, "You can't expect to have that feeling of a family bond if you don't try to create one. When's the last time you spoke to any of them?"

Andraemalek thought the question over. It had been nearly a century since he'd last spoken to any of his brothers, primarily because of his efforts to gain the trust of The Order. They didn't know that and up until that very moment, he'd never cared. "So long, I don't even remember."

"Dude, give them a call."

"Yeah."

"I'm serious, Andrae." Nadia leaned forward to emphasize the importance of her next statement. "As someone who has no one, if I were you, I'd stalk the hell out of every single one of them." Feeling as if she'd overstepped her bounds, she stood and hastily retreated to her room. "I'll check on you before I leave for class," she said as she walked passed him. "Lights on or off?"

Andraemalek chose to keep from arguing with her. She seemed uneasy and the scent of her nervousness slowly made another appearance. "Off." He murmured a thank you when she turned the lights off and sighed in confusion when he heard her bedroom door close. He didn't know what just happened, but it was quite obvious that their relationship had shifted to an even more complicated status. "Just what I need," he mumbled. Lying on the couch, he listened to the muted sounds of her settling into bed once more. Andraemalek ignored the urge to join her, to hold her close while he allowed his body the time and rest it needed to heal. Did she have to be so damned sweet? The more he thought about it, the more he realized that they both would have been better off had she just turned him away.

But that wasn't Nadia. She had to be the kindest human he'd ever known. Not that he knew many humans, anyway. She was simply a refreshing change to what he thought he was used to.

He'd only been on assignment for only a couple of months, but in that time, she'd grown on him.

Andraemalek remained still when he heard the gentle creak of her bedroom door opening. He listened quietly as she lightly padded into the living room and felt his senses flare when she stood over him. He wanted to open his eyes and ask her what she wanted but sensing her comfort in her belief that he was asleep, he remained as he was. He listened quietly as she slowly shifted from foot to foot. Her breathing was deep and even, almost as if she purposely changed her natural breathing pattern to keep from accidentally waking him. Andraemalek felt his body suddenly relax when her fingertips tentatively grazed his forehead. Was she checking for signs of a fever or did she want to touch him?

"What the hell am I going to do about you?" she whispered.

He almost answered. The tenderness in her voice and touch warmed him. For the first time, he wished he was human. To be able to give her the life she dreamed of would have been his mission. Andraemalek wanted to take care of her, have her care for him.

He wanted her to love him.

With a soft sigh, she walked away and quietly crept back to her room. When he heard her door close, Andraemalek opened his eyes and stared at the shadows that danced on the ceiling. What was he doing? He was commissioned to kill Nadia, not want her to love him. She was a job, his ticket into The Order. Allowing himself to feel for her would not only get him killed, but it ruined all of his future plans for his brothers. He couldn't allow this to happen.

But he couldn't kill her.