tagHumor & SatireThe Orgasm Powered Car

The Orgasm Powered Car


I was writing the next chapter of I'll Always Take Care of You, and decided to quickly type up this short story. It's fun, and not nearly as complex and so was much easier to write. Enjoy it. It's a fictional story, meant to be fun.


We were running out of petroleum in late 2024. Between the explosion in the number of automobiles throughout the world, and the petrochemical products we used (plastics, pesticides...etc) we were no longer able to drive very much. A new source of power had to be found.

Most of the power on the earth is generated either directly or indirectly by the sun. Petroleum is stuff that grew, was buried and turned into oil by heat and pressure. All alcohols are made from something that grew and was fermented. Solar is directly harvested from sunlight. Wind is caused by the difference in heat, caused by the sun. The one thing that we should have learned since the 1990's is that large scale changes in use of any of those resources would damage our environment through changes in weather patterns.

Nuclear is too dangerous to use for individual automobiles, let alone power plants. Anyone who has spent any time aboard a submarine knows exactly how dangerous nuclear power is. Taking power from the ocean is possible, but distributing it is clumsy, it also interferes with fishing. Large scale geothermal could be the most harmful of all. Taking too much of the heat out of the core of the earth will destabilize the earth's crust and solidify the molten core. Without the molten iron-nickel laden core, the magnetic field that protects us from solar radiation will collapse, and the resultant radiation will kill us faster than greenhouses gasses. That just leaves hydrogen.

The problem with hydrogen for large scale usage is it's affect on global climate. Los Angeles already tried to build a large hydrogen power plant, large enough to supply its electricity, and you all know what happened there. There wasn't enough fresh water for people to drink, so they had to use sea-water. They filtered it, treated it, desalinated it, deionized it, distilled it and finally they hydrolyzed it into oxygen and hydrogen. 99.6% of the energy the plant produces is required to keep the plant going. The amount of power they are able to sell doesn't even pay the employee's wages.

Burning the hydrogen produces water vapor, which has turned the desert southwest into the jungle southwest. Adobe homes that stood for five-hundred years in the desert melted when it started raining three-hundred fifty days a year. 40% of the homes in Phoenix are under five or more feet of water in the lake that now inhabits the old flood plain. Pre-planning has never been big in this entire branch if science.

The funny thing is that by and large, Americans still had cars. Small, extremely fuel efficient cars were the norm for the few new cars, but many of the giant four wheel drive SUV's cars were still around, but mostly as a place to live for people who couldn't afford their own trailer. At $170 to $240 a gallon, few people drove very far, and distribution had broken down quite a bit until I came up with the invention of the century, the orgasm powered engine.

As a scientist and engineer I tried to convince people for twenty-five years to put more research into alternate energy. The whole petroleum debacle could have been averted with less than half of the money wasted on that damned Los Angeles hydrogen plant, but all the promising alternatives were blocked by the energy companies. Even now, they are making more profit from their product because it's so scarce and there were no real alternatives. I'd vowed to change that.

I was fooling around in my home laboratory when I came across a vague reference to an effect called brainstorm. The electrical and mechanical energy produced by females when they have an orgasm. About the same time, I developed a power multiplier that I was able to cascade to three-hundred thousand times the applied power and the orgasm engine was born.

I must admit, I was a pervert to start out with. I had 9 girls who would come over to my house to ride my sybian machine for an hour or so, 2 or 3 times a week, so I had plenty of willing lab assistants.

It took me nearly two years to come up with a prototype and mount it in a car. It was great, I just needed a woman riding shotgun, willing to masturbate to orgasm and the car would start and run for about an hour and a half.

It was the most fun I'd ever had in a car. I always had a girl in the car with me, willing to masturbate as often as I needed, sometimes even more. I did up a mini-van next and began hauling spares around with me in case the first girl got tired.

Fingers and vibrators were normal, but reversible captain's chair shotgun seats became nearly standard, so that the passengers could orally stimulate the power source when her fingers got tired.

It took me the longest time to convince anyone that it worked. I tried to market it any way possible. I tried everything. I put a sign on the side of the van and drove around a lot. Powered by female orgasms the sign said; no one believed it. I tried the internet and everyone thought that it was a porn site. I invited the network news shows to cover the news, and their experts told them that it was impossible. There seemed to be no way that I'd ever get past natural skepticism and oil company misinformation.

The oil companies did hedge their bets by trying to buy me out. They kept upping the offer until they got to $150 million for fifty one percent of the company that I'd formed. I'd seen what they'd done with all the other technologies that they'd purchased, (shelved them so that they could continue to sell more oil), so I decided to do to them what they'd been doing to the consumer for years.

I'd patented the invention when I first made it, but there were a few improvements that could be made with a little further development. Making these improvements didn't infringe on the patent, since the way it harnessed the energy was entirely different and I didn't sell them the power multiplier.

I took their money, and whatever happened, I was rich; but I now had the money I needed to develop and market the new orgasm engine. It actually only took me four months to develop the enhanced engine. I patented it, but left out a critical portion of the design so that it wouldn't be stolen.

I set up a corporation, bought an abandoned factory, and began producing orgasm motors as fast as I could. I started by buying sturdy used cars with cherry bodies and bad engines and retrofitting them. I sold the sports cars to strippers who carpooled, for just enough money to cover the cost. I only allowed them to buy it if they agreed to give one new person a ride each week.

I took a lesson from GM, and didn't sell the motors, but leased them (like GM did with their EV-1 electrical vehicle). People were no longer paying four hundred dollars a week for gas and oil, so they didn't mind paying me $40 a month.

Out of the three-hundred fifty million working vehicles in the United States, I eventually converted over two hundred and fifty million of them, and I make a little over ten billion dollars a month, from the United States alone; and about five times that much worldwide.

I usually only keep ten percent of it, and I am currently retiring the national debt with the balance. It took me a few years to get rid of the idiots in the government who got us into that position in the first place, but you'd be surprised to know what you can do with a billion dollars for a senate election. Helping to elect a congressman against an obstructionist legislator takes considerably less.

Out of all the things I've been able to change, the best has been a total surprise to me. People are so much happier now that people from the year 2010 wouldn't recognize them. When I started making orgasm engines for the home, women stayed home and produced power from home for the electric companies by cumming again and again. They were able to make more money making electricity at home that they didn't have to go out to look for work, and I make ten percent from those orgasm engine leases as well.

Destructive and dangerous energy technologies were outlawed. The air got better, global warming stopped and I got a Nobel peace prize for physics. Foolish practices like female mutilation that had taken place in backward countries are no longer practiced; in fact I understand that many countries now give out life in prison, or castration for those men who practice it.

Husbands and wives are staying together longer. They spend so much time together that they have worked out how to get along together through sheer necessity.

Women look so much better now. For many years, women tried to control their weight by restricting their calorie intake; but now the amount of extra energy they generate is equal to two to four thousand calories a day. Their muscles are toned, their wind is good and surprisingly after masturbating all day, the first thing that they want to do is make love to their boyfriends, husbands or significant other.

Removing so many women from the workforce put a severe shortage to the labor pool. Minimum wage jobs are unfilled, and all jobs now required that a living wage be paid, or you can't get anyone to do them. In the United States, The minimum average annual income has quadrupled. Scientists are the new rock stars, hard sciences, not the fuzzy kind.

New products are coming out into the market that are making many well paying jobs. The younger kids can't imagine what we older folks had to do when we were their age.

Much of what caused depression in women is gone, and sales of antidepressant medication has dropped by 88%. It's no longer unusual for women to get together at a coffee shop and masturbate while drinking coffee, talking and laughing. The energy they produce is stored in a backpack battery. Older women still most frequently work exclusively at home, but it's not illegal to do it in public. For a pervert like me, the last twenty years have been the best of my life.

Despots don't last long in this world. OPEC has no power in this world. I've been able to keep the secret of the Orgasm engine by sealing the improved engine and the multiplier into an evacuated metal case and sealing it with chemicals that will melt it if opened.

We make the cases from the engines of the cars we converted. We've used less than one-tenth of one percent of the metal from those engines, so we have plenty of raw material left.

With all the sex, joy, laughter, peace, justice and contentment in the world, I've been reluctant to reveal the secret behind the paradigm shift. I don't think there will be enough people reading this to significantly affect the wonderful world we've managed to become, but the truth is that the orgasm part is no longer necessary.

A year after I changed the design that started the energy revolution, I discovered the gravity engine. It's more reliable than the original orgasm engine and costs less than ten percent as much to produce. I eventually recalled all those old Orgasm engines and replaced them all with the new gravity engines with the orgasm switch.

I use the orgasm switch to make sure that the paradigm that has given us the much happier world that we now have remains intact, but it isn't necessary to make it work.

I love this world now and would do anything to protect it. The funny things is even though I've told the truth in this story, the skeptics won't allow anyone to believe it, but this time it works in all our favor.


I hope that you enjoyed this short story. I'm unsure what category to submit this story to. I'm leaning toward comedy, but it seems more ironic than comedic.

The reason that I'm submitting this now is that I have a medical problem that might keep me off the internet for some time, possibly up to six months. I've been unable to complete the next chapter of either of my other two stories, so I'm submitting this one instead. I will continue to write my other stories, and when I return I hope to submit them as a group.

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