The Pain of Forbidden Lust

I had removed my fake glasses previously as well as the protective denture from my mouth. As soon as the light was on inside the car, Nancy's eyes opened wide and she looked straight at me while her lover's cock was still buried deep inside her cheating cunt.

I actually saw the expression on her face change from one of bliss to one of shock in a few short seconds. After a few more seconds, all she could manage to do was mumble in a rusty sounding voice: "Oh God Ron, I am sorry." Then in a much more urgent and loud voice. "Don't do anything you will regret later I beg you, this mean nothing to me, wait for me, I am going home right now Ron."

"For all I care you can go straight to hell you cheating bitch, and take lover boy here with you."

I slammed the door shut and turned around, walking straight toward my car. By the time I was pulling away from the parking lot Nancy was already half way to my car, shouting at me to wait for her.

Nancy entered the house less than five minutes after I got there. She looked terrible. Her hair was in disarray and her beige skirt and white blouse were completely wrinkled up. She slowly walked up to me and stood in front of me with tears in her eyes.

"Oh God honey. I am so sorry. I love you more than life itself, I know that I have hurt you terribly."

"You broke you marriage vow Nancy, I have never cheated on you once during the fifteen years we have been married. Had I known that you were getting some on the side behind my back, I could have done the same. Had I known that you held no importance to the fidelity part of our marriage vows, I could have had some cheap thrills too."

"Please listen to me Ron, I love you and what I did mean nothing to me. I wish I could somehow undo it all, but it's not possible. You must believe me, you are my world. My life is not important in comparison to you and our two daughters."

She then went into a fit of crying. She kept pressing her face into her hands as if trying to hide. Finally, she had to go sit on the couch since her legs would no longer support her. All the time she kept on repeating how sorry she was.

"Stop telling me that you are sorry. What you did to our marriage is unforgivable. Tell me who he is, and how long this has been going on."

I felt a little more at ease now that Nancy had gone to sit on the couch and was no longer standing in front of me. All the time she had been standing there I experienced a strong urge to grip her neck and shake her. Never before in my life had I ever felt such anger, it surprised even me.

"His name doesn't matter Ron, he is someone who works at the studio with me. This should never have happened. You must believe me I love you more than my life."

"But you do realize that you were fucking that bastard. You were supposed to be out with the girls. Those evenings out with the girls have been going on for two years now, so am I to believe that you have been fucking this asshole all that time?"

"O God no. I haven't been ... doing it for that long. Believe me, what I did didn't take anything from our marriage, I love you more today than I ever loved you before. Please forgive me, and try to understand there was never any love involved in what I did."

She began crying again. She looked terrible sitting there with her eyes swollen and red, begging me to forgive her.

"You are the one that don't seem to understand. What do you think those co- workers of yours think of me, and of you, now they have seen you give another man what is rightly mine? Can you imagine the way they will look at me if they see us together, either on the street or at one of your office parties?

"This is not only a secret affair you were having with someone who works with you. No, this is a public display of your arrogant cheating. You were telling the whole world you were cuckolding me. I am sorry but I cannot live with that."

"Ron, please don't do this to me. You know that I can't live without you, please don't talk like that. I want you to forgive me, this will never ever happen again, I solemnly swear this to you. Saving our marriage and our family is all that counts now."

While she was talking, I had gotten up and I had my back to her. I was getting ready to leave since I needed time to think.

"What marriage Nancy? You destroyed our marriage the very first time you opened your legs for another man. What is happening today is the result of that very first fuck."

All of a sudden, I heard a loud moan followed by a plaintiff cry, the like of which I had never heard before. When I looked at Nancy, she was lying on the floor with her head hidden in her arms. I could see her back shaking as she cried in desperation.

Once again I had a strong urge to take her into my arms and hug her, but at the same time the anger I felt, and especially the feeling of betrayal were both too strong. I no longer trusted myself to remain near her. Instead, I quietly left the house and went to spend the night in a hotel room.

.................................

I didn't sleep at all that night. The next morning I called my secretary and told her I wouldn't be going to work that day. I remained in my room until noon, then, after eating a few bites at the hotel restaurant, I drove in front of my house on my way toward my office. There was a green Toyota parked in the driveway. I realized that it belonged to Francine, Nancy's sister.

At least, I told myself, my two daughters had the company of their aunt besides that of my cheating wife, and it did make me feel a little better. But what I didn't know yet, was the fact that Nancy was now in hospital. After I left the house the previous evening, while she was explaining to her sister on the phone what had happened, she went into a fit and had suffered a nervous breakdown. It was only once I got into my office that I learned what had happened. Nancy's sister, Francine phoned me and we had a long talk together.

She said Nancy was a nervous wreck and crying all the time. It seems that less than an hour after I left the house the previous evening, my eldest daughter had phoned to tell Francine that Nancy was delirious and I was not home. Francine then talked to her sister and she immediately drove to my house. When she realized the condition her sister was in, she immediately called an ambulance. Francine told me she was still at my house and would be taking care of my two daughters for a few days. She also insisted that I go and see my wife at Santa Mary's Hospital in town.

After I hung up, I was beyond shock. Had I acted like a selfish bastard the previous evening? Had I not left the house, leaving my daughters and my wife when they all needed me the most? Maybe, but one thing I did know, had I remained in the house with her that evening, there was a possibility -- however small it was -- that I could have turned violent because of what she had done.

Yes, she may have destroy our marriage, but until yesterday I didn't consider myself as one of those men who hid their head in the sand when faced with a problem. Was this exactly what I had done? Nancy and I had a big problem of course, a huge one at that, but was that a reason for me to just abandon my family when they needed me the most?

I was now feeling very bad as I sat there behind my desk, I began to cry, wondering deep inside if I could have done things in another way, a better way with forgiveness and ever reconciliation a remote possibility even.

Of course this whole mess was one of Nancy's making, she was completely responsible for giving to another man what should have been mine only. But breaking my marriage was going to hurt my two daughters too much. There had to be another solution and this is when I got the idea of forgiveness with retribution.

As soon as I recovered enough from the shock of learning that Nancy was in the hospital, I went to my office bathroom and washed my face. A few minutes later I was in my car and driving toward the hospital. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say to her, but one thing was certain, I was going to face the situation and find out exactly what she had done.

NANCY'S STORY.

Ron and I got married when I was twenty and we were perfectly happy. We had two wonderful daughters and were living in a nice house in a wonderful neighborhood. Money wasn't a problem, and more important still, I loved my husband and I knew that he loved me also. When my youngest daughter was six, I got a job at a film studio not far from where my husband worked.

With the fall of the Iron Curtain and the gradual democratization of communism, there was a tremendous demand on the part of the people of Russia, for films from the US. Since I was fluent in Russian and I'd had many roles acting in small plays when I was attending university, I managed to get a job as a female voice translator for English films, so as to translate them into the Russian language. It was a wonderful job, the money was good, and I was excellent at what I did.

I had been working there for five years when a new voice translator by the name of Victor Deningko came to work for us. He was a tall young man in his late twenties with dark blond hair, and he was extremely good looking. Most of the girls working at the studio had a crush on him but he didn't seem to notice all the attention he was getting from any of them.

Vic had been born in the US but his grandparents came to live in America at the end of WW II. His parents always spoke Russian at home and he was now perfectly bilingual also. Therefore, he and I began to work together often, and a deep friendship soon developed between us. This is when my problem began.

You see, before I knew it, I thought I was in love with him.

At first he treated me just like he did the other girls. He would talk to me about work matters and we would work well together. Then he began to come with us when we went out on alternate Fridays. Soon we were more than work comrades, we became good friends. He told me all about himself, and I told him the story of my life. I even told him things that I had never said to my husband.

Until Vic started coming with us at the pubs, we were only a group of girls. But now that he regularly came with us, the girls began to bring their boyfriend or their husband with them. The first mistake I made was that I never told Ron that these 'girls night out' meetings were now mixed. I suppose I did enjoy being with Vic, and I didn't want to lose the exclusivity of his attention by having my husband there with us on those nights.

Soon the friendship between Vic and I developed into something deeper, and we were dancing all the time together. I suppose I never noticed how far things had developed until one evening while we were dancing to a slow song. I found myself held tightly in his arms while we were in a dark corner of the dance floor.

All of a sudden he kissed me on the lips. It wasn't a kiss given to a friend or to a family member, the kiss was long and passionate. I was shocked, but I did enjoy it and I didn't protest. That evening he kissed me again and again, and time he did, it made me feel better than the previous one. Yes, that evening I became addicted to the excitement and to his kisses, this is how it all began.

The following Friday that we went out together, he found an excuse to take me out of the pub and we went necking in his car. From there our passion evolved, and soon we were fucking like rabbits in the back seat of his car.

Of course, I felt very guilty when I got home and I made sure that Ron got all the love he deserved. What I hadn't realized at the time was that Ron, as my husband, deserved my complete love and nothing less, and I should have given any of it to Vic.

But since I was working with Vic each day, it was impossible for me to keep away from him, and gradually, even at work, we got into the habit of hugging and kissing when there was no one around. In other words, we became very comfortable with each other.

I must mention here that, from my point of view, my behaving this way with Vic wasn't taking anything from my love for Ron. I still would have given my life for him and I had absolutely no intention of hurting him with my affair with Vic.

How wrong I was.

Making love with Vic was certainly not better than making love with my husband. They were about the same size, both were gentle lovers, and both took plenty of time to prepare me before entering my body. The only difference was that I often allowed Vic to take my rear hole whereas Ron had never done that. He had tried quite a few times, but I always insisted that it was dirty and he simply stopped asking me.

I didn't see it at the time, but in reality, Vic was starting to take over from Ron as my first choice.

By the time my husband found out about my affair with Vic, we had been lovers for four months. I didn't love him like I loved my husband of course, but the sex with him was fantastic, the fact I could let go of myself when I was with him made all the difference. When I was making love with my husband, I had to restrain myself since I didn't want him to think of me as a slut, but when I was with Vic, I had no such restriction since I didn't care what he thought about me. This was the main reason I did things with Vic that I had never done with my husband.

I suppose Vic and I were extremely negligent and careless in the way we were acting in front of our co-workers. Of course it didn't matter that much to Vic since he was not married. But because of the way we were acting in public, it was only a question of time before my husband found out about me and Vic from a jealous co-worker.

We should have been more discreet, but I know now that even if Ron had never learned of my affair, it would still have been terribly wrong.

That evening when Ron caught us, it was by far the worst moment of my life. Vic was on top of me in the back of his car, my panties were on the floor and my skirt was lifted up over my hips. He was making me feel good with his thick cock and I was showing my appreciation and pleasure to what he was doing by moaning loudly under him. Then all of sudden the dome light came on as Ron opened the back door of the car.

There I was with another man's cock deep within me while my husband, the man I loved more than anything in the world, was standing there just a few feet away from me and looking at me with those sad eyes. I could see the pain in his expression as well as the anger. This was the moment that my whole world came crashing down. I knew then this was payback time for me.

I couldn't move under Vic, and even though his cock was still buried in me, I desperately mumbled to my husband in a rusty voice that I was sorry, what I was doing met nothing to me and I was going home right away. How stupid of me? How can my fucking another man could mean nothing to him.

I managed to push Vic off me and he rolled to the floor. I didn't care one iota if he was hurt or not, for all I cared he could have die right there. The gravity of what I had been doing with Vic in the last four months suddenly registered in my mind and I wanted to die.

When Ron shouted at me that I could go to hell and bring my lover with me, just before he turned to move away from the car, I knew that my marriage was in deep trouble. I even stepped on Vic with both feet in my hurry to leave his car so that I could catch up with my husband.

But I was too late, by the time I was half way to his car he was speeding away, leaving me standing there in the middle of the parking lot. At that moment a thought entered my mind, it was something that my mother used to tell us, 'cheaters always get caught one way or another'.

You see, up to that time, I considered my love for Ron like a fire. That fire was burning only for him and I knew that he felt the same about me. Then one day, when Vic entered my life and when he kissed me that first time, it was like a spark of that fire ignited another fire and this one began to burned for Vic. These emotions that I felt for Vic didn't take anything away from the love I felt for my husband.

I told myself it was just like when my youngest daughter was born, I loved her with all my heart, and it didn't reduce the love I still had for my eldest daughter.

What stupid things we tell ourselves to justify our basest urges. Children don't expect a parent to love only them. We never vow to our children to 'forsake all others'. Yes, the love of a parent for a child is far different from the love one should have for their spouse. But, I made certain those thoughts never reached my consciousness while I played my games with Vic.

I know that my husband certainly doesn't see it the same way I did then, and I don't blame him. I understand that if the roles were reversed, and if he was the one with another woman in his life, I would be devastated. Human thoughts and emotions are so mysterious and sometimes we shouldn't try to reason them.

So, now I am here in a hospital bed. Each time I wake from my dreamless rest, I start thinking about the events of the last few months, I cry and feel sorry for myself. Then the nurse injects me again with something and I sleep once more.

A wonderful sleep that allows me to forget everything. I wish that I could never wake up again and be at peace with myself, but each time, just before I pass out I see a picture of Ron and me on our wedding day. Oh, God help me. My children, my husband - I can't leave them. I must fight that urge to hide on the other side. Life is a never ending combat, my father once told me. If you stop fighting then you had no right to be living in the first place. I am alive, Ron and my daughters are alive, and I will live also, after all they are the loves of my life.

Yes, I will fight for my husband and my family. To me Vic is just dirt now, he had absolutely no right to be in my life in the first place.

If Ron lets me, I will be once again and for the rest of my life, the faithful wife I used to be. When I wake up, how long in the future, I don't know, but I will come back into my family's world, of that I am certain. When I do, the first thing that I hope to see is my husband standing there in front of me so that I can start the difficult task of making it up to him.