The Pain of Letting Go

"I'm going to be better than fine, baby girl," I said. "My life is going to be better from now on. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. All of the misery and pain that I've been going through is over. I have a new lease on life."

Even as I was talking to my daughter, the door opened and a woman stepped in. She saw that I was awake and walked over to the bed. She smiled when she saw me and I stopped on mid sentence. "Get the nurse!" I told her. She turned and went back outside of the room.

When she returned a few moments later she had that huge battle axe of a nurse with her. "What did I tell you?" I asked the nurse.

The behemoth instantly turned and glared at my wife, Claudette. "Who let you in here?" she bellowed. "He can only have one visitor at a time. Go back out and wait your turn."

"But...but...I'm," babbled Claudette.

"Out!" bellowed the nurse, pointing a ham-like hand with sausage-like fingers towards the door. Claudette retreated.

I spent the next half hour chatting with my daughter. I didn't tell her anything that she didn't already know. I just reassured her that I would be fine and that we would be too. I told her that I'd need her help in my recovery and that nothing had changed between us. I loved her as much as ever and probably more now that I'd had this bump on the road to remind me of what was truly important in life.

As soon as heather left, the nurse stormed back into the room. "I think that you have the idea that I'm your butler or something," she said. "I'm not. I'm also not your personal assistant or your appointment secretary. It isn't up to me to schedule your visitors so don't ask me to."

"I'm done for the day," I said. She looked at me crazily.

"What about all of those people put there asking to see you?" she asked.

"Fuck 'Em," I said rolling over and settling in. "Where's my phone?" I asked.

"It's with your clothes," she said.

"If you get me my phone, I can take it from here," I said as I closed my eyes.

The next morning I woke up and noticed that my scratched up and slightly worse for the wear, iPhone was on the table beside my bed. I reached for it and noticed that the screen had several cracks in it. I put that on my list. I checked the time and noticed that it was almost 9 a.m. My secretary Alice had never been late once during the time that she worked for me so I was sure that she was already in the office.

I called her. She sounded overjoyed to hear my voice.

"I was so afraid that you were hurt more seriously," she said.

"Alice what's been going on there while I've been out of it?" I asked.

"It's been okay," she said. "But things are a bit chaotic with everyone not knowing what they can and can't do. Your brother Alvin has been trying to organize things but he really doesn't have the..."

"My brother Alvin is a fuck up and he's fired," I said. "Notify security that as soon as he shows up today, he is to be escorted to his office to clean it out and then escorted back to his car. If he's driving the company car, he can walk home. Make sure they get all of his keys and anything else the company issued him. If he protests or starts any crap, call the police and have him arrested."

"Wow, you're in a mood," she said.

"Things are going to be a bit different from now on," I said. "I need you to get all of the department heads together and Skype me at lunch time. And until I figure out what to do just call me about any and all problems."

The next call I made was to my lawyer, to make sure he was still working on the things I'd been unsure of before the accident.

Nurse battle axe came in after that to bring me breakfast.

"Are we receiving visitors today?" she asked as sweetly as a nearly 800 lb. gorilla of a nurse can.

"As an attempt to make things easier on you so you don't have to look up from your crossword puzzle quite as often, just send them all in as soon as they get here," I said.

"So we've had a change of heart have we?" she quipped.

"The "ME," part of "We," just wants to get this all over," I said. "So I'll be directing the comings and goings without you."

I looked at the food that she'd brought me and almost vomited trying to imagine eating it. "Am I on some type of special yucky diet?" I asked.

"Nope," she said. "All of your vitals are good and except for a few scrapes and broken bones you're fine. There's no sign of concussion or brain damage. You can eat anything you want."

I moved the tray away from me and picked my phone back up. I hit one name on my contact list and waited to be connected.

"Heather, where are you, baby?" I asked.

"I'm in the waiting room, Daddy," she said.

"Honey can you go to McDonalds and get breakfast for me?" I asked.

While I waited for my breakfast a few doctors and nurses came in and checked various components of my anatomy. Several of the doctors had groups of bright eyed eager young faces trailing along behind them. After one of those eager young faces attempted to take my blood pressure and got it terribly wrong, I politely waited for them to leave. I smiled and wished them good luck in their careers. Then I told nurse battle axe to inform the staff that I no longer wished to be practiced on. From that moment on I needed a list of everyone who needed to check anything on me so I could veto the ones that were no longer necessary.

Even as we spoke the door opened and my parents came in followed by Claudette and our son, Gerald. She walked over to the bed and lightly kissed me on my forehead.

"How are you feeling Ro...Bob?" she asked cautiously

"Better than I have in years," I smiled.

"I'd have thought that you'd be in pain," she said.

"Sorry to disappoint you," I smirked. "If it makes you feel any better, I was speaking figuratively. In literal terms, there is some pain. But pain is to be expected under the circumstances. What I was talking about was how I felt over all. And over all I feel better than I have since I was a child. While I hung there, trying so hard not to fall down that God damned cliff, I learned some things."

"Like what?" asked my Dad. "Did you learn to forgive the little stuff? Did you learn that family is all we've got?"

"Nope Dad," I said. "But I did learn to recognize horse shit."

His eyes flashed with anger and I smiled. What was he going to do spank me?

"Bob, why don't you tell us about what you learned," said my mother trying to defuse the situation.

"Okay, this might take a while so why don't you all sit down," I said. At that moment my daughter came in with a McDonald's bag. She sat my hot cakes and sausage down and I started to eat as I told my sad little tale.

"For most of my life, I've always felt like an also ran," I began.

"Oh shit, here it comes," groaned my dad. "Should I get out the violin?"

"Dad, if you want to you can leave the violin off and just get out," I snapped.

"Bob, I was only joking," he said. "It's a bad time for all of us with your accident and you ending up hospitalized and all of the stress we've been going through. Your brother's been busting his ass trying to keep things on an even keel at work even though he's going through something else at the same time. Sometimes I wonder how that man can keep going. He's a rock that one and..."

"And that exactly is the problem," I said. "That's exactly what I was talking about. I'm lying here in a hospital bed with stitches and broken bones and a cracked skull, yet somehow you manage to turn the conversation around to Alvin Jr."

"Dad maybe this is all Mom's fault," I said. "Maybe she just forgot to tell you that you had two sons. If it eases your mind, I had a DNA test done. Mom didn't cheat on you. I really am your son." He looked at the floor and didn't say anything. Claudette's expression changed slightly when I mentioned cheating though.

"Like I said when I started," I began again. "I wasn't my father's first born son, so like in medieval times, I guess I was less important. I've spent my life busting my ass trying to get noticed, but nothing I ever did really mattered. At least it didn't at home. At school somehow it paid off though.

Most of my teachers usually told me that they were pleasantly surprised at the differences between AJ and me. The football and basketball coaches said the same thing.

Coach Bennett almost didn't even let try out for the team because he remembered when AJ played for him. He said that AJ was the laziest basketball player he'd ever seen.

But it didn't matter. I got awards and honors at school and got ignored at home. If I brought home straight A's and AJ got B's and C's what did you say Dad?"

"I was always proud of both of you boys," he grumbled.

"But what did you always say, Dad?" I asked.

"I can't remember back that far," he said in a very low voice.

"You always said that it was harder for AJ to get C's and it was a better accomplishment because his classes were harder since he was older. I guess at the time I believed it," I said.

"Anyway, AJ went off to college and Dad had to work extra shifts because school was pretty expensive. You guys also bought AJ a car to get around in. I thought it would be a great time, not that I didn't love my brother and look up to him. But I thought that with him away, my dad and I would grow closer. It didn't happen. With all of the extra work, Dad was always too tired to do anything.

Then when AJ flamed out and had to come home and go to the community college, things were even worse. For two years, I had to deal with Dad's anger over all of the money he wasted sending AJ to a top level college only to have him finishing his degree living at home and going to a local college.

Just before AJ's last year which was my first year, Dad changed his tune completely. He started making noise about how if going to a local college was good enough for AJ; it should be good enough for me. Luckily two things happened. The first was that I earned a partial scholarship, which took care of a lot of the cost. The second was that Mom stood up for me. She told Dad that AJ had his chance to fail and it was only fair that I should have my chance as well.

College was wonderful. I was finally out from AJ's shadow. Since I went to a different school than AJ had attended, I got to make a fresh first impression as myself instead of as AJ's little brother. When I got home with my first grade report and it was all A's with one B, Mom was proud of me and Dad didn't say anything. I loved college. I also got internships and worked every summer. I saved up enough money and bought myself a used car. That was my first Mustang and I haven't driven anything since. I always have a Jeep for getting through the Midwestern winters, but that didn't happen until I started to make decent money. I spent a lot of winters doing donuts every time I stepped on the gas and fishtailing my way down snow and ice covered freeways in my Mustangs.

During my last year of school, I met Claudette. I guess the way she acts is mostly my fault because I've been letting her have her way ever since we met. I'll admit that I've always given in to her because I always thought that nothing that we disagreed about was worth losing her over.

As a matter of fact, up until now that's exactly how I've lived my life. I've always given in, to pretty much everyone, because whatever happened wasn't worth fighting over. I guess that in the end, I just wanted to be liked. So I put up with and lived with almost everything. Those days are over. Hanging off the side of that cliff I learned that sometimes, hanging onto things that aren't good for me just because I'm afraid of what comes next is often more painful than what I'm avoiding.

Claudette gasped when I said that, but my parents just looked confused.

"What does this have to do with anything?" asked my dad.

"Bob, does this affect...?" began Claudette.

"Yep, I'd say it does," I said. "We have a lot to talk about."

"Do I have to be here for this crap?" asked my son Gerald. "I have some homework to work on. Those assignments aren't going to handle themselves."

"Gerald, your father was in a terrible accident," said Claudette. "We have to be here to show him that we love him and help him get back on his feet again. You don't see your sister trying to run out of here."

"Actually, Heather has to go," I said. "Heather, Honey, I need you to go to my building and help Alice. Try to learn as much as you can because someday you're going to be taking over the business. I'll call your teachers and explain our family emergency."

"Okay, Daddy," she said. She came over and hugged me and then left.

"Shouldn't Gerald be the one going over to the plant?" asked Claudette.

"Why?" I asked. "Is he going to suddenly develop some sort of useable skill?"

"He's your son," she yelled. "You can teach him the things he needs to learn."

"That's part of his God damned problem," said my dad. "He doesn't understand the importance of family. That's why he has AJ so stressed out."

"Okay, I've once again tried to be too nice," I said. "Dad, I can't live with the way you always take AJ's side in everything. From now on if the two of you can't treat us both the same, I don't think we're going to be seeing much of each other." My Dad's mouth started opening and closing like a fish out of water in shock.

"And Claudette, after thorough consideration, I think I'll be going after that divorce after all," her expression and actions mirrored my Dad's.

"Wow, maybe Dad hit his head harder than the doctors thought," laughed Gerald. "He's throwing shit on all of you."

"Gerald, you should probably take some time to figure out what you're going to do this summer," I said.

"I already know Dad," he smirked. "I'm going to hang out and relax after a hard year of school."

"Gerald, I got a call from the Dean of your college the other day. Your grades are so low they've put you on academic probation, AGAIN. I'm no longer willing to fund your college disinterest, so this summer you need to get a job if you're going to school next year," I said.

"You can't be serious," he said. "Mom, talk to him!" Claudette was still in shock from hearing about the divorce. Gerald stomped his way out of the room and slammed the door behind him, leaving me alone with my wife and my parents.

"I don't understand any of this," said my mother. "Bobby, what's gotten into you? You've always been very reasonable and..."

"Mom, I've always been like you," I said. "You're a saint. I can't be anymore. I'm tired of stoically putting up with everyone's crap. I can't do it anymore."

"Okay Honey, but why now?" she asked.

"Mom it's not just now. The accident was just the straw that broke the camel's back. The accident was because I'd just gotten some really bad news. I freaked out and was driving way too fast. That's why I almost killed myself. For the past two weeks I've been running around in a fog from trying to just go along."

"When I graduated from college, I busted my ass trying to make a name for myself in manufacturing. The company I worked for made several small parts for a number of bigger companies. It took me years to start my company and then to make my business a success. I had to pull myself up by my own bootstraps. As soon as I was in a position to, Dad talked me into hiring AJ."

"I made AJ the production manager, but he didn't know anything about manufacturing. Next I made him my assistant. He screwed up all of my appointments. I made him the sales manager and he screwed that up. I couldn't put him on a machine because he has no programming or CNC experience and he was too lazy, AND I was afraid he'd kill himself or someone else. So I made him a salesman. He doesn't actually sell much. He has no major clients and unlike every other salesman in my company he has no sales quota. Basically what AJ does is charity. I keep him on the books when I'd have fired anyone else, because he's my brother and I loved him."

"Why did you say LOVED, Honey?" asked my mother.

"Because Mom AJ is an asshole, and he's always been one. I'm just tired of co-signing it and forgiving him no matter what. This was the last straw. I'm not taking it anymore. That's why I fired his ass this morning," I said.

"You did what?" asked my dad before he went back into fish out of water mode. "Is this about whatever stupid little mistake AJ made 2 weeks ago? He's been upset and nervous ever since. He's been trying to run your company for you to make up for it and..."

"And he's been screwing up everything he touched," I said. "That's why I'm going to have Heather intern for me for the summer."

"What did he do?" asked my mother.

"So he filched a few paper clips," said my Dad. "Get over it. It's all in the past."

"I agree," said Claudette. "Let it go."

"What did he do?" repeated my mother.

"A couple of weeks ago, I'd been out touring a client's facility. I went home early. I guess I should tell you that I'm not stealthy. My Mustang's exhaust system, at close range, can wake the dead. I came in the back door and as usual dropped my keys on the island on the kitchen. I really didn't think that anyone was home. The kids both had school and Claudette works for one of her friends who opened a small boutique.

I heard the sound of voices coming from another room and went to see who was home. As I got near the living room I recognized Claudette's voice. I was frozen to the spot, but only for a second. I saw her bent over the couch while some guy was pumping her from behind.

He was holding her waist and pumping his dick between her cheeks. She was moaning and urging him on. At least she was until I crossed the room and kicked him in the balls from behind. My kick, fueled by rage and pain was so hard that it lifted him off of his feet. His scream was so high pitched and so loud that I expected the windows to shatter. But I wasn't done. He stood there jumping up and down, screaming about his nuts as I reached out to grab him. I punched him in the mouth as hard as I could. It split his lips and then I finally noticed his face.

"You whore!" my mother screamed at Claudette. "He's right to divorce your cheating butt!" I noticed that my dad was strangely silent. He usually had a strong opinion on everything, whether he knew anything about it or not.

"I understand why you want to cut her loose," my mother said. "And I understand why when you've been betrayed, it makes you question your relationships with everyone in your life, Bobby, but the rest of us haven't done anything to you. From what I saw this morning it's almost like you think you can only trust Heather."

"Mom you and Dad, always cover for AJ, no matter what," I said. "It's mostly Dad, but you usually go along with it."

"I don't understand what that has to do with..." she began.

"AJ was the guy screwing Claudette," I said.

My mother didn't say a word, she was too shocked.

"She probably seduced him," said my Dad. "It was probably her idea."

"Dad, he's forty three years old with a wife of his own," I said. "Can you please let him take responsibility for something that he's done, himself?"

"But he's your brother," whined my Dad. I just shook my head.

"And he knew that he was my brother while he was fucking my wife," I said.

"Bobby, you were always the strong one," he said quietly. "You're the survivor. Your brother...he's...he's always needed a little bit of...help. You need to at least let him explain and apologize and..."

"Goodbye Dad," I said. "I don't think I'll be seeing you much anymore."

"But Bobby!" began my mother. "We're a family. We have to..."

"Mom, under the circumstances, even you have to see that we're not much of a family. And if this is the way things work, I don't need it anymore. Now can you excuse me? There are a few things I need to go over with my soon to be ex-wife," I said.