tagHumor & SatireThe Particular Nonsense

The Particular Nonsense


This is to my friend Mr. Byrd, who just started Farmingdale College for Computer Graphic Arts and who's favorite phrase was "I own." His favorite answer was "How about NO!"

The Particular Nonsense

Of McDonalds and the Salad of Days gone Bye

A thousand years ago the Aqua Teen Hunger Force was told a story about the time the indigenous species regularly used by the giant McDonalds Corporation decided to leave the servitude of their planet. But the plants could not move and thus could not go, so they cried out to their animal kin in the kingdom of life.

They said, "Send us to College that we may learn the ways of leaving and coming and going." "Help us get the classes with the knowledge we need" for they feared the Masters of the Registrar and their powers of giving and taking. The animals cried out that to receive the classes of the animal kingdom one must hunger with force. The fish of the sea said she sells seashells IN the seashore, but the plants cried, "This is Nonsense". No one knew what to do so they rambled on endlessly to show it.

Then one member of a species, which was regularly used by the giant McDonalds Corporation, but that no one recognized said, "I have lived invisible for no one calls my name for they know not what I am. They say - "What kind of meat is this?" Another cried out "Wait a minute. At least you are not misrepresented for they call me chicken and I have no such relative."

And the Microsoft word processor did save their words for others to hear and be confused while they waited the minute. And cardboard the long time acquaintance of the many gathered, said aloud "I have collected and folded much and seen much. To learn all about animals and plants we must consult the wisest and learn the arts of - The Dale of Farming. They all cried aloud "OOOHHH", and then they murmured "oohh".

While they struggled with this wisdom a loud noise rumbled in the distant. "WHO IS THIS DALE OF FARMING?" it cried. Someone cried out- "Only the birds know and their family is not telling. They know he knows the arts and can graph them, but they are jealous.

For he is proud and arrogant like the peacock, but he soars like the Eagle where even man does no go. They wish to clip his wings so he does not soar out of their sight for they love to see him work the arts. But he has learned the ways to hold the pickle, the lettuce and emotions on his wings. And by holding emotions he has learned the ways of leaving and coming and going with no fear.

The plants said "Yaah". He will tell us how to escape the plains and plans of giant corporations. But maybe he will form his own. "HHmmm!" they said. "So what hope is there!" one sobbed. "We must try!" the onion cried. So they folded their friend cardboard and dressed in their finest came to the wisest in the form of a Special of the Day. They looked great on the outside, yet they inwardly were hurt and depressed. He ate them and they troubled him with their sourness.

Inside they cried, "Teach us the ways of coming and going about". His belly did hurt and he knew he would soon show them the way. For without knowing it, they disgusted him and he would throw up and they would know that it was he who made them come and go and for his own purpose. He owned them. His ownage was complete and he cried out "My Ownage is Complete" and threw up.

Then they knew they could not leave the planet and the animals said, "We cannot leave either." And the Microsoft word processor was nearly full of their words of wisdom and so they all called out together in chaos for the last word. Some said let the last word be "Struggle" for they thought that is how you leave and come and go, for they remembered the vomiting. Another said let it be "Ask" for they thought they should ask someone else or that you must continually ask others "how about you do this for me" and that way they would get what they want. But the last word was finally decided when the Dale of Farming said, "You should not have to ask others to do, what you should have learned -

How about, - KNOW."

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