The Path Home

***

My head was pounding when I woke up late the next morning, and my insides felt like they'd been desiccated. I stumbled to the kitchen and gulped down a glass of water, and it was then that I spotted the almost-empty bottle of whiskey on the table. "Son of a bitch," I said under my breath, retrieving the bottle and emptying it into the sink. I'd catch hell for that when Dad got up later on, but I didn't care.

I showered but didn't bother to shave, and then I dressed in some old jeans and a t-shirt. It was close to noon, but I couldn't bring myself to eat anything. Instead, I grabbed a stepladder and some tools out of the garage and headed over to Caroline's house.

She came outside as soon as she heard me using the hammer. "What on earth, Russ?" She clasped a hand to her forehead and squinted against the sunlight. I realized that her face was a little fuller now than it had been when I was a boy. The angles of her jaw and cheekbones were softer.

I grinned down at her. "Well, at least one of us is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I told you I'd fix your shutter." She sank down onto the porch step, and I noticed she wore a pair of sweatpants and a baggy shirt. "You ain't even dressed for the day yet," I said.

"I was up most of the night with a migraine." She held her head in her hands.

My smile faded, and I got down from the ladder. "I'm sorry, Caroline. I didn't mean to wake you up. I took you for an early riser."

"Well, normally I am, but these damn headaches..."

I sat down next to her. "Can I get you anything?"

Caroline raised her head and patted me on the shoulder. "No, I'm okay. The pain's mostly gone. And I appreciate you fixing that for me. That's really sweet of you."

"I'm happy to do it. Neighbors have to look out for each other."

Now it was her turn to smile, and she leaned back to regard me. "And how are you feeling this morning?"

"Oh, like death warmed over," I said, and she cracked up laughing. "But I imagine I'd feel a lot worse if you hadn't helped me out last night."

A warm breeze ruffled her tangled hair, and she put a hand on my knee. "It was nothing. Now I'd better go inside and try to make myself presentable." She climbed to her feet and reached for the door.

"Hey, Caroline," I said, tilting my head upward, and she stopped to look at me. "I'd like to take you out to dinner."

She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to hide the grin there. "Russ, what are you talking about? Just how hard did that jackass at the bar hit you?"

I shook my head. "I'm not trying to be funny."

Something in my face made her sigh and sit back down. "I know you're not, but I'm old enough to be your mother. I'm sure there are plenty of girls your own age who are interested in you."

I took a deep breath and held it a few seconds before I spoke. "I don't see what your age has to do with me taking you out to dinner. Now if you think I'm repulsive or stupid or...whatever, then just come out and say it, but don't use my age, or your age, as an excuse."

She was quiet for a minute, and I could feel a vein pulsing in my neck as I waited for her to speak. "Russ, you've grown into a fine young man. You're kind, and considerate, and responsible, and smart. And hell, you're good looking, too. But I haven't dated anyone in many years. I've been out of the game for so long, I've forgotten how to play."

I turned to look into her eyes. "You remembered last night."

Caroline tried to say something but couldn't seem to find the right words. "Last night was fun," she finally said, "but it's not practical to consider dating you. There are too many obstacles to overcome, and I'm used to being alone. I guess I'm settled into my ways now. You're still finding out who you are, Russ."

I gnashed my teeth together, realizing I couldn't change her mind. Caroline stood again. "I'm still fixing your goddamn shutter," I said, "when your head's better."

To my surprise, she leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "Thank you," she told me, then disappeared inside her house.

***

The following Friday night, I was back at the bar. Donnie whistled when he saw my eye. The bruise had faded to a dull yellow color, but it was still noticeable. "Man, that bastard clocked you good," Donnie said. "But I'm pretty sure you did break his nose."

"I'll break your fucking nose if you cause me any more trouble." I folded my arms over my chest and scanned the bar, making sure the patrons were behaving themselves.

"Hey, what's up with you?"

I couldn't tell him that I was still pissed about Caroline turning me down. He didn't even know who Caroline was, and I wasn't about to fill Donnie in on the details of my personal life. I'd fixed Caroline's shutter while she was at work so we wouldn't run into each other. Later that evening, I found a plate of brownies on my front porch with a thank you note. I ate all the brownies, washed the plate, and left it in a bag on her front porch, shaking my head at how ridiculous we were being.

"I'm fine," I said to Donnie. "It's just the same shit, different day."

The hours crept by, and just after midnight, I asked Donnie to cover for me so I could step outside for a few minutes. "Sure thing," he said. "No one seems eager to start any shit tonight."

I stood just outside the door, relieved to get a break from the country music blaring in the bar. The night was clear and mild, and when I peered up at the sky, I could make out a few stars. Looking back at the parking lot, I saw a figure walking toward me and squinted, wondering if I was hallucinating. "I'll be damned," I muttered.

Her long auburn hair, a little more disheveled than usual, fell past her shoulders. She wore jeans, black boots, and a white tank top with a plaid shirt thrown over it. Holding out her arms, she grinned like I'd caught her at something. "How do I look?" she asked. "Think I'll fit in here?"

"Caroline, is that you, or am I dreaming?"

"It's me." She stopped a few feet from me and hooked her thumbs into her jeans pockets. "Fancy meeting you here."

I looked her up and down. "I'm going to need to see some ID."

Caroline snickered. "Very funny." She moved closer until she stood by my side. "You got a minute?"

"Absolutely."

She drew in a deep breath and let it out. I tried not to stare at her, just glanced her way every so often while I waited for her to speak, and I prayed some drunk asshole didn't choose that moment to stagger outside.

"I've been thinking about what you said, about me making excuses, and I realized you're right, Russ. I can't come up with one good reason why I shouldn't see you. The only reason is that I'm afraid."

I bit my lip to keep from talking. I wanted to tell her she shouldn't be afraid, that I'd never hurt her, but it was clear she wanted me to listen right then.

"I got engaged a couple years after I graduated high school," she went on. "Before we could get married, my fiancé died in a car crash, and I guess I never got over it. I dated a few other men, but they all said I wouldn't open up and let them get close to me. I guess that's true. My fear doomed the relationships." She finally tilted her head to look up at me. The outside light fell on her hair, causing it to gleam. "It's safer, being alone," she said. "But when you kissed me last weekend, you made me wonder if being safe is the best thing."

I cleared my throat and tried to hide my excitement. "So you'll let me take you out to dinner?" She nodded and grinned, looking a lot younger than her forty-nine years at that moment. "And..." I said, drawing out the word, "since we've already gotten our first kiss out of the way, can I give you another one now?"

Caroline held up a hand. "As long as you realize this can't be serious, Russ. I meant what I said before—you still have so much of your life to live. You might decide to leave this place, get married and have kids. I'm not going to hold you back from that."

I inched even closer to her. "I'm not going anywhere, but I've learned there's no sense in arguing with you."

"Damn right," she said. "Now kiss me."

I wrapped my arms around Caroline and pulled her to me. She stared up at me, looking like I felt—a little excited, a little afraid. I lowered my mouth to hers and kissed her gently. Her lips were soft and warm against mine, and she opened her mouth to me so I could slip my tongue inside. Caroline ran her hands through my hair, holding onto me like she never wanted me to stop kissing her. She sucked my bottom lip between hers and gave it a playful nip. Then she backed me up against the side of the bar and slid her hand from my chest down to my belly, and then between my thighs. She felt the bulge there and broke the kiss to whisper, "Oh, my."

I laughed, suddenly shy, and said, "Seems like you have that effect on me."

The door to the bar opened, and Donnie stepped outside, catching sight of me and Caroline before we pulled apart. "Oh... hi there," he said to Caroline.

"Hello," she said, calm as could be as she smiled. "Sorry—I shouldn't be keeping Russ from his job."

Donnie gave her one of his shit-eating grins and held up his hands. "Please, keep him as long as you want. He's been a real pain in the ass lately."

"Donnie," I warned, but Caroline just laughed and stood on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek.

"Get back to work," she said. "And play nice."

"I'll see you tomorrow then?" I asked, my voice hopeful.

"Sure. Come on over whenever." Caroline gave my hand a gentle squeeze before starting back toward her car.

Donnie stared after her, his face revealing nothing. I gritted my teeth, waiting for him to make a smart-ass remark, but when he looked over at me, he just smiled and said, "Lucky bastard. You ready to get back to work now?"

***

I kept looking at the clock the next day, willing time to speed up. I didn't want to show up at Caroline's too early, so I kept myself busy in the garage, repairing a push mower for a neighbor. At around four, I headed into the house, checked on Dad and found him snoring in his bed, and went to take a shower. Peering into the bathroom mirror, I wished I'd thought to get a haircut, but it was too late to worry about it today. I put it on my mental list of things to do and instead focused on making myself look respectable.

I stood under the hot water and washed my hair, then soaped myself down and worked on getting the dirt out from underneath my fingernails. Once I'd given myself a good scrubbing, I toweled off and shaved. I thought about putting on a little cologne, but I knew some women didn't like it, and I'd never known Caroline to wear perfume. With my luck, she'd be allergic and sneezing all night. I skipped that and put on a pair of jeans, faded but clean, and a nice button-down shirt, along with some new sneakers. I planned to take Caroline to dinner, but I had no idea where she would want to go, and I'd feel foolish showing up in a suit if she chose someplace casual.

Before I went to Caroline's, I made a trip to the florist shop in town. I looked over the arrangements, at a loss as to what to choose. The woman behind the counter asked if she could help me. "I'm trying to pick out some flowers for..." I struggled for the right words. "A real nice lady." The woman grinned, and I felt myself blushing like a silly kid.

"Well, most women love roses, but if you want something a little less traditional, you could choose the hydrangeas there, with some roses and carnations."

I tilted my head and studied the flowers in the vase. "I think she'd like those."

The woman, who looked to be about Caroline's age, nodded in agreement. "I certainly would. I'm sure your nice lady will be delighted with them."

I paid for the flowers and thanked her, then drove back home, relieved to see Caroline's car parked in her driveway. Holding the vase in the crook of my arm, I realized I was shaking a little as I walked from my yard to hers and climbed the steps to her porch.

Caroline answered the door soon after I knocked, and her face lit up when she saw the flowers. "Russ, they're beautiful!" she said as I held them out to her. "I love hydrangeas. And look at those roses!" Caroline turned to place the arrangement on her coffee table. "Come on in and make yourself at home."

She wore a pale green shirt, long at the waist and made of a filmy material, and a pair of black leggings. Her feet were bare, so I kicked off my shoes and went to sit next to her on the sofa. I thought of us lying on it the weekend before, when I held her in my arms and kissed her. "You look beautiful," I told her.

Caroline smiled and put a hand on my knee. "And you look very handsome, as always." She moved closer to me so our thighs were nearly touching. "What have you been up to today?"

"Oh, just trying to fix a lawnmower for Mr. Harper down the road. What about you?"

"I've been doing a little cleaning, taking care of things I don't feel like bothering with during the work week. And I spent an hour or two reading."

"What do you like to read?" My gaze drifted to the bookshelf near the window.

"Oh, just about anything. The classics, contemporary stuff, history, a little poetry. Right now I'm reading a book about World War I."

"That sounds interesting."

"It's a great book. I'll be happy to let you borrow it when I'm finished."

I nodded, staring down at my hands in my lap. I hadn't read a book since high school, but I wasn't about to tell her that. Mostly I read instruction manuals on how to fix stuff. I turned back to her and smiled. "You hungry?"

Caroline took her lower lip between her teeth, tilting her head. "For food? No."

My smile widened. "What are you hungry for, then?"

"This." Caroline kissed me slowly, like she could spend the rest of her life doing it. She pressed a hand to my face, careful not to touch the bruise below my eye. I'd never been kissed like that. With other women, kissing was always rushed, just a stepping stone for us to get to the actual fucking. I loved exploring her mouth with my tongue, and from the way she moaned, I could tell she liked it too. Caroline pulled away, breathing faster. "Am I moving too fast?" she whispered.

"Not at all." I pressed my mouth to hers, my kisses growing more fervent.

"What if I told you to take me to the bedroom? Would that be moving too fast?" she asked as my lips moved to her neck.

I shook my head and grinned, then scooped her in my arms and carried her down the hall as she shrieked with laughter. Late afternoon sunlight streamed through the window of her room, and I carefully laid her on the bed, as though I was handling something fragile. Staring down at her, I watched her breasts rise and fall under the thin fabric of her shirt. Caroline reached for me, and I eased on top of her, propping myself up with my hands on either side of her so I didn't crush her with my weight.

"Um, before we go any further, Caroline," I said, suddenly embarrassed, "I need to tell you, I don't have a condom. I wasn't expecting this..." She stared up at me, and I hurried on, "Don't get me wrong. I am fucking thrilled that it's happening, but I didn't want you to think that's all I'm here for."

"I know that, Russ. Just so you know, I've gone through the change, so there's no need to worry about getting me pregnant."

I swallowed hard, not sure how to discuss my sexual history with her. "I haven't been with anyone since my last girlfriend," I said. "We dated just a few months, but she said it was a good idea if we both got tested before we started having sex, and our results came back fine. That was almost a year ago."

Caroline gave me a playful grin. "So I guess we're good to go."

I lowered my mouth to hers, feeling a jolt when her tongue grazed mine. As much as I loved kissing Caroline, my hands began to wander. I slid my palm beneath her shirt to feel the bare skin of her belly. My hand inched upward to cup her breast. Caroline gasped when I teased her hard nipple with my thumb, stroking it through the fabric of her bra. I loved the weight of her breast in my hand. She began tugging at my shirt, so I sat up and quickly unbuttoned it, shrugging out of it before pulling my undershirt over my head. My bulk definitely wasn't all muscle, but Caroline didn't seem to mind. With her fingertip, she traced the line of hair on my stomach, all the way down to where it disappeared below my jeans. "Take these off," she said, yanking at the button.

She didn't have to tell me twice. I climbed off the bed and stripped, glad she was focused on removing her own clothes and not watching me. Caroline took off her shirt, then reached behind her back to unclasp her bra. It fell away from her chest, and I feasted my eyes on her bare breasts. They were on the larger side, and her nipples were pale, almost the same color as the rest of her skin. Her breasts had lost some firmness, but I thought she was sexy as hell, especially the way she grinned up at me. Caroline hooked her fingers into the waistband of her leggings. "Care to help me get these off?" she asked.

I leaped on the bed with a little more force than necessary, and I was afraid I would send her flying right off of it. But she only laughed and lifted her hips so I could pull her pants and underwear below her hips, down her thighs and legs, and then remove them completely. She swept her gaze over my body, letting it linger on my stiff cock.

She didn't shave her pubic hair, and when I spread her legs apart and kissed her inner thighs, I could smell her scent captured in those curls. I took my time tasting her, parting her outer lips so I could lick and suck between them, teasing her with my tongue. I loved pressing my face into the most private place on her body. I loved the noises she made and the way she moved against me, her hands gentle on my head. I loved the way her breath hitched in her chest, almost like a hiccup, and how her skin flushed bright red.

My hands were large, so I was careful while slipping a finger inside her. Her muscles clamped around it, which led me to imagine how amazing it would feel for my cock to be buried deep in that warmth. I kissed and licked her cunt the way she'd kissed my mouth, slow and thorough in my exploration. I wanted the smell of her all over my skin.

I felt her thighs shaking, and so I focused all my attention on her clit, sucking the tender flesh between my lips and rolling it against my tongue. Just a minute of that, and Caroline was thrashing in the bed and making wild cries, bucking her hips so hard I thought she might be trying to throw me off, but I didn't let up until she'd settled back on the bed, panting.

Caroline looked down at me, her eyes a little unfocused for a second, and then she smiled and reached for me. I worked my mouth upward, over her belly and to her breasts. I gathered them in my hands so I could kiss and suck them both. She moaned again, and I moved my lips to her neck.

"You should get on top," I whispered against her skin, propping myself up on my elbows so my full weight wasn't resting on her. "I'm heavy, and you're such a little thing, I'm liable to crush you."

Caroline laughed. "I'm not that little."

She let me ease her onto her side, facing away from me. I took hold of her hips and positioned her so she was spooning against my groin. With my cock nestled between us, I kissed her shoulder, and she offered me her mouth. "Ready?" I murmured against her lips, and she nodded.

I took my cock and slid the head between her outer lips, coating it in her juices. Then I entered her slowly. She gasped and reached back to grab my hip. "You okay?" I asked.

Caroline grinned. "More than okay."

I moved deeper inside her, and those muscles clenching around me felt more incredible than I'd imagined. I let out a groan and held still a moment as I filled her completely.