tagHumor & SatireThe Perfect Woman Is Hard to Find

The Perfect Woman Is Hard to Find


This is just a romp into over the top fantasy with some serious nastiness of the anal persuasion at the front end followed by what I think is humorous. It's all dialogue.

"Ooooo! What are you doing back there? Is that your…"

"I'm tonguing your sweet little ass hole."

"You enjoy doing that?"

"Do you like the way it feels?"

"Oh, yeah…sure…feels great. Do you want to put your finger up my butt and…move it in and out?"

"Sure…how about two fingers?"

"Ohhhhh…that feels so nasty…yeah…you're fucking my ass with your fingers…suck my clit while you do that…oh, fuck…I'm going to cum….yesssss!"

"You are one anal erotic little girl and you cum more often than anyone I've ever known."

"That's because you excite me so much and you have such a big cock and it's always so hard…I guess I never really knew I'd like that…oh, my! What's that you just put in there?"

"The tip of my cock."

"Oh, my God! That's bigger than your fingers….uh…uh…oh, shit!"

"How's it feel?"

"Funny…strange…burned a little there for a second…oh!"

"That was the head of my dick pushing through…the head of my cock is in your ass."

"Don't stop playing with my bare little pussy…okay…do you want to shove it in more?"

"Uh, huh."

"Okay…just go slow…let me get used to it…are you in yet?"

"Almost…just a little more…there!"

"Okay, move slow now, go ahead…oh, I like the way it feels when you go all the way in…so deep! Ohhhhh! That feels nice…do you like the way that feels…my tight little ass hole squeezing your big fat cock?"

"Oh….yeah…you know it!"

"Okay…that really feels good! I can't believe what I've been missing! Go ahead now…do it faster…fuck me up the ass…cum in my ass, baby…oh, I love this! It's almost better than the regular way! Oh, God! You're going to make me cum again! Oh, baby, cum for me! Dump a hot load deep inside my tight little butt hole! That's right…yes…yes...oh, my God! So good…love it in the ass…never knew…"

"So…you liked it?"

"Oh, baby! Can we do it like that mean…I mean like all the time? I know how much you like it when I suck your cock…swallow your cum---so yummy! And I still want your big dick in my little cunt but…maybe I could blow you in the morning before we go to work, we could do it the regular way at lunch and then when we come home at the end of the day, you could, you know…fuck my tight little ass?"

"Well, I suppose."

"I know I talk a lot when I'm fucking…I can get pretty nasty…you don't mind, do you?"

"No…not in the least."

"Good! Because I love it when you do the same thing for me…tell me what a hot little fuck I am…wow! You make me such a happy girl…and keep me so well fucked! Now what was this whole serious thing you said we needed to talk about? Oh, before that…maybe next time you'd like me to lick your ass…tongue fuck you back there?"

"You'd do that?"

"Only seems fair. Oh, by the way, I almost forgot. My younger sister---she's the cutest one in the family---is going to be in town next week and I was hoping she could stay here for a couple of nights."

"It's a pretty small apartment and there's only one bed; I never got around to buying a bed for the guess room."

"Oh, I'm sure she won't mind! There's lots of room in this big king size bed for three…if you don't mind. Mindy is a little wild and uninhibited and I'm sure she still doesn't own a pair of pajamas but I'm sure we can manage."

"Well, okay…I guess. How many sisters do you have again?"

"Three. I love ‘em to death but my sisters are all a little wild if I do say so myself---just like our mom."

"Your mom?"

"You met her briefly."

"Your mom is…hot! She doesn't look old enough to be your mom."

"She thought you were pretty hot too. We don't really have any secrets…she told me in no uncertain terms that she wouldn't mind…you know…sleeping with you."

"Does that bother you?"

"Oh, heavens, no! As I told you before, we have no secrets…we share everything…and I mean everything."


"Hey! The football game starts in half an hour and…God, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen! It's almost hard again…bet I know how to get it really hard. What do they call this? I saw it in a porno film once…I love good porn…a trombone blowjob? Do you like it?"

"Uh…uh…oh…oh…uh huh…oh…ahhhhh!"

"Sorry I missed some of your load there. I guess timing is everything when you're jerking a man off and tongue fucking his ass hole. I hate to miss any of your cum…I just love it!"


"Hey, I picked up a couple of cases of your favorite beer on the way home---it ought to be ice cold by now. We both like the same brand of beer---maybe we ought to pick up one of those keg chillers? By the way, and please understand that I'm not being critical but your HD Television…"

"It's a couple of years old---but it was the biggest one I could find when I bought it."

"There's a new Plasma out that's twenty inches bigger---over seventy! From my perspective when it comes to TV---and cock---size matters. We're buying a bunch of them for the car leasing business---high end cars need high end AV equipment in the showrooms. I can pick one up for us at a substantial discount. If you just want to see what it would be like, they double shipped to my office so we could bring it home and see how it fits. If you don't like it we'll send it back. It also includes a state of the art theater sound system."

I'm sure I'll love it."

"Do you remember my friend, Lisa, the tall brunette with the big rack? She and I are really good friends and used to be roommates…well, more than just roommates but that's another story. Her older brother is an NFL starting quarterback and she can get free box seats any time she wants. She loves football but always drinks a little too much and turns into a bit of an exhibitionist. Would it be okay if I invited her to watch the games with us? I need to warn you: she'll drink too much and I'm not letting her drive home drunk. She might have to sleep over."

"Ah…sure! Why not? The more the merrier."

"You won't get upset if she and I get a little…crazy…will you?"

"Ah…no…I guess not."

"Oh, don't worry! I promise you we won't leave you out."

"Okay. Say, didn't you tell me your mom and dad were divorced?"

"Yeah, but they're still friends. It was his job and all the travel."

"What's he do?"

"NASCAR driver. Just won the Winston Cup. Do you enjoy NASCAR? If you do, I can almost always get infield, owner's box or pit passes for us if you want to go."

"I love NASCAR!"

"God, we have so much in common!"

"Do you have any brothers?"

"Just one; he's a center fielder for the Yankees. Don't tell me! You like baseball?"

"Love baseball."

"How uncanny! On another note, I may not be able to stay up for the entire Sunday night game. As much as I hate to miss it, I've got an early day at work tomorrow."

"What line of work are you in exactly? We've never really talked about our…careers."

"I'm the marketing director for a local company that leases high end automobiles to celebrities and other rich people. The Jaguar isn't mine---heck, I don't even own a car. At the end of the day I just grab the keys to whatever is available. Sometimes it's a Jag, occasionally a Maserati , a Ferrari or a Lamborghini---whatever."

"Sounds like a neat job; you must do well."

"I make good money but I don't spend much. I hate to shop and as you well know I really don't like wearing clothes unless I have to---and I can't stand jewelry! I know I need to buy my own place here---I've certainly got enough money saved---I just never got around to it…wasn't sure how long it would take…how long I would need to be here. I bunked with Lisa for a few months after I moved to town and then you let me move in with you. I really owe you."

"You are one of the most beautiful women I've ever known. How do you keep in such perfect shape?"

"I dance…work out. When I was a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader---in college at TCU---they were very strict about our weight so I just got in the habit of staying in shape."

"I don't think I knew you went to college at…"

"BS in business---Magna cum Laude---just missed Summa by a tenth of a point. Then an MBA at UT Austin, then a couple of wasted years modeling…"

"You have an MBA---you were a model?"

"Victoria Secret and Boston Proper. It got old---but it gave me a good financial start. I made enough money to buy a charter fishing boat in Key West which makes a ton of money with enough left over to buy into the auto leasing business. Do you like to fish? Certain times of the year things get a little slow and I can always schedule personal time---after all, it is my boat. I've just never had anybody to go fishing with and as much as I love deep sea fishing I hate to fish alone."

"I love to fish. You own an interest in the company you work for?"

"Well, no, actually I own half of the parent company which franchised the local operation. I just thought it made sense to sort of get in on the ground floor and learn the business. I don't spend any of the return on investment; I think I'd like to buy out the whole thing in a couple of years and run it. Then again, I may sell it, keep one of the local franchises just so I always have a decent car to drive and put more time into my other company."

"Your other company?"

"Another leasing operation---executive jets. A booming industry thanks to all the problems and risks associated with commercial flying after that whole terrorist thing."

"You own an interest in a jet airplane company…are you a pilot?"

"I'm commercial, multi-engine jet qualified but I don't work for the company as a pilot---although I might decide to in the future if I get tired of the car thing. It sure is convenient not having to ever deal with the airlines again. Hey, on another note, I really appreciate all of the really fabulous restaurants you've introduced me to here in town but I'd really like to eat in tonight and cook dinner if you don't mind."

"You cook?"

"I love to cook! There was this crazy time in my life when I really wasn't sure what I wanted to do---between college and grad school. I took a year off and studied the culinary arts…in Paris. Actually I still have a place there…a small villa…part of it is sublet but there's plenty of room. Do you like Paris?"

"I love Paris. Wait! Where did you get the coin to take a year off, study cooking in Paris and buy a villa?"

"The Internet. I was sort of a tech geek as an undergrad and I came up with this search engine algorithm, Bill saw it, thought it might be a good fit with Explorer™ and…"


"Bill Gates---you know. Anyway, he bought it or more accurately I took stock and options in Bill's company in exchange for my algorithm."

"You still own that stock?"

"It's split a number of times; I can't remember how many shares I have---the number keeps increasing. I sold a few shares a couple of years ago because Robert asked me to invest in a new wine venture and…"

"Robert…as in Mondavi?"

"One and the same! I've got a small place out in Napa just so I have some place to stay when I'm out there."

"You have a home in Napa Valley?"

"Small…just a few acres."

"I see."

"So! What was that serious stuff you said we needed to talk about?"

"Will you marry me?"

"What? Why…this is so unexpected…so sudden!"

"I know it's very sudden…we've only known each other for a couple of weeks and I wasn't sure of your ring size so I don't have a ring---we can pick one out together---but we seem to really click and have so much in common, I just thought…"

"Do we have to stay in this city? It's not my favorite---no offense."

"None taken. The only thing keeping me here is my job and the University and I'm sure I can find another job. I have a good education and good work experience."

"I'm searching my brain---what exactly do you do for a living again?"

"I'm a research chemical biologist---PhD, actually, my field is a little esoteric---even obscure---but I absolutely love my work. I've made a little money on a couple of patents but in all honesty, I didn't get into the field to get rich; I wanted to make a difference, discover something important…save lives…kids' lives…find a cure for a dreaded disease."

"Have you ever heard of a company called Dresden Pharmaceuticals?"

"Oh, my God, yes! They are virtually the only major drug company in the world willing to invest the time and money to find a cure for the childhood disease which is my primary passion. I've even received a couple of research grants from them. They're fantastic people! How do you know about…"

"My great uncle---on my mother's side---was one of the founders of the company and is currently chairman of the board. I'm his favorite niece. As I recall most of their research activities in your area of expertise are in Switzerland---Zurich---although they are planning to move more Research and Development to the states in the next few years…San Francisco as I recall. Not that Zurich isn't a wonderful place to raise a family---just ask Shania. Well, if we end up living there, you'll be able to ask her yourself. Since I'm godmother to one of her children we're…kind of close."

"You're kidding. Shania? I love country music. Do you like country music?"

"Love it! Although---and I've told her this to her face---some of Shania's music is a little too pop for my taste. That's what happens when you fall in love and marry a rock producer. I prefer more traditional stuff---George, Alan, Vince…where was I? Oh, right---medical research. The current lead researcher at Dresden in childhood diseases is Dr. Francis, as I recall, and he…"

"Has a Nobel prize and is reportedly going to retire within the year due to declining health. I've actually met him! We've corresponded numerous times---even compared notes."

"I do believe granddad mentioned that his health was in decline and they were going to initiate a search for a top researcher to take his place. One other important subject…children…"

"I love children; I've devoted my life to helping them live. How many did you have in mind?"

"A couple or three?"

"Works for me."

"Great! Well let's slip on some clothes---as few as possible---I'll call Lisa and we can catch the end of the pre-game---love that Terry Bradshaw!"


Well, that went a lot differently than I had anticipated, he thought to himself. He had been planning to suggest that it might be time for her to find her own place to live but all things considered, he was confident that he'd made a far better choice.


"Lisa, hey babe! You got it! It's a done deal. I'm sure he was about ready to ask me to move into my own place but I took your advice, pulled out all the stops and he popped the question. He's everything I could have hoped for. He's a genuinely sweet, nice guy---smart too! He works to find cures for children's diseases, for God sake, isn't all hung up on money or status---heaven knows I have enough for both of us---and he's got exquisite genes! And he loves kids and wants two or three.

"What? Oh, hell yes, like I told you, the fucker is hung like a horse---and it never seems to go down. And he is seriously anal! I ought to get an Academy award for that performance: ‘Oh, what are you doing back there…is that your tongue?' Yeah, sure, you can play with it---at least try to play it cool until half time---you know how much I hate anyone disturbing my Sunday football.

"Damn, it took almost three years of intensive search, travel and investigation not to mention a lot of money----but I did it! I found my perfect husband to be! Well, sure, I could use the search algorithm to help you find one. We'll chat when you get here. Later!"

Edited by Techsan

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