The Phrase that Pays

The female police sergeant drove over the river bridge so fast I could smell the transmission burning. "Could you tell me again what happened sir!" she said looking through the rear-view mirror, her eyes obscured by her sun glasses. The other officer, her black hair up in a bun revealing her beautiful neck, wrote in her patrol book.

I told her I could but she would not believe me, and if I made her believe me then I'd be in still more trouble.

"Sir! We had to use a copter to get you off a roof from a throng of several hundred women, you'd best explain now!" said the officer in the other seat.

"Fine but I am going to have to leave one part out. You can lock me up later but the one thing that would really convince you I must leave out. You will see."

"It all started in my basement. I was cleaning up and found an old magazine had got its pages interlaced with a paperback. When I pulled them apart, it must have been dampness, but the pages stuck together slightly and ripped. I tossed the magazine in the trash. I looked at the paperback to see if I could scrape the pages apart and save it. But then I saw it, a line from the magazine article had been pasted halfway across a line from the magazine, in an odd way the words made sense; in a nonsense, poetic sort of way."

"Are you sure you didn't spike the water coolers. We will have them tested," said the sergeant.

"No, may I go on?" she nodded with that nod I had seen before in a thousand police shows.

"Anyway the phrase kept running through my head. At dinner I joked about it telling my wife. She had been working the food processor and could not hear it so I repeated it again and she turned to me. And right in the kitchen she got on her knees frantically opening my pants." I was going to stop but the officer told me to go on, all the time scribbling in her pad as I thought about whether my wife's brother could defend me in court, he was a real estate lawyer, but a darn good one.

"My wife stopped long enough to rip open her blouse and as the buttons rolled and plinked on the floor she undid her bra. Then she..."

The sergeant asked for my wife's name and told me to continue.

"She sucked me off like a madwoman. I thought she was joking. I finished in minutes and she dragged me into the bedroom; she was like an animal," I felt embarrassed but I hoped the officers would see what was going on. "Whatever this phrase was it had the oddest effect on the female brain."

"The next morning she was still sleeping and I got dressed for work. At the job my assistant, Pam saw I looked tired, and I was. I told her it was my wife playing a joke on me. I then told her the phrase. Pam looked at me for a moment then kissed me as she struggled to pull off both our clothes at the same time."

The sergeant tried to keep a neutral look on her face but I could see her disgust as she asked me if I had brought Pam anything to drink. I told her no and continued.

"I wanted to be faithful to my wife, really, but I think the words might have affected me also. I had her bent over the desk when there was a knock on the door. Our boss walked in and as the door closed behind her she dropped her papers.

"She demanded to know what was going on. I told her it was not what she thought. She got flustered saying she'd send us both to human resources, which is another word for reassignment. I got so flustered I said it was only a joke that somehow my wife and Pam, for some unexplainable reason were in on. I turned to my boss and told her what I had said. A few minutes later they were both on their knees in front of me one holding while the other took care of me as they fingered each other. And yes their full names are..."

"Anyway when they got exhausted I finally got out of there and went to see my friend Bob, though he is a bit of an asshole. He works in building services. I told him the whole story little knowing that that jerk had turned on the intercom.

"He asked me what that phrase was. I was afraid to say it in front of him. What if he attacked me? He assured me I could beat him if he did. I said it, then said it again. Nothing happened. Then we heard a sound, it sounded like a thousand high heels clicking down the hall. Bob looked out in shock."

"He pointed to the other exit we ran up the fire stairs and Bob tripped. I got to the top and wedged the door shut. He banged on the door pleading and I opened it again. I know I was cowardly, but I was scared."

"That is when the helicopter saw us on the rooftop. They must have called you guys and the police brought us to the lobby."

"Let me tell you something all I see is someone who spiked the building's water supply with some sort of new date-rape drug and you are going away for a long time."

I could hear the door shutting on me. "Look have either of you had anything from me? Water? Gum?"

They shook their heads hoping that I would talk myself into a confession. "Fine I will say it and then if you two don't react I will confess to whatever you want, but if it does work you two will testify, fair enough?"

The sergeant agreed but her partner, wedding ring on her hand looked a bit nervous, but what else was I to do?"

A half hour later I was handcuffed to the bed. The sergeant's image of her blowing me was reflected in her mirrored sunglasses. Her partner before swinging her leg over my face smiled saying she hoped I'd enjoy the "flavor" as she sat on my face. The sergeant held me steady as she got onto me. I could hear them kissing and sucking each other's tits as I licked the officer's pussy.

Of course it was a closed chamber affair. The male judge read my phrase as did several other men. But only when I read it did the small court stenographer come running at me.

The records were sealed and a false story was planted regarding mass hysteria to account for the building incident. They even got the local "science-guy" on the evening news to testify to it. I wonder what they have on him?

It seems the government might need my "talents" in the future. As for my wife she forgave me, though one day we heard on the radio that the station had a contest with the "phrase that pays" and she spit her milkshake all over the dashboard laughing saying "Sure they do!"