The Plunge

/** This is a real life story that is ongoing and a way for me to write about what's going on with my little online adventure with the D/s world. It's the most I'm willing to jump into for now but so far it is turning out to be quite an experience already. Feel free to comment. **/

I finally decided to take the plunge. Well, sort of. After all these years of fantasizing, reading and watching dirty porn about a bdsm or "D/s" relationship I joined an internet group and found myself someone who would "train" me.

At first it was intimidating, and of course there were the typical weirdos who messaged me privately claiming they could fuck me with their big cocks or that I would love to have them get me pregnant. The typical internet bullshit. I set up my profile and put in a short description of the fucked up things I thought about when I masturbated and then joined a few discussions and kind of lurked around for a week or so.

A few days earlier a "master" messaged me saying he wanted to learn more and see if I wanted to explore my submissive need together. We exchanged a few messages and I made things clear I was just looking to really be online right now and wanted to remain safe that way. Plus I'm not exactly into taking any std or pregnancy risks. My curiosity is still something I'd like to keep in fantasy land for the most part. Just from my limited experience -- normally clearly stating that I in no way intend to meet for a crazy anal gang bang with a stranger from the internet based on his "dick pic" makes him go away. However this guy insisted he was fine with that and was also wanting to be careful.

I've been on the internet long enough to start suspecting this was just some lone loser in his basement who just wanted to pester me for dirty pictures or web cam fuck, whatever that entails. Instead we talked a little more and both agreed we were only looking to explore as friends for now and he would help me explore some D/s play. I figured this wouldn't last long and had doubts but went on against my gut feeling. I still wanted to experience this and figure out what all the hype was about and it seemed safe enough for the internet.

I know I definitely have a proclivity toward submissiveness -- I'm not sure how else I'd describe daydreaming about being owned and writing up porn stories about it. So after a little bit of agreement on what we both wanted, he suggested assigning me some tasks to get acquainted and build some trust.

Trust exercises. Immediately I got worried and wanted to back out somehow -- but I figured I wanted to give this a full chance and just take the leap for once. He sent me some very personal questions about my body and sex life and I answered them honestly. I already felt a little invaded answering them and sent the message off with some hesitation.

A little while later he responded back with a list of daily tasks to do for seven days for him to monitor and then ask some questions afterward. I guess a little test phase to see how I react. I thought a week was very long already since I can barely sit through a movie but I agreed and read the daily task list since it was not anything too crazy or difficult.

It was detailed. And long. I was to keep my pussy shaved for him for the 7 days, at least. There was a morning and bed time ritual where I had to touch or rub my pussy but not my clit for 15 minutes with some vibrating balls inserted. If I left the house to any reason I had to insert them an hour before returning home. No underwear of any kind anywhere. Anal plug while I slept. I also have to stimulate my nipples a few times a day, anytime I had the balls in, and during lunch for a few minutes.

That night I shaved myself which was the easiest part and not too big of a deal as I realized I needed to soon anyways. But after that I had to go out. I have never, not worn underwear before and it was weird to wear shorts without any. Not only that but the rubbing on my pussy was rough and I was leaking pussy juice all over my shorts within an hour. My shorts were damp and uncomfortable but I was out so I had no choice but to hope no one would notice and wait to get home. My pussy felt raw from the shorts touching my lips right after I shaved. It was embarrassing and vulnerable feeling. I felt like anyone could just see that I wasn't wearing underwear and any man could take advantage of me that way. Now I know underwear doesn't exactly stop rapes but it still felt like I was extra vulnerable.

I wanted to quit already but found it in me to make myself continue and at least get through a week. I really do want to experience what it would really be like -- at least somewhat- and if I can't handle a little online arrangement I'd never be able to be close to experiencing really having someone else be in charge.

Waking up the next morning to the anal plug in my ass was a surprise and instantly I felt vulnerable and very submissive. It was different to have to do it because someone else said so and I wanted to be comply as best as I could. After I took it out I realized my pussy was soaking wet and throughout the rest of the day it stayed that way again. As I went out I would feel the vibrating ben wa balls inside me. It felt like someone was constantly using my pussy or ass. I was wet all day long and surprisingly survived it; toward the end of the day it began to feel a little more normalized which scared me a little since it had only been two days so far. Again at night I wanted to quit and use the internet as a safety to disappear but I realized I probably won't find a non psycho to do this with me again. And so far, he seems like a non psycho. It was easier to not think too hard about the tasks and simply do them because he asked me to. Reminding myself I want to at least last a week and thinking of how I already agreed to it helped me keep going last night and this morning.

This morning my ass was a little more sore than yesterday. It felt good to take the plug out but again, I had to rub my pussy which made me more wet. My pussy has been at least moist all day again and I can't believe I've even made it to day 3. I know I've written much crazier stuff but it has been really crazy feeling to be doing these tasks for the past three days for someone else for real. I am starting to get a little stir crazy and wish I could masturbate but of course I am not allowed to without his say so. I will just be glad if I can finish this week the way things are going. Not having ever given up control like this or even letting someone tell me what to do, much less wear or not wear, I am already surprised I've been able to obey. Strangely it feels like I have an extra purpose attached to my day and I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. Guess I'll have to wait till the end of the week to see what happens.