The Polaris Effect Ch. 01

To the former Readers and Authors of Rainbow Community Writing Project ~ Thanks for always supporting the vision that helped me to achieve what became a very successful website, I wish I had been able to keep it going. Especially to Carey, Dick, Drew, John and Mickey, without you guys I would have just been another blip in cyberspace. Thanks for believing in me when no one else seemed to. If you have been to RCWP in the past, this story will seem familiar; it's one of my proudest achievements. Please Enjoy

Disclaimer: This is a continuing story about romantic homosexual love, if this is not your thing, please move on. R~J





Prologue

His eyes floated from the billowing curtains of green silk to the redwood deck furniture on his patio. The soft light of dawn was cresting the tips of the ancient eucalyptus trees in his neighborhood. His mind was spinning with images of past and present, jumbled together in a nasty mix of nightmarish and angelic winged creatures. Pillows of velvet grazed his fingertips as they danced on the ridges of the delicate fabric lining his stash box. They had emptied the contents early into the morning and the stupor from the potent imported products still hung over him.

Summer was fast approaching, and the always-present maestros of the summer morning songs, the mocking birds, began to penetrate his haze. He toyed with the corner of the bottom of the box, the idea seeming more and more appealing in his drug-induced state.

He glanced over to the form lying next to him and surveyed yet another nameless companion. Dark hair, long legs, not buff, but fit...every detail matched, every feature compared, but the face was never the one he was aching to see. The face he longed to wake with seemed to be forever out of his reach.

His body was numb, his mind, confused and miserable, he wanted to shut down, he hurt to the bottom of his soul, a resolution was so far out of reach that he couldn't even fathom it. The pills were in his hand before he realized how they had gotten there. He was slumped against the side of the bed, the false bottom of his stash box torn open and lying akimbo on the paisley maroon duvet swung across his hips. He felt the water cool his throat, knew that this was what he wanted. He felt the pills going down, memories of his teenaged room in Ashland and of all the sketches circling him in a cyclone, taunting him with that perfect adolescent smile and those eyes. The eyes he longed to look into, the mouth he longed to kiss, the firm shape and v of the back that trailed down to the hips of the man he had loved all of his life. The man he couldn't have.



***



She found him after the second day he didn't show up for work. She was scared, but at the same time livid, that he would give up so easily. He was mortified that she had found him in this state, but more than anything he was angry that he had failed. He had been sure that the combination he had stored in the compartment in the bottom of his treasured teak jewelry box would easily end all of the pain and misery he had been dealing with for all these years.

Weeks after the attempt, it occurred to him that maybe the pills had outlived their life expectancy, kind of like he had in his own mind. Although the therapist was pretty cool and never forced him to talk about that night or about Ashland, he never volunteered anything deep inside that could help her to understand why he had felt so desperate that night. He returned to work, morning coffee, weekly dinners with the gang; holidays with his "adopted" family. If there were an answer, deep in his soul, someone else would have to find it.

***

Chapter One –Summer of Happenstance



Ten miles outside of Klamath Falls, just past Pelican City sat the Klamath Indian Campgrounds where Jeremy Sandler spent every summer since he was eight. This summer, after finally turning fifteen was his first there as a junior counselor. He had been looking forward to it for months now. Evan Jennings, his old friend and the Camp Director had called his parents in January to see if Jeremy would be able to come up a week early this year to complete the training program.



Jeremy had always been a natural with kids. They gravitated to him whenever he worked with them in little league or even when he sometimes helped his mom out with his little sister's Girl Scout troop. He was happy about being able to work with the younger kids at camp this year. He could remember his first year and how he was alive with nervous energy just hoping that everyone would like him. If he could help just one kid get past that this year then it would make the whole program worthwhile to him.

Evan met him at the gates to the property that enclosed the campgrounds. After scooting by with a quick peck on his mom's cheek, he grabbed his gear from the back of the station wagon she drove and waved to her in a hasty good-bye. Embarrassing as it was, Jeremy knew he wouldn't see his mom for six weeks and if he thought he could get away without a kiss good-bye, she would have proudly informed him that he was sadly mistaken. His family was very close and never had any trouble showing their affection for each other, but at fifteen Jeremy was at the "hands off" stage that included everyone in his family, but his mom. His dad promptly informed him one morning at the beginning of the school year last September that Jeremy was never too old to kiss his mother and show her the respect she deserved for spending her time raising her family.

The twenty-five year old camp director chuckled at Jeremy's downcast eyes as he approached him. Evan slapped Jeremy's shoulder and chided him as they walked down the dusty trail to the main cabin of the aging campground. When they hit the steps, Jeremy laughed too.

"I'm just glad I'm the first one here and no one else had to see that."

"Well buddy, I hate to burst your bubble, but you aren't the very first."

Evan pointed to the opposite end of the long, wide porch that encircled the cabin. Jeremy's eyes lifted and saw a tall thin boy, his age, with a ton of reddish golden curls spilling from the top of his head, down past his shoulders. The new boy smiled, cautiously and then tentatively picked up his hand to wave. Jeremy smiled back and curiously felt his chest swell inside. He put up his hand as Evan started toward the young camper opposite them.

"You comin' or what cowboy? Time to stretch those legs and get some exercise before everyone else starts showin' up." Jeremy snapped out of his trance as Evan's silly nickname for him stirred his memory of the first years he had been at camp.

Evan had been a junior counselor during his first year at camp and Jeremy had wanted so badly to learn to ride a horse. From the time he had first convinced his mom and dad to let him go to the camp that's all he talked about, but when the time actually came for him to take his turn with the ponies that the local rancher had provided, Jeremy was petrified beyond words. Evan helped him through it by getting up on the pony himself and pulling Jeremy up with him. Jeremy had been shaking with excitement and fear and Evan just held him close and reassured him the whole way around the paddock that the ponies were kept in. Jeremy could still here Evan's voice as he became more confident on the ponies back

"You're okay cowboy... see how easy it is... I am right here for you buddy."

Jeremy's face flushed with the memory of Evan holding him that day, and as he looked up to see Evan talking to the tall, willowy red head at the end of the porch a scary, seemingly sub-conscious thought crossed his mind. "I like guys!" Too insane to keep in his brain for long, Jeremy shook his head and caught up to his friend Evan and the new kid.

Evan introduced the two boys. "Jeremy Sandler this is Archer Finklin. Archer will be spending his first summer with us."

Arch grabbed Jeremy's hand as Evan was still talking. "Arch, just call me Arch. My father thinks I am going to be a lawyer some day, I think that's why he named me Archer." His cheeks were turning cherry red as he explained his name.

Jeremy thought it was cute and he could tell that this beanpole of a kid was a bit nervous, but he had a friendly smile that made Jeremy feel at ease.

"Well, it's nice to meet ya Arch." Jeremy replied noticing how long and thin Archer's fingers were as they gripped his hand.

"Hope you're ready to cut loose and have some fun out here this summer." Arch's hand released Jeremy's and the coolness that replaced it made Jeremy shiver.

He couldn't figure out what was bothering him today, he felt an odd pull in his gut and he wished that it would just go away. In an effort to relieve his mind from the constant, wondering Jeremy launched himself off the porch all of a sudden, let out a whoop and a holler, and ran off for the riding paddock.

Evan shook his head as he and Arch followed Jeremy at a leisurely pace, walking beneath the mammoth swaying pine trees that lined the trail to the horse barn. "Don't let that one scare you too much Arch, he gets like this in the beginning every year. I think the fresh air mutates his brain cells or something." Evan laughed and Arch looked at him quizzically as if to say, "Fresh air can't mutate your brain cells." Evan continued to snicker to himself and thought... "Boy what a pair these two bookends are going to make!"

***

Before the rest of the kids who were signed up to be junior counselors arrived that evening, Evan, Jeremy and Arch crisscrossed the property, checking on supplies and animals, safety and sports equipment. The camp had a crew of adult counselors who would be arriving tomorrow and there was the staff that handled the cafeteria and the administration, besides a full-time nurse, but until then there was just the introduction dinner in the mess hall tonight for the JC's.

They joked and laughed throughout the day, Evan told stories about campers that Jeremy knew and some that he didn't. When they started talking about the horses Jeremy cringed inside thinking that Evan would spill about his first encounter with the oh so gentle ponies. However, being a true friend, Evan would never embarrass anyone purposely. Jeremy breathed a huge sigh of relief as they checked out the paddleboats at the dock to make sure that all of them were sea worthy. The subject quickly turned to Maryanne Randall, a counselor who fell in last year while trying to rescue a frozen and freaked out seven year-old girl trapped just ten feet from shore.

The atmosphere around the camp was light and relaxing. Jeremy quickly found that he liked Arch and they talked about their families and where they were from. Jeremy learned that Arch's family had just moved to the artisan community of Ashland from the San Francisco Bay Area. His dad was a lawyer and his mom was a nurse, who was studying to be a doctor. He would be attending Ashland High School with Jeremy for their sophomore year in the fall. The idea of seeing Arch's brilliant smile and unruly light auburn locks every day pleased Jeremy, although he wondered why he was feeling that way.

The boys arrived back at the main cabin about four-thirty when Evan begged off showing them to Chilly Two, the bunkhouse for the junior counselors. He relied on Jeremy to show Arch where everything was in the small four-bed room that he and the other male JC's would be staying in for the next six weeks. The rest of the junior counselors had begun arriving an hour or so earlier and were all being settled in their own bunkhouses. Jeremy held the door open for Arch as they breezed through onto the dusty, creaky floor of Chiloquin Room Two. Chilly One, where the senior counselors slept, was air conditioned with a small kitchenette included. The younger boys were not afforded such luxury.

Jeremy knew the kid who was unpacking his trunk at the end of the cot next to the south window. Chad Turner had been to KIC the last two years. He was a beefy boy who played linebacker on the Ashland High football team and hung around with the popular jocks at Jeremy's school.

"Hey Sandler, who's the scarecrow?" Chad bellowed from his corner, laughing at his own rudeness.

Jeremy regretted having to introduce Archer to this clod, but he knew somehow, they would all have to get along if they were going to spend six weeks sleeping in the same room.

"Archer Finklin this is Chad Turner, football player extraordinaire." Jeremy figured that the compliment, backhanded or not, would ease Chad's abrasive manner for the first few minutes anyway.

Arch set down the bag he had been carrying and crossed the small room in less than three steps. He lifted his right hand and extended it to Turner, who looked at him appraisingly. Chad tentatively met Arch's hand and they shook in a half-greeting.

"You play ball scarecrow?" Chad looked up to Archer's already towering six-foot frame.

"Nope, sorry." Arch said. "I'm more of the artistic, scientific type." Jeremy was impressed that Archer didn't seem embarrassed by the fact that he wasn't a jock or daunted that Chad would think less of him because he was well... a geek.

"Artist, huh?" Turner sneered at Jeremy across the room, "You know what they say 'bout artists don't ya?"

Jeremy was hesitant to reply, because he already knew what they did say about artists. There were plenty of them in and around Ashland and the feelings he had been having all day scared him more at that moment than ever.

"No, Chad, I don't! What do they say about artists?" Arch's voice was strong and confident. Once more Jeremy admired his backbone.

"Queers, usually!" Turner whispered almost to himself.

Jeremy's stomach did a somersault as he watched the scene unfolding across the room. Arch took a quick step toward Turner and launched an arm around the stocky football player's shoulder. "Really Chad? Is that what they say?"

Chad wiggled free of Archer's arm and stared him down hard.

"Don't touch me again scarecrow, or I'll have to get rough with ya." Archer only smiled at him and turned his back on the homophobic boy, cascading over to the bunk next to Jeremy's on the opposite wall from Turner's.

"Don't worry Chad; I'm just messin' with ya. I do play a little basketball, but I'm not very good. I guess I just wasn't born to play sports." Archer's voice still held no hint of uncertainty.

Archer's smile was big enough to light up the room as the shadows of late afternoon crept across the floor creating a kind-of gloom in the old pine cabin. He wasn't making any excuses for sidling up to Turner and Jeremy was secretly glad. Turner bordered on being a bully and Jeremy thought to himself that Arch really knew how to handle himself around this brute.

Chad hurried through the rest of his unpacking, stuffing the contents of his suitcase into the trunk at the foot of his bed. Then he scooted for the door and announced indignantly, "I'm goin' to find Evan and make sure he got the message from my folks about me not havin' to do kitchen duty this year. I ain't goin' through that crap again."


Jeremy hated people like Chad, believing in stereotypes and just so sure that they were better than everyone else! Before this, Jeremy had never been exposed to him for any length of time, but now he was sure he didn't like the boy at all. They had never shared a cabin before and at school, Jeremy hung out with his next-door neighbor and best friend Jenny Kaplan and some of the other kids from student government. He ran track, but that didn't make him a jock, so he and Chad traveled in different circles.

"You know you shouldn't worry about him," Jeremy said to Arch, trying to make his voice as steady as possible.

"Oh don't you worry about me Cowboy! As my old man says, people like him are a dime a dozen." Arch was smiling softly to Jeremy as he pulled polo shirts and gym shorts out of a leather bag. He carefully refolded each piece of clothing and placed them in the footlocker designated for his bed.

Jeremy was having hard time breathing. His chest was tight and he couldn't quite focus on what Arch was saying. When he finally shook himself out of the haze he was in, he was just able to catch the last thing Archer had said to him.

"...so Cowboy.... you have a girlfriend?"

Jeremy chased the cobwebs from his head and met Arch's stare point blank.

"No, no girlfriend." Jeremy retorted a little standoffishly.

He wasn't sure why he was acting this way all of a sudden. In fact, he wasn't sure about anything since he had stepped onto the porch of the KIS Ranch house six hours ago. Something about Archer Finklin had unsettled him and he wasn't sure now that he even wanted to know what it was.

Jeremy knew that he had made Arch uncomfortable, but he didn't want to talk about it right now. He just wanted to get his things unpacked, get over to the mess hall, help out with dinner, and talk to Evan. Yeah, that was it, if he talked to Evan, maybe all of this would seem silly and pointless. He could always tell Evan anything that was bothering him.

Jeremy slipped the last of his things from his duffle bag. He put away the rolled up socks and shorts that his mom had meticulously packed down at the bottom of the army issued duffle that he borrowed from his dad every year. Then he took out his journal. As if transporting precious cargo, Jeremy slid the loosely bound book under his pillow. There was an unwritten rule at camp, don't mess with stuff under pillows.

He glanced sideways at Arch and sub-consciously expected to find him watching him. To his relief he saw that Archer was reclining on his own cot skimming through a magazine. Jeremy considered just walking out into the sticky summer evening, but his mother had taught him better manners than that. Plus, it wasn't that he was mad at Arch; he just didn't know what was going on in his head today?

"I'm goin over to the mess hall to find Evan, wanna come?" Archer closed his magazine slipped it into his trunk and followed Jeremy through the groaning screen door.

***

Evan Jennings looked up from the record player in the corner of the expansive space that the campers used as a cafeteria/dance hall. He wasn't surprised to see his favorite camper Jeremy Sandler and the new, lanky, vibrant boy come through the door together. What he was surprised at though was that they didn't seem nearly as friendly as they had been during the day. They walked a ways away from each other and Jeremy seemed to be in a rush to get away from Archer.

The cicadas chirped noisily in the feigning half-light outside the screened-in enclosure of the porch to his right. He knew there was a special bond developing between the two boys. He saw the sparks in Jeremy's eyes this morning as soon as he laid eyes on the dazzling smile that Archer Finklin flashed at him. Evan held just such a first glance deep in his memories, from a day in his past when a skinny young boy of twelve, first caught his eye on a summer baseball diamond not too very far from here.

Arch stopped at the table where bunches of the new junior counselors were setting. Jeremy could hear him introduce himself to the other teenagers and a small conversation ensuing about this being his first time here and everything there was to see and do. Jeremy felt himself tense up at the idea of Archer falling in with some of the older boys. He could easily see Arch fitting in with them because he looked so much older. Well, in his body maybe, but the face and the eyes still looked like a kid to Jeremy. Jeremy knew he was jealous and it only served to further distract and confuse him.

He made his way over to Evan after grabbing a Coke from the ice chest by the door to the kitchen.

"Anything I can do to help?" He asked the camp director.

"Thanks Cowboy, but I think we've got everything under control. Why don't you just relax and have a good time?" Evan knew something was definitely bothering Jeremy. His brows knit together in a scowl as he glanced across the room to where his new friend was standing chatting with some of the other counselors.