The Polaris Effect Ch. 05

Chapter Five- Acceptance

As he remembered, the inside of Anne Baxter's office was pretty stark compared to the baroque styled waiting room she shared with the other therapists in this community building. Archer noticed a few very expensive antiques and well-known paintings as he sat and waited for Anne to arrive. He had gotten there early, not wanting to postpone the inevitable any more than need be. To his consternation, he had to endure the appraising looks from Dr. Baxter's trailer-trash receptionist as he nervously shifted his weight from one cheek to the other, unconsciously crossing and uncrossing his legs out of sheer boredom. Mercifully, Anne stepped through the front door in a flurry of scarves, raincoat and sopping wet umbrella.

She huffed as she pushed the door closed behind her, "Archer, I am so sorry that I'm late. What a mess out there, I got caught at the bottom of the hill. You would think people had never seen a rainstorm in California before."

She hurried to put her things away on a rack behind the reception desk and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Would you like something Archer? Coffee, tea, water?" She raised her eyebrow at him inquisitively.

"No thanks Anne, I had plenty this morning already." He set down the magazine that he held in his lap. He had never even opened it.

"Very well then, let's go into my office." She walked in front of him and he followed opening the door for her from behind her. He sat in his customary place against the far wall of the office, gazing out at the dark, rainy curtain that covered the city that morning.

"So, how are you this morning?" She smiled her wide smile at him and waited.

"It's better today." He had taken his medication on schedule and the panic he felt yesterday was starting to abate.

"What do you think caused it this time?" She always took notes. Just for my memory, she told him the first time.

He didn't blanch as he usually did when she asked what the center of his unhappiness was, he frankly replied with a name. "Jeremy."

"Is this someone new in your life?" She calmly proceeded. He knew she wouldn't be shocked. She was too professional and too much of a humanitarian to judge.

"No, he was my boyfriend when I was sixteen." His shoulders sagged noticeably and a few tears started to squelch in the corners of his eyes.

"How long were you together?" She slid her glasses back up on her nose and reached for the tissues, ever present on her desk. He took one and held it in his hand.

"Three years." He was not embarrassed to cry in front of her, she had seen him at his worst last year and had helped him to find that all life was too precious to waste.

She sat quietly and considered whether to prod any further or change the subject. She asked one more question, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

She sought out his pale blue eyes and found an almost pleading look in them. Whether he wanted to talk about it or not, she could see that this was indeed the center of all of his issues. She had known that he dealt with abandonment, but she had incorrectly assumed that it stemmed from his yuppie parents and their aristocratic lifestyle. Anne believed in the old adage, the eyes are the windows to the soul. Moreover, Archer Finklin's eyes were, at the moment filled with the most sorrowful kind of heartache she had seen in years.

He erupted into sobs and she moved to the chair next to him and held his hand. "Archer, I can see that this is very upsetting to you, but I am right here and I will listen to whatever you have to say for as long as you want to talk to me about it. Let's get through this together, okay?"

He nodded his consent and she moved back to her desk and picked up her telephone.

"Ginny, please clear my calendar for the morning. I will let you know later if the afternoon will be available. Thank you."

She told him that she would return momentarily and she came back a few minutes later with a glass of water. She moved again to the seat next to him and held out the glass to him. He took it and drank a small bit. He cleared his throat and began to tell her about the beginning of his and Jeremy's relationship. "The happiest two days of my life."

***

The trees outside of Archer's windows each morning were teaming with life. Little finches gathered nesting material, flying back and forth from branches with little bits of twigs, moss, and leaves. Mockingbirds tipped the very top most branches, singing their mockery of the rest of the community's songs. A couple of squirrels scurried up and down the trunk and into a knot close to the base filling it with the cylindrical fruit of the oak's harvest. The air was clean and crisp and the noise was only that of the nature that surrounded him. Dawn had just arisen and Archer watched as the mighty sun crested the peak of the little hill that hid the Finklin home from the rest of Linden Estates. He was truly at peace for the first time in years.

He glanced back at the animal print comforter that covered his best friend, now his boyfriend, lying on his side where Archer had left him an hour or so before. Neither of them had talked about what they were to each other now and Archer slipped back into the rerun of the events playing in his mind of the preceding night.

***

Filled with pizza and soda, the boys sat at the kitchen table just staring at each other, the precipice of a year of misinformation hovering between them. Archer suddenly jumped up from his seat reached across the table and tapped Jeremy on the shoulder.

He screamed as he ran past him "you're it." Jeremy smiled like a kid again and chased after his friend, winding around the family room furniture and catching Arch somewhere close to the bottom of the stairs. Jeremy pulled him down and sat astride his waist, tickling him until Arch bellowed with laughter, feigning a heart attack with his motions. They rolled around on the ground, half-wrestling, half-exploring each other's bodies.

When they broke the competitive wrestling grip they had on each other, Arch's lips were close to Jeremy's. He reveled in the freedom of just being able to reach out and kiss him if he wanted to. Both of them were panting and out of breath from their frolic and sweat beaded on their brows. Arch's chest was still bare, having never donned a shirt since Jeremy arrived. The muscles in his arms burned slightly from the exertion of their sparring match. Gradually he inched his mouth onto Jeremy's and initiated another exploratory French kiss.

"Mmmmm..." Jeremy moaned... his physical delights were also abundant. However, his head swam with a bevy of thoughts including a bit of guilt and trepidation.

He had lied to his mom about their supposed supervision this weekend and now they were locked in a passionate kiss that could have easily been considered foreplay. He stopped himself from thinking too far ahead. And tried to enjoy the moment of comfort he was feeling with Archer wrapped around him.

Archer extricated himself from the tangle and stood up. "I have Nintendo in my room, wanna go upstairs and play Missile Command? It's ancient, but it's my favorite."

Jeremy nodded and Archer extended his hand pulling Jeremy up and into his strong arms. They kissed again longingly, telling each other what their words were too nervous to say. They climbed the stairs and made their way to Arch's bedroom. Jeremy stopped next to Arch's desk, stripped off his sweat-soaked shirt and dropped it on top of his gym bag. Archer glanced at Jeremy's half-naked form and smiled to himself in approval.

The far wall to Jeremy's right had dozens of shelves distributed evenly across it. Most of them were stacked to the gills with books of some kind or another. Bigger volumes even looked as if they might be medical books, but the rest were covered with Arch's TV and stereo equipment. A spark of jealousy erupted in Jeremy momentarily but he quickly pushed it aside, gave Arch a quick peck on the cheek and sprang for the bed. He bounced to the middle of the queen-sized mattress and waited for Archer to set up the game.

"Come on man hurry up." Jeremy's teenage energy buzzed within him.

Arch quickly slipped the cartridge into the console and pulled the controllers back toward the bed. He hopped up next to his friend, all the time trying to keep from tripping on the cords. They set up for head to head play and immersed themselves in the video world of spaceships and cities, aliens and battles.

Jeremy's intense competitive spirit spurred him to challenge Arch to game after game. When Arch had him beat by five games, he got bored and asked what else he had.

"I have a bunch of retro stuff. My dad and I play em together." Archer got up and grabbed another game. He tossed it Jeremy and took the current one out of the game console. "Ever play Centipede?" Arch asked him from over his shoulder. He watched as Jeremy perused the cover of the game jacket.

Jeremy thought it would be fun to try the older games. He quickly got the hang of Centipede and soon they had the speed advanced to EXPERT level. Then they tried some of the other seventy's games, Asteroids, Super Breakout and Tempest. Jeremy discovered he loved Centipede and they went back to it after trying out the other old ATARI Arcade versions.

The entire time they played the boys never lost contact with each other. They shifted their positions several times, but they wordlessly settled themselves within close proximity to the other. Their knees touched sporadically when they sat cross-legged, pushing the buttons on their control pads with lighting speed. When they came back from bathroom breaks or trips downstairs for soda and lay across the bed, they let their shoulders touch and their feet intertwine. It was becoming natural, almost automatic for them to be touching in some way.

When Jeremy had whipped Arch's butt at Centipede a half a dozen times, Archer gave up. They decided to quit for the moment and Arch got up to put the game away. When he returned to the bed, Jeremy was looking up at him dreamily.

"Will you kiss me again Arch?" Jeremy felt a little silly, but suddenly he was feeling extremely romantic. He wanted to feel Archer next to him, to bask in their newly formed connection.

Archer silently leaned over Jeremy's prone form. He sweetly kissed him, lingering for a few moments, but not pushing his tongue into Jeremy's mouth. He too reveled in the emotions that had taken up residence in his heart. Of the pair of them, Archer was certainly the more confident. The long hours he spent by himself endlessly lost in the world of drawing Jeremy had given him plenty of time to analyze his feelings for the other boy.

Arch eventually lay down next to Jeremy and renewed his efforts on his new boyfriend's mouth. They were facing each other and quickly their hands were exploring new territory. A frenzy of strokes and caresses, finding each other's hot spots and pleasure centers. Arch's hands felt the muscles of Jeremy's biceps, lingering to squeeze and knead the boy's strong arms. Jeremy's mouth found its way to Arch's collarbone, sucking and nipping at the soft skin of the undeniably male erogenous zone. His arms enfolded Arch and his hands explored his back and the top of his beautiful butt, hidden just under the waistband of his khakis.

As their play began to intensify, Jeremy pulled back slightly and stroked Arch's cheek. "We'd better slow down Arch."

Archer smiled at the thought of making Jeremy so excited. He had dreamed of this night thousands of times, but the reality of it was that he wanted it to be perfect for both of them.

He pulled Jeremy outside onto the deck and sat down on one of the huge wooden Adirondack chairs, pulling his friend into his lap. It had been dark for a couple of hours and Archer knew that Jeremy was wishing for his telescope, but sitting there like they were and savoring the new sensations that each was experiencing, neither of them brought it up.

Jeremy could feel Archer's excitement pressing into the left side of his butt. He sat still and laid his head backwards, resting it on Arch's shoulder their faces pressed side by side.

"I'm so happy right now Arch?" Jeremy barely had to whisper for his friend to hear what he had said.

"Yeah, me too." Arch's smile was no longer just a half-developed one. He grinned so widely that he was sure he resembled the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland.

"Kind of a waste though that we waited so long to make this happen."

"Naw, not really." Jeremy replied in a semi-whisper. "Just made it more special."

They kissed again, this time with mutual respect and caring for each other's feelings. To tell each other with their bodies what they had not with words for the time that they had been separated. Softly and slowly, their mouths melted away the hurt that had lingered within them. Patiently, lips and tongues were exchanged, forging their feelings into imprints upon their needy psyches.

Archer moved back to the bed and Jeremy soon joined him, laying his head on Arch's broad shoulder. Arch placed little kisses on Jeremy's forehead, tracing his hairline with his lips. He stopped on his left ear and sucked in Jeremy's earlobe, running his tongue across and around it as if it were candy. Jeremy moaned in delight and shuddered at the breath coming from his friend, filling his eardrum. Arch continued down Jeremy's neck, sucking at the same spot on his collarbone that Jeremy had hit on him some minutes ago. He intended to leave a mark to show that Jeremy had been his. Primal as the mating ritual may have been, the need seemed to overtake him before he fully realized what he was doing.

Archer's hands found Jeremy's nipples and softly pulled on them as they became more and more engorged. He moved his mouth to the left one and played with it with his tongue while his other hand manipulated the right nub. Jeremy writhed under him, the impulses shooting from his chest to his already excited lap. He kissed down Jeremy's side passing a ticklish spot and making Jeremy practically jump off the bed. Arch tilted his head and looked into the eyes that had captivated him for so long. They both giggled. Arch rubbed his cheekbone where Jeremy's rib had caught him when he jumped and Jeremy's hand slowly stroked it, attempting to repair the damage with pure love.

"We should wait for a while, shouldn't we? There are plenty of ways that we can show each other just how special we are to each other."

Arch's education at home far outweighed anything he had learned in ten years of public school. The fact that his parents treated him as an adult from the time he hit puberty had made Arch emotionally better equipped to handle this kind of situation than most boys his age. He was kind and generous, loving and giving, but he was also understanding and patient and if keeping Jeremy as his boyfriend meant having to wait, then; wait is what he would do. Besides, it would be a cinch now that he and Jeremy were together. He had waited a whole year for a single kiss without Jeremy in his life; with him there he could wait a while longer for sex.

***

Arch saw Jeremy stirring under the covers and returned to the bed so that Jeremy wouldn't worry where he was when he woke up. He had been sitting in the chilled September morning with only a pair of shorts on and he knew his body would be cold against Jeremy's slumbering form. He lay down facing the sweet boy, again stroking his cheekbone with awe and admiration.

He watched Jeremy's face as he wakened to the world, wanting to see the expression in his revealing eyes.

"Good morning beautiful." Jeremy's feelings for Arch overflowed from his heart, as he thought about the fact that they had slept enfolded in each other's arms all night.

"Wow babe you're freezing, where have you been?" A shiver passed over Jeremy's body, causing him to visibly shake.

"I watched the sun rise from the deck. It was so peaceful out there that I just sat and watched the birds and the squirrels for a little bit, thinking about last night." Jeremy pushed his head up with his hand, resting on his elbow for support.

"Was it happy stuff?" Arch chuckled a little at Jeremy's insecurity.

"Oh yeah babe, only the best." Jeremy thought again at how lucky he was that Archer's parents had been away that weekend.

"Arch, can I ask you something?"

"Sure Jeremy." Arch's left hand rested in Jeremy's right, spreading his fingers apart, grasping and ungrasping them in a slow rhythm.

"Do your dad and mom know how you feel about me? Um...that you're gay?" Jeremy knew it was just about the most personal thing he could ask him, but he wanted to get to know everything about Arch and this had direct bearing on how their relationship would play out while he was at Arch's house.

Archer thought for a moment about Jeremy's questions. "Would it make you mad if they did?" Archer asked him pointedly.

"No, I don't think so." Jeremy secretly wondered just how cool his parents were going to be when he revealed to them that he was in love with his friend from summer camp.

"Well, I guess that I have to say yes they know, but no I have never told them directly. I guess when you see all of the sketches I have in here, it can only be obvious, but they have never said anything to me about it. Archer took a breath and considered the question further. "I know that my parents love me Jeremy and I think that no matter what my sexual preferences turn out to be they will support me. So, if you're wondering whether or not we are going to have to hide this from them, I think that the answer is no." Arch watched Jeremy's face split into an intense grin.


"Is that what you wanted to hear, babe?" Jeremy's head nodded.

He kissed Arch again smiling at the use of endearments that had slid so easily into their conversations. After a few moments, he felt a parade cross the foot of the bed. Brighty and his sister were making an entrance and Arch said they had better get up and feed them. Come to think of it, Jeremy was pretty darn hungry himself.

After the cats' delicate palates were satisfied, the boys decided to make themselves a big breakfast. Archer got out the ingredients for pancakes along with bacon. They sipped on orange juice as the bacon fried and Jeremy watched in some astonishment as Arch whipped around the kitchen like a seasoned four-star chef.