The Price of Admission

"That's right, I did."

"If this could be wished away, believe me, Captain, no one would wish harder than I."

"What do you want to do while we wait for McCoy? Do you need to rest?"

"I am too agitated to rest or to meditate, Captain. Perhaps we could play chess."

Kirk chuckled. "Yes, I always play chess whenI'magitated."

"I believe that explains much about your playing style, Captain."

"Mr. Spock! You made a joke."

"Are you certain, Captain? It seems most unlikely."

McCoy walked back into the office, and Kirk moved from joking mode to alert mode instantly. "What's the story, Bones? Did you talk to Dr. Liz?"

"I did. She's headed for Spock's quarters right now. She said she thought that both of them would probably rather explore her informed consent in private."

"So, she agreed?" Kirk said.

"She did. She cut to the heart of the matter right away when she said that she'd heard that the state ofpon farrresulted in death if mating was not performed. I told her that was true and said that Spock was concerned that she wouldn't understand what she was getting herself into, that Vulcan mating practices might seem extreme to human eyes. She got irritable and said that if it would save his life, he could cut off her arm and eat it for breakfast." McCoy chuckled. "I wouldn't try saying no to that lady, Spock, or she'll eatyoufor breakfast."

Spock raised an eyebrow and looked faintly puzzled. "That does sound like Vulcan women as I have known them, but I thought human women were milder."

Spock walked down the corridor to his quarters and entered. Dr. Liz was waiting for him, standing in the center of the room and looking around assessingly, as if trying to glean the meaning of every object in the room.

"Dr. Liz," he said.

She nodded gravely at him. "Mr. Spock. I'm so sorry to hear that the field of force we crossed yesterday has brought you intopon farrfive years early. I know that's an uncomfortable situation for you, especially with us stuck here, unable to move for two weeks."

"Yes. I had thought our five-year mission would be complete long before the next timepon farrwas due."

"And here you are, stuck among humans, with no woman worthy of you."

"No woman worthy of me?"

"That's what you think, isn't it?" She looked at him challengingly. "You told McCoy you needed a Vulcan woman to match you, that a human woman wouldn't be up to the task."

"I did not put it like that," Spock said.

"No, of course not. You're always polite. But I read between the lines pretty well. That IS what you think, isn't it? No human woman can take what you'll dish out, physically. No human woman can withstand your oh-so-mighty mind, mentally. We aren't strong enough to mate with."

"I had forgotten your profession for a moment, but you're reminding me of it rather forcibly."

Liz smiled. "Raising another issue is a time-honored way of avoiding the question."

"All right, yes." Spock allowed his voice to become harsher. "Yes, I think human women are physically and mentally frail. I think that your body cannot withstand what I would do to it, and I fear that your mind would shatter if my mind entered yours. If we were to mind meld while I was in full possession of my faculties, I could go slowly, be gentle, ease my mind into yours. But I shall not be in full possession of my faculties. My mind will slam into yours, seeking the maximum blending and sharing all at once. I could destroy you. And I will not be responsible for that."

"What about your mother, Spock?"

"That is a non-sequitur."

Liz walked towards him and put one hand on his cheek. "Your mother, Spock. Your mother is a human woman. She has been married to your father for far longer than seven years. Surely your mother has mated with a Vulcan in fullplak towand has lived to tell the tale!"

Spock jerked away from her hand, then stood stiffly, at his most Vulcan. "It is in poor taste for a son to contemplate his mother's mating habits."

"I wouldn't bring it up if it wasn't relevant! Has your mother's mind shattered during your lifetime? Has she been taken to the hospital for extreme physical damage at seven-year intervals? If not, then human women are not as fragile as you believe."

"All right." He spoke stiffly. "I agree that it is relevant, even if distasteful."

"Of course it's distasteful. But so is your goddamned death! Now answer my question."

"My mother's mind has certainly never shattered. But she met my father while he was not inpon farr,and they had their first mind meld while he was in full control of himself. He was able to do a shallow mind meld at first, doing a little more each time, until she gradually acclimated to having a Vulcan in her mind completely."

"Could you do a mind meld with me before we mate? Before the blood fever has taken hold?"

Spock shook his head. "If I did a mind meld with a female now, it would send me directly intoplak tow.I have to exercise considerable control merely being alone in a room with a female humanoid."

Liz nodded, eyeing his face in some concern, looking for visible evidence of the storm that he said was raging inside him. His face had more expression than usual -- she could tell that he had emotions -- but he still seemed far more calm and controlled than any human. She'd always known that his control was formidable, but this new evidence of its strength amazed her.

"Answer the question about the hospital, then. Has your mother been taken to the hospital for mating injuries?"

Again Spock stiffened and looked somewhat perturbed. "My mother has never been taken to the hospital. But she has gone into seclusion for a few weeks and emerged from her seclusion walking more stiffly than usual for a few more weeks. These periods of seclusion occur approximately every seven years."

"It sounds as if your mother IS injured, then, but not enough to need a hospital, just enough for some good old-fashioned bed rest."

"Yes. A logical conclusion. But my father knew he was marrying a human woman. He had several years in which to prepare for the period ofpon farr.I don't know if there are any contrivances that would reduce the injuries a human woman would incur, but my father would have had several years to think of and to build such contrivances. We have at most a few days."

"Not even that long."

"Pon farrusually lasts for a week, and it is unlikely to kill me before that week ends."

Liz shook her head. "We don't know what effect substituting a human woman for a Vulcan woman might have, plus we don't know what effect it might have on you for yourpon farrto be induced by that energy field, rather than happening naturally. We don't know if you might need to mate several times in order to come out ofpon farr. We know that a human womancanwork, because your father isn't dead, but we don't know if there are any accommodations that might have to be made."

Spock inclined his head. "Well thought out."

Liz put both hands on Spock's chest and looked into his eyes. "When I was in graduate school, I did experiments on human subjects and had to obtain informed consent from them. Most researchers just had the subjects sign a form, but I always thought that consent was only truly informed if the person giving the consent gave it in their own words." She paused. "Shall I give it to you in my own words, Spock?"

"An excellent practice. Please do. But..." Spock grasped her hands and removed them from his chest. "Please do not touch me, or it will be difficult for me to maintain control."

Liz took a step back but still looked into his eyes. "I understand that if you don't mate, you will die. I understand that although Vulcans mate much like humans during most of their lives, duringpon farr,Vulcans go into something calledplak tow,which translates as 'blood fever.' During this fever in the blood, male and female Vulcans fight each other as a prelude to mating. The male must overpower the female violently in order for mating to be successful."

Spock cleared his throat. "I was not as clear about this as I could have been when speaking with Dr. McCoy and the captain. The Vulcan male doesn't just overpower the female; he demonstrates his strength by beating her. Beating the head or vital organs would be contra-survival, so even when inplak tow,instinct leads the male to beat the less vital and better-padded parts of her anatomy. But that is the only mitigating factor I can think of. Although the biology of Vulcan women is such that they find this treatment arousing duringpon farr,it does not resemble the erotic spankings or mild floggings that human practitioners of BDSM give to one another. I will be beating your body with my closed fist, as hard as I am capable of.Plak towwill not permit me to use anything less than my full strength, nor to increase the force gradually so that you can get used to it."

Liz looked at the floor and took a deep breath, then looked back at Spock. "Dr. McCoy told me that you used the phrase 'savage beating.'"

Spock nodded, then looked away. "I did so, because that is what it is. Yet, if you were Vulcan, you would want it, look forward to it, find that it expressed the fever in your own blood, let loose the violent desires in your own heart. I would not be apologizing or feeling ashamed; we would both glory in it. We would burn together."

Liz cupped Spock's chin in her hand and turned his head to face her. "Don't feel ashamed when you talk to me, not ever. Not EVER," she repeated fiercely. "I don't play as hard as you do; my biology didn't give that to me the way yours did to you. But I do know about violent desires. And my BDSM experiences include things a hell of a lot heavier than erotic spankings."

Spock gently removed her hand from his face. "I've always felt great acceptance from you; it's a gift I've never thanked you for, but I value it."

Liz gave him a joyful smile. "That's one of the nicest things you could say to a psychologist! You're welcome, Mr. Spock." She sobered. "But tell me, which aspect of this beating is important? Is it the violence that you crave when inplak tow? Is it my pain? Is it the fighting back that I will do, or my submission once I stop fighting?"

"It is all of that; none of it is divisible from the rest. And that is something you must be prepared for, for it is usually anathema for someone to enjoy the pain of another sentient being. I need the violence -- we cannot substitute electric shock or something else that causes pain without tissue damage. But it is not just the violence. We can't give you drugs that keep you from feeling the pain, because I will need..." Spock stopped speaking and looked away.

"Tell me! Don't be embarrassed. It's your biology, and you have a right to it. What?"

Spock cleared his throat. "I will need for you to be screaming. Loudly. For a long time. And once theplak towis upon me, I will no longer be embarrassed, no longer aware of how all of this seems to a human. I will glory in the violence, I will glory in the bruises I will leave upon your body, I will glory in your pain."

Liz nodded. "Good! You said it!"

Spock very nearly smiled. "You really are a psychologist."

Liz fidgeted nervously with her hair, twirling a lock of it around her finger. "You've presented this as the male proving himself, but you're being polite again, aren't you? The Vulcan male isn't just proving how strong HE is; the Vulcan female is also proving her endurance, isn't she? Birthing a baby on Vulcan must have required enormous physical stamina in the old days, and your mate would be proving to you that she had that, every bit as much as you were proving yourself to her. Am I right?"

Spock nodded. "You are. I thought Vulcan mating customs would be less objectionable to humans if I emphasized the male's proving himself to the female, but you are correct that the female proves herself to the male at least as much."

"Otherwise, they'd only need to fight," Liz said. "There'd be no need for a beating after the fight was won."

"Correct. Our biologists believe that the beating evolved so that the female could demonstrate her endurance and thus her fitness to reproduce. That isn't what Vulcan women are thinking during the process, however; they are also in the grip ofplak towand are aroused by the violence and even by the pain."

Liz nodded, then thought for a moment. "I've never done anything as extreme as what Vulcans must do, but in a very mild way, I do know what it's like to be aroused by violence and even by pain. And when I was younger, I had a top who used to make me scream as hard as I could, with nothing held back. He only made me take maybe ten strokes like that, at the end of a scene, but I used to dream about it for years afterwards."

Spock gazed at her with hope in his eyes. "What made you dream about it? What did you like about it?"

"A mixture of things. I'm not even sure about all of it. But part of it was that it made me stop living in my head so much; for those ten strokes, I was nothing but a screaming body. I was so far gone that I didn't worry if the neighbors could hear me screaming or if my eyes were red or if people thought I was a wimp for screaming so loudly. I didn't think at all; I only felt."

"Yes," Spock said. "That aspect is something all Vulcans understand, part of why we cherish these episodes. What else?"

Liz blushed. "I think part of it was a somewhat foolish pride, like 'I must be something special because I could take that.' I'm somewhat chagrined to find that in myself, but it was there."

"I understand," Spock said. "What else?"

"Part of it was that my top never really let himself take as much as he wanted and needed, and on those few occasions when he let himself take something approaching what he wanted, I felt really happy to be able to give him that, even when I didn't enjoy it physically. I've never really been a submissive; I don't kneel or clean the house or act subservient. But taking more pain than I actually want, as a gift to a top who really needs it, something about that makes me feel good, even if I'm screaming at the time. It seems to be my own personal form of submission."

"McCoy is a genius. But don't tell him I said that."

Liz laughed. "He said he thought my psych profile made me the best fitted for this particular task. I hadn't really thought about that aspect of my play style until just now, but yes, I CAN do this. It would be different if I didn't like you or respect you, but I always have. I think I can go under for you."

"'Go under'? Is that what you call it when you take more pain than you want as a gift to a top who really needs it?"

"It's a term that's often used for going into a submissive state, but I'm not very submissive in general, just in that one particular way."

"Well, does 'really needs it' include 'He'll literally die if he fails to receive it'?"

Liz laughed. "That's about as much of really needing it as I can think of!" She looked up at Spock again. "Do you need more informed consent, or are we done?"

"There's one other issue. Actual mating could also be problematic."

"'Actual mating'? Do you mean intercourse? Since we're going to be doing it, don't you think we could call it 'fucking'?" She grinned at him.

"Part of how I hold onto my control is to be formal and clinical. I hope that you will allow me this."

"Part of how I defuse my nervousness is to be irreverent and silly. I hope that you will allowmethis."

Spock nodded. "Of course. Intercourse will happen at the conclusion of the beating. I will be deep inplak towby then and will be capable of neither gentleness nor finesse. You're probably aware that Vulcans are considerably stronger than humans, so..."

Liz said, "When you warned me about the mind meld, you said that your mind would slam into mine with maximum force. I gather that's not the only thing you plan to slam into me with maximum force?"

"It is not a joking matter. You could be injured. Even broken bones are not outside the realm of probability."

"I bet I'll have a severely bruised cunt. But you're already going to severely bruise a lot of the rest of me. It's harder than I like to play, but it's not a fate worse than your death."

"But the death would be mine. The bruises -- and other possible injuries -- will be yours."

Liz glared at him. "Do you think you're the only moral person on this ship? What do you think would happen to me if I let you die, knowing I could have saved you? The guilt and regret would slam into me a lot harder and a lot longer than anything you could do to my body or even my mind. If I let you die, I could well end up killing myself out of guilt. Oh, no, Mister. There's no death for you. If you have to beat me all day every day for the next week, it'd still be better than the alternative."

"I believe we can avoid all day and every day."

Liz smiled. "All right, then. Are we done with your concerns? I appreciate that you're a moral person, Spock; I really do. Your concern for the rights and well-being of all lifeforms is one of the things I love about you. And I appreciate it that you think things through, that you see implications, that you want to think about the possible results before you take action. But our time is limited. And we have to do this. Dr. McCoy thinks I'm your best bet among the women who are on the ship right now, and I've seen the psych profiles and agree with him. I won't let you die, so let's get started."

Spock cleared his throat. "There are two things, before we begin."

"What?"

"Tell me how to arouse you. What kinds of things do you enjoy? We will be forced to perform actions that you will not enjoy, but I would like to at least begin with you as a participant, and not just the vessel that receives the results of myplak tow.

"What's the other thing?"

Spock looked stiff and uncomfortable again. "I believe that if you insert some personal lubricant into the relevant cavity before we begin, the experience will be marginally less difficult for you."

Liz wanted to laugh, but Spock looked so uncomfortable that she suppressed it. "That's very thoughtful of you, Mr. Spock. Dr. McCoy is ahead of you there, though; he pressed a bottle of lube into my hand before I came here. One of the things I was going to suggest was that you apply it for me; that will be much sexier than if I apply it myself. But first ... won't you take off your clothes?"

"I want to hold onto as much of my control as I can while you tell me how to arouse you. My clothes will come off later, and yours won't come off until theplak towleaves me no choice but to rip them from you."

She caught her breath, suddenly very aroused by the thought. He advanced towards her, grabbed her shoulder and shook it. "You like that thought?" he asked harshly. "You think it'll befunto have me rip your clothes off?"

She glared at him. "A Vulcan woman would think it was fun, wouldn't she? Should I pretend to be a shrinking violet so that I can conform to your notions of what human women are like?"

Spock calmed and released her shoulder. "I didn't mean it that way. I meant ... every single person on this entire ship is constantly waiting for me to show emotion, except you. I had thought that you accepted me, but now it seems that you, too, can't wait to see me emote."

Liz spoke gently. "While you're inpon farr, you're going to emote. Am I glad that I'll get to see that? Yes, I am. Not because I've been waiting with bated breath to see you slip, but because it's a part of you, an important part of you that hardly anyone gets to see. And I will see it, and that will bring me closer to you." Her voice hardened. "The price of my admission ticket will be pretty damned steep, Mister, so pardon me if I enjoy the show while I'm there."