The Price of Admission

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Spock stiffened. "I am justly rebuked."

Liz reached out a hand to comfort him, then pulled it back, fearful of weakening his control. She spoke gently. "I understand that it must be hard to have 400 people constantly watching, constantly waiting, always looking to see a hint of feeling in you. I don't need for you to express any feeling that you wouldn't naturally express. But given that youwillbe expressing some, I would like to witness that. Do you see the difference?"

Spock inclined his head. "I do. And I thank you for clarifying. I am not myself at the moment, or I would not have chided you."

"Spock, Spock, we're going to be sharing something very important. If I ever do something that makes you unhappy or annoyed, I want you to tell me."

"Very well. And now, my control is continuing to fray. You were going to tell me how to arouse you. I recognize that this is a clinical-sounding invitation, but I ... have ... little ... control ... left."

Liz became as Vulcan-like as she could, trying to speak as coolly and clinically as possible so as to preserve the remains of his control, though this cost her, since her own natural style was to become flippant in the face of her nervousness.

"I find kissing very arousing, but that's what's usually called 'French' or 'tongue' kissing; you basically can't give me too much tongue while kissing me. I also like having the side of my neck nibbled on, soft sucking bites at first, getting gradually harder and building up over time until you're biting and sucking hard enough to draw a little blood. My nipples like fairly firm stimulation; roll them between your thumb and forefinger and pinch them moderately at first, increasing gradually over time until you're pinching them fairly hard. And I'd say that I enjoy a good, hard fuck, but uh..." She swallowed and looked down. "I gather that part's taken care of."

She paused, then looked back up, up into his eyes. "Will you kiss me, Mr. Spock?"

He approached her cautiously, as if she were a bomb that might go off if approached in the wrong way. She knew, though, that he was the bomb he feared might go off. She felt completely at a loss; all of her sexual skills were geared towards arousing a partner, and she had no idea what to do with a partner who was trying desperatelynotto become aroused. She didn't know what to do with her hands, since he'd indicated earlier that he didn't want her to touch him, and ended up clasping them behind her back. She was momentarily amused, since this was Spock's characteristic pose, not hers, but he knew more about what was going on than she did, and she would have to be led by him.

Spock kissed her, cautiously at first, as if testing if his control would hold, then gradually it became less like a dental exam and more like a kiss. His mouth tasted different from a human's mouth, though not unpleasant, and when he caressed her tongue with his own, she stopped feeling quite so awkward and started to realize that she was going to be having sex with Spock. She hoped that he wouldn't beat her completely unconscious before fucking her; even if the sex hurt, she wanted to be awake and aware for it.

And then his control loosened a bit more, and he was kissing her as passionately as she'd ever wanted a lover to kiss her, licking her tongue, biting her lips, moaning into her mouth in a way that made her instantly wet. She could have kissed him for hours, but she knew that his control didn't have hours, and she felt him move to the side of her neck and begin to kiss, nibble, and suck on it.

He moved from soft bites to harder ones rather quickly, but she was ready for him. She knew she would have to pull her most violent desires up from the depths of her mind and use them to make the coming experience manageable, and she thought -- but did not say --"Yes, bite me hard. Make me feel it! Sink your teeth into my neck until you taste blood, then lick my blood from your lips and tell me that it's good."

He bit her much harder, then murmured, "Your blood tastes good," and she realized to her dismay that she'd been trying to psych herself up with a sexy interior monologue while being kissed bya touch telepath.

He felt her mental facepalm and smirked at her, an expression startling in Mr. Spock's normally impassive face. "A mind meld with you will be much easier than I'd thought. Your mind nearly sucks mine in."

"I can't wait," she said, and meant it.

"My control is still slipping, but I'm retaining more of it than I'd thought I would. Is there any way I can make the beating easier for you? I've read that BDSM practitioners do something called 'warming up.' Would that help?'"

Liz looked unhappy and said, "Kissing me helped yougaincontrol? Am I that repulsive, then?"

"No," Spock said, "Not at all. Kissing you helped me gain control because it made it clear that wearegoing to mate. Thepon farrwas pushing me hard in order to force me to find a mate, but now that a mate has been chosen, the effects ofpon farrslacken somewhat. Those effects will come again, and even more urgently, in the next wave, but this wave is receding slightly. We have a few moments before the next one arrives, which is why I asked about warming up."

She sighed. "If you could warm me up, that would help a whole lot. Hit me gently on each of the areas that you intend to beat later, increasing in force gradually over time, if you can manage that. Do you know about the sweet spot? If you divide one cheek of the buttocks into quadrants, a beating is more likely to feel sexual and less likely to feel like unpleasant pain if it's given on the lower, inner quadrant."

"Lower, inner quadrant. I will remember."

"Spock?" she asked, suddenly struck by an idea.

"Yes?"

"You said the mind meld usually occurs at the end of a mating that happens duringpon farr."

"Correct."

"Is that merely customary or is it obligatory? Could you do the mind meld earlier?"

"Uncertain. Why?"

"Do you know what a BDSM switch is, Mr. Spock?"

"Someone who can function as either a top or a bottom during a BDSM scene."

Liz smiled. "Very good. And although we've been talking about my bottom side, because I thought that was what you needed, I'm a switch."

Spock was quick on the uptake. "If your mind is joined to mine while I'm beating you, you believe that you can enjoy your own pain from a top's perspective?"

"I don't know. It's not something humans can usually experiment with. But when you read what I was thinking so easily while you were kissing me, I wondered."

He nodded. "Vulcan behavior duringpon farris quite programmed, and behavior duringplak towis even more programmed. I will mind meld with you earlier if I am capable of it, but I doubt that I will have that choice."

"I understand. Since you have a few moments of clarity, I have another couple of concerns to raise."

"Yes?"

"I hadn't realized quite how easily you would read my mind or that you'd be able to read it even before the mind meld. It sounds like you've done some reading about BDSM, so you've certainly heard of safewords."

"Of course."

"And I know that this will be -- HAS to be -- a no-safeword scene. I'm used to having a safeword, though, and I worry about what will happen if you read my mind screaming 'Safeword!' even if I'm not saying it aloud."

"I doubt that you will safeword beforeplak towbegins, and once it does, neither you nor I will have any choices whatsoever."

"Okaaay," Liz said, feeling scared but trying not to show it. "I understand that. The other thing is, um..." She paused.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Thepsychologistis embarrassed? There is something she finds difficult to talk about?"

"Yes, damn it! I'm as human as anybody, maybe more so. And I'm not being a psychologist now, because the one unbreakable rule is that psychologists never have sex with clients." She grinned suddenly. "If you ever need psychotherapy, you'll have to see McCoy, because I won't be able to take you as a client."

"I believe you spoke earlier about changing the subject in order to avoid difficult topics."

"Hrmph. Okay." She looked up at him, then took a deep breath. "In order to match you as much as possible, Spock, I'm going to dig out my most extreme fantasies, the things I've never actually wanted to do in real life, the things I've thought about but always felt were too out there for reality. I'm going to talk to myself and try to persuade myself that I want these things for real, that I want them right now, and that I want them with you. I hadn't thought you'd overhear my internal monologue, but it's clear that you'll hear at least part of it. They aren't suggestions or instructions! They're a way for me to psych myself up, to try to become a person who won't just withstand what you need to do but who will -- what's the word you used? -- 'glory' in it."

Spock took her hand and held it, a surprisingly tender gesture. "I salute your courage."

Liz took a deep breath. "So, warm up?"

He released her hand. "Warm up. Indeed. Yes."

The annunciator beeped, and Spock looked annoyed. "I set that to emergency mode; no one should bother us unless there's a red alert."

"It's probably McCoy, then," Liz said. "Maybe he has something to help us."

Spock pushed the button to release the door, and it slid open to reveal Dr. McCoy holding a hypo and Captain Kirk holding a wrestling mat.

McCoy looked them over. "You're both still dressed. Good, I'm in time then."

"What is it, Doctor?" Spock said impatiently.

McCoy held up the hypo. "I can't remove thepon farr, but it occurred to me that there's something I can do to take the edge off of your strength. I can't give you very much of this, because there's a limit to how much I should monkey with your body chemistry while you have those hormones coursing through your bloodstream. But this should make you about as strong as a young, fit human, rather than as strong as a young, fit Vulcan. You'd still be capable of killing Liz if you weren't careful, but you'd have to work harder to do it."

"No," Liz said. "I appreciate the thought, Dr. McCoy, but I think that's a bad idea."

"Why?" McCoy asked.

"We already don't know what effect it will have on Spock to have hispon farrinduced by that field out there instead of through his natural hormonal cyclicity. We already don't know what effect it will have on Spock for him to mate with a human instead of a Vulcan. We're already pushing the envelope when it comes to what changes can be made in the normal conduct ofpon farr;there's already a question about whether he can survive all of these changes." She shook her head. "There's no way we should change anything else. Spock has to use his full strength, or this mating might not turn off thepon farrwhen we're finished."

"You're right." McCoy returned the hypo to its case and extracted a different one. "But this one is something for you, not him."

"What is it?"

"It's treatment for shock. When somebody undergoes a prolonged beating that doesn't damage any vital organs, organ damage won't kill them, but shock sometimes does. If you use this as soon as you're finished, it should mitigate the effects of shock."

Spock nodded. "Take it," he said.

"Don't worry, I was planning to. Thank you, Dr. McCoy; this is a good idea."

Kirk stepped forward. "From what Spock told us earlier, it sounds like part of this encounter will resemble sparring practice. I know from my own practice that it's nice to have something soft to land on when you're sparring, especially for the partner who's practicing their falls." He gave her a charming little grin. "So I brought a wrestling mat from the gym for your private practice."

Liz smiled warmly at him and took the mat. "Since I expect to be doing the bulk of the falling, I thank you, Captain. This was very thoughtful of you." She glanced at Spock and saw the strain on his face. "Thanks to both of you, but it's time for you to go, and please ... don't come again."

"Good luck," McCoy said as they headed out.

Spock hit the button that reset the annunciator to emergency mode with considerable force, and Liz smothered a giggle. She knew it wasn't really a laughing matter, but she'd always turned to humor in times of stress. She would never want Spock to think she was laughing at him, though, so she suppressed it.

Spock grabbed the wresting mat from her hand and spread it on the floor, then turned and looked at her, his dark, deep-set eyes seeming darker and deeper than ever.

"Now," she said, "You were going to warm me up?"

"On the mat," he said, his voice sounding hoarse and strained.

Liz laid on the mat face down, and Spock knelt beside her. Spock made a fist and brought it down, fairly gently, on her upper back.

Liz exhaled. "Warm-up doesn't have to be quitethatgentle."

"Noted." Spock hit her again, harder. It was a good warm-up blow this time, hard enough to notice, but feeling more like a hard massage than actual pain.

"Good," Liz said.

Spock continued striking her upper back, covering the entire area with blows of the same intensity. He made another pass over her back, hitting her somewhat harder this time around; the blows hurt this time, though still not very much. "You could probably use a longer warm up than that in each area, but I do not have much time left."

"Got it," Liz said. "In that case, start with the level you're at now. The previous level was a good place to begin a slow warm up, but slow isn't in the cards tonight."

Spock nodded, then began striking her butt. She was amused to note that Spock, always a master of information, had indeed started with the lower, inner quadrant, as instructed, though he wasn't staying there. Two passes over her buttocks, and he moved to her thighs. These blows were harder still, as if his control were slipping. Liz blew out a breath and tried to center herself."Bottom mode NOW!"she thought.

Spock grabbed her right hip and rolled her over onto her back. His face was twisted, and he appeared to be in some distress. His fist crashed into her breast, and she yelped, and he stood up abruptly.

"I can give you no more warm up," he said. "We must begin now."

She stood. "I should spar with you? Try to fight?"

"Yes. A Vulcan woman would be naturally guided to sparring in a way that wouldn't maim me, so even though putting her fingers through my eyes would be a good way to win a fight, a Vulcan woman would never do that. It is sparring with a friendly opponent, not a fight against an enemy." As he spoke, Spock removed his shirt and boots, ending up clad only in his uniform trousers.

Liz took off her own boots while eyeing his slender torso with appreciation. "I understand. Come ahead, then."

Spock shifted into a sparring stance, his weight distributed over legs spread shoulder-width apart, his hands raised and held in front of his chest. Like all of theEnterprise'screw, Liz had had the mandatory training in hand-to-hand combat. The standards were lower for medical personnel, though, and the training they were given was mostly of the type that Spock had just warned her against. She knew how to fight dirty enough to disable him but not how to spar with him in a friendly way.

"I'm supposed to lose,"Liz thought,"But I'm also supposed to put up a good fight. I just don't have the skills for this. But would a Vulcan woman have any more training than I have? Or would she make up in ferocity what she lacked in training? Ferocity. Hmm."Liz reached deep into her psyche and pulled out the part of her that hated to lose, the part of her that enjoyed another's pain, the part of her that was greedy and selfish, the part of her that wasn't civilized. She let the savage side of her nature fill her, welcoming it to a degree that she had never allowed herself before. Then she attacked.

Liz moved in and pretended to launch a punch at Spock's chest while actually hooking her foot behind his heel and dragging his foot towards her. He was too well balanced to go crashing to the floor, the way she'd hoped, but he did stagger for a moment, which allowed her to punch him in the chest.

Spock shrugged off her blow as if he'd barely felt it. Liz knew she didn't have the upper body strength to cause him serious damage, but she'd hoped that he'd at least havefelther punch. She wondered if thepon farrhormones increased his pain threshold.

Frustration increased her ability to access the less-civilized parts of her psyche, and she noticed this and decided to use it."That asshole has an unfair advantage,"she thought to herself, deliberately psyching herself up."He's got those goddamned hormones making him impervious to pain, while I stand here trying to get to him. Well shrug THIS off, Mister!"Liz launched herself at him, not trying to land any blows but simply throwing her entire body at him like a projectile. Surprised, Spock went down, with her on top of him, and she used her head to smack him in the chest.

The air rushed out of him with a woofing sound, and she grinned fiercely. She raised her hand to strike him, only to find it seized, his hand around her wrist, his grip as ungiving and unbreakable as handcuffs. He threw her off of him, and she flew several feet before landing on the wrestling mat with a "wooof" of her own."Thank you, Captain Kirk,"she thought, then bounded up again.

Spock was on his feet and coming towards her, no longer letting her bring the attack to him. He punched her in the left breast, a crushingly hard blow that made her shriek in pain then pound her own fist into his arm. He grabbed her hand, then she grabbed his, and they wrestled for control. His strength was so much greater than hers that he easily gained control over both her arms, but she wasn't ready to lose yet, so she turned her head and bit the wrist that held her right hand, sinking her teeth into his flesh as hard as she could.

He did not cry out but did let go of her right arm in order to control her head, and she used that arm to pound on his back with all of her strength. He put one hand around the back of her neck and forced her face down until her knees buckled, forced her all the way down onto the mat, as she drove her heels into every part of his body that she could reach on the way down.

He laid on top of her, panting, and said, "You will stop fighting!" She twisted and fought, and he was enough stronger than she that she couldn't get away, but she was fighting hard enough that he had to work to control her. They wrestled this way for several minutes, and Liz felt herself running out of energy and knew that she would have to stop fighting soon. She put forth one last effort, spending her energy in a frenzy of kicking and struggling, and Spock moved his head to the side of her neck and sank his teeth into the area he'd bitten before.

Her submissive trigger switched on, and she stopped fighting and let him bite her, which he did with much more violence than before, growling at her and biting extremely hard. It hurt more than she was used to, more than she wanted, but her blood was up from the fight, and at some level it felt right that it should hurt so much.

Spock grabbed her uniform shirt and ripped it off of her, the fabric tearing easily in his hands. She'd removed her bra before coming to his quarters, so her upper body was bare. He grabbed the waistband of her trousers with both hands and pulled in opposite directions, splitting the fabric at the seams and pulling the scraps of fabric out from under her.

She lay there nude, still breathing hard from the fight, still bleeding from his bite, and then he began to hit her. His fist crashed into her upper back, harder than she had believed possible, and she screamed. He was using both fists, one after the other, battering her back so quickly that she barely had space to breathe. He pounded his fists into her back with a Vulcan's incredible strength, murmuring to her all the while. "Take it, take it," he said, his voice recalling to her just who it was who was doing this to her.