The Price of Admission

She put her head down and screamed, concentrating on taking the quick breaths she could just barely manage between blows. "Yes, yes," he said, sounding pleased, though with the quality of her screams or the consistency of her back, she didn't know.

Her back became more sore and more tender with every blow, and the quick, constant beating overwhelmed her. She breathed and screamed, screamed and breathed, and thought not at all.

Then he moved from her back to her buttocks, and she had time for one quick thought -- that the beating wasn't over yet, that he'd stopped beating her back only to begin again in a new area. Then Spock drove his fist into the soft flesh of her buttocks, his fist sinking into her flesh wrist-deep. He pounded her relentlessly, and she screamed so loudly and for so long that her throat began to give out. "Yes, scream for me," he said hoarsely. "Screamhard," he said, the sound of words jerking her back into her mind and out of the space where she was only a screaming body.

She thought,"I'm yours. Take what you need. Take it all. Make me scream for you; I want you to."He continued beating her buttocks for even longer than he'd beaten her back, and as the beating continued, her capacity for taking the pain broke down, yet she had no choice but to take it. Her limits not just reached but passed, her ability to cope obliterated, she moved from submission to terror and began to shake uncontrollably. She feared that her flesh must surely turn to liquid under blows like this, must surely break down into simple protoplasm.

He stopped, and she hoped again that it was over, but he merely grabbed her hip and rolled her over, leaving her face up on the mat. She could see his face now, and the sight of a Vulcan in deepplak towwas both thrilling and frightening. She could see, written there on his face, the savagery that he had always warned was part of Vulcan's history. And she could see, in the look in his eyes, that it wasn't yet time for sex, that there was more violence to come. She looked back at him and gave him herself in her eyes. "Yes, I know what we're about to do together, and it is good," her look said, and she would never tell anyone how much it had cost her to push aside the pain and terror, to hold that look.

His fist crashed into her breast, and she shrieked, screaming even more frantically than before. A moderate beating on her back or butt could feel good if she was in the right mood, but having her breasts beaten, even lightly, had only ever hurt, and he wasn't about to beat her lightly. She fixed her eyes on his face, trying to distract herself from the incredible pain by watching that rare sight, Spock feeling strong emotions, but the pain was too great for intellectual curiosity or emotional connection; there was only screaming.

His fists battered her breasts, and for the first time, she could see what he was doing. Screaming, she watched her breasts turn black under his hands, watched him beat her until the swollen skin split under the assault and she bled. She watched, and she screamed, and the pain was horrible, and yet she didn't feel the distress that she expected or that she'd been feeling only moments before. She realized that the face-up position enabled her to read, if not his mind, then his emotions, and the feeling that emanated from him was that this was right and good and that they were meant to do it. She grabbed onto that feeling, grabbed it tight and rode it, screaming and screaming, yet feeling that it was right.

Finally the beating stopped, and she caught her breath while Spock removed his trousers. Spock's face was still savage, still frightening yet thrilling, but the look was less of violence now and more of sex. She was about to get fucked. He grabbed her legs and pushed them over her head, bending her double and leaving her sex exposed. He positioned himself over her, then plunged into her with one hard stroke, a stroke that had her screaming nearly as much as the beating had.

She had often wished that someone would fuck her trulyhard,but she'd never even dreamed of sex that was this forceful. He pounded himself into her with brutal, bruising thrusts, and she realized that although he thought the beating was over, for her it wasn't; he was ramming into her with such strength that she was being truly battered.

As Spock continued to smash into her savagely, she felt herself opening up emotionally, and she knew even before his hand reached her face that he intended to mind meld with her.

The relentless, painful pounding went on as he rammed himself into her again and again, but suddenly that paled in importance as he crashed into her mind. She could feel him in her head, not just the sense of his emotions that she'd had before, but his personality, his thoughts, his memories, his habits, emotions, and desires. His essence poured into her in such a strong wave that she was overwhelmed and felt her own sense of self weakening under the onslaught. His powerful personality threatened to take her over completely, and she flexed her mental muscles, looking for the place where she kept herself,desperately grabbing for her own thoughts and memories.

Even though she was not a telepath, as he was, meshing with another was a big part of how she did her job, and she desperately reached for all of the strategies she used to mesh with another. She found that she could put her thoughts into the spaces between his, slide her memories into the interstices of his own, wrap her personality around his personality and hold it and let it fill her without its taking her over.

"Yes,"she heard him think."Yes, like that,"and she felt secure enough in her sense of self now to look at the smorgasbord of his mind spread before her. The array was dazzling: the personality, the memories, the habits, the fears, the desires, even the well-learned disciplines. His mind was vast and so much better organized than her own that she felt humble and shabby in comparison. But that feeling didn't last, because his mind was right there, thumbing through the memories in her mind, exploring her emotions, being awed in his turn by the richness of another sentient being, opened to him.

His body was still ramming into hers, and it still hurt, but the satisfaction of having his mind spread out before her was so great that he could hurt her forever, if only she could continue to enjoy his mind and this closeness.

"We cannot stay like this,"his mind told her."Mind melds last a short time, or separation becomes impossible. But we can do it again. And before we go, I want you to come for me. I see from your memories that you can come on the pain if you're in the right frame of mind, so go there, and do so."

Finding the right frame of mind was easy with him guiding her to the area of her own mind where that ability lived, and she came hard, screaming for a different reason now, and digging her nails into his back as she peaked. He was waiting only for that and came, too, as soon as she had finished, roaring with a most un-Spock-like sound and ending with a series of fast thrusts that had her eyes rolling back in her head.

He withdrew from her mind, and they rested for a time, then he raised two fingers and brushed them along her hand. She weakly returned the caress, nearly unconscious from all that had gone before, and Spock found McCoy's hypo and administered it to her.

Liz opened her eyes and smiled weakly at him. "Is it gone?"

"Thepon farror theplak tow?"

"Yes."

"Theplak towis gone. Thepon farrhas ... receded for the moment. It usually takes two bouts of mating before it departs completely, but we should get a few days of respite before the madness is next upon me. You'll have some time to heal, though I fear that we must do this a second time."

"Good," she said.

Spock lifted an eyebrow. "Good?"

"I wouldn't want to do that very often, but I wouldn't want this to be the only time, either."

"That is remarkably similar to how Vulcans feel about it."

"I get that."

Spock cleared his throat. "Thepon farrhormones have another effect that I haven't mentioned."

"What?"

"You're familiar with the effect of oxytocin on humans?"

"Oxytocin is often called the bonding hormone. Spock? Do you mean you feel something for me now?"

"I've beaten you black and blue; I've violently entered both your body and your mind. Even a Vulcan can't do that and remain unmoved."

"I feel fond of you, too, Spock."

"'Fond' is a good word. It implies affection without human romance."

"But you must know that half the women on this ship are in love with you."

"No," Spock said. "Half the women on this ship are in love with theillusionof me, because they believe me to be safe in a way that human males are not."Pon farrhormones allowed him to smile slightly at her. "You know that I'm not remotely safe."

"I like you just the way you are."

"That was what first drew me to you." He paused. "And, what are you doing seven years from now?"

"Seven years from now, we won't be stuck anymore. You could go to Vulcan if you wanted to."

"I am aware of that, yes."

She smiled. "I am honored. Yes, I'll meet you seven years from now."

Spock rose and called McCoy on the intercom. "Shall I bring Dr. Liz to sickbay now?"

"No!" Liz said.

"You do need medical care."

"I desperately need medical care. But I can't walk to sickbay. And if you leave your quarters carrying a naked, bruised, and bloody woman in your arms, I don't think your reputation would survive. Have McCoy come here. He'll do it."

"On my way!" McCoy said.

"Thank you," Spock said, returning to crouch next to her where she lay on the mat.

She reached up a hand and stroked his face. "Your secrets are safe with me."

"Your mind is safe with me," Spock said, "But I fear your poor body is not."

"You know how I said the price of admission was steep?"

Spock nodded.

"It is -- it's even steeper than I'd realized it would be -- but it's worth it.You'reworth it."

Spock allowed himself a small smile.