The Quiet Friend Pt. 01

"Are you okay, Rowan?"

"Yeah. Why?" He kept his hands on his knees, noting one of her hands was settled on the floor between them.

"Well I mean after what happened tonight..." She trailed off, wondering whether this was a conversation worth having.

"Oh. You mean my date? Already forgotten," Rowan told her with a shrug.

"So quickly?"

"Like you said, she wasn't my type."

"Do you even have a type?"

Rowan shrugged.

"You must do," Sarah decided. "If I said that girl wasn't your type, then that must mean I have an idea of what I think your type is."

"... Sounds logical."

"Sounds it. I wonder if it is. I'm too whirly in my head to figure that out right now."

Rowan laughed.

"It'll be fine, y'know, Rowan?" She said in a serious voice after a moment of silence.

"What do you mean?"

"Well. I know out of everyone, you're the only one who hasn't actually got a... a..." Sarah trailed off again.

Her thoughts were rushing. What was she trying to say? That he would find someone one day? Why did that even matter at the moment? On top of that, she realised it could seem incredibly rude for her to go ahead and talk about this, to point out that he had no girlfriend and had not had a serious one for two years now. She'd seen him go out with at least one girl during the last year, but to her, it didn't count because it had only lasted a month. She'd seen that he made an excellent boyfriend, but the girl he was with was... quite frankly, not good enough for him. She'd been glad when it ended.

At the time, she was single. She and Greg had a rocky two months of separation before they decided to give it another go. She hadn't told anybody, but occasionally she still wondered if it was a good idea.

Unbeknown to both of them, Katarina had come back to the open door and was listening to them both silently from behind the cover of the curtain, thankful that Greg and everyone else had gone into the other room to play video games. She still wasn't sure what had made her want to stop and listen, but past events had given her suspicions and she could only surmise that it was this which had made her want to observe Rowan in the company of Sarah, with no one else around.

"Sarah?" Rowan said quietly.

Sarah looked at him. His face was expressionless. "Sorry," She said.

He frowned at what he thought was an unnecessary apology. "It's okay. What are you thinking about? What were you going to say?"

She didn't really want to say, but Rowan had become one of her closest friends and she was always honest with him if she could help it. "I was thinking about the fact that all of us are in relationships and you're not."

Rowan knew she meant all the friends who saw each other regularly. Aside from him, Greg and Katarina, there were two other friends, one male and one female, both of whom were attached.

"Why are you thinking about that?" He asked.

"I don't know."

"Oh."

There were several beats of silence. Katarina allowed herself to move forward a little, inching little by little until she could see both of them. She made sure to keep herself out of sight. She watched as Sarah put her hand on his and spoke, letting out at least one thing she had been wanting to say to him since his date had left.

"Rowan. You'll find someone, you know? There's no way you can't. You're intelligent and you're kind and you're selfless and you... you're just wonderful. You really are. You're too good for pretty much anyone I can think of..."

And Katarina saw it. Sarah was talking while she was staring into space and Rowan was watching her hand the entire time with a slightly pained expression on his face. Katarina sighed inwardly. The poor, sweet boy had feelings for Sarah.

Her suspicions confirmed, Katarina moved back behind cover again.

"I mean it, Rowan," Sarah was saying. "You won't be lonely for long. I know you feel it sometimes. I can see it. You should talk about it if you need to.

"I know," Rowan said in a faltering voice. Slowly, he slid his hand away from hers, and made a show of stretching his legs so she was forced to take her hand away from his knee. It wasn't until she had touched his hand with her own, that Rowan realised the extent of his feelings.

Katarina started suddenly, hearing Greg's voice shouting from the other room for Sarah. She heard Sarah answering that she would be there in a minute, and she moved away from the door, grabbing a bottle of beer as Sarah walked in.

"Hey, where did you get to?" Sarah asked.

"I had a go on one of the games the boys are playing."

"Ah. I wonder what Greg wants," Sarah sighed. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Yep." Katarina watched her leave the room and was about to go back out to the balcony when Rowan appeared in the doorway.

"Kat, I'm going home," He announced.

"Why?"

"I just need to go home. I don't feel right."

Katarina frowned. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Not particularly," Rowan said. Then realising his choice of words would provoke suspicion on her part, he added, "I mean, I just feel kinda out of it. Maybe I drank too much. I'll be fine tomorrow."

Katarina let the lie pass. She moved forward to hug him and kiss him on the cheek. He kissed her forehead in return and smiled as he walked away.

"Tell everyone I said goodbye. I don't feel like doing the rounds. And I'll call them at some point when we're all back home in London."

"I will."

He gave one final wave without bothering to turn around to look at her before he left. Katarina stared at the door, wondering whether to go after him. Sooner or later, she would have to talk to him about it. Reassure him she wouldn't tell anyone and be there for him if he needed it.

A few moments later, Sarah came back smiling and walked up to Katarina.

"Kat? Why aren't you outside? Where's Rowan?"

"He's gone home."

Her smile disappeared. "He has? But, he didn't even say goodbye." Sarah glanced out at the balcony as if to confirm Katarina's words.

"He asked me to pass on his goodbyes."

"Oh. Shit. Kat, I think maybe I upset him. We were talking about... stuff." Sarah wasn't sure if she could proceed.

"He's fine. He was just tired."

Sarah, grateful to Katarina for not asking what the conversation had been about, simply nodded.

"I should get going soon as well actually," Katarina said, taking a big gulp of her beer.

"Hold on, how is Rowan getting home? He can't drive, and the trains won't be running," Sarah said, the worry evident on her face.

"He'll manage. Don't worry about it. He's done it before."

Sarah was about to protest, but something in Katarina's expression stopped her. Instead she asked, "Did Greg tell him about this weekend? All of us driving back together?"

"He'll see you all in London."

"What do you mean? He isn't coming with us?"

Katarina shook her head. "And he said he'll call when you're all back there."

However, once they were all back in London, Sarah did not hear from Rowan for a couple of weeks. No one did.

... ... ... ... ...

"He better be in there."

Katarina looked at her. "He is. I rang Taz and he told me. He's been hanging around this bar once a week or so. Like I said, Taz works with him and he knows Rowan comes here because he's been here with him."

Sarah had a resolute look on her face. "Unto the breach, hmm?"

Katarina shrugged. "If you say so."

"Hey, you can look a bit more enthusiastic, you know? We discussed this. Rowan is avoiding all of us for some reason. We need to find out why we haven't seen him as much. We can't leave until one of us knows. Right?"

Katarina seemed more interested in a loose thread on her dress. "I know, I know. I just think you're overreacting a bit. Everyone's had stuff going on since we all started working."

"But we all still meet up twice a month!" Sarah couldn't understand why Katarina was so unconcerned about Rowan.

"When we can, yes. Some of us are more busy than others."

"I know. We went through this," Sarah said. "But Katarina, you agreed! Even you said Rowan seems like he's dropping away from us all."

"Yes. I suppose I did, didn't I?"

"Come on then!"

"Hmm. Okay." Katarina walked past her into the bar.

Sarah followed, thinking about what Katarina had said. She was sure she wasn't overreacting. Other than the fortnightly meetings they all had, Sarah had got into the habit of hearing from Rowan once or twice a week and on rare occasions, meeting up with him, sometimes with Greg coming along.

For the first couple of weeks after they had all come back to London, there had been no contact. Once they all settled into looking for work or starting temporary jobs, Rowan had appeared on the scene again. When Sarah had asked why he had not been in contact with anyone, he simply told her he needed space and did not elaborate, even when she asked several times for a more expansive explanation. She may have been worried at first, but soon it didn't matter because Rowan was joining in all the gatherings and everything was fine. Life went on for a while.

Then in the last few months or so, Sarah had noticed his demeanour changed again. He became more reticent. There was a quietness about him that grew more pronounced each time she saw him and then finally he began to attend the gatherings less and less, usually with excuses he was busy with work.

In Sarah's mind, however, was the memory of those first two weeks after university; Rowan's need for space and his reluctance to talk about it. The worry flared up again. When she mentioned it to Greg and some of the others, they all seemed unfazed by his change in behaviour and told her it was normal, that he had periods of withdrawing from people. She would have let it go, if it had not been for Katarina quietly admitting that this behaviour was a little unusual for Rowan. From that point on, she had to know what was going on.

Sarah didn't realise she had stopped at the doorway while thinking about all of this. She felt someone tapping her shoulder and turned to see a stranger standing, wanting to get past. Apologising, she moved out of the way, let him pass and then followed him into the bar, realising that Katarina had disappeared into one of the rooms.

The bar was split into three main areas. One area held pool tables and games machines. Another area held tables for people to sit and eat at, menus standing on each table centre and a few booths around the edges. The last area was simply a seating area with a door leading to an outside garden, complete with decking and a view of the street from a little higher up.

Sarah stood in the seating area and looked around for Katarina and Rowan. Seeing that neither of them were there, she decided to look outside in the garden, as it was late afternoon and quite a warm day.

While Sarah walked out into the sun, Katarina was already where the pool tables were. Rowan stood holding a cue, waiting for his turn in a game of pool he was playing with a friend.

He saw her approaching and raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing here?"

"That's a lovely greeting, Rowan."

Rowan moved to her and hugged her. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just surprised. I've never seen you in this bar."

Once he let go, she said, "I found out about it from Taz."

"Oh." Rowan made a note to ask Taz not to reveal his location again.

"Rowan! Your shot," A tall, blonde man said to him with a gloomy look on his face. He'd just fouled.

Rowan nodded and moved to the table, asking Katarina, "So what prompted you asking Taz where I was? You could've just called."

"Sarah did."

Rowan, who just about struck the cue ball at the same time Sarah's name was said, watched as it went wide and hit his friend's ball instead of his own. His friend gave a short cheer and moved forward to take his free shot.

Rowan straightened up and looked at Katarina.

"I couldn't really stop her," Katarina said. "She's determined to find out why you're avoiding all of us."

Rowan raised an eyebrow. "I'm not avoiding anyone. I've been really busy at work."

Katarina glanced around the bar. "Your workplace has a very relaxed atmosphere."

Rowan rolled his eyes. "I'm taking a break. I'm going to be at work until ten or eleven tonight."

Katarina narrowed her eyes. "I can always tell when you're lying."

Rowan ignored that. It was his turn to take a shot. He took his turn while Katarina looked around, wondering where Sarah was.

"Sarah was right behind me a minute ago," She said in an offhand tone.

Rowan tensed up visibly. "She's here?"

"I told you, she's the one who thinks you're avoiding us. Quite frankly, I agree with her."

"I'm not avoiding anyone." His reply was automatic.

Katarina sighed. "Rowan, I already know."

"Know what?"

"That you have serious feelings for Sarah."

The effect was palpable; Rowan tried to shake his head but instead it came out as an extremely short fit of nervous twitches and a stream of stammering. But he could see it was useless to say or do anything. Katarina's expression said it all; she knew she was right and he knew nothing he could say would convince her otherwise.

"I won't say anything, Rowan."

After a few moments, Rowan gave her a defeated shrug.

"There you are!" A voice said behind both of them. They both turned to see Sarah approaching the pool tables.

There was a quick moment of panic where Rowan wondered if she'd heard anything Katarina said, but she gave no sign of the sort.

"Hi, Sarah," Rowan greeted her quietly.

"Hey. I was looking for you two. I want a word with you, Rowan."

"Oh?"

"You want to go sit down somewhere and catch up for a bit?"

Rowan glanced at his friend and Katarina. "I'm in the middle of a game of pool," He said to Sarah.

Sarah shrugged. "I'll wait."

Rowan's friend was waiting for him to take his shot, but said nothing. There was something about Katarina's presence that kept him quiet. Katarina took matters into her own hand. She took the cue from Rowan and walked over to the table.

"I'll play him," She said to Rowan, indicating his friend with the cue. "You go talk to Sarah."

Rowan looked at her, unable to say anything. He wanted to spend time with Sarah, even if he thought it was a bad idea. Part of him feeling grateful to Katarina for taking his choice away, another part feeling annoyed at her, he simply nodded and followed a smiling Sarah out through the door toward the seating area.

Rowan's friend, surprised by the turn of events, simply smiled at Katarina, taking note of how attractive she was. His smile disappeared however when Katarina looked at him and said, "I'm not single. So, unless you want me to put this cue in a very painful place in your body, I'd keep things friendly between us."

Rowan and Sarah ended up sitting opposite each other at a small table next to a large window overlooking the street. Rowan stared as the cars went by, somewhat aware that Sarah was looking through her bag for something.

Once she finished rummaging, she said, "I can't find my phone. I bet Greg's going to be annoyed when I see him later. He said something about wanting to call me around this time."

Rowan took out his phone and offered it to her. "Just call him from here and tell him you don't have your phone."

Sarah shook her head. "I'd rather not." She paused for a few moments. "Actually, Rowan, me and him are kind of having problems. We almost broke up last night."

Rowan kept his face expressionless, though inside he felt his heart-beat quicken and his emotions whirl a little. It was a stupid hope. If she and Greg ever broke up, it would mean there was a way forward for Rowan, down the path that led to her. But it was still a perilous path, because there was Greg to consider. All in all, it was just off limits as far as he was concerned, no matter how much he wanted it to happen. It was a hope that ultimately felt wrong, something for him to ignore.

He wanted to know why they had almost broken up, but he kept quiet, waiting to see if she would carry on speaking. Sarah, however, was looking out the window, at a couple who looked relaxed and happy in each other's company. It was several moments before Rowan cleared his throat.

Sarah jerked her head back to look at him. "Shit. Sorry, Rowan." A pause. "God, this is annoying. I came here to catch up with you. Talk to you. And all I'm doing is going off into my head."

"Just sounds like you need to talk about stuff."

Sarah shook her head. "No. I came here for a specific reason."

"What's that then?"

Just then a waitress came up to the both of them, asking if they wanted menus with an annoyed look on her face. Refusing the menus only made her look more irritated and Rowan hurriedly asked for a drink. The waitress left them to it.

"What's with her face?" Sarah asked.

"She always looks like that."

"Must be from Generation X; aimless, annoyed at her life and no idea what to do with it."

That comment sparked off a conversation about where exactly Generation X would be on a time-line and for a short while, Rowan felt a distinct comfort in just sitting here and speaking to her as if there was nothing else in the world.

The feeling stopped short when she suddenly asked, "Where have you been, Rowan?"

"What do you mean?"

"It feels like you've been avoiding me-- us. It feels like you have been avoiding all of us."

"I've been busy with work."

"I know. But, even Kat says this is unusual. You always make time for us. At least, you used to."

Rowan shrugged. "It's been a busy time at work. I've got a lot of side projects going on, too. I've been helping out a few friends with their coding and stuff."

Sarah looked at him for a moment, trying to gauge whether there was any way she could simply tell him she was worried without seeming like she was overreacting. She could not think of one.

"I'm worried about you, Rowan."

"Why? There's no need at all."

"We used to meet up and talk a lot. Now it feels like you're drifting away from us."

"I think you're being paranoid."

"I don't think I am. Kat doesn't think so either."

"Kat isn't infallible."

Sarah went for it. "There's something else. Do you remember for two weeks you ignored everyone's calls and texts when we got back from uni?"

Rowan nodded.

"You said you needed space. But you wouldn't tell me why."

Rowan had his suspicions about where this was going. "And?"

"Well. Now that you're seeing us less, it's making me think of that. I'm wondering if there's anything going on that you're not telling us about," Sarah told him nervously.

"And that's what's worrying you?"

"Yes."

"Sarah, there's nothing going on. I swear."

She stared for a few moments. "Fine, if you're not going to tell me, I'm not going to push it."

Rowan sighed. He hated seeing that disappointed look on her face. "Look. I'll make more of an effort to see you lot, how about that?"

"Really?"

"Really."

"And you'll talk to me if anything is going on?"

"If there is, yes."

"We are still friends, right?"

Rowan looked at her in surprise. The question was unexpected and only then did he realise the effect of his evasion on her. As painful as it was to be in her company, which only caused his feelings to grow; it had never occurred to him that she would feel the separation. Worse, that she would think it was a sign their friendship was diminishing.

"Of course we are, Sarah. That's a stupid question."

She was not quite satisfied with the answer; she'd wait to see if he put in more effort in seeing everyone, and her, but she let it go and smiled.

Glad that she was okay with him, Rowan took a gulp of his drink and hoped Katarina would appear soon.

"Y'know, I thought maybe you'd found a girl or something," Sarah said, making patterns on the table with her fingertip.