tagHumor & SatireThe Reunion

The Reunion


The walk to the cafe was brisk. A nice wake-up after a very restful sleep. I have some great memories of this coffee shop, this very booth as a matter of fact. It was the site of my first date with my wife. In college it was the hangout. Looking around, I see it hasn't changed at all. The same worn out jukebox in the corner, playing the same worn out songs. It's hard to believe I have been out of college for twenty years.

Excuse me, I should introduce myself. My name is Bob L. Head. I am married to a wonderful woman I met in college. We have two great kids, a dog and a mortgage. I am sitting in an old cafe on the eve of my college reunion. I remember my senior year as if it were yesterday...

Statistics exam on Monday. I really should get some studying done this weekend, I think to myself. Fuck it, it's a weekend, party time. My thoughts are interrupted by the arrival of the old gang. They all sat down boisterously, as college kids tend to do on a Friday afternoon. My best friend, and horn dog, Craven Moorehead, piled in first.

"Bob, you old reprobate!" he slapped me on the back.

"What's goin' on Craven?" I replied.

"Same shit, different day." he said with a big grin.

The undefeated beer drinking champion four years running, Bud Wiser, squeezed his bulk into the seat across from us. "What's up, Bob?" he asked with a loud stomach ripping belch.

"Buddy, where's the party this weekend?" I queried.

He just looked at me disdainfully. "C'mon Bob. Don't be stupid. Where are all the great parties held? Duh. Tappa Keg Aday frat house yah moron." he emphasized the last word and let out another rumble, this time headed south.

Of course, Tappa Keg Aday always had the best parties. It was rumored they were about to have their charter revoked, due to their legendary antics. They were the real life Delta's of Animal House fame.

The timid and nerdy Hugo First, was next. He sat next to Bud nervously. I chuckled and thought of Mutt and Jeff. Those two couldn't be more opposite if they tried. But wherever you found one, the other was close behind. Bud was always picking on Hugo. He playfully put Hugo in a headlock and wouldn't let go until he said 'Uncle.'

Red Tide pulled up a chair and set his books down with a thump. His real name was Rip but we all called him Red. Rip was a pre-med student. We always teased him about his choice of profession. He always gave the same response to our needling. "Gynecology is a great science and the best way to meet eligible women." he said with a smirk. Craven piped up, "My mom is eligible. Should I schedule her for an exam."

That remark drew an explosion of laughter from the group. "Sure, if you like." he replied without hesitation. "But I just saw her last week."

"Oooooooooooh, nice comeback, Rip." I cracked. "Hey, isn't that Phil at the counter?" I nodded in that direction, changing the subject. Phil McCracken was another part time member of our group. He was kind of an odd type. We all wondered if he was secretly gay. He was indeed sitting at the counter involved in an animated conversation with two guys I didn't recognize.

"Yo, Phil!" Bud the ogre yelled out, ignoring Hugo for the moment. Phil looked up and beamed as he spotted us. He turned back to his comrades, and then ambled over to our table.

Rip got up abruptly and pulled the nearest table over to make room. "Who's your friends, Phil?" Hugo asked adjusting his skewed glasses.

"Hey fellas." Phil said in his soft lispy voice. "These are my new friends. This is Dick Long, and Hugh Jorgan."

We all shook hands and asked them to join us. They sat down and drinks were ordered. True to Friday night tradition we all made plans for dinner and then discussed the evenings entertainment. It was pretty much unanimous: fish tacos. The local Mexican restaurant cornered the market on that item. Phil and his friends had other plans. I assumed they were going to Sonic. I heard them mention 'hot beef' and 'foot longs.' To each his own.

By the time we arrived at the frat house, the party was in full swing. We all knew the drill; divide and conquer. These parties drew their fair share of the opposite sex, and we were more than ready to score.

Bud, predictably knifed through the crowd for the keg. I swear that man could smell a beer bottle cap at a landfill. Craven and I, opted for the wingman approach. Red took up station near the bathroom, and Hugo hung back near a corner.

We grabbed a beer and scanned the crowd. I had just turned toward the bar when I felt an elbow in my ribs. "What the fu..." I started, almost dropping my cup. I followed Craven's gaze across the room. My eyes locked on a goddess. Long, light brown hair, cinnamon eyes, a bright, easy smile and a fine body. I had to meet this girl.

I handed my mostly empty cup to Craven and simply said, "I'm goin in."

"Yah," he said absently, still staring. "You go in. I've got your back."

"Well Hello there." I said in my Rico Suave voice. "I haven't seen you around here before."

"Well maybe you need to take off your beer goggles." she quipped.

"You know, I never thought of that before." I grinned. "Can I get you one?"

"Sure." she replied. "It is a party."

I returned as quickly as I could lest some other shark was circling. I handed her a beer, and introduced myself. She smiled and said "I'm Bess Dam."

"I haven't seen you around campus before." I said cautiously, "Do you go to school here?"

"No," she replied. "I'm just here for the weekend, visiting my brother Hoover."

"Ahhh, I see. What does he major in?" trying to keep the conversation going.

"He's studying civil engineering. He is going to build roads and bridges after he graduates." She was yelling now, trying to be heard over the noise of the band who was now warming up.

"How about we go some place a little more quiet?" I asked.

She gave me a radiant smile and nodded affirmatively.

We walked back to the dorms as I knew it would be deserted. We chatted all the way back about family and school. I tried to steer her through the shortcut, but she knew the campus and wanted to see more of it.

The dorm was indeed quiet. Joe, the security guard was the only one about. I waved to him on the way by his office and he gave me a knowing wink and a nod. I escorted her down the hall to my room.

I grandly opened the door and ushered her in. She gazed about the room, and I offered to take her coat. Being as hospitable as I could, I offered her a stiff drink. She looked a little confused after I handed her a rum and coke.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing." she replied, "I thought you said something else."

I shook my head bewildered and turned to put on some music. She came up behind me to peruse my music selection. "I like your taste in music." she complimented. I thanked her and asked her to dance. Things proceeded from there, and soon we were making out on the bed.

She was a great kisser and I was rapidly becoming aroused. We came up for air, and she said with a shy smile, "Earlier when you asked me if I wanted a stiff drink, I thought you said 'Do you want a stiff dink." We both laughed at that. She looked me in the eye and said directly, "I don't want a stiff drink, but I will have your stiff dink." With that she reached down and began to caress my growing bulge.

I let her take the lead as she undid my belt and trousers. Her hand glided into my pants and she rubbed my aching hard-on. "Mmmmmmmmmm, I like what I'm feeling." she moaned. I closed my reply and moaned as well. "So do I."

She quickly stripped off my pants and surveyed what her hand had done. "Hmmm, I think I am going to have my hands, and my mouth full tonight." she said with a sly smile. I just lay back and watched her.

She bent done and began to slowly kiss her way up my shaft. Feather light kisses that I could just barely feel, coupled with her hot breath blowing on my wet skin. Bess then went to work on my swollen head. Licking and tonguing around the ridge then up to the slit. She ran her tongue over the tip and gathered the precum that was threatening to run down my shaft. She drew back and opened her mouth, showing me the treasure she had found, before swallowing it down.

"Mmmmmm, mmmmmmmm, mmmmmmm." she moaned, "That is some tasty goodness." She quickly went back to work. This time taking the whole head into her mouth. She began to apply some wonderful suction, coaxing every drop of fluid out of my hard shaft. Her mouth was warm and wet, and she began to move deeper and deeper, taking more of me into her mouth. When she passed the halfway point, I tensed up and groaned. She quickly pulled off of me.

"Something wrong?" she asked.

"N-n-no," I stammered, "It's just that no one has ever done that to me before."

She chuckled and with a gleam in her eye said, "You better prepare yourself then."

Bess took her time. She would take my cock into her mouth, and then ease back until she had just the head, look at me momentarily, and then slide back down.

I could only lie back and marvel at her talents. Damn she was good. When she was at the halfway point again, she did not stop. She hesitated to make sure she had my attention, and proceeded to swallow my engorged cock. I let out a strangled cry, as I could feel her nose pressed firmly against my abdomen. She then took her hand and began to squeeze and fondle my full balls.

This was more than I could take. My orgasm started somewhere deep inside of me and quickly spread outward. As I began to lose consciousness, one thought went through my head; I am going to marry this woman.

That was twenty years ago. I can still remember the wedding. Her parents were very wealthy, and sprang for most of it, including the honeymoon. The reception was memorable to say the least. Her mother, Hot Dam, an incredibly striking woman in her own right, gave the toast.

"Ladies and gentlemen," she began. "on behalf of the two families, we thank you for joining us in this beautiful occasion. And now without further ado, I give you Bess Dam Head!"

There was a pause, I thought sure it was because my new bride looked so radiant. Then the room erupted in applause as the men stood and cheered. Since then we have raised two fine children. My son, Richard, and our lovely daughter, Wicked Good, who is a spitting image of my wife.

So now here I am, waiting at that same table, looking over a menu that hasn't changed at all in that time. I can't wait to see the whole gang. I have kept up with most of them, a few have drifted away. Time will tell how kind the years were to everyone.

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