The Rose

A faint sound wakes me up. Someone, a female by the light walk and subtle scent, is coming into the room behind me. My heart leaps, hoping it is you. But it is Joanna. I woke her going to the kitchen an hour ago and she has been unable to go back to sleep because she has not heard me return to my room. She is dressed in just a short nightie, which rises enticingly up the backs of her legs when she bends over to put a couple more logs into the burner. Her unfettered breasts jiggle and sway as she turns on one of the side lamps, bathing the room in a soft light.

Joanna sits none to carefully in the armchair facing mine with her feet tucked underneath her. She is not wearing any panties. Although she has adjusted the hem of her nightie I can still see the backs of her thighs and part of her sex. I would not be a man if my libido were not aroused. I wonder: Are the legends true that redheads smell and taste different to other women?

We talk quietly about your visit to Caroline and her family. She too thinks they are nice people. Joanna is convinced that Caroline is 'the one' for Adam. I keep my counsel. Adam will tell us all when the time is right. Joanna shifts slightly in her seat. I can see all of her femininity now and try not to stare. I also see beneath the thin material of her nightie that her nipples are hard. She would not have to look at me too closely to see that I am erect inside my shorts.

Joanna suddenly asks me if I ever get lonely.

Is my young cousin is asking me in a roundabout way if I would like to have sex with her? My lusting body says, "Yes please!" But, my mind asks, why is she doing this?

Why is she offering herself to me now? We have never been all that close; never 'fooled around' in mock fights like many cousins do - our age difference has always been too great. Let's face it; Joanna has always called me 'Uncle Andrew'. Does she seek to console me because of the accident? Or is it a comfort for her… a reaction to meeting Caroline? Has Joanna harboured hopes of a deeper relationship with Adam? I am going to have to be very careful with what I say here!

I admit to her that here have been times since the divorce when female company would have been very 'cheering'. Shifting in her seat and exposing even more of her private parts to me, Joanna says that Adam has told her that I've never shown any inclination to form another relationship, not even a casual one. And then she asks why that is so. I can hardly tell her that I am saving myself for Gabrielle! Instead, I say that, I don't know. I have had offers; maybe I just can't be bothered. Amongst other things a relationship for me has to contain elements of love and passion. So far I have not met anyone around here who sparks those feelings in me. Just pure lust would be a bit like 'clearing your throat'. Joanna smiles and asks very quietly, "But what if both of you were just 'clearing your throat'? As long as that was clearly understood, wouldn't that make it okay?"

Her invitation is now out in the open. What can I now say or do? Joanna is a lovely young woman in her own right. Sex with her would truly be a cornucopia of delights. But, at the same time, the risk of alienating you is far too great! I literally clear my throat and say as warmly as I can muster, "That may be so, but I'm not sure I'm quite ready for that up here." I tap my temple with the tip of my index finger.

After a long period of silence staring at the backs of her hands, Joanna gets out of her armchair and comes to stand before me with her palms outstretched. The flickering light from the fire behind her shines through the sheer nightdress, outlining her voluptuous curves. I think to myself that I must be bloody mad to turn her down! She bends over and takes hold of my hands. The neckline of her nightie droops open and I can see the entirety of her generous breasts. "Come along, Uncle Andrew, time to go back to bed!"

Our hopping, staggering progress down the hallway to my room is a confusion of pain from my ankle and sensuous delight at the feeling of Joanna's warm softness supporting me. Finally she manages to tumble me onto my bed, where I cover myself quickly with my duvet to hide my still rocklike erection from her eyes.

Joanna pauses in the doorway on her way out of my room. It is obvious that she is still reluctant to leave; still harbouring hopes that I might change my mind. She is standing side on. Her full breasts with their hard-pointed tips are rising and falling seductively from the effort of almost carrying me here. It would be the easiest thing in the world for me to hold out a hand or whisper her name. My whole body begs me to!

Joanna would come to me without hesitation. She would slip out of her nightie to expose her smooth, lush flesh to my hot caresses! She would open herself and welcome my stiff rod into her satiny, liquid heat! She would convulse with the ecstasy of her release and receive my pulsing sperm with stifled cries of pleasure!

Steeling myself, I thank her for helping me back to my room and wish her well for the remainder of the night.

Day Three: Tuesday

The wounded warrior has to stay at home. It is raining quite hard and my cast would get wet… could even melt! I had hoped that you would stay with me, but you seem to prefer to do farm work with Adam and Rueben. Joanna joins you. Adam makes ha-ha cracks about 'Hoppalong Houseboy' and shouts, as you leave, "Thank goodness we don't have a TV, you'd be watching soaps and infomercials all day!" Then you are all gone and I am alone with my thoughts. As always when you are around, my choice of music gravitates to Puccini.

Just as we finish our evening meal, Rueben's daughter, Hine, comes to visit with her new boyfriend Waka. They have one of Waka's mates with them; a handsome fellow named Tane. Like many young Maori men he is built like a Greek god. It is a shame that most of them run to fat by the time they are thirty-five. I see that you are instantly attracted to him and when Hine says that they are going to the movies and invites you to join them, you agree straight away. You look to me for leave to go. I hesitate.

Both of these guys look to be more than twenty-five years old! You give me a pleading look and I give you the okay. But I make it clear to you and the others, in particular Tane because you will be in his car, no pubs afterwards!

You do not get home until after one in the morning. Tane parks his car and walks you right up to the front door. I suspect that he dropped Hine and Waka off on the way here. I can hear you whispering and laughing quietly. There is a long, long silence.

My imagination runs riot, but in all likelihood you are just kissing. Tane's car engine starts and he drives off as you open the door and come inside. It is now gone 2.00am. You visit the bathroom and then go to your room. I turn over in my bed feeling miserable. I consider the possibility that we may be in for a major argument in the morning.

Day Four: Wednesday

At breakfast you volunteer nothing about last evening except to tell me that Hine is pregnant. When I ask you if Waka is the father you say that Hine hopes so. It all happened around the time she finished with her previous boyfriend, Jake, and took up with Waka. When I ask you about the Maihi's reactions you reply that they think that it's cool – Newa and Rueben started Hine's eldest brother, Matt, when she was only sixteen. You are non-committal when I question you how you feel about it.

I want to know all about the young man, Tane. To my mind he is too old to be taking a girl of your age out. I ask you how old he is and you tell me, "Twenty-seven… nearly twenty-eight." I ask you if you think that an almost-twenty-eight-year-old guy taking an eighteen-year-old girl out is appropriate. The irony of my question flies straight past me. To your credit you do not use Hine as a rationalisation. Instead you ask me to trust you. I gaze into your clear, steady eyes and cannot refuse.

You are going to help Adam, Joanna and Rueben with yarding the ewes for drenching. I will not see you to talk with all day. Misty rain is falling outside. The clouds are damned near low enough to touch. All hell and damnation on this bloody ankle of mine!

You come in just before five o'clock and head straight for a shower. At 5.30 Tane comes for you. He and Waka have rugby training, then the four of you are going into Wanganui to The Grand for a meal.

Adam takes off to see Caroline after dinner leaving Joanna and I to clear away the dishes. We circle each other warily. She has been distant with me since I did not take her up on her offer. I can't say that I blame her. I too would feel hurt and rejected under the same circumstances - just as I am starting to feel hurt and rejected by you.

But I must not let it show!

Eventually we have to speak to each other – it is senseless carrying on a frozen silence like this. She brings up the subject of you and Tane. She is concerned about you. At your age and with your all-girls school and lesbian-feminist oriented home life you have very little experience of men and the pressures they can exert; especially good-looking, down-to-earth country guys like Tane. Joanna tried to talk to you while you were working together today, but you brushed her off saying that you know what you are doing. Poor Joanna! She is being rebuffed from all directions.

I say that I too uneasy about the relationship, but the worst possible thing I could do is play the heavy parent. Joanna agrees and recounts the way she played up even more when her father tried to stop her from going out with a particular guy. So much so, she made sure to go to bed with him and let him take her virginity. She was fifteen then.

She tries to apologise for making an idiot of herself the other night. I give her a hug and tell her that I was the one being an idiot - she completely knocked me for six!

Resting her forehead on my breastbone, Joanna asks in a small voice, "So you did fancy me just a little bit?" We both laugh when I tell her that she had no idea of the great danger she was in from being maimed by flying fly-buttons, "I was so close to bursting out of my boxers it was unreal!" She takes my hands and lifts them to her breasts. They are heavy and warm in my palms. Her nipples rise to greet me and when my manhood stiffens in response, Joanna nods an acknowledgement and moves away with a satisfied little smile to sit in the same armchair as before.

We spend the rest of the evening listening to music and talking about life in general.

At one stage she kneels before me and settles my injured foot in her lap to massage my toes. The sensation is heavenly!

You are out very late again. I lie awake in bed with my mind racing. My head tells me that you and Tane are parked up somewhere, my heart pleads that you are not. I cannot sleep. In my mind's eye Tane runs large warm hands over your lithe form. You moan with pleasure and lift your tender breasts to receive his touch. He bends his head and sucks at your nipples while he slides a hand between your legs, along your alabaster-smooth thighs. You spread them, opening your innermost self to him. You free him from his trousers, stroking his hot shaft and cupping his testicles in your soft palm. He towers above your slim youthfulness; his erection aimed at your open cleft. You look up at him, your eyes glazed with longing, lust, love. He spears you, taking possession of your lush, liquid depths. You wrap your legs around his strong thighs and pull him closer to you.

The memory of your silken skin lingers in my senses. I imagine that I am Tane. I become hard. I touch myself. I feel dirty. I am ashamed.

It is after 2.00am when you get home. This time you come straight indoors and go directly to your room. Sleep eludes me for several hours more.

Day Five: Thursday

I wake late with a thick head and find that I am alone in the house. The rain has stopped but there is a thick mist hanging in the valleys. There is a note on the message board from Adam that he and Joanna have taken you on a pig hunt up in the Conservation land. The three of you will be away for most of the day. I clump around the house on my crutches doing what I can to tidy the place up. The farm accounts are all up to date. There is nothing much else for me to do. I am bored witless. But at last my ankle is starting to feel a lot better. I pray that I can throw the crutches away by the end of the weekend.

At lunchtime your mother calls on the telephone. She has returned from Australia.

Jules has gone down with the 'flu and your mother thinks it best if you stay here an extra day. I do not object. One day more with you is a bonus despite the fact that you will spend the bulk of the time with Tane.

You charge in at a gallop and once again head straight for the shower. Your clothes are filthy and you have a large, bloody scratch across your forehead. In passing you yell to me that your brother and Joanna are close behind, bringing home a boar and a sow that you all caught. They will unsaddle and stable your pony for you.

Tane arrives while you are still getting dressed. You are going to Hine's for the evening. At least Rueben and Newa will be there; I hope. The young man and I are very awkward and silent with each other. He knows that I am suspicious of what he is up to with my daughter, although he cannot guess my real motives. You give me a quick peck on the cheek and then you are gone. You look so alive and fresh, and good enough to eat. Lucky, lucky Tane! I have not had a chance to tell you about your mother's call.

Adam and Joanna are full of your exploits when they come into the house. Apparently, you were totally fearless, diving headfirst into a patch of blackberry where Adam's holding dog, Strike, had the boar by the ear. No wonder you had such a cut on your face! You stuck the pig in the throat, killing it almost instantly. Where did you learn how to do that? It was only a young animal, about 35 pounds, but it still had razor-sharp tusks. You are lucky that the scratch on the face is all you got. Still,

Adam says proudly, your performance wasn't bad for a city kid!

It is after midnight again when you get home. Tonight I manage to quell my imagination. But I am still in an agony of forlorn longing that events were not the way they are.

Day Six: Friday

Today I only need to support myself with a walking stick and can resume doing something useful around the farm instead of moping around the house. There are some small welding jobs to be done on a couple of pieces of machinery we use in the summer, so I will occupy myself in the workshop all day.

At breakfast I 'nail you to your seat' before you can head off with Adam again. Are you avoiding me? I tell you about your mother's call yesterday. The beam of delight on your features lights up the whole room. I wish it was for me, but I know it is not. You will use the extra time to be with Tane. You give me a big hug and a kiss for the first time in three days. It's amazing how uplifted I am afterwards. The feeling of wellbeing stays with me all day.

Tane, Hine and Waka come for you again in the evening and my good humour dies. You are going to Town again. A new James Bond movie has just started at the Multiplex. Hine tells me that it's her parents' 20th wedding anniversary tomorrow and, of course, I am invited to the hooli that the whole extended family are putting on in celebration. There is one great thing about the Maori; any excuse for a family get-together is a good one. Hine says that her Auntie Marama is coming up from Wellington - the one who lost her husband in a car accident last year and I can be her partner if I like.

I thank Hine for the invitation with the hope that my foot will be a much better by then.

Once more, it is well after midnight before you get home. I knew I would not sleep if I went to bed, so I am up reading. It has been a struggle but I have resisted the urge to go out in the car looking for you. Everyone around here knows the spots where the young ones go to be alone. Besides, I might have lost my self-control and done something stupid if I had found you both naked in the back of Tane's car. You open the lounge door to say hello and wish me goodnight. You do not come right into the room. You stand close to the door. Your hair is dishevelled, your sweat top is creased and your face is flushed. One doesn't have to have a vivid imagination to guess the reasons why. Even from where I am sitting I can see the purple mark of a hickey at the base of your throat. Why on earth did you let him do that to you?

Day Seven: Saturday

You are to help me buy a gift for Rueben and Newa. We head down to Wanganui in the Commodore. It is an automatic, so I can drive okay. You have got one of your short 'Townie' skirts out of your drawer for the occasion. I am so used to seeing you in trousers; I cannot help continually glancing across the car at your smooth, slender legs. After we have bought the happy couple a small token I shout you lunch. Facing you over the restaurant table my heart almost bursts with pride at my beautiful, beautiful daughter. You seem to have grown up so much in the last four days! I know

I am getting envious looks from other men in the room. You are wearing your hair down today and your dark tresses cascade over your shoulders. Joanna has shown you how to mask your pig-hunting battle scar with a fringe and makeup and at the moment it is hardly visible. She has also shown you how to hide the hickey that you came home with last night. You positively glow with youth, health and happiness.

I tell you that Adam was extolling your virtues as a pig-sticker and ask you how you learned to be such an expert. You tell me that it was sheer good luck. You have taken the books by Barry Crump and Phillip Holden out of your local library at 'home' to read, so you had some idea of what to do. You giggle delightfully, "But promise me you won't tell Adam…I peed my pants when I finally saw what I was up against!"

When I tell you that your reaction was entirely natural, given the circumstances, you reply that you cannot imagine Adam or me doing anything like that. So I have to confess to you about the time when my father and his brother, my Uncle Claude, took me hunting for the very first time, down in the Haast Valley. South Westland was magnificent deer country in those days; before the helicopter recovery boys raped it in the late sixties and through the seventies.

"I wasn't allowed a rifle, at twelve years of age I was far too young. Besides, the recoil on the old ex-army .303's they used would have bowled me over backwards! It was right in the middle of The Roar and the stags were challenging each other from everywhere - absolutely unbelievable! Anyway, Uncle Claude called up this huge animal, an eighteen-pointer that was so ready for a fight he came straight across a clearing to within ten metres away. I tell you, I was shaking like a leaf! He stood stamping his foot and looking at us for about half a minute…it seemed like half an hour! His breaths were puffing out of his nostrils in great steamy clouds and his ammonia-piss smell was almost choking. Then, when he threw back his antlers and let out this earth-shattering bellow I was so terrified I filled my pants!"

You are sitting on the edge of your seat and your eyes are crackling with excitement, "What happened next?"

"Dad shot him, he couldn't miss at that range. We were all a bit sad afterwards, but Uncle Claude told me that Dad had to do it or the stag would have gone for us he was so angry. They cut his antlers out and I had to carry them back to camp…fifty metres behind the others because I smelled so bad!"

Our burst of laughter causes heads to turn in our direction.

Now that we have established a deeper rapport, trying to sound as neutral as possible, I pluck up the courage to ask you about Tane. You smile a dreamy smile. With a faraway look in your eyes you tell me what a lovely, gentle guy Tane is, full of fun and laughs and far too intelligent to be a bush worker. You love him very much and will miss him terribly when you have to go back to your mother and Jules.