The Russian Wife Ch. 09

"Do you intend to do it again?"

To do it again? No! I would have written it on the walls, cried it on the roofs. But I just whispered it:

"No. never more."

Just a whisper. But it was the only thing I was sure about. That, and the fact that I would have died, some day. And till then, only him, always him, in my heart, in my belly...

But why should believe to me, I thought. Too easy. Why should he do? It's a torture, now he will insult me, will beat me, will fill me with beatings... I would do that, hell if I would do that... My belly, my boobs... No, no, there it hurts too much...

"Then... " he says, his hand patting my cheek, "Spakòinoi nòci..."

Click! I had played the "Hussards' roulette", yes, the Russian roulette, the , and it had made "click"! I was alive! I had all the life in front of me! At my home, with my man! It was beautiful! Life was beautiful! My body was beautiful! And it was... intact!

I could not simply sleep, no! Too much adrenaline! I had escaped pain, wounds, maybe death! And I wanted to live, full throttle! Life is short, I thought, my body will decay, my man will not live forever! And I WANT him! NOW!

I turned on my side, towards him, and leaned on him with all my head and my breast. My love, I thought... You have forgiven me, I don't know why, but you have forgiven me... Do you want to humiliate me, do you want to make me feel small? I AM small! If this is your revenge, I accept it, I WANT it!

He let me do, calm, stroking my hair. "Spakòinoi nòci", Good night... Yes, now it's a good night, now I'm really home... The world is "posadì", the sea is "posadì", behind my back, this is land, this is my home... Leaning over him, his chest, thick and smooth as a rock polished by the sea... His hair like small seaweeds, wet with sweat... I kissed it, feeling that salty taste: I always liked salty...

I opened my mouth, and kept kissing him, started licking him, to feel that taste better... He just kept his hand on my head, as if uncertain about what to do... Yes, his heart, his brains had forgiven me, but it was not enough... There was something, deep inside him, which maybe was crying havoc yet... Something primeval, he would have not andmitted it, not even to himself, but that thing existed. The male animal instinct, the control of the territory, and the possession of the females... And he was struggling against it, he was suffering...

Don't suffer, my love... You are my man, my male, my "samez", the one I ever wanted, the one... Don't ask me why I did this crap, I don't know... I did it, I am a fool, and I love you, you... I was kissing his belly, soft, always tasty, but I smelled something stronger, from below. Just a bit stronger... Oh no, no, I never did it...

Yes, and you had never cheated your man! Before you were a faithful wife, now you are a whore! Be HIS whore! You love him, you belong to him, you WANT to belong to him? Well, PROVE it, SHOW him that! Let him feel HE is your man, your only master, no one but him. Come on, it's easy: just keep kissing him... A little bit lower...

"Niet... Niet, mìlenka, nièt! Nie nàda!" he moaned. He was embarrassed, he kept his hand in my hair, but not to force me...

There was no need: I was already kissing him, just lower... And I felt nothing bad, nothing filthy. It was just his body, a part of his body... The part which had given me so much pleasure, and love... No, a dick is NOT worth any other dick... It was MY dick, MY MAN's dick... The only dick I could kiss, without feeling disgust of myself...

Because I DIDN'T feel disgust, at all... It was nice, clean, and it was soft, externally, even if it was getting harder and harder...And I kissed it, licked it, everywhere, from the hilt to the top... And to kiss his top was sweet, just as to kiss his mouth: same softness as his lips, and no weird taste, or smell... He had said "mìlenka", something like "baby", and I had understood: yes, he had really, DEFINITELY forgiven me, before I ever had started to kiss his... But I kept kissing it: not for begging his pardon, but because he DESERVED it....

Yes, he deserved my mouth, my tongue, my sex, all he wanted from me... He had understood he couldn't stop me, so he let me do, and enjoyed, breathing and sighing... There's nothing wrong, my love, don't think about anything... We are man and wife, we love each other, nothing wrong... Let's enjoy this stupid life... My sex would be enough for you? No, now it's the sex of a whore, you deserve more than this... You would deserve a cleverer woman now... yes, a cleverer whore...

No, you would just deserve TWO whores, TWO women: me and Bortey, yes, my half-Mongolian girlfriend... Two women for you, two "pussies" for you, happy to be boned by you, two mouths and two tongues for you... Kissing your dick, licking your dick, swallowing your dick... your balls... and then your dick again, like me now... But you caress me, I am enough, for you, this stupid whore is enough for you... Dear, dear, dear... I love you, love you, love you, love... Hmm!

I had done it. To the bitter end. Then, I rested. My head on his belly, as if on a soft cushion... His sex under my eyes... It was small again, so tender, so vulnerable... The sex of my man... mine, nothing but mine... If not, I would have not forgiven him... No, not even then... I felt his hand still over my head, so sure, strong and sweet at the same time...

"Shto mniè sdièlat s tobòy, devchònka?" he sighed. What do I have to do with you, little girl...

"Vsyò shto ty khoches, lyubìmy mòy..." I said. Whatever you want, my love.

And I felt it was so. I could accept anything from him, except if he wanted to "verify" himself. What did he have to "verify"? To be a man yet, "querido de las mujeres y apreciado de Los hombres", as that Spanish song says? Desired by women, appreciated by men? He never gave a damn for the men, provided they got the message that they couldn't fool him around. And the women... was I not a woman?

And I desired him, I loved him. I had kissed his sex, I had swallowed his... And I had felt nothing bad, it was really just a part of him. I was ready to do it again. Maybe not tonight, but again. Kiss it again, lick it again... Why should he had to go with another woman?

More exactly, I thought, he better would have not asked me to do it again. I wanted to be the one who decided it. A surprise. When I really wanted it. When I was more female, more loving, more... yes, that word, that "B" word. "Going down, down, down, down..."