The Secret

It wasn't until 2 a.m. that it occurred to Monica that it was getting late and she should be going home. It had been another night of effortless conversation and lots of laughs with her closest friend Gabriel. She had arrived around 6 and they went out for dinner, then came back to his house for more drinks and time together. He played around with his guitar for a while, singing to her bits and pieces of new songs he was working on. But for the last several hours, they had been sitting on the couch just talking. Other times he entertained her with stories of his many romantic conquests (which followed being broken-hearted by his last girlfriend) but not tonight--he seemed calmer, more subdued. Maybe he has gotten it out of his system, Monica thought.

That she had been hopelessly infatuated with him ever since they met almost five years ago is her secret, not to be shared with anyone for fear it would destroy their friendship. Gabriel relied on Monica , she was the first he would call when feeling happy or sad. And she liked being in this special position, being such an important part of his life, even though she knew he would never love her. Soon he would find another serious relationship--but she told herself she would deal with that then. She used to read into his words and gestures, smiles and jokes, looking for signs that he shared her feelings. At some point it had become too painful and she stopped. She held him in her arms the night his ex left him, stood by his side as he went out into the world and found an endless number of women to sleep with (he was after all extremely gorgeous and famous), shared herself with him as much as she could without revealing the secret. It was a great friendship they had.

So when Monica thought she saw a longing look in his eyes as he sensed she was getting ready to leave, she ignored it. She grabbed her coat and thought she heard him sigh but ignored that too.

"It's late, I need to go" she said to Gabriel.

He got up and followed her across the room to the door. She gave him a kiss on his cheek as she usually did.

"I don't want you to leave" he said looking in her eyes.

Puzzled, Monica just stared at him. He leaned into her and would have kissed her at that moment were it not for her hand on his chest, which she raised in surprise and pushed against him.

"Gabriel, what are you doing?" she asked.

He took a few steps back and leaned against the wall.

"I think we're supposed to be together, Monica. I think I just figured this out. Don't you want to stay?"

Monica hesitated, for though this is a moment she had wished for, now that it was here it scared her and she couldn't trust it.

"Seriously, Gabriel, why now? I think you're drunk and lonely and I happen to be here, but I don't want to do this. I can't." She tried to sound more convincing than she felt.

There was silence.

"Be honest Monica, is this not something you've ever wanted?"

She evaded his eyes and didn't answer, but could feel that she was blushing.

"Look at me", he asked.

So she did and in that moment she realized he knew. Had he always known? Feeling exposed and vulnerable and even a little angry, she shook her head.

"No, I'm leaving now. This isn't fair. You're gonna wake up tomorrow morning and feel like a fool."

"I'm sorry" he managed to say before she opened the door and walked out.

On the way home, Monica felt everything: anxious and excited (maybe he really wants her), angry (he's just looking to get laid), scared (will everything be different now), embarrassed (her secret was out), and sad (wishing she could have him). But no matter how many things she felt and thought, life goes on and soon she was home and in her own bed, with the evening's events behind her.

The next morning she was surprised to get a call at 9, even more surprised when she saw it was Gabriel. Waking up early was not his strong suit, especially after such a long night. She picked up the phone sleepily--it had been a restless night.

"Monica, did I wake you?'

"No, it's okay, what's up?"

"I wonder if we could get together a bit later, maybe you could come over around 4?"

This was not an unusual request, they often saw each other day after day, but his tone seemed strangely formal. Still, Monica thought, maybe it's my imagination--maybe he doesn't even remember all of last night.

"Okay, sure, I'll see you then. What are we doing?"

"I'm not sure, just come over, okay?"

"Okay then" and she hung up.

Further sleep was out of the question as she spent the next few hours anxiously anticipating 4 o'clock and wondering what Gabriel was up to. She hated herself for trying on five different outfits--she used to do this a lot but had stopped a long time ago when it became clear to her that Gabriel was oblivious. She hated hoping that last night meant something had changed. She chose a silk black and olive summer dress and black sandals. Her long wavy red hair and green eyes complimented her pale skin and the colors of her dress. Berry red lipstick accentuated her lips. Finally the hour came and she arrived back at Gabriel's house.

The first thing she noticed is that he had cleaned up, and she remembered how much she loved his house, like him, from the first time she saw it. His living room was bright and full of comfy furniture (the rocking chair was her favorite), and the French doors were open onto the deck, from which there was a beautiful view of the beach. She had stopped ringing the door bell long ago, so she walked in and saw him standing outside, leaning over the railing and looking out. He turned around when he heard her greeting and smiled. Somehow, as gorgeous as she always found him, today he was even more so. Casually dressed in cargo pants and a light blue T-shirt, no shoes, his brown eyes shone bright, his dark hair slightly disheveled by the warm summer wind, and his body tall and toned, betraying his Spanish lineage in its darker color.

"Hello, sweet Monica" Gabriel said smiling. He often greeted her in this way but it embarrassed her today. "You look so beautiful today" he went on. Monica smiled back.

"Hi Gabriel". She put her purse on the table and walked up to him. "How are you?"

"Better now that you are here" he said still smiling. Monica wasn't sure how to react. Everything felt different but at the same time she wanted to act as matter of fact as possible.

"How did you sleep?" he asked her.

"Not very well" she admitted.

"Me neither".

There was a long pause and so that she would have something to do, Monica leaned over the railing looking at the ocean.

"This view never gets old" she said.

"It's true" Gabriel replied though he still had his back towards the beach and was only looking at her. He put his hand on her left arm and said, "Let's go sit, we need to talk".

In that moment Monica knew that whatever would come next, there was no pretending that last night didn't happen. It was clearly on his mind. They walked the few steps and sat down at the table. Gabriel pulled his chair close to her so that their knees were almost touching. Monica felt self-conscious about her dress, which short standing up was even shorter now that she was sitting. She sat back in the chair as much as she could and crossed her legs quickly.

"First of all, I wanted to say that I'm really sorry about last night" Gabriel started. "I did have too much to drink and acted like an idiot".

Monica accepted his apology with a nod but inside she felt devastated. Despite her better judgment, she realized that she had allowed herself to hope that he wanted to be with her, not for sex but for something more. She felt ridiculous, of course he didn't, if he had wanted to be with her he would have done something during the past five years. This is where he tells me he feels bad for leading me on and sorry for me because I have a crush on him, she thought.

She realized he was watching her and did her best to hide her disappointment.

"Let's just forget about it Gabriel" she said.

"No, I don't think we can do that" he replied. "I was nervous and drunk and so acted badly but it wasn't an accident".

"Nervous?" Monica asked.

Gabriel sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"Do you remember when we were out last night and I left you at the bar to go talk to James?"

"Of course," Monica said. James was Gabriel's producer on the album he was working on.

"He made a comment when we were talking about how good you looked. And after he left, I watched you for a little while" Gabriel continued. "You were sitting there with your back half-turned and talking to the girl next to you. And I felt like I was seeing you for the first time. It was overwhelming. At that moment you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen" Gabriel finished.

"Seriously, Gabriel, what's gotten into you?" Monica joked but she started to feel her heart beginning to race.

"I am being serious Monica. And the rest of the night I was watching you, seeing you like never before."

Gabriel paused, looking at her. Monica lowered her eyes. He leaned forward and continued.

"And I realized something else too. You have feelings for me, don't you Monica?"

The question floated in the space between them. Now Monica's heart was pounding, her mouth was dry, and she began to feel flushed. She got up abruptly and walked back towards the railing, leaning against it and keeping her head down. She was excited and embarrassed, wanting some distance from him.

Gabriel went on. "You know, I really don't know how I could have been so blind. How long have you felt this way?"

Monica didn't answer. He persisted.

"I think it just never occurred to me that you would want someone like me. You are so much more sophisticated and cultured. I am just a singer after all."

"That's crazy Gabriel" Monica finally said. "You are the most amazing person I have ever met!" Her words betrayed her intense emotion, her voice a bit shaky.

"How long Monica? How long have you felt this way?"

"I've always wanted you" she said. Monica said it quickly as if it wouldn't mean so much if the words came out fast. She looked straight into his eyes, and just said it, feeling a great sense of relief. She thought, I have nothing to lose now, just get it over with.

Gabriel was silent for a while.

"I can't believe it" he began. "All these years, how could I not know? I've been so self-absorbed I suppose, I must have hurt you so many times. And you have been such a good friend to me. And you never said anything. All this time you've been by my side and I looked right through you."

Monica felt a tear run down her face. Gabriel got up and walked up to her. He wiped the tear off her cheek.

"But I see you now" Gabriel added.

There was a long awkward pause. Monica played with the belt of her dress anxiously. She knew he was looking at her but was afraid to meet his eyes.

"So what now?" Monica finally broke the silence. She looked at him and saw that he was smiling.

"Now we stop talking" Gabriel replied. They stood looking at each other for a moment; he felt he was swimming in her green eyes that revealed her desire for him and she noticed his long eyelashes that almost made it seem he was wearing eyeliner.

And then Gabriel kissed her. He touched her lips lightly with his, savoring their fullness and tickling them with his tongue. Monica shivered. He took her mouth in his but softly still, kneading her lips between his. His right hand cradled her head. Monica felt overwhelmed with desire for him. She entered his mouth with her tongue and kissed him deeply. He was surprised and turned on by this sudden aggressive act. He grabbed her waist with his left arm and pushed her back against the railing, now returning her deep kiss, penetrating her mouth without delay. She sucked on his tongue while putting her arms around him, feeling his hot and hard body against her. Gabriel pulled away for a moment and lifted her onto the railing so that they could be at the same height. He started kissing her again and they both devoured one another, their lips united, tongues caressing, breathing as one. The world receded in the background and only the two of them remained, locked in this embrace.

"I should have known, you have fire inside of you" Gabriel finally said. He looked at her flushed face, sparkling eyes, and wondered again how he could have so blind for so long. He saw everything now--her lust for him, longing, and maybe even love. He wondered if he too loved her.

He started kissing her neck with soft but powerful lips, letting himself linger here and there, and whispering to her the whole time.

"I want to taste you, and touch you, all over your body. I want you to feel what it's like to be in my arms, to be mine. I want you to feel my body on top of you, and feel me inside of you. I want you to want no one but me because no one can do the things I want to do to you."

Monica started to tremble. All she could do was sigh and feel her heart racing even faster, feel every cell in her body responding to Gabriel.

"Say yes Monica, say that you want me" he asked her as he sucked gently on her right earlobe. He let go and looked into her eyes.

"I want you so much Gabriel". She said these words with the passion of five years in them, five years in which she only dreamed of saying them. He smiled.

"Put your legs around me" he told her.

Monica did as asked and he lifted her off the railing. She held on tighter with her arms around his neck and he buried his head between her breasts for just a moment.

"You smell so good" he said. He then carried her into the house and through the living room, up the few short steps leading into his bedroom. He reached the bed and sat down gently, Monica sinking into his lap, her legs still around his waist. One of the straps of her summer dress had fallen off her shoulder, exposing part of her right breast as she wasn't wearing a bra. She watched him look, felt his erection against her, and took a deep breath.

"I'm nervous Gabriel" she admitted.

"Me too" he said, to her surprise.

"You've had so many women" Monica insisted.

"Yes, but I am the musician sex god, right? I imagine you have pretty high expectations."

That he could feel so vulnerable had not occurred to her and she was moved by it. But still doubts remained.

"And what if we lose our friendship?" she asked.

Gabriel pulled her closer.

"I don't want to be friends anymore. Monica, we're going to make love right here right now, that's all that matters. We're both scared of what comes next, but let me show you how good this can be, beautiful girl."

Gabriel put his left hand on her bare shoulder and with his right pushed down the other strap of her dress, leaving both of her breasts half-exposed. And with that Monica gave in--what will be will be but this moment is all there is.

She reached down and grabbed his T-shirt, pulled it off over his head. She had seen him without a shirt so often and lusted after his chest and dark pointy nipples. But now with him in her arms and freedom to do what she pleased, she found him absolutely irresistible. She looked at him and shook her head.

"Gabriel, you are the most gorgeous man I have ever seen" she said sincerely and he laughed, his easy, you're so silly laugh, but she could tell he was pleased to hear it.

Monica pushed him down on the bed and began kissing his body. This alone, she thought, I could do for hours. His skin was hot and velvety, tasting a bit salty. His hard muscles tightened under her touch. She could not get enough and she covered his entire chest with soft kisses, following his clavicles, licking the space below his neck, kissing his pecs. He watched her breasts heaving above him as she was enjoying the feel of him, imagined what it would feel like to touch them. But this was her time and he didn't want to rush her. When she started licking one of his nipples though and then as she took it in between her lips, Gabriel couldn't resist anymore-- he cupped one of her breasts through the soft fabric and closed his eyes with pleasure. Monica now moved on to the other nipple and sucked on it more hungrily. Gabriel moaned. She flicked her tongue across it and this made him squeeze her breast, sending shivers up and down her spine. She felt his hard cock against her and let her weight rest on him. Gabriel moaned again. He let go of her breast and in one swift move rolled Monica on her back. He allowed himself a few moments of feeling her body under his while he kissed her mouth passionately and then got up, took off his pants. Now this Monica had not seen and it was of course the best cock she could have imagined, long and thick and hard, but not so big to be disgraceful. A few drops of semen glistened at the tip. She sat up and on the edge of the bed, wandering what Gabriel wanted of her next.

He kneeled in front of her and removed her sandals, one at a time, caressing her legs. He then stood up and put out his hands. She took them and let him stand her up. He stared into her eyes as if his eyes too wanted to penetrate her. He reached with his hands under her dress and took off her panties. They were wet and he liked that.

Gabriel then eased the straps of her dress down her arms, slowly, one at a time, wanting to savor the moment as much as possible. Monica's dress now rested on top of her breasts and she could tell Gabriel was enjoying the view. A slight tug on her dress is all it took for the top to fall around her waist, her breasts now fully exposed, nipples hard and goose bumps on her skin. Gabriel took her breasts in his hands, wrapping his long fingers around them, and sighed.

"My God, Monica, your breasts are amazing. So beautiful and soft, perfectly shaped."

His words conveyed genuine admiration and Monica was excited by them. His touch felt electric and she let him caress her. He kneaded her breasts softly, then ran his fingers across, and finally indulged himself by playing with her nipples. His cock stiffened even more.

Gabriel bent down and took Monica's left nipple into his mouth. She gasped with pleasure. He held it his mouth and licked it with his tongue, at first just the tip and then taking all of it, and more and more of her breast. He cupped the rest of her breast in his hand and he was so skilled at this that Monica had to hold on to his shoulders, lest she fall. He moved to the right breast and did the opposite, kissing it all over and leaving the nipple for the end, so that when his lips squeezed it Monica almost did fall. He caught her in his arms and laughed.

Gabriel turned her around and holding her tight across her breasts with his left arm, he began kissing the back of her neck, moving her hair out of the way gently. She wondered if he remembered her telling him one drunken night that it was one of her favorite places to be touched.

"I really like that" she said just in case.

"I know you do" he whispered in her ear. His voice, the first thing she had fallen for, so passionate and sexy when he sang, was even better in a whisper. He had a slight accent and sounded a bit out of breath.

He covered her with wet kisses while reaching over with his right hand and finding his way under her dress. Her pussy was wet and he groaned with approval. He buried his lips in her neck and squeezed her breasts even tighter as he started exploring with his fingers. At first, he caressed her outer lips, and the feeling of pleasure was so intense. For him, getting to touch her most private self and watch her excitement take over and for her, feeling tingling sensations all the way down to her toes, in her breasts, and a throbbing starting to build deep inside her. Her body stiffened and he stopped for a moment.

"Just relax, Monica. Take a deep breath," he whispered.