The Sharpest Lives Ch. 12

A/N: So let me explain myself.

Work happened. Dropped like a ton of bricks on my head, then came another load of another nature. I needed sometime to clean up, make something out of these bricks and stuff. Not that I'm making great headway now, but whatever.

Writing this chapter was difficult. I'm sure there are mistakes but honestly I can't proofread this.

On the side however, I've been thinking and planning out other stories. Also got some time to sit and play around with ideas...

Song: Insane by Flume. The Frankie Sanchez remix has *just* the right touch/tone of dissonance in it...

Insane

*****

It was nice to be out of the house, even in this heat. Plus, I had never attended a funeral before.

We filed behind the pallbearers in twos and threes. The thick carpet of grass felt soft and springy through the soles of my shoes, so much that I wanted to walk barefoot. It would've felt amazing under my sore feet...

A wind rose, and I placed a hand on my hat quickly, before it could escape.

We finally reached the grave, and watched them lower the casket on the beams. Some of the elder family members sat down on the chairs that were laid out, while the pallbearers did their work.

"Come here, darling," whispered Liam's mother, tugging my arm gently. She led me to a chair in the front, and we sat down.

She was still gripping my arm. I looked at her. Even through the veil, I could see her red, puffy eyes. I turned slightly, moving her hand to hold it in my mine. We sat quietly for a while.

I felt a light touch on my shoulder.

"We're done," whispered Liam. "Now the priest will perform one more service before we lower the coffin. Do you want to stand?"

"Yes." As I stood up, I realized how tired I actually was- my back and knees wanted to give up before I could straighten. A groan escaped my lips as I struggled up.

"Whoa, hold up," said Liam, linking his arms under mine, pulling me up. I felt silly, and smiled sheepishly at him.

"You can sit, dear, no one will say anything," said Liam's mom.

"No... no... I'm good." I reassured. I nudged Liam. "It won't be long, right?" I whispered. Liam smiled dolefully.

"Not fast enough, in my opinion," he whispered in my ear. I pinched his forearm playfully.

"I mean, come on, he's dead...He doesn't have to suffer through this." He gave a little shoulder roll, as if to prove a point. I tutted admonishingly.

I stayed quiet during the hymns, since I didn't know any of the words and didn't want to offend anyone. I stared at my feet, and I swore I felt the focus of every stare from the congregation behind me.

After his father died, Liam and I relocated to his parents' house, on my insistence. His mother seemed happy to have us there, finally, but soon she seemed to be in two minds about it after their relatives and friends started visiting the house during the wake.

"It's a bit of a shock to others you know... and you're having a baby. They ask questions."

"Exactly Mom, it's such a bother all around- so don't you agree we should go home?" added Liam fluidly.

That idea hadn't come to my head. "If- if it's a hassle, I don't mind then..." I said quickly.

"That's not what I mean, honey. Stop twisting my words, Liam." She looked at him sharply, and he turned away from us, shrugging. "I'm glad you're both here, really. I don't want you to leave. But how do I put this... I don't want the evil eye on you," she explained.

"Ah. That. I'll just get some crosses and call Gran about some spells then, shall I?" said Liam sarcastically.

For the first time, I saw Liam's mom lose composure. "Some piety might do you good, Liam- I feel I've just let you run loose," she snapped.

He sighed, pinching his nose. "I'm sorry," he said. It sounded a bit forced. "Do as you wish, Mom."

She seemed to ignore the slight of his tone. "Kim, darling... Just stay in your room. After this is done, we'll announce something official. Not everyone is...well, you know."

I agreed to her wishes, but I asked to be at least present at the burial.

But standing here, in front of everyone, I felt what she meant.

This was real. I'm going to be with him, a part of all this, an unplanned part of all this-forever- and my life was never going to be just me and him. Maybe I'd be fine until Liam was there, but the rug would get pulled out from under my feet sometime... and then?

Finally, Liam let go of me. I watched as the other pallbearers- his brother Alex, Benjy, Karl and another younger man joined him.

I watched them lower the coffin. Benjy's father hobbled up the aisle beside us, briefly stopping to nod at us. Another elderly gentleman followed him, and I felt Liam's mom's hand push gently against my back. I stepped out, and followed them.

They were grabbing fistfuls of dirt and throwing it into the grave. I did the same. Benjy's father pulled out a coin from his pocket, and dropped it into the grave, and some of the other men did the same. I caught Liam's eye from across the pit, and he smirked slightly, begrudgingly fishing out a coin from his own pocket, to cast it onto the coffin.

"I'll go get Bambi from Rachel," said Liam's mother. More people were coming towards us, and I quickly followed her. From the other side, I spotted Liam walking towards me.

"Shouldn't you be there?" I asked, as he snaked an arm around my waist.

"I was there when I was supposed to be. Now he's just meat and bones. Now I'll be where I choose to be." He looked oddly content. I hummed nervously.

"Relax," he said, moving us away from the crowd. There was a huge oak tree a bit further off, and we stopped to stand under its shade, watching people pay their last respects.

"I can't wait until it's over," admitted Liam, running a hand through his hair.

"Don't you feel a little sad?" I asked.

"Maybe." He wrapped his arms around me from behind, his hands holding mine in front of my belly. I felt his breath against my neck.

"You hated your father," I said coolly. I felt him tense up, then relax again.

"Yes. So?" He was daring me to continue.

We both knew where this conversation was going, but I didn't feel like going through with it now. I tried to divert him.

"When a parent dies, the children who already have their own families don't feel as bad as the children who don't. My dad said that, when my grandma died." My throat tightened a bit, as I thought of my father. I haven't seen him since...

"My dad was actually talking about my uncle, who was still single," I continued. "He was right, he took it pretty badly. Worse than my dad." I looked up at him, and he shrugged, staring into the distance. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" I asked.

He sighed. "I don't think Bambi and Alex will miss him too much," said Liam. "He fell ill while she was still a toddler. And Alex is indifferent to all this, for the most part."

"Okay... I'm just saying," I pressed on, "at least- they'll have someone- your mother might feel better with you around."

Now it was his turn to hum nervously.

"Does she hate me?" I asked, half-jokingly.

"Oh no. No, no... Actually she was pretty angry when she heard you stayed the first few months with me."

"I guess, it would have been nice," I agreed.

"Do you regret it?" he asked.

I turned sideways to look at him, and my heart beat faster as I remembered those months. What do I say?

"No..."

"No?"

"No." I felt queasy, and struggled against his hold.

"Oh." He relaxed, and I breathed easy again. "So you liked being used..." he said, suddenly squeezing me, pressing his lips against my neck. I could feel him grinding into me. My knees felt weak, and I felt I might erupt with any more stimulation.

"...no!"

"Don't worry little rabbit, we'll do what you say. As long as my little sex slave is with me, I don't really care where I am," he whispered. I shivered.

"Liam... please. Not here. It's not about your father- this is a sacred place-"

He started laughing. "You and I need to talk about this more. About how much I don't care for all that shit."

"But I do!" I exclaimed. Frustrated, I turned away from him, from his grasp.

"My feet hurt. I'm going to go sit."

He frowned down at me, and then raised his hands in mock surrender. "Okay. Alright."

I had enough with my shoes. I slipped them off, and stepped barefoot onto the grass. I heard him chuckle behind me.

Even after the funeral, I didn't meet many people. I thought at least Rachel- or Benjy might drop by- during the funeral they had tried to come and talk to me many times, but both Liam and his mother seemed determined to keep me as isolated as possible. Liam's mother I could understand, but Liam?

At least, I wasn't locked up in a room alone for hours anymore, I thought, as I played with Bambi.

I was never one for dolls or playing house when I was younger, but I was thoroughly getting into making up stories and play-acting scenes for her.

"You're both so cute." I turned to see Liam and his mom at the doorway. I got up. It was evening already?

"Oh, Liam's back!" exclaimed Bambi. In a few weeks, I had convinced her to call him by his actual name.

"I almost feel bad taking Kim away," he said, patting her head. He leaned in and kissed my forehead, while surreptitiously grabbing my elbow and pressing his thumb into my elbow crease.

I hated it when he did that, it always hurt slightly. It was his code for 'come with me, right now'.

"She can sleep in with Bambi if she wants," said his mother suddenly.

"Yes!" said Bambi, excitedly. "I'll move my toys and everything!"

"Tomorrow night, maybe," I said, catching Liam's eye. She deflated a bit, and turned back to her toys. Liam's mom suddenly grabbed my other elbow.

"Go ahead," she said to Liam, motioning him away. "I want to give her something."

He followed us out of the room, and looked at us as we entered her bedroom, and then went on his way.

She pressed what looked like a prayer rope into my hand. "This is just to show him," she explained, "but I'm asking you again- you aren't sleeping with him anymore, are you?"

"No..." I replied uneasily.

"I- I- just don't think it's a good idea, dear. I know you can, but I'm just worried, a bit. You understand right?"

"Yes," I assured her. "Please don't worry..." She smiled sadly, and I reached in to give her a hug. She had been very kind to me since I came, and I wondered if her over-mothering was the reason Liam kept us away initially.

"I'm caught between guilt and joy over you," she said, cupping my cheek tenderly. "So don't let anything happen to yourself." I nodded, and left the room.

I clutched the rope in my hand as I walked down the corridor. Liam was waiting at the foot of the stairs.

"What's that?" he asked, motioning at my fist.

"Something to ward you off with," I joked drily.

"Ha ha... just show me," he said, slightly annoyed. I pushed it into his hand, and started climbing up the steps. He stood there for a while, examining it.

"Really?" he said in disbelief. I looked down at him, and he made as though he was going to drop it, but instead he put it into his pocket. I continued up the stairs.

"Remember to give it back to me," I said. I reached our room, and dropped to the bed, lying on my side.

"I'm going to take a shower," said Liam. "Get ready."

My hands gripped the pillow, and I pulled it towards me. My wrists were restrained, and I could only either rest my hands or my face against the pillow.

"Come on slut," snarled Liam. "Stop moving away. Stop..."

I dropped my face into the pillow, my arms out in front of me as though in supplication. Draped over my back, he grabbed my shoulder, and rammed his cock into my cunt.

"You're too much..." I mumbled against the pillow, as pain and pleasure sloshed my brain.

I felt his lips near my ear- but he hadn't leaned in to kiss me.

"Hmm? You talking to me?" he grunted. "You don't get to decide if I'm too much or not."

I didn't feel human anyway. I moaned into the pillow, my sweat and saliva soaking into the fabric. I felt cum leak from my pussy, and then felt it fill up with his hardened cock. His fingers were vibrating my clit.

I wasn't sure if the heartbeat I felt was mine at all.

His hand moved from my shoulder to the nape of my neck, and I felt them curling.. The other slid up and down my belly, feeling for the chain.. And to my horror, he found it.

He tugged gently, and it felt like my nipples were being torn apart. I started to scream, but he quickly shoved his fingers into my mouth. I bit down, not caring if I hurt him anymore. I was hurt.

He hissed, maybe in pain, maybe pleasure, but didn't stop my torture.

"I should keep this on you all the time. Look how you're moving. So fucking adorable. Let's pierce your fat nipples and clit." He wasn't listening to me at all. He didn't seem to be evenpresent at all.

"Liam..." I called. "Liam... please... don't say that... you know I'm afraid.."

"I know," he said, bucking into me. His voice changed, as though he had woken up. "Oh, I know." I heard the smile in his voice as he pulled the lower chain.

Now I screamed outright. He laughed, letting me go and dropping my body to the bed.

I heard him panting heavily and I slowly lowered my aching arms and elbows, to turn and face him.

He was on his knees, eyes closed, lips parted. Leaning back, he ran both his hands through his hair. His chest rose and fell heavily, and sweat ran down his neck, down his bare chest. His cock hung, semi-hard, still dipping cum onto my thighs.

He looked inhuman.

"Liam?" I whispered.

Slowly, as though contemplating, his hands hovered up to my breasts. My clamped nipples were red and swollen, and ached to be released. His fingers touched the ends of the clamp, as though to remove it.

"Yes, yes," I pleaded.

His hand moved away immediately, and I let out a cry. Instead, he ran a finger over the flesh between the clamps down lower...

My cry became another moan, as he lightly traced the swell of my wet clit. The goosebumps that erupted only increased the pressure on my nipples. I tried to push his hands away, but he easily grabbed my fingers, curling them into his fist.

"Do you know what I always dream of doing to you? Do you want to know?" he asked, not really looking at me.

I didn't know if I should shake my head or nod. He watched me for a while, quietly. Suddenly he fell forward, landing his palms between my neck. I yelped at the suddenness, and struggled as his legs pushed my knees apart. I braced for his attack.

He whispered his answer in my ear. I gasped, thrashing my head, but he held it steady, and whispered his sick confession. He was going to make me listen.

I felt my limbs lose all power.

"No," I whimpered.

"I want to. I need to." His voice was suddenly shaky. He was still holding my knees open, his death grip on my shoulders- but the look in his eyes, locked on mine, seemed weak.

I shifted slowly to the right. I was feeling dizzy. I wanted to lie on my side. He stopped me, holding me down tight against the bed.

"I can't explain the things I want to do, or why I want to. It goes beyond curiosity, beyond arousal even. I can't stop thinking about it..." he ranted.

"I can't breathe, Liam," I gasped. I was afraid.

"I know," he replied. He looked drugged. "I don't think it will kill you, but maybe it'll be slow enough to let me..."

I shrieked, and rolled off the bed. The chains tangled a bit, pulling at my clit and nipples again, but the wrist restraint was the worst.

I stood away, unsure of what to do next. He stayed in his position on the bed, and sank his head into the pillow.

"Little rabbit," he said, almost mournfully. "Don't leave me."

"You want me to stay? You're crazy!" I countered. "You'll be the end of me- of my baby-"

He thumped his fist into the bed, and got up to face me. "You don't understand how it is... you don't get it at all! I need- I need-"

He yelled angrily, throwing the pillow at my feet. I walked backwards, my legs knocking into the sofa.

Every night, it became worse, and tonight, I'd didn't know if I could live through it.

He saw me as athing: he would demand my body until he was drained- and then he'd whisper things he'd want to try- most of them more psychologically scarring than physical. Worst was that he would make me repeat what he said, forcing me to play out his fantasies with him, in my head.

I lay down on the sofa, pulling up my legs and curling up as close as I could. I wanted sleep...

A part of me wondered if he was doing this just to see how much he could push me. If that was the case, what was worse- that he was a psycho or that he had decided to be a psycho?

I felt him hovering over me. I felt his hand on my shoulder, and I shivered.

"Tell me..." he murmured, "what do I want?"

My eyes opened the same time Liam pulled open the curtains. Luckily, the light was weak, and didn't hit my eyes too much.

He sat down on the bed, looking at the window. "If I could make someone like me, exactly like me, in thoughts and actions, then in a way I'll never be dead, right?"

"Your narcissism knows no bounds," I murmured. "The world will never see another crazy motherfucker like you..."

"That's a line from a song isn't it..."he asked, still staring straight.

I nodded, but realized he wasn't looking at me.

"Or induce some kind of split personality disorder in someone-" he continued.

"Things don't work that way, Liam."

Every morning it was the same talk. What if, why, how... Like a prisoner looking for a way out. Seeing how things shook him, shook me. I tried another approach.

"We're having a baby," I reminded him, rolling over to rub his back. "He might turn out to be more like you than you can imagine."

"No. No. I don't want that."

"What do you want then?" I asked wearily. "I feel this... despair emanating from you, and I don't know what to do..."

"It's always been there. I just can't- I'm stressed," he admitted finally.

"Liam... You think I'm not stressed? You think I don't think about you dying, about being alone?"

"What do you do about it then?"

"Nothing. I've accepted it. I'll do what I can."

"That's not a plan at all," he said, laughing.

"At least, it lets me enjoy what I have now. I'll need something good to hold on to, later."

He snorted, as though my idea was stupid. I shook my head.

"I don't understand what's bothering you about this matter. Are you afraid?" I asked.

"I'm not afraid. I'm just- just annoyed. It's so unnecessary."

I sat up. "I- you know, I don't even know how to reply to that. It just happens, and we have to accept that. Things will never go by our rules."

"You go by my rules." He turned, placing his head in my lap. "You'll always follow my rules. I like that about you." He gently grasped my knee, kissing down my inner thigh.

"No," I said, and he stopped, to look up at me. I swallowed. I had thought about it for a long while, and I had decided- "I choose to." I said finally.

He let out a short, rough laugh. "Really? If I hadn't pulled you in, would you had come?"

"I don't know. But then your statement can also mean, say, if you told me to leave now, I would leave immediately."

"Always turning my statements upside down..." he muttered. I slapped him slightly on his arm.

"But that's what it is, isn't it? Not that I'm following your will at the end, but mine?"

"That's what you think it is?"

I kept quiet. He sat up, pulling himself into my space, tangling his knees with mine. I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his back. I could feel the tip of his cock achingly near my pussy, but he didn't reach in any further. His hands were busy arranging my hair around us. We were so close, that I felt the air trapped between our bodies grow uncomfortably warm. I shifted up and down a bit, rubbing my nipples across his body, and he clicked his tongue.