The Shieldmaiden and Swordbearer Ch. 02

Tara ached all over. Her head throbbed so badly that she could not force her eyes open even though she had been awake for some time. She was cold, icy cold but she did not have the energy to pull the duvet higher. She was drained.

It had been getting worse lately. The price she paid for using her gifts. For healing others.

What had she been thinking yesterday? Heathrow of all places? She should have known that the emotions there would be at a fevered pitch she could no longer tolerate. And that dear old lady. She could not even remember her name.

There had been so many over the past couple of years. So many whom she mended their battered hearts and healed their wounded souls, even when she was powerless to save their mortal bodies. Any more than she could her own.

She moaned as a particularly sharp pain sliced through her brain. Yes, as ridiculous as it sounded, like a hot knife through cold butter. It was followed by another round of chills that left her shivering to the point that her teeth chattered.

Then she was being lifted. Confusion assailed her. Had her time finally come? Were those the strong, warm arms of the angels carrying her home? Did she really care? As she nuzzled closer to the crisp, clean smell of sandalwood.

She felt the clouds envelop her as she came to rest in their soft warmth. Another wrapped about her, replacing the cold with a bit of its warmth. It smelled like sunshine and she inhaled as deeply as her exhausted body would allow.

But it was the touch of the angel's fingers against her cheek that seemed to bring her the most comfort. Fingers that were calloused and rough, but so gentle and warm as she felt her hair brushed back from her eyes and tucked behind her ear.

"Here, drink this," said the deep, soothing voice that should have sent splinters through her dull mind, but somehow did not.

She felt those strong arms wrapped about her shoulders once more as she was lifted from the clouds. She whimpered in protest. Then something was pressed to her lips, "Drink."

She did not argue as the rich aroma and gentle heat assailed her nose and skin. The flavour of the coffee was more enticing than anything had been in a very long time. It burst on her tongue like a morning glory unfurling at the first rays of sunlight. She savoured it.

If this was it, heaven, the afterlife, Valhalla, whatever, then it was not so bad. Why did everyone fear this place? The unknown. Of course, that was it. People always feared change.

She certainly had. She had spent a lifetime fighting this very thing. Her calling. Even as a child, she had known she was different. She could remember so clearly, sitting and playing with her dolls. The sun was painfully bright as it warmed her cheeks. 'This is not real. There is so much more than you can see now.'

Déjà vu. Her first out of body experience and she had been barely six. There had been so many of those moments over a lifetime. Some of them had brought peace...perfect, utter and complete soul satisfaction. Holding her daughter for the first time. Typing 'The End' on that first book. And of course, as difficult as it had been, stepping onto that stage for the first time. Surrendering to the goddess, whom she served.

Of course, the pain, doubts and fears followed right afterwards...they always did. There could never be sunshine without rain. Even in the desert. The rains always came.

But these last couple of years were not the desert she had spent her whole life wandering. They were the rain forest. Rich and teaming with life and beauty. Colorful. So much so that it sometimes hurt your eyes. And the smell...detritus. Sickeningly sweet but teaming with life and warmth. The sounds...too many to name or categorize. A symphony of life and loves.

No, she did not regret her choice. She never would. She had given her all to serve. But in the serving, she had found her own soul. Even in the pain, there was joy and happiness. Purpose. And a sense of knowing that this was right. Her path. Where she belonged. That was all that mattered.

Given the chance, she would do it all again.

"Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil," she sighed after swallowing the last of the magical elixir.

She felt warm now. The pain was gone too. She wanted to open her eyes. To see this new plane...heaven, but that was not right. Not for her somehow. She served a goddess after all. Perhaps eternal fellowship with Vishnu in Vaikuntha or perhaps Freyja's hall Sessrúmnir in Fólkvangr. Yes, she liked to think it would be that.

Though she had never been privileged to know the exact name of the goddess whom she served, merely that she was love, sex and strength in immortal form. Of course, Tara had in the beginning sought those answers, wasted precious time studying ancient religions, trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together like a jigsaw puzzle.

Trying to make sense of things that were not meant to be understood with her logical brain, but merely felt with her heart. That was after all what faith was. Knowing without seeing. That had taken time to grasp though.

Precious time that she had so often wished she had back. How many had been lost? Unhealed while she tried to find answers that were not hers to know? She bore the weight of all that upon her shoulders. Carried the pain in her heart and soul.

She had been stubborn. And it had cost others. Oh, why had she not surrendered sooner? Why had she not trusted in what she knew was REAL, even if she could not see it or touch it? You did not see air, but still you breathed. You could not touch the wind, but still you felt it blow, pushing you in the direction that it would have you go.

Now? What now? She felt her throat tightened. 'Please, sweet goddess, another chance? Please, I beg you. I won't be so stubborn this time. I promise. But so many need you. Just give me another life. I won't take so long this time to find you...I won't.' She felt the heat of the tears, scalding her cheeks as she prayed. Except that she knew this one lacked the power...the energy of her life force.

She simply did not have the strength to do what she knew she must though. She tried to move. Her hand felt weighted as it moved beneath the thick clouds toward that fountain of life, love and healing that was the gift of the goddess to all her chosen sisters. The force that not even eons of oppression could extinguish. The seat of her power, the core of all that was truly feminine.

She must worship her now, but she could not. She had not the strength, not even her will could overcome it this time. And she whimpered in the pain and darkness of the soul this time. Its depths so much darker than the physical pains of her body ever could be. "Please, goddess," she whispered into the darkness of her soul.

It burst on her like light hurtling not from the sun but towards it. She knew not the source as she felt it explode more powerfully than it ever had from deep inside of her. Her second chakra giving forth a power that she had never known or felt before. She felt the floods begin, something that only rarely happened when she prayed alone to her goddess.

But this time they did not want to stop. They rolled on and on. The power was so strong that it frightened her even as she felt it renewing, reviving and healing her from within. She was not sure how long the orgasm lasted. Time lost all meaning. Whether it was seconds or minute or the eternity that it seemed did not matter truly. She worshipped in a way she had never even imagined.

Even when it finally stopped, the tremors continued. Tiny spindles of her glory that continued to comfort and heal her servant.

She shifted and whimpered as she felt it withdraw from her fountain. She felt so empty. Emptier than she ever had, but at the same time she felt power, peace and glory too. It was an odd sensation. So strange...

She giggled as she turned on her side and burrowed deeper into the fluffy clouds...like the rest of her life these past couple of years were not strange?

"Rest," that soothing voice commanded as she felt his scalding heat caress her temples.

"Yes, Master," she whispered into the void though she knew not why she said it as the dark and light enveloped her and melded together in perfect harmony. And she did...perhaps for the first time...she actually rested and renewed.

***

'Holy fuck, what was that?' He paced the room. He could not leave her. Even as she slept. All he could do was pace and watch her.

Of course, he had read all her crap. Her stories he loved. Her non-fiction, not so much. How could such a brilliant mind actually buy that New Age gibberish? Well-written as it was, he simply could not buy her hocus pocus about the healing power of love. About a goddess of love, sex and submission. Drivel, bull shit. Out of keeping with the intelligent mind he knew.

So what the fuck had that been?

The best sex of his god damned life and he had not even cum. Watching her as she came had been enough. The way she gave herself so fucking completely to him in that moment. And when he had felt her ejaculate over his hand and arm, fuck it had drenched his sleeve up to his elbow.

Hell, he had come so fucking close then. The smell of her. If that was not enough, when he had finally had the sense to withdraw his fingers from between her legs, he could not resist tasting her. That had been a real mistake. How would he ever live without that taste?

He ran his fingers through his hair and cursed under his breath. 'What the fuck was happening to him?' He was going mad. He had been for months.

This trip was supposed to be about putting all of this craziness to rest. About breaking the spell she had woven about him. About seeing that there was nothing special about this woman. No different from any of the others.

Why wasn't it working? How was he falling deeper into this bull shit? Fairy tales. Myths. Pretty lies that weak people wove to give them comfort.

He had never needed any of that crap. He was strong. His mind was all he needed. So what if it sometime took him down dark roads? He always managed to find his way back, didn't he?

And if before he met her, he had reached the end? Come so fucking close to that ultimate solution? To eating the bullet that would stop his pain once and for all. So what? There was nothing special about this life. No one survived it. No one came out of it alive. What did it matter?

'What did it matter?' as he watched her sleep. What did any of it fucking matter? Nothing but pain. That was all there ever was. All there ever would be.

Except for that one moment. He brought his fingers to his lips once more and tasted the sweetness of promise. What the fuck was she doing to him? He wanted to run...so fucking much. To get as far from this crazy witch as he possibly could...as fast as he could.

But he couldn't. He couldn't. He had tried. So fucking hard. He sighed as he shook his head and climbed into bed next to her. Pulling her back into his arms so that her soft ass cradled his still hard cock.

He found peace and rest. For the first time since that first blow to the little boy. Though none of this made any fucking sense to his befuddled mind, for the first time, he rested and renewed.

***

She watched the screen go blank. "So it begins again, Master."

The dark figure in imposing black leather smiled at his wife. "No, my love, so it continues. This little battle of ours. Another time, another place. Will your beloved humans have the courage to make the right choice this time, Amorre?"

She smiled, "And what is the wager this time, Sir?"

He laughed, "Watch your sass, woman. You may be the goddess of love, fertility, sex and war, but I am Fate and you still bow to me."

She dropped to her knees before him. With a single thought her diaphanous robe disappeared and her full breasts that leaked the elixir of life came into view. Her round stomach that had teamed with life and might again someday glowed in all its glory. But it was the apex of her soft thighs that caught his eye.

His wife, his prize, his slave...her true gifts as they always did with her priestesses, were there...between her legs. And when he buried himself there, he felt his true power. That not even the greatest battle could come close to matching.

But who cared to think of battle when you could taste love? With a thought, the flogger extended from his hand. He held nothing back as he landed a solid blow across her perfect alabaster skin. He saw the red welts rise against its white background...and he felt his power flow into her. He knew that she needed this. She needed his dark to alleviate her own pain...that she had taken from the woman. Her priestess.

The next blow was more powerful still as she closed her deep purple eyes and arched her back to meet his flogger with a sigh of completion. He felt her relax and welcome his darkness as he released more upon his mate's tortured soul.

This was their battle. Their war. Their dance. Their story. Pain and pleasure. Married into one. Light and dark. Fate and love locked in an eternal battle for the hearts and minds of these tiny, inconsequential beings.

Who held all of the power. Free will. That was what they did not get. What they failed to grasp. It was not Jehovah. Odin. Zeus. Buddha. Vishnu. Freyja. Diana. None of them held the true power. None of them ever had. Not even he could determine their fates.

Only they could. No matter how many chances he gave them. No matter how much of their pain his beloved took into her divine form. They alone...these little piss ants that sometimes got under his skin with their pettiness, greed and hubris...they alone determined the outcome.

Even the great and mighty Fate must bow his knee to their weak wills. And only her love made any of it bearable.

So they danced...his dark unleashed in all its glory upon her tattered and broken heart that brimmed with love, gave all life, and battled for the hearts and minds of man. She welcomed it all as he sent her pain, the pain of that frail priestess, unfurling to the black void of the stars.

Then they loved and comforted one another. She opened those magical thighs and he knew peace. Then they rested and renewed for another battle in this eternal war.