The Short Happy Life of Island Bill

Some of you might cry. Some of you might hit something. Others of you might get drunk.

In my case, my vision started to flicker again and I dropped into a fugue state.

I didn't pass out per se. It was more like being in a coma, or just dead. I wasn't aware of what was happening. But to preserve itself my mind had retreated deep within its psychic bomb shelter.

Every internal system from consciousness, to basic emotion simply went off-line. I was like a zombie.

I came out of it still seated in front of my workstation. I had not slept, or even slumped in the chair. But it was bright sunlight outside. So it was clearly the next day.

I looked at the clock. I had been sitting upright in the chair for close to 9 hours.

My muscles were killing me and it took several minutes to get stretched out enough to be able to walk.

I was back to being aware of the world around me, but all of my inner structures had burned to the ground. I was hollow inside.

I don't know how other people might react to what I had just witnessed. But I was totally wiped out. You go along in one version of reality. And then when the picture shifts, it is hard to make a quick transition into the new universe.

I mean, give me a break! As far as I knew Janet had been my best friend and loving wife for the past 4,380 days. This alternate reality was not even one day old.

My thoughts were almost laughably clichéd. "How could she do something like that? How often has she done something like that? And every cuckold's favorite question, how many other men has she done that with?"

Denial is the first stage of grief. You try to spin what you saw. But I had a huge MP4 documenting the facts in glorious high definition and digital sound.

It was hard to deny THAT!

Janet was not in her room. She and shithead must have been out doing whatever they were getting paid to do. Or maybe they were fucking in another room? Either way it didn't matter.

I sent the kill command to the virus and shut off the link. They would never know how I had done it.

It would take some time to wade through the entire recording. They tell you to never watch your spouse's infidelity. That is, if you ever plan to reconcile. That wasn't an issue with me since we were finished. The only question left to be answered was how to make the break?

It isn't the betrayal of trust that impacts you, as much as it is the tangible evidence that your fundamental assumptions about the inevitability of your marriage and even your life are incorrect.

There are things in everybody's life that we just assume are a given. At the top of that list is the belief that both partners in a marriage will remain faithful. If you are normal, it never crosses your mind to think otherwise.

So once you see that basic assumption blown up, you begin to question all of the other things that you presumed were true. And that is a very dark and lonely road to travel indeed. I was well on my way down it at that point.

I knew to the core of my soul that reconciliation with Janet was out of the question. So I planned to view whatever fucking and sucking I had captured as nothing more than information.

It would be ammunition for what I needed now, absoluter scorched earth, unconditional war to the knife.

----

Revenge is such a purifying emotion. It focuses and carries you through the maelstrom of less practical feelings that swirl around when you are betrayed like I had just been.

Revenge makes you feel less helpless and lost. More importantly it lets you get control back.

I showered and dressed. My rational mind was already formulating a plan.

I was alternating between wild bouts of anger and the lack of any feeling whatsoever. I was a little concerned about the latter state. Since I couldn't laugh, cry, or even feel impatient at the idiots in DC traffic.

If there was any emotion down there at all it was a feeling of utter ruthlessness.

I was hoping that condition would pass. Being totally ruthless helps you get through the shock but I would have to get on with my life somehow.

And spending the rest of my life obsessing about ways to even the score with those two just seemed so totally fucked-up.

I was headed for the bank and then to my lawyer Bernie's office.

First I did the usual clichéd financial protection things. I divided our liquid assets and shared out the bonds and stocks. I put all of my share in another bank and left the rest in our joint account for Janet.

Bernie is a college buddy. He was born to be a lawyer and he has always handled all of my legal affairs.

He is a totally good guy and an aficionado of Jewish humor. So he is also a lot of fun to have a beer with.

I told him what had happened and what evidence I had. I told him that there was no chance that I could stay married to Janet. So I asked him to draw up what he considered to be a fair settlement offer.

He looked at me sympathetically and said, "Are you sure that this is what you want to do? This is very hasty.

"You and Janet are a perfect couple and from everything I have ever been able to see she loves you. I cannot conceive of a circumstance that would make her do what you described. Have you talked to her about it yet?"

I said, "I don't need to talk to her. I saw it and I don't care about reasons. The faster I put this behind me the better. I have to get away from my overwhelming feelings of anger, loneliness and distress at her betrayal."

Then I broke down. Bernie's office must have caused it. It felt like I had reached a safe harbor after battling a terrible storm.

And it was fucking embarrassing!

I have cried exactly once in my life. It was when my mother died. Even then it was something I had anticipated and I acted less like a little baby girl.

This time it blindsided me and I just couldn't cope. I was totally overcome by my deep personal heartache.

Three days ago I had been a happily married man with a wife who was my best friend, companion and lover.

That was obviously an illusion. I didn't even know the slut on the video.

It was like I had lived my life in two parallel universes. There was the one dimension where we were a happy respectful couple and then there was the one where I had always been the hapless fool.

I wondered which life was the real one. I suspected that I knew the answer to that question.

Bernie had not anticipated my acting like such a pussy. How could he. I am always so controlled and rational.

He freaked out when I started caterwauling and began yelling for his secretary.

Gladys is a kind and nurturing older woman. She put the picture together in about six nanoseconds. She knows what lawyers do.

She grabbed a bunch of paper towels from Bernie's bathroom and fed them to me one at a time as she held my head on her ample, matronly bosom making sympathy noises.

I finally stopped my sniveling.

Did I mention how humiliating that was?

But it DID make me feel better once I had let it out.

I looked at Bernie with apology for my breakdown and said, "You know what I need you to do."

God! After the exhibition I had just put on he would have had to be totally brain dead to NOT understand what I needed him to do.

I said, "This is a no-fault jurisdiction so file 'irreconcilable differences' but make it clear to her lawyer that in case she pushes back I have all of the evidence that I need to ruin her personally and professionally.

I want this to be over quick."

Bernie said, "Not a problem. I can have the papers for you by tomorrow noon. Is that what you want? Where do you want her served?"

I said, "She gets back at 6:00 PM tomorrow. I would like her served at home as soon as possible after that.

"I am going to leave something that will make the reasons for the divorce self-explanatory."

He nodded and I went home to the hard part.

-----

I had recorded too much fucking-sucking and pillow-talking to make an efficient documentary.

So I created a "greatest hits" version of her night with shithead, just to establish the salient points.

But in order to do that I had to plow through close to five hours of the most utterly heart-rending shit to distill out fifteen golden minutes.

Bernie had asked me if a hasty divorce action was a reasonable response after twelve good years.

I was semi-wondering that too until I actually made the demonstration video.

After watching how much she enjoyed her little fuck-fest, all I could think about was getting as far away from the bitch as possible.

Janet is a passionate woman and that was on utter display. I have heard that some men get turned on watching their wife fuck. I was sickened by it.

I have always considered myself a rational and reasonable person. But after what I witnessed, their especially grizzly murder seemed like a viable option.

I packed all of my stuff and loaded it into my car. There was nothing I wanted from that house other than my clothes and a few personal things.

I had left the evidence running in a loop on the workstation. Of course I had my new show and the raw footage on a portable drive that I was taking with me.

Then I closed the door on the past decade of my life.

I left a simple note propped against the monitor.

It said, "I am sorry that you chose to do this to me. And I apologize for any failure on my part in our relationship. I loved you with all my heart.

"I will forever value what we had as husband and wife. But there is no stepping back from this betrayal.

"If you have not been served before you read this you will be in a few short minutes. I tried to be scrupulously fair in the settlement and I hope that you will not fight this. The sooner I have you out of my life the sooner I can move on.

"I need time to heal so please respect me enough to NOT communicate with me. If we see each other on campus please have the consideration to head the other way.

"I will probably never stop loving you and I do not need to be reminded of what I have lost. I wish you had valued it more.

"Perhaps someday we can get together and you can tell my why - With Love - Billy Joe."

I drove down to my new digs. That would be our boat. I had gotten most of my sanity back on-line by then and the space around me was familiar. So I was almost feeling normal.

That is until I thought about the bitch and her lover. Then I got back in touch with my homicidal side.

I always considered personal revenge a childish emotion, better left to the lesser brains. That is until it happened to me.

Now I was a raving monster. I planned on inflicting maximum pain on shithead and I knew exactly what it would take for me to be fully satisfied.

I wanted a total life extinction event for that mother-fucker.

But there was one piece of unfinished business I had to get out of the way first.

I called Jill as soon as I was done moving into the boat. Jill has been Janet's best friend and confidant since they were in College.

She is married to Tom who is definitely my best friend.

Unlike Janet, I am not particularly social. But I have a few people who I naturally gravitate toward. That was Tom and Jill. They are both very good people.

Jill was delighted to hear from me. She said, "Hey eligible bachelor man. How about coming over for dinner so we can keep you out of the dating pool while your wife is gone? We're grilling steaks."

She had no idea how tragic and totally inappropriate that little remark was.

I laughed and said, "I would love a steak and a little conversation if you could spare the time."

An hour later I was sitting on their back deck drinking a beer and enjoying a perfectly cooked Sirloin.

They were sitting opposite me at the table. I said, "I have something very important to tell both of you. So is it okay if we skip the banter?"

Both of them looked puzzled and a little concerned. Jill said, "Sure, fire away!"

I was looking directly in her eyes when I said, "Is there anything you need to tell me about Janet?"

The blast doors slammed shut. But before that happened I saw the shift in her eyes. It was unmistakable.

Jill took her time. It looked like she was carefully thinking through her answer.

She said, "Janet is going through a difficult time. She loves you to distraction. But there are powerful, and I might add evil forces at work, which she simply can't disregard and which are confusing her.

"She has told me about it. But I am guessing from the way you asked the question that you already know what problem she is dealing with. That is as much as I know.

"But I ALSO know that she is fighting with everything that she has to keep this from upsetting you. Janet is a good person and you are her one true love. She doesn't feel she can talk about it with you without altering your relationship, since she can't get out of the circumstance without quitting her job.

"But you have to understand that her present state is truly upsetting and embarrassing to her."

I could tell from Jill's rationalizations that she was as clueless as I was.

That would make a big difference in our association going forward.

If she had known about shithead and not told me, I would have been done with both of them too.

I said, "Seriously??! Well that's very odd, since she didn't look very embarrassed when I videoed her and her boss fucking in very creative ways for about five straight hours.

"I just need you two to know that I am divorcing her."

That dropped on them like the meteor that killed off the dinosaurs.

In fact, it might have actually been a little over the top cruel. They are very nice people and didn't deserve to be hit with that.

But my judgment was still a bit off. At least, as far as common sense was concerned.

Both of them turned white. Jill looked like she was going to pass out. She steadied herself and said, "What did you just say? You're divorcing Janet!!??"

I said, "The papers get served tomorrow. I left a video to illustrate the reason why. It is pretty X rated. And don't ask me how I got it.

Both Jill and Tom probably thought I had hired a Private Investigator. Very 20th Century thinking.

Jill spluttered, "But this will kill her. She loves you to distraction. I can't believe she would betray you. Was it with Todd Breckenridge? He was the one pressuring her to have sex."

I said, "Believe it baby! And she didn't look particularly pressured as she was declining my call in order to concentrate on sucking his cock."

I was being intentionally crude to reinforce that the old Billy Joe was dead and that a new avenging angel had risen to take his place.

Jill looked appalled. She was speechless. Tom came over and put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a man-squeeze.

Then he sat back down and said, "Is there anything we can do to help? We love both of you and I want you to know that we are here to support you no matter what."

I said, "Thanks buddy." Then I looked at Jill and said, "Janet is going to need you at about 6:30 tomorrow evening.

"I still love the bitch even if I can never be married to her and I want you to take good care of her.

"I will accept rational discussion after I overcome my overwhelming desire to drop her body into the Potomac. But life is too short to hear about what might have been. I particularly don't want to hear about how sorry she is."

I told both of them that I valued our relationship. And that all I expected from them was to continue to obey the simple rules of friendship.

I told them that I would be living in the boat until things died down. I asked Jill to make sure Janet did not try to visit me there.

I got up and we did a group hug.

I walked to my car trying hard to not look like a beaten man. The only thing that was keeping me going was the knowledge that Breckenridge and Janet would have an equally bleak outlook on life after tomorrow.

------

I awoke the next day in the cabin of the boat. The world might have come to an end. But it was still a bright and sunny April day in DC.

The boat was a little cramped but comfortable enough. And it would be home for the foreseeable future.

The Marina itself is like a village full of boat people. So there was foot traffic busily coming and going on the dock, even that early. It was like I was like living on Main Street of a small town.

My phone had about 27 voicemails on it. They were all from Janet. I had a feeling that Jill had called her.

I bulk deleted them and went off looking for breakfast. There is a hotel next to the Marina. It's one of those cheap tourist traps but it serves a buffet. I read the Post and eased into my day.

I still had to lecture that morning and so I took the Metro from the Waterfront SEU Station across town to the University.

It was a long walk from Foggy Bottom but it was one of those gorgeous spring days in DC. The humidity hadn't arrived yet and the City was alive around me.

I began to think about the rest of my life. The first faint rays of hope had started to light up my soul. The brisk exercise of the walk helped.

Janet was history but I was only 42 years old. Maybe I could find somebody and start a family?

I marveled at humans. They are amazingly resilient creatures. This was only Thursday and I had been a vegetable Tuesday night. It is astonishing what two days of perspective will do for you.

I finished my lecture and headed for the President's Office.

There were 12 more calls on my phone. I deleted them as I was walking.

The President and I have always gotten along. I bring in a ton of grant money and that gets their attention in the Administration Building.

When I was seated he did the usual coffee or tea thing. I politely declined. He said, "So what brings you here Billy Joe, more funding I hope?"

And he grinned at his little joke.

I said, "I have a serious case of malfeasance to discuss with you."

His eyes instantly went feral. It is never a good idea to utter the word "malfeasance" in the presence of a University President. It strikes at the very heart of their leadership.

I had the proof on the tablet computer that I was clutching. I would use it if need be. I was hoping I wouldn't have to.

He said, "That is a very serious charge. Who are you accusing?" And he began shuffling the papers in front of him. It was a display of pure agitation.

I said, "The person I am accusing is your Vice President for Marketing and University Advancement." I couldn't bring myself to say the fucker's name.

I said, "I have evidence here," and gestured to my tablet, "That he has been carrying on a clandestine affair with one of his subordinates while representing the University to the donor community."

I thought that the President was going to pass out when I said that. Donors are the people who keep University Presidents on their thrones. Any canoodling in front of that group would be a threat to the President's OWN position.

I said, "The other person is my wife Janet." He blanched, "And that is the reason why I am in possession of this."

I handed him two stills. They were extremely compromising. In the one she was swallowing his cock to its root and in the other he was banging her doggy style, a look of utter ecstasy on both of their faces.

The President looked appalled.

Oooops! I had forgotten about his vow of abstinence.

He started to reach for the phone. Then he remembered that both of them were still in New York.

As his hand was hovering over the phone I said in as non-threatening a voice as possible, "I believe that the University owes me recompense. Your failure to properly supervise your two subordinates has cost me my marriage and my happiness."

That was something he could deal with. He withdrew his hand and got that cagy CEO look. You could see that he was asking himself, "How much will it cost me to make this go away?"