The Silver Arrows Ch. 01

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Risax
Risax
14 Followers

'Sir, that doesn't change the fact that this is still a dangerous mission for one man.' Deandra told the Count, while smiling smugly at Aeron.

'Then maybe you should go with him.' Aeron replied.

'My plan exactly.' the Count chuckled.

'What!?' Both Aeron and Deandra yelled out.

Before either one could argue anymore, the count spoke up again.

'Well, you have been very silent during all this Teran. Do you agree with this task, or not. I can't force you to do anything.'

'That...sounds...awesome!' Teran yelled. 'This is exactly the sort of adventure I was looking for!'

'Is he...insane?' Aeron whispered this question in Deandra's ear.

But Count van Ryvel was pleased.

'Haha! You got guts lad! I like that!' the Count responded, as he got up from his chair. 'Here,' he said, as he handed Teran a quiver of arrows that he grabbed from behind his seat. 'They're silver arrows,' he told Teran as he stared at him quizzically. 'I don't believe in this talk of demons, but it might help.'

'Thank you, sir.' he replied with a grin, he couldn't believe that he was going to slay a monster.

'Don't thank me, lad. This is hardly a reward for someone that won a tournament. Here, I believe you deserve this.' Count van Ryvel said, as he threw Teran a pouch of coins.

He caught the pouch, and his eyes shined just as brightly as the large silver coins that he saw when he opened the pouch.

'Now, go out and celebrate. Meet Deandra at the gates tomorrow afternoon.' Count van Ryvel explained, before he bade Teran farewell.

* * * *

The inn Teran had chosen to stay in was a place called 'The Empty Flagon', luckily they always kept his flagon filled.

'The Flagon' was a tavern that seemed to cater to people with a little more money in their pouches, but tonight both commoner and noble was celebrating Teran's victory. (there even where a few beggars that were treated to a flagon of ale.)

On a raised dais a minstrel was playing a lute and singing songs, mostly songs that the patrons requested by yelling them at him.

Teran himself was singing along to the song the minstrel was currently playing, while he was drinking his flagon of hill. On his lap sat one of the serving wenches, a petite young woman with shoulder-length black wavy hair and a golden tan wearing a dress of black and white, with stocking clad legs. She laughed and flirted with Teran, and eventually whispered in his ear if he wanted to go upstairs.

And seeing as the serving wench had been pressing her large, perfectly shaped butt against his crotch for the entire evening, he felt more than ready to go upstairs, and he told her so.

She giggled, while getting off of from his lap and grabbed his hand.

Teran grinned, and set down his flagon of ale before the serving wench dragged him along. Her shapely rear was clearly outlined against her dress, and as Teran watched it wiggle about while she walked he felt his cock grow even harder.

Before they ascended the stairs, she made sure to cup Teran's crotch and purred softly in his ear. 'Excited darling?'

'Yes, very.' he replied, while he playfully squeezed one of her buttocks.

The serving wench gasped and then giggled.

'O you naughty boy!' she squealed before escaping from Teran's grasp and quickly running up the stairs.

He laughed in response and quickly ran after the serving wench who, as it turned out, was waiting for him at the top of the stairs, and swept him up in a passionate kiss. As soon as the kiss was broken however, she laughed and quickly ran off again. After searching for the serving wench for a while, he eventually went to his room and found her leaning against the door.

'Finally here slowpoke?' she asked with an impish grin. 'I almost thought you weren't coming,' she pouted. 'Or maybe the problem is that you already did...' she added, her naughty smile having returned.

'I'm going to get you for that comment...' Teran replied as he grabbed the serving wench and opened the door to his room.

She giggled as he gently pushed her into the room, and fell onto the bed when he closed the door behind her. 'Mmm...What will you do to me then?' she purred, as Teran turned to face her. ' I suppose you'll tear off my clothes and ravish me. All. Night. Long?'

After kicking of his boots, Teran jumped on top of her and kissed her deeply.

'Something like that.' he replied somewhat out of breath after ending the kiss.

'I can't wait...' the serving girl purred as he undid the laces at the front of her dress, and pulled it open to see her small, but shapely breasts.

Teran wrapped his lips around one of the dark, suck-able nipples and started to suck on it softly while his right hand travelled up one of her long legs and slipped between her broad thighs to find her bare, soaked pussy. She moaned softly as his fingers teased her swollen lower lips while he sucked on the stiff nipple. After a few moments his mouth left her nipple however, slowly kissing his way down over her clothed body and moved his head closer to her pussy, until he put his head under her dress and faced her drenched slit.

Teran breathed in her intoxicating scent before pressing his lips up against her pussy, her silky flesh yielded to his tongue and he heard the woman gasp as he started to eagerly lick her pussy. Above him the serving wench moaned and her thighs clenched tighter around his head, even her juices started to flow more freely.

He eagerly lapped up her tasty nectar, bringing even louder moans from the serving wench in the process.

The serving wench's thighs clamped around Teran's head even tighter as he concentrated his attention on the small, erect nub that was her clitoris while he slipped one of his fingers into her wet pussy. When he started to slip his finger in and out of her hot, wet depths while simultaneously licking her clit, it didn't take long before the serving wench shrieked and trashed above him while her pussy clamped down on his finger.

After a few moments, when her orgasm had ran its course, the young woman parted her legs with a sigh. Soon after that Teran slowly removed his finger from her wet pussy and got to his feet, to come face to face with a very pleased looking serving wench.

'That was...amazing.' she sighed.

'Don't praise me just yet,' Teran replied, while pulling the woolen tunic over his head. 'Because were not done.'

Her eyes first caught his suggestive smile, before his face was obscured by the tunic, then her eyes drifted lower. She moaned softly, he had seemed skinny at first, but now she noticed some lithe, lean muscles on his frame. She would have liked to watch him a little longer, but instead decided to follow his example and strip too.

While standing on one leg while trying to get his pants off, Teran watched the serving wench get up from the bed and turn away from him. Slowly but surely she started to shed her dress, giving him an excellent view of her small, slender and discreetly muscled back before she removed her skirts.

Teran groaned audibly when her skirts hit the floor, giving him an amazing view of her her slender waist flared out into broad hips, but soon his attention was focused on her large, heart-shaped butt, appearing to be even larger thanks to her petite frame. When she moved to remove the stockings that went up past her knees, Teran stopped her.

'No, leave them on.'

'My pleasure, love.' she purred before turning to face him.

As it turned out, Teran had something quite sizable jutting up from between his legs, and she moaned softly in response. 'Let's put this to good use, shall we.' she purred and stroked his erect cock, before she giggled and quickly jumped on top of the bed and stuck her shapely rear up in the air.

Not being able to resist such an invitation, Teran rushed towards the bed and grabbed the halves of her ass and slowly pushed his hips forward until the crown of his hard cock brushed against the wet lips of her pussy. But with a sudden thrust, he slammed his cock into her tight, warm wet depths and she squealed in a mixture of surprise and pleasure.

When he started to pump his hips, and squeeze her buttocks fondly she moaned softly while humping back to increase their pace. As they continued their passionate lovemaking, Teran's hand roamed from the serving wench's shapely buttocks, over her back until he eventually grabbed her small, but shapely breasts. Loud moans passed her lips as Teran stimulated both her breasts and fucked her tight pussy. But it only took a few moments before she screamed and trembled underneath him and the slick walls of her cunt clamped around his dick.

The sight of her climaxing and the way her pussy milked his cock set off his own climax as well. With a dark groan the first thick ropes of hot cum sprayed from his cock, coating the slick walls of the serving wench's tight pussy. As their bodies were locked together, shuddering in climax, Teran filled her enflamed pussy up with more of his hot, sticky cream. Afterwards they both collapsed on the bed, and fell to their sides.

'Ready for more?' she asked softly, while turning to Teran and kissing him.

'I might need a moment.' he groaned in reply, while his softening cock slipped out of her slippery snatch.

'I think I have a quicker solution...' she purred while pulling away from Teran, and rolling him onto his back.

Before he had a chance to ask what she was doing, the serving wench started to lick his half-erect cock, greedily swallowing the globs of cum that still clung to it. Slowly his dick started to grow erect again, and shone with a mixture of her saliva and pussy juices and when she was sure that she had lapped up all of the wayward globs of cum, she opened her mouth and slipped the crown of his cock into her mouth.

The serving wench's head slowly descended on his large, erect prick. When she had managed to swallow the entire length of his dick, Teran groaned in response to to this and soon the serving wench started to bob her head up and down. Her head bobbed up and down faster and faster, moaning around his cock hungrily. But when Teran felt that he was about to reach orgasm, she suddenly stopped and extracted his member from her throat.

'Looks like you're ready for me now.' she said with an impish grin, before crawling on top of him and slipped his cock into her pussy.

As it turned out, he was.

Both of them screwed for almost the entire evening, with the serving wench sucking him off until he was hard again multiple times, and eventually they both fell asleep.

Teran still hadn't figured out what her name was...

Risax
Risax
14 Followers
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Lien_GellerLien_Gellerover 11 years ago
A comment of epic proportions...

Ok so the first thing I notice is that you named your city Triump. That's fine. It's just that Triump kind of looks like a typo of Triumph. Now, I know this is fantasy and we can damn well do whatever the fuck we want with our worlds. It's just that knocking off the last letter to a word isn't very imaginative. Plus, you can pretty much warp the word however you like. Triulmas. Trinvathen. Treititty McBoobs. This is a small complaint but because you've just knocked the 'h' off the end it actually looks more like a typo than what you were going for.

Second hiccup that bothered me was the use of the convenient history lesson. Again, this isn't wrong but it does come off as somewhat lazy writing. I'm referring to the part where Lord Adren defends Teran because of the Yslanders efforts. I don't know who the Yslanders are, I don't really know too much about the noble-peasant relations. It just feels like I'm being offered a random excuse rather than anything else. Now don't get me wrong, world-building is great and you should feel free to flesh out your world as much as you want. Just don't introduce convenient elements of history without laying the groundwork first. You could have used that moment to show Lord Adren's force of personality in a stare-down with the uppity noble or maybe to show that he is a powerful man even amongst his kin. Instead I get a random history lesson about people I don't know much about either before or after it's said.

Finally, as far as criticisms go I'm just going to mention the general flow of the tale. Sometimes your wording becomes unnecessarily simplistic or awkward. I don't normally do this but if your stories aren't much longer than this and you need help with editing then I'm happy to give it a shot for you. If that doesn't sound like a good idea to you then allow me to show you some of the problems.

--

"SILENCE!" The old man boomed

And everyone was silent.

--

Ok, that last part there unnecessarily begins with the word "and" which shouldn't start a sentence if you can help it. Furthermore, it's a bit too simplistic.

--

The noise was immediately crushed beneath the sound of his command.

In that moment, the only sound in the entire tourney grounds became that of the flags moving in the afternoon breeze.

--

Oh, and sometimes Teran does sound overly formal. Now I'm not saying you should make him speak in a god-awful written accent that some authors try to get away with like:

"Ee now guv'nor, blo mi socks off an' sing a jig! I din't kno you wuz a high born."

...what?

No, definitely don't go down that route. That said, here's some of Teran's quotes.

"Hey, how do I participate in the tournament?" could be "So where can I sign up?"

"It hadn't really occured to me before you mentioned it." could be "I hadn't really thought about it all that much."

Again, I'm really nitpicking now and again this isn't really wrong but I just thought a peasant speaking in the queen's english was a bit jarring.

Anyhoo, lets get onto what you do well. The story itself is a good idea based on effective fantasy tropes. The archery contest is fun and shows that the protagonist has talent whilst making the reader root for him against the privileged nobility. I really like your description of women and the sex you write is pretty damn hot. My only complaint is that the sex is almost nameless and seems tacked on in this chapter. Kind of like you thought 'Shit, I forgot the shagging! Quick, I'd better write in a sexy bar-wench.'

I'm not saying remove the bar wench. Just give her a bit more character. Show more of the flirting, reveal that she'd been watching him in the show. Just something that makes the connection of the sex work better. Though, again, the sex itself is scorching so well done there.

Overall I liked this quite a bit but it really just needs some re-reading and self editing to get the flow right. I know you're a new writer on here and for a first crack at a story this is fucking great. I also know how easy it is to get excited that your story is finished and you want to get to posting it right away. Best advice I could give is to just stop, take a breath and give it a re-run a few times. If you can, wait a little while before re-reading. I usually wait at least a week before self-editing.

Anyhoo I hope this was helpful and good luck with the next chapter! I'm cheerfully anticipating what Teran will get up to next.

RisaxRisaxover 11 years agoAuthor
Working on Chapter 2.

Hey guys, thank you for the kind words!

I'm glad you all enjoyed it, so good news. I've began writing the second chapter of 'the Silver Arrows', and hopefully I'll have it up sometime next week!

GundeGundeover 11 years ago
A promising start

Looks really good so far. Like was the case with Gavin, you use the start of the story to set things up very nicely, and have created a good base from which to expand the story further. And the scene with the wench was hot, despite her small tits ;)

kuellarkuellarover 11 years ago
Good start

Looking forward to the next bit!

sqheadgermansqheadgermanover 11 years ago
GR8 more plz

very good old chap.. windy you know. sqhead

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