The Spy who Fucked Me

We heard the driver down shift as he turned off the main road into a side street. The truck stopped and we heard the rear doors open and knew it was time to go. The driver that had followed us sat in his car and watched as the truck reversed into a loading dock and stopped and a fork truck begin to unload. The first four pallets were stacked either side of the truck, one on top of another, so that he didn't see anything other than the mast of the fork as it reversed away with two pallets and he certainly didn't see the Citroen as it reversed out of the trailer and followed it down the narrow passageway between the stacked pallets.

A cargo plane waited for us at the airport and I drove straight up the ramp and into its bowels. "Welcome back James." I was greeted by a tall, slim blonde with a clipboard in her hand. "And you must be Ivana, the woman who has broken my heart."

Ivana was just about to call me all manner of bastards but I got in first. "Don't let her upset you Darling, she doesn't mean it, in fact of the two of us she's more interested in you."

"What! Do you mean that for the last several days I've been worrying over nothing?"

"I wouldn't say that, she might make a move on you."

"She can forget that for a start."

"Children, stop that. Now down to business, I have tickets for the both of you to Rarotonga via Kuala Lumpa, Brisbane and Auckland. You'll be travelling as Mr and Mrs Charles Windsor, and no, Ivana your name isn't Camilla, here are your passports and tickets. You will be staying on a small island but you don't get away from us that easily, we've had a satellite link installed."

"She called you James?" Ivana looked at me. "Why did she call you James?"

"My dear, he's the last in a long list of James Bonds, let's face it. If he were the real, original James Bond then he'd be what, seventy years old. When we need a James Bond we pick one of our agents and he gets the glory for a time, much the same as Penny Sterling, the original was pensioned off ages ago. Before I forget James, your Walther please." She held out her hand and I gave her my pistol.

The plane landed at the Valley airbase on Anglesey and we transferred to another plane for the rest of our flight to freedom.

"You really had me fooled, you're James Bond after all."

"No I'm not, I'm just someone acting the part for a short time, there's never been anyone who could do it for any length of time, the stress, as you know, is a killer, as well as the knowledge of how many have died because of you and the realisation that it's all been for nothing, the world just doesn't change. I had hoped that I could make some difference, I wanted to make a difference, which is why I did what I did."

"What did you do?"

"Please don't get angry with me. Those diamonds, they were dragged from the ground by underpaid workers living in appalling conditions and were being used to buy weapons that would keep them in appalling conditions. They have little food and disgusting sanitary conditions, disease is endemic, medical care is non-existent, as is education. I wanted to use those diamonds to make a difference to those people, their government doesn't care, in fact they encourage that situation because it gives them a greater level of control. What I'm trying to tell you is that I gave the diamonds to Penny with strict instructions that they be delivered to 'Medicines sans Frontieres' so that they can be used to provide urgent medical attention to the peoples of the Third World."

"Oh Patrick, or is it James, or is it something else, not Charles I hope, you are something else again, just when I was beginning to believe that I didn't really know you, you go and do this thing that makes me want to know you better." She kissed me with a passion the like of which I had not yet experienced. She took her lips from mine and rested her head on my chest and I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt. "I loved you as a hard-nosed spy, you excited me like no other man, then you go and do this, and now you are more perfect than any man that I've ever known. Kiss me, and make love to me like I'm a normal woman and not some spy who's a temporary diversion."