tagHumor & SatireThe Spy Who Fucked Me Up The Ass

The Spy Who Fucked Me Up The Ass

bySpanner Browser©

Beaver Jones was walking slowly towards the bank of the river Minge. She was a tall blonde assassin. With red lipstick, a fur coat, and a killer smile to die for. The people saw her as public enemy number 1. Her juices flowed from the de-industrialisation penis, swollen with the heady gains of a capitalist sweat-gland. It was a powerful symbol of the Soviet non-struggle for non-independence. She wanted to be seen as a sexy, horny spy. A dirty, double-dealing minx. This was her secret weapon; a pneumatic pussy. That was why she had wiped out more secret agents than Smooth-clit Carleen, the former MI5 agent. She liked licking a wet foreskin, while her pussy got hot as a pepper, and then she got very wet, and stuffed FBI meat and two vege throbbing, into her cavern of deceit and intrigue. But what she really enjoyed was a good facial, from a cock of incredible stiffness, or a cream-pie from the sperm-sack of an important Soviet official and spy, like Nuts Fingers Dildo.

Nut Fingers Dildo was by all means a mean looking spy, with a thick black moustache, and yet beneath that hard exterior, he had the heart of a lion, and the cunning mind of a fox. The speed of a cheetah. And the dick of a donkey.

He was tall, strong, magnetic and magnificent. When they got together, two spies in a pod, fireworks exploded across the eastern sky.

She thought of the last time they had met…

She started licking her lips, and then let his wandering fingers run up her skirt, edging ever closer to her gaper. Her gaper got moister and moister. His thoughts turned to tonguing her wonderful espionage wet pussy. She smelt delicious, and the feel of her lips was like a velvet rainbow.

"Kiss me, Nuts Fingers Dildo," she murmured whilst licking softly up his chest. He was masturbating her slowly, she was groaning and groping his dick while he was wanking her clit, and she bent over and started sucking his oscillating jossilating testicles. Her titties began bouncing this way and that way while she was giving head. Nuts thought "this is better than choking the rooster back in my army barracks, with fantasies of cunnilingus running through my lonely head. My pathetic, sad, lonely head. Oh woe is me, this heartbroken spy, this spinster of the Russian Secret Army."

Through these sad thoughts, his woeful hard-on began to wither. Wither and die like a tiny flower. Really, it was totally flat, like a wilted daffodil. A pressed daffodil in a book of pressed flowers for Children in Need. A sad, flat, useless specimen. Poor Nuts.

Beaver stopped lapping the end of his dick and looked deep into his soulful Russian eyes. Beneath her magnificent jugs, her heart skipped a beat. "How about some of my delicious fanny-juices, pussy ejaculation, wet dripping excited cunt, my darling? That should put the lead back in your wilted pencil".

"I have a great propensity for tickling your pussy, stimulating it with my expertly teasing tongue".

Her nipples were not inverted. In fact, they were sticking out like coat-pegs. Like missiles on the Russian Steppes. Like thimbles on a washerwoman's thumbs. And so on. No longer was Nuts' prick floppy, as he suckled gently on her love-juices. Boing boing bing bong bang!

"My hard-on is back," he cried. Reaching out from my pube jungle toward the rich forest of your piss-flaps. Fancy a bit of slap and tickle, my lovely?"

He began prodding her with his erect tool, rubbing it pleasurably inside her, almost spunking within seconds.

Suddenly, an investigative journalist walked past the copulating couple. He was working for the other side. The dirty Belgians. "Quick!" shouted Beaver. "Put away your wonderful, throbbing, thick, pulsating, hard, spectacular, delicious, multi-tasking wiener! We must fight this intruder! He is non other than Helmet Phlegm; he is a good-for-nothing, kissing flange bunholer with knockers like rancid melons. He works for the Danish underground. They are all fudgetunnellers. Kill him NOW! Or my quim will be in danger"

Nuts did not want her quim to be in danger. Or her chewy vulva. Or her outer-flaps. Or her tasty pink inner lips. Etc.

Her thoughts were quickening with fear. Nuts grabbed his Derringer, cocked the trigger, and pointed it straight at Helmet, the dirty Belgian, the filthy rat. Without inner depths of compassion or morality.

Helmet fell to his knees and pleaded for his life. "Please don't shoot. With your derringer so fine. May your moustache quiver and the hairs on the back of your neck dance the dance of fear. I have this place surrounded. No, wait. I don't have this place surrounded, but..."

Nuts fired, once, twice. Three times straight from his gun-barrel and into the barrel chest of the Belgian intruder, who fell over. Onto the floor. Dead. Dead as a dodo.

"Let's search his pockets!" cried Beaver.

"That's an exceedingly good idea," replied Nuts F. D.

They found nothing until they searched in his shirt pockets. Beaver smiled a broad grin.

"Look at this!" she murmured. It was a mouth-watering polymorphous perversity that cannot be put into words. It was the largest dildo they had ever seen. Beaver's panties grew instantly sopping with the thought of Nuts thrusting the giant penis into her ass, whilst diddling her with three fingers, pussy fly-fishing in and out of her.

"I can't wait to have that spurting dildo cum in my mouth like a black mambo with Chinese balls, like a Welsh pastie full of KY jelly. I do love a good dildo double-ender in my ass, and a vibrator in my gynaecological region, go on, fuck me hard up the ass you horny stallion!"

So Nuts started bonking her in the mouth with his swollen member, and the dildo was doing the do up her butt as requested. And finally, he got a vibrator doin' it properly in her female wet place. They were frigging, he was cupping her breasts while copulating with her. "Golden showers?" "No thanks" I will buy you a diamond ring if you suck my cheesy ring. He began sliding into her mouth like a well-oiled purple piston. She was chewing his rod as the dildo and vibrator made her quiver.

"I'm close to coming, darling," she cried.

"I'm the clit stimulator, sex accelerator, romping with non-gay abandon in your womanly places!" cried Nuts. She was deep-throating him like a top porno film.

"Oh no, for a moment I thought you were Bono from U2, the popular Irish band boner, or whatever, but now I know you're not, you are just Nuts, the spy who loves my knickers, who loves spunking into my cunt with wave after wave of thick white ejaculation, running and dripping! Oh god, I'm coming!"

Her orgasm explosion went rippling through her body, tickling Nuts' prick, deep in her mouth. He collapsed and began ejaculating, looking at her teasing eyes, as she drank every drop. He rolled back, smiling. Thinking of Trevor.

"I'll buy you that Diamond ring one day, Beaver, and I will sure give you a pearl necklace again! You are truly the most exciting spy I have ever bent over a table and fucked from behind, as well as accepting the biggest dildo up the ass I have ever seen as well as my three fingers in your pussy and I love you"

"I love you too, Nuts Dildo"

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