The Struggle Ch. 05a

wear. And I could handle some spanking and so on. But from a more or less soft-sm game, we graduated to a more extreme form. I know I was placed as a sub to a real Mistress, not my wife, not my other wife, but to a third person, who maybe likes me, but when she is in her Mistress role, she really scares me."

"Michelle never would do anything to harm you," Helena said firmly.

"I agree, but she is planning to teach me, and I know what that is: to make me accept more pain and get used to it. She will train me: read 'enhance my pain endurance'. Also; and I fear that even more than

her 'pain-training'; she is trying to make me her slave, or whatever you want to name it. I have read the books. I know all about the 'first position' and the 'second position' and so on. I have to give myself to her, and I know, I will hesitate at first, use my safe word and whatever, but there will be a time I will do what she asks of me. Will I be the same man then? Or is my self-esteem gone, and my self-respect? Can I look at myself in the mirror and ask: who am I? Or worse, maybe I don't even have the urge to do that, because I am indoctrinated and only want to please her. And finally, she will give me to the both of you, she will say that I am all yours and I have to obey you. At that point I will probably do everything you ask for a mercy fuck now and then. And I can already hear the both of you laughing and mocking me." He had a sad voice when he expressed his feelings and fears to them.

He continued "And in that process, if I recognize what she is doing and I realize it, I promise you: you have seen yet with my anger."

"What do you mean by that?" Helena asked.

"I mean that I will probably forget that Michelle is a woman, and that you are my wives and friends. You are playing with fire, don't get yourself burned."

The landlord's wife brought their soup, cutlery was already present and in silence they ate.

As usual Rob finished his bowl first and he looked around. During their conversation the pub steadily became even more crowded and the atmosphere was cozy. A lot of talk and laughter could be heard, other customers were also having dinner - Rob saw some delicious looking fish and chips plates passing by. He saw Nell standing at the counter, she looked at him and gave him a conspiratorial wink while she dried some glasses.

That reminded him. "Marion, Helena, do you want something else or more of the same to drink?"

"No, we're fine. Relax Rob." Helena answered for the both of them. Soon she and Marion were finished too and they were looking at each other again. Rob felt a bit uncomfortable, now he had laid his cards on the

table.

Helena spoke softly "So you are warning us? But that warning is based on prejudices. I blame your first bad experiences on why you say these things - so I won't hold it against you. But don't you agree with me, with us, that we are trying to make you feel better and more relaxed? The whole idea behind this was - and I keep repeating it - to accept what you are and what you are longing for deeply inside yourself. There have been mistakes - from our part - and maybe you also gave some signals that we interpreted wrongly. This learning process is all about respecting each other's wishes, to be comfortable with each other and the most important: give ourselves to each other. I don't want to take away your self-respect

or ego or whatever you name it. I want you, as you are: proud, confident and our beloved husband. We don't want a slave. We want a play-partner, we want hot steamy kinky sex and we want it often. We are still young, you know from Elisa that I've wasted a lot of time in my youth and I want the time left for us to have the most out of it. I want to grow old with the both of you, Marion and Rob, and I want memories what will satisfy us and often will bring a smile on our faces when we think back on these times. But these times are now: now I want to live our life at the fullest." She stopped for a moment, thinking. "I understand that you needed some time to think things over, but don't imagine things that

aren't there."

Marion nodded "I totally agree with Helena. Look at us - we are almost middle-aged, Helena already is, and we have still years to come. Let's spent that time with our family and don't waste it by being stubborn or having second thoughts. Rob, we want to enjoy ourselves, that's why we committed ourselves to each other. We've come so far, our misunderstanding is in the past, let's trust each other. We are both your loving wives - we never have intended to hurt you."

"The path to hell is paved with good intentions," Rob remarked dryly.

"I'm sorry," he then quickly said when he saw tears forming in Helena's and Marion's eyes. "I won't mention it again."

Nell approached their table, holding a large bowl which smelled lovely. "Here is the stew, potatoes and vegetables will follow. One moment." She left, and then returned a few moments later with a plate which held another two bowls. She removed the soup bowls, put them on the plate and left them, saying "Enjoy."

Rob filled Helena's and Marion's plates with the excellent food and soon they were all enjoying their dinner. The food, in combination with the ambiance, made this a wonderful evening.

When Rob had made his concerns clear to them, and Helena and Marion managed to talk all these dark thoughts out of him, he relaxed and soon they were laughing again and Rob told them about his day and the walk with Nell. When they were finished with their meal, Nell cleared the table and Helena thanked her for taking care of Rob. Nell just smiled and just said "Sometimes we all need a listening ear. I didn't do anything, really."

Rob didn't forget his dogs, while they had coffee he fed them and later, when a lot of people disappeared into the dark night, they gathered around the fireplace again, with both dogs between their feet. They drank some - and talked a lot. At a certain moment Helena asked "Rob, do you think it's necessary that we make that walk?" They heard the rain pouring against the windows and by the manner the door sometimes slammed, they also knew it was very windy. He looked at them and started to smile "What would you say if I thought it was necessary?"

Both Helena as Marion started to groan "No, please."

"I think we should go back home tomorrow. I think I figured out what was bothering me, now it's up to you that you commit to your words. Both of you!"

"Of course. Please dear, have some faith in us. I was thinking about giving you a massage, and maybe some squeezing and caressing at a certain place?" Marion placed her nyloned feet onto his lap, she had removed her boots and wiggled her toes.

"Tonight?" Rob asked. He caressed her feet.

"Yes!" Helena said. "Tomorrow we will discuss some plan I have made up and the day after tomorrow, hmmm, I want to meet you in the playroom. I have a new playsuit and I would really like to try it out. I want to know the effect on you. It's a new material - they call it 'wetsuit' - we love it!" Marion smiled at Helena while teasing Rob with her feet in his lap.

"I have to go out in this weather with Inca and Nicky. You can check the room if you want." Rob suggested.

He gave a soft smile to Nell who watched him. He carefully removed Marion's nyloned feet from his lap and stood up. His dogs followed him and when he passed Nell he said "This is a good area to clear your head."

"And to reconcile?" Nell asked.

"That too!" They smiled to each other.

"I'm glad it worked out for you, Rob. I suppose you will be leaving us soon?"

"Yes. But we will back soon, we will do the 'walk' again. You are a real friend. I think I or even we, will come here more often."

"Whenever you feel the need, come and visit us. You are very welcome, and both of your wives too."

"You know?" Rob asked a bit perplexed.

"Yes. I noticed two wedding rings, and your friends are wearing the same rings. Helena is your wife, and I think the other woman is more than just a friend?"

"Yes. She was the first who guided me into the lifestyle. Things went wrong, Helena saved me, but there was no wrongdoing by Marion. We reconciled and she is my other wife."

"Your wife has a large heart, I noticed it immediately. You are blessed, keep these women always by your side, I have seen love and they do really love you. Forget your sorrows, you will be safe with them."

"Yes, Nell. I am quite certain. I now know that I will be safe."

He left the pub and walked the path in the dark towards the heath. The moon was shining, the rain had stopped and only the wind was blowing. His dogs sensed his mood and were cheerful. Despite the dark, Nicky and Inca found the path and while they were tracking some animal, Rob felt great. He had conquered his demons. Still tomorrow had yet to come. Helena said she wanted to discuss something, but tonight felt good.

Homecoming.

The morning started well. Rob had ordered breakfast in bed, he went out early as usual with the dogs, but Nell was also already up and busy in the kitchen. He thought it would be a nice surprise for Helena and Marion to be served in their bed - and Nell agreed.

So when he came back, Nell followed him upstairs, they both carried a plate with the original English breakfast, bacon, eggs, toast, coffee and marmalade.

Rob originally had slept in a double bed, and he had shoved the single spare bed next to his so they were so to speak lying in one large bed. Marion and Helena sat straight up when they entered the bedroom, their sheets covered their breasts and looking a bit dizzy. In spite of what they promised, after the long talk and their drink, they were too tired to play and almost fell asleep immediately. Rob didn't mind, there were plenty of days to follow with hot, steamy and kinky sex. Not even to mention the nights he would be spending with Cathy, he wanted to make it for her as romantic as possible. Something to discuss too, today.

When Nell left them, he took a chair and served them their plates and coffee.

"This is the good life," Marion smiled. She really liked it here. "So, what's the plan?"

"I thought I would stay longer, but I think we have said all there is to say."

"I totally agree," Helena nodded. "Let's go home, Rob. I want to fuck your brains out, I need you."

"And so do I," Marion smiled wickedly. "Yes, let's go. We have the house to ourselves. I don't want to think of others right now, I want to claim my marital rights. Don't you agree, Helena?"

"Yes. It's only two days ago since we were 'married' - we women have 'needs'."

They finished their breakfast, showered quickly and were ready to depart. Then they went downstairs, taking their luggage with them, and Rob paid the bill, giving a royal tip to Nell and her husband.

Rob was hugged by Nell on his depart and was urged to return soon, the next time with his charming ladies. He promised and they said their goodbyes.

At arrival at the estate they were heartily greeted by Cathy and Sylvia.

No trace of the festivities of the weekend could be found: everything was cleaned up and their house was there home again. Sylvia was given her own room, and although she was on Helena's pay list, she was treated as a close friend.

Jenny had gone off to Kim's place, somehow they had found each other.

Michelle had been informed too by Helena.

"Rob, don't you think you should go to Michelle this afternoon, and apologize to her?" Helena asked.

"I thought she was working again?"

"Yes, but if you go to her place, she will make sure she is at home."

"OK, no need to delay the inevitable, I guess."

"You make it sound like it's an awful thing to go to her. She loves you, you know. She felt as bad as we did, just talk to her and say the same things you mentioned to us. She will understand."

Cathy had a quizzical expression. "I'll explain later, Cathy. I think Rob should go to Michelle now; then he will be back before dinner."

Rob went to his room to get some clothes, you never know what to expect he thought and soon headed off to meet Michelle.

In the meantime Helena explained to Cathy what he had said.

"I know this can be an issue, Helena," Cathy admitted. "If he cannot surrender, there will be a problem. I have thought about this too, but since he is pretty rational I thought to let it go. He is strong of

character and if I would have said anything, he would have thought that the shrink was talking to him, and not his friend. I was in a quandary about it, so I thought I wouldn't interfere."

"I see. You are probably right. I figure that we will know more this evening. Fingers crossed."

They smiled at each other, knowing part of their future together was in Michelle's hands.

Michelle.

When Rob rang the bell, Michelle almost immediately opened the door.

"I thought I gave you the key?"

"Hmm. Yes. I'm not used to it."

Michelle hugged him and said "I didn't know you were so timid. I expected you to come in and walk to the white door. Let's talk first."

She led him into her living room again.

"Are you in the mood to do a session this afternoon?" Michelle asked, sitting next to him, her hand on his hand.

"Will I ever be?" he answered, unsure.

Michelle looked him straight in his eyes. "Kiss me," she ordered him.

Rob put his lips on hers and she kissed him back, their tongues met and a few moments later he felt a warm glow coming over him. This woman loved him, he acknowledged. He knew, but she knew he needed this confirmation.

Softly she pushed him back.

"I hope I convinced you about my feelings for you again."

"Yes. I already knew, but thank you."

"So, what we do in my playroom is out of love. It is a sexual game. You have done it before. Why are you so in denial with me?"

"You are so... severe," Rob searched for the right words. "I know you, and I don't. It's hard to explain. With Helena and Marion I always know they are my wives, so I know deep down that whatever they do, it will be something they think I can handle - although some things went very wrong."

"And you think it will be different when you are with me?"

"Err. Yes. No. I don't know. We are friends, but you don't live with me. If I leave, we don't see each other until the next meeting. If I leave the playroom at home, I immediately see Helena and Marion again and the Mistresses are gone."

"Ohh. But I will do aftercare. When we have done a session, we will talk a lot. It's not over when it's over, don't ever think that."

Rob kept silent and waited.

"I want to make some rules, Rob. Like I said, I will teach you some things, different from what you have seen before. First of all, if I address you with the words 'Trust' and then your last name, then you

will know that the session has began. That can be here in this room as in any part of this house. Even in your house, if I'm visiting you. The word 'trust' I use is to remind you what we have to build up to what

are going to do. Also if I phone you, saying 'Trust, Mr. G.' I want you to come to my place or any other place I might demand of you. Do you understand, Rob?"

"Yes. I do however have a few questions. When you start a session, I am supposed to go somewhere. Normally that would be here. What if you are visiting us. I will not accept interference in my normal life. When I still have to walk with my dogs, or when having dinner, I will not jump to your attention."

"You can safeword, Rob."

"Yes, I really can. Yes, it takes two to tango. Don't be offended if I do, maybe if you want to surprise me, set a time and maybe a date."

"Believe me, I will. I will not expect you to jump right away, we all have our normal things to do. But expect me to phone, or email you, and if I am saying Mistress Michelle asks for your trust, Mr. G., at 7 PM, then you'll know what to do. You are to come here, go to the white door, leave your clothes and await my arrival in the black door room. I want you to use the first position: eyes lowered, knees spread and hands on your thighs. I could ask to put your elbows on your thighs, but that is really uncomfortable, so you are lucky. Are you OK with these terms?"

Rob hesitated. "Hmmm, maybe. What about when you are visiting us, and say these words?"

"I'll expect you to go to the dungeon in your house, same procedure. Wait for me in the dungeon in the first position. And maybe I won't be alone, probably not."

"I see. So when you are visiting us, I always should be prepared to visit the dungeon?"

"No. Normally I will give you a warning, like, the Mistress will visit you. If I say, I - without using the Mistress word, it will be a normal social visit. But maybe I change my mind if I see you misbehaving," she mocked him.

"What clothes should I wear?"

"When I don't mention anything, nylons, garter belt and high heels. That will be your standard equipment. First of all, to make you getting used to wear it under all circumstances, and maybe..." she silenced.

"What, maybe?"

"Maybe I will show you off to other people."

"Not maybe! Not in a hundred years. I will safeword immediately."

"What if you are in disguise, say wearing a leather mask, and only your eyes are visible?"

"Hmm. Perhaps. Probably not even then."

"Mmm. Well, OK. We will talk about that another time. Any more questions? I have nothing more to say, other than I will be your Mistress, and sometimes there will be Mistress Helena and Mistress Marion too.

Maybe even Mistress Cathy will be present."

"I have no problem with that."

"What did you bring along?"

"Well, I figured out you wanted me in some lingerie, so in that bag amongst other things are nylons, suspender belt and high heels."

"Good. Shall I make us some coffee, now everything is clear?"

"Please, I would like that."

Soon Michelle and Rob were sitting comfortably next to another, drinking coffee and chatting. When Rob was more relaxed, he told Michelle about his doubts and feelings, towards her, but also in relation to Helena.

"Ohh, Rob. I wished you had told us right away. Sure we were luring you into the dungeon, but if you just had said that you don't play that game, we wouldn't have teased you. I know, we set it up, more or less, it wasn't planned, but the thought appeared and I was thinking that it would give you a boost to try. What a waste of time. Still, it is good that you thought things over. Not for my sake, but Helena is now aware how you see the relationship. No doubt she will think twice before attempting something that maybe you don't like at all. So, now you have only to deal with me. You know, I don't have anything to lose. You can be mad at me, but my job is getting to know your boundaries. Use your safeword when you are feeling uncomfortable with any of the scenes I am planning to do with you."

Rob watched her, he knew she was thinking about something else.

"By leaving us, I had to alter my planning. Originally I had planned to do a corporal punishment session, but I don't think that is the right way to start our new relationship. Hmmm..." Michelle thought a while.

Rob said "Originally you said I would stay here. Today is out of the question. Shall we begin next Monday?"

"Are you backing out already? Trust, Mr. G!"

So it would start, Rob thought. "One moment, Rob. The session ends when I say you are dismissed. When we start the session, I'll expect you to behave like a sub. In this case you ask me permission to leave."

"Permission to go downstairs, Mistress?"

"Yes. I will meet you there."

Rob walked out of the room. He felt his heart pounding. He knew this would be his first serious session with Michelle. The day of his marriage she behaved very carefully, it would be different this time. He could go back and safeword until he thought he was up to it. He decided to let it go forward. He was in a way excited too. He went downstairs and entered the room with the white door. Quickly he undressed and put on his satin garter belt, his black seamed stockings and his black high heels. He made sure the seams of his stockings were perfectly straight and then he walked slowly to the room behind the black door. He went down on his knees and placed his hands on his thighs, covered by his nylons. He felt strangely touched by Michelle's compassion.