The Sultanah Ch. 08

"Not yet," Cadı. And after that, there were no more words. Just the sounds of action. Kisses, caresses, and the rustling of clothing. In a short period of time, I heard the sound of lovemaking in the room. Moans, kisses, and cries of passion. But I was not focusing on those noises. Instead, the conversation I had overheard was piecing itself together in my mind. The bits of words and phrases moving in various orders through my mind. I could tell that they were important, but I could not tell why.

Suddenly, my eyes burst open. They almost immediately shut again as bright lights from the torches in the room nearly blinded me. I nearly groaned, but I checked myself. The entire import of what I had just heard had flooded into me. Cadı...and her brother in law...her husband...the wine... I tried to stir, but I could barely more. Even then, I suddenly grew wary. There were rushes all over the floor, movement would make noise and I would be discovered. Cadı had poisoned me. She had poisoned her husband as well. She was now fucking her brother-in-law and they had some mutual delusion that they would be granted a fief by King Köylü in recognition of my murder.

I could feel sensation returning to my body. This was most apparent in an absolutely dreadful headache that suddenly surged into my brain. It felt like every hangover I had ever experienced piled up on top of one another. But, despite the agony, I was grateful. Apparently I was lucky to be feeling anything. Gunes be praised for that. But now that I was awakening in body and mind, what was I supposed to do? I was too groggy and pained to feel the panic I should have felt, but I knew that my situation was dire. Each second, my fear grew more solid in my stomach.

Desperately searching for something, I turned my head very slowly towards the bed. I could see Cadı's feet hanging over the side of the bed. In between her feet, I saw the wide, tanned expanse of a man's hairy ass. He was leaning forward and his hips were thrusting back and forth. His boots were just a few short feet from my hips. If I made much noise, the two lovers were likely to hear me, despite their racket.

While I was staring at Kayınbirader's boots, I noticed something. In preparing to have his way with Cadı, the assassin had not removed his clothing. Instead, he had simply loosened his trousers and let them fall in a pile on top of his boots. His pants had, apparently, been held in place with a thick, leather belt. Connect to that belt and glittering in the low light was a scabbard with the hilt of a sword protruding from it.

For a second or two I began to consider what I was going to do, or even if I was able to do anything in my condition. However, the more I thought about it, the longer the odds seemed to be on success. I was woozy, possibly sick, and naked. Before my mind was allowed to more fully consider the difficulties ahead, my body suddenly acted intuitively. I was surprised by my actions, but my rational mind was essentially on the sidelines, watching my fight or flight instincts take charge.

In the hay rushes on the floor, I suddenly rolled over twice, towards Kayınbirader's boots. I moved jerkily and uncertainly, but not entirely slowly. I heard the rustling of the rushes, but ignored them. I was only a foot from the lovers now and I quickly reached my hand out towards the hilt of the sword. I quickly pulled back on it, feeling it slip easily from the scabbard and shake the man's pants. It was longer and much heavier than I expected and the orange light of the torches danced on it.

I did not have time to admire the sword. Instead, I quickly began to rise up onto my knees. All of this action had happened in just a couple of seconds and now, as I rose shakily, I became aware that Kayınbirader and Cadı had heard something. I saw Kayınbirader's body grow tense and he began to turn to look over his shoulder. On my knees, I felt woozy and sick. I was certain I was about to vomit and my head hurt so badly that my eyes felt like they would pop from my skull. I suppressed a small groan and pushed myself up more, trying to maintain my balance.

I scrambled up to my feet, slipping and aching as I did so. As I reached my feet, I stumbled backwards. For one terrible second I was certain that I was going to fall backwards on the floor, the sword skittering from my grasp. Instead, I took three steps backwards and regained my balance.

By this time, Kayınbirader had turned his head completely over his shoulder. I saw his beady, black eyes and tight, ugly face contract in horror as he saw me. He pulled his cock from Cadı's body and quickly began to turn to face me.

"What the fuck is it?" Cadı asked, panting on the bed.

"You fucking whore..." Kayınbirader said to me as he turned around entirely. He tripped a little as the pants tangled around his ankles bunched up strangely. I decided I could not wait.

"For Gunes and Bütün Dünya!" I screamed. And with that, I lifted the sword and pointed it directly forward. I started to sprint forward, but my legs felt like jelly. After a few messy steps, my toes caught on the rough floor beneath me. I began to pitch forward. For a moment I nearly lost total control over myself. I was relatively certain I was going to pitch forward onto my stomach uselessly. But I caught myself slightly with just the tips of my toes and pushed myself forward and, at the same time, I locked my elbows out in front of me, pushing the sword out straight towards the bed.

"Ugh!" was all I heard. I could feel a strange, tearing sensation as the sword pierced Kayınbirader's chest, right below his sternum. I fell with such force that it kept pushing through his body, tearing through his organs and pushing out of his back on the other side. Blood pouring in torrents from his chest and his eyes were wide. He was no longer making noise, simply looking down at the weapon finally stopped with the hilt pressed against his chest. But I pushed so hard and Kayınbirader was so thrown off by my sudden, surprising attack, that I kept pushing him back. Kayınbirader's balance was gone and he pitched backwards onto his bed.

"Oh god!" I heard from behind him. Apparently Cadı saw the sword emerge from his back. But everything happened in one quick, fluid motion. Before there was any time for Cadı to react. Kayınbirader was falling back first onto the bed, between her spread legs. Not really planning anything, but still shocked (and woozy) by what was going on, I kept my hand on the hilt of the sword, falling forward toward Kayınbirader and Cadı. I heard Cadı suddenly issue a piercing scream as I felt Kayınbirader's body fall heavily onto the bed. I bounced off of his leg, lost hold of the sword, and fell onto the floor.

I landed on my ass in the rushes, just at the foot of the bed. My eyes were swimming and I barely managed to avoid falling over entirely. But I looked back quickly to the bed, wary and ready for Kayınbirader to attack. But as I looked, I saw he was still laying on his back on the bed, on top of Cadı. He was not moving or making noise. Cadı, on the other hand, was flailing wildly underneath of him and screaming loudly.

I was wary, but I slowly rose back to my feet and stood next to the bed. It was only then that I understood what had happened. Kayınbirader's chest had been pierced, perhaps even his heart, as the sword traveled up and through his body. He was already dead, as his lifeless eyes facing the ceiling showed. When he fell, the sword had been poking out of his back. His weight, and the fact that my hand stayed pressed to the hilt, had driven the sword through Cadı's stomach.

He was now laying on top of her and the sword was actually pressed through the mattress of the bed. She was pinned underneath of Kayınbirader, the sword all the way through her belly, and he was bleeding all over her. She was also loosing blood quickly, her skin growing even paler than before. Her eyes were still glittering and icy, but they looked panicked as she flailed under the weight of her lover.

"You!" she screamed, suddenly noticing me standing woozily next to the bed, "Oh god...that fucking moron...not enough," she wailed. I placed my hand on the bed to steady myself. I was still understanding what had happened.

"You...betrayed me..." was all I could manage to say.

"I..." Cadı began and then moaned again. But as she did, she seemed to think better of what she was going to say, "This man...is my lover... oh God...I admit. I wanted you to sleep, so I could see him once last time before I left. We are not yet wed...I was no maiden anyway... I am sorry." All of her lies were punctuated by moans and I could see foamy red blood gathering in the corners of lips. She did not know how much I knew, and was playing for sympathy. Just a good bye fuck for an old lover.

"Your brother-in-law is your lover?" I asked. Cadı moaned, it was now clear that I knew everything. There was no use in lying.

"I did what I had to do. With Lord Sahte. With you. You are a woman. You know what it takes to survive. To get ahead. There is no room for sympathy. Please, mercy. My doctor" she groaned. Her eyes glittered feverishly as she spoke and she cough blood spittle when she was finished. I nodded.

"You took a large risk," I said, and I pinched my temples, trying to sooth my aching head, "And I respect that, even if I hate you. But when you take a big risk, you must live with the consequences," I said. And I meant it. I did not, at that time, imagine I could feel respect and hate together in such a way. I also did not understand how I could go from sleeping with a woman to hating her so quickly, but I did not question my emotion, Instead, I once again put my hand on the hilt of the sword, twisting it slightly. Cadı shrieked and writhed on the bed, though with less life than before. Her lips looked nearly white now.

"If you cannot save me..."she begged, "slit my throat. End this I cannot stand it!" she screeched again tried in vainly to push her lover away. I stood looking at her for some time. Somewhere, with my clothes, was a knife. One that I had taken with me when I lifted the siege of Şehir. It would be an easy thing to put the bitch out of her misery. Her icy eyes looked at me pleadingly. But I saw not understanding in them, only an animal desire to satisfy her own needs.

"You said it yourself, women cannot afford sympathy," I said. She began wailing violently, but I still felt so sick, I could barely understand the invective she threw at me. Instead, I went over to a distance corner of the room and pulled the rushes in a pile. I laid down on them and was lulled to sleep by my enemy's cries.

I awoke the next morning and found her quiet, though not quite dead. Her eyes were open and staring at the ceiling emptily. But her lips were moving and she was breathing shallowly. Her body was so white, the bed so red. I went downstairs and at breakfast at her table with my companions. In fact, I ordered all of my soldiers into the castle. I warned Cadı's servants that she was ill and that she would not be disturbed until I deemed it appropriate. She would die when the sword allowed and not a second earlier.

* * * * *

"She didn't even tell us about it until well after noon the next day. Then we all went up to her room, along with several of the leading persons at the ice-bitch's court. It was quite a scene when they saw what happened. They refused to believe it, or said they did. I think most of them knew. But our army was already there, in the walls. It was over before it began and it really didn't matter. Sultanah Varis placed both of their heads on the battlements, where her people could see them. She ordered that the bodies be sent King Köylü with a message that in light of the fact that they had successfully poisoned her but failed to kill her, the Sultanah suggested that he grant them a mere County instead of a Dukedom. We left only a small garrison, it will be hard to hold it and no one would want to take it. We packed up everything of value, including a store of jewels we found in the darkest places under the castle," And so Soyguncu finished the tale of my adventure at Castle Inhanet to the assembled Inner Council in the throne room at Saray Palace in Şehir. I sat on my throne, hardly feeling as triumphant Soyguncu had sounded in the telling. I took some solace in the fact that the treasure I had taken would be sufficient to begin work on my legions. But other than that, I felt troubled.

"Gunes save us!" Arkadas said, looking at me with shock, fear, and perhaps a little relief that I had not married the woman. The other members of the Inner Council, save one, expressed similar sentiments.

"You wish to formally annex Inhanet into the crownlands?" Cin said, hardly seeming surprised by the story. Perhaps, once again, she had foreseen it.

"I already requested that the chancery produce a proper deed," I responded, but I could not even muster up feigned enthusiasm.

"You know the significance of this?" Cin asked, smiling now.

"I am still not wed, and have no prospects of it," I said sullenly. The relief I had felt in defeated another enemy and taking her castle had quickly dissipated. I was left only with a headache and a vivid illustration of just how precarious my situation truly was. The dynasty, the empire stood on a razor's edge and I could see no way out. And underneath of this concern, I felt a lurking guilt that I could hardly grasp. I had killed an assassin before, in the heat of the moment. I rarely thought of him. He had threatened Arkadas, he was faceless. Empty.

But ever since I left Castle Inhanet I saw Cadı's face, the tortured look in her icy eyes. When the immediacy of the attack faded I was faced with the fact that I had killed not just an assassin, but a lover (however briefly a lover). I had been justified in that. It was necessary for the preservation of my empire. But it was more than that. I had found a coldness I didn't know I possessed. A vindictiveness that I told myself I had used as a warning to my enemies but had felt natural and right at the time. It felt like the actions of a Sultanah.

Strangely, I felt no guilt for these initial emotions. I welcomed them, they made me feel safe. I felt guilty that I did not wished to feel differently. That I did not cry for my betrayer or feel her blood on my hands. I closed my eye and I could see the foamy blood on her mouth just like the foamy seed that had been there just hours earlier. I felt nothing human towards her, not even the shadow of it. And I was relieved. And I felt wrong about that relief, because I knew it was right. I wondered what kind of person I was becoming in order to stay on the throne. Gunes sake, even going and agreeing to such a marriage had been an act from which I once would have recoiled.

I did not openly acknowledge these feelings. I could sense a duality in me still. I was afraid of letting Varis get too close to the Sultanah's actions; the private part of me might finally revolt. I guess I knew that deep inside, part of me wept not for Cadı, but for the innocence I lost in killing her. Luckily, Cin drew me back out.

"Not that" Cin said, "Bütün Dünya has been bleeding territories and fiefs for hundreds of years. This is the first time since Fatih II that the territory of the empire has expanded." I snorted.

"A rock sitting on top of another rock in the middle of nowhere, quite a legacy. Sultanah Varis the Conqueror," I said bitterly. All eyes in the throne room snapped to me. Their faces varied but they all spoke of confusion at my harsh words. They had come to expect more out of me and I dropped my head, shaking it. I found it hard to do my duty that day, an experience I would feel again many times. It never got any easier.

"Do not underestimate what you've done," Cin said, speaking as though she were trying to cheer me up as much as enlighten me, "The size of the growth is immaterial. The most important point is that centuries of decline and atrophy had been arrested. You have reversed the course. Now we must keep that momentum going." I saw the other heads around the table nodding at what Cin said. I smiled wanly at her. It was not so much that she was right, but that people wanted to believe she was right. That was the source of the power.

"You're right. We should publicize this information to the people," I said lamely, but wishing I sounded more authentic.

"Remember sister," Kardes said, "An Empire is not rebuilt in a single instant. You must take a first step before you can run." I looked at Kardes and appreciated her support. But she was 38 and childless and it reminded me of something more troubling.

"That might be true, but then, how is a dynasty rebuilt?" I asked finally. At that moment, the door to the throne room fling open wildly. They battered against the walls before flopping back inside.

"You were supposed to tell me when she got back!" a voice cried from the doorway. I, along with the rest of the Inner Council, turned and looked in the direction of the noise. I rolled my eyes as I saw my younger sister Nislani standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips.

"I told you I would..." Kardes said.

"No, no more excuses. I have been trying to talk to our beloved...brilliant Sultanah Varis the Cocked for weeks!" Nislani said impertinently. She was marching quickly down the middle of the throne room, looking self-assured and self-righteous. I felt a rage rising up inside of me, the same childhood anger I had towards my spoiled sister compounded by her disrespect for my office.

"I told you..." Kardes tried again. I felt a brief moment of sympathy and appreciation for my older sister. She had, apparently, been running interference for me. But that did not diminish my anger at my younger sister. If anything, it intensified it.

"I told you that I was tired of being ignored," Nislani interrupted again. Now she was standing just before the table where my Inner Council was meeting.

"The guards should not have let her in," Got offered, looking at Saygili.

"We have been told that we cannot restrain her, but she has been getting violent with the guards. Abusive. In the interest of morale and in an effort to avoid allowing anything to get out of hand, I have told the guards to simply let her have her way," Saygili responded while raising his hands helplessly.

"Do not speak about me as if I am not here," Nislani spat.

"Sister, what are you doing here? This is a government meeting," I said finally, giving her an annoyed look. Everyone turned to look at me. I could see anger and also embarrassment on the faces of my confidants. They were clearly unsure of how to proceed. In honesty, I was as well. Even Cin seemed taken aback by Nislani's sudden

"So your family is less important than Government? Your sister doesn't matter?"

"Kardes is sitting right there," I said, pointing to my older sister. I was remember Kardes words from early in my reign. Despite my rage at Nislani, I would control myself. It was beneath me to climb down to Nislani's level. Besides, an air of annoyed disinterest would really enrage her.

"I am your sister also! I am more important!"

"How so?" Kardes said, sounding a bit wounded. I ignored this exchange.

"You would have been invited if you showed any interest in government. As a member of the royal family, you are entitled to the level of involvement you desire. We just assumed you were happier playing like a child," I explained. Everything I said was the truth, but I let the words drip off my fangs. It actually felt nice, to indulge a little in my childhood games, even if I approached it as a Sultanah would. In a strange way, it felt like recapturing some of my innocence. How hardened could I be if I still teased my little sister?

"I don't care about government..."