The Swan

There was no sex that night, in fact, I wasn't sure if sex was in our future at all.

The next day I played golf and Helen stayed home and was Susie homemaker. Everything seemed normal except the bartender at the club called Helen about 5:00 and asked her to come and get me, I was too drunk to find my way home in the golf cart. Helen, sweet calm Helen, was livid. She had never seen me drunk in all of the 35 years together. I took a shower and went to bed.

The next morning Helen asked me what was wrong. I told her I wasn't certain if I liked the new Helen. I asked her how many men hit on her Monday and if she was getting tempted... This took Helen by surprise and I could tell she couldn't look me in the face and be truthful. A tear appeared and she had to turn away then saying she had to get ready for work.

I had given Helen an opportunity to come clean but she didn't take the bait.

I decided to take a holiday from golf until I could find out what was going on and what I had to do to stop it.

On Wednesday after Helen departed for the hospital I went to our bank and separated our accounts. I took Helen's name off everything that we shared even credit cards. I requested the bank to issue her credit cards tied to her own accounts and ensured her accounts had enough money to live on for a few weeks. That was hard and she would find out quickly that our cards no longer worked, well at least they wouldn't work for her.

That afternoon at 2:00PM I was parked near her SUV which was parked at the hospital where she volunteered. This was the time she was scheduled to leave but she never showed up. I used my find a phone app on my iPhone and discovered she was in a different wing of the hospital so I walked in that direction. I followed the map towards her phone and found myself outside a room used by doctors when they have 24-hour duty. They get two three-hour rest periods every nine hours. The name on the door said Dr. Daniel Clark. So now I knew who she was fucking, right on the other side of the door. I could even hear them and it sounded like they were having a ball, literally speaking of course!

I was on the patio nursing my third cocktail when she arrived home just after 5:00. I asked her if she had been shopping again or was she seeing some sexy doctor for an illicit affair. Again, she was stopped in her tracks and asked why I was drinking so much. Once again, she was avoiding my question. I told her she had driven me to drink. She abruptly said she had done nothing to cause me to drink. I asked her if she was totally sure. I then told her to strip on the patio and let me look at your abused body since our patio is totally private and not overlooked. She refused and turned away to take a shower knowing she would still have red marks on her breasts and a swollen vagina.

I checked her panties while she was in the shower and again the crotch was covered in cum. I returned to the patio and continued drinking. Helen appeared and asked what I wanted for dinner and I just said another one of these.

The next day was Thursday, Helen didn't work and it was a repeat of Tuesday, I got drunk in the clubhouse and the bartender again called Helen to come and get me. I just went to bed. Getting drunk was a good excuse for not having sex.

Friday was a repeat of Monday and Wednesday. I checked my iPhone find a phone app and Helen was once again in his room. I didn't need to listen outside the door to know what they were doing. We usually go out to eat on Friday but she texted saying she didn't feel like going out. She arrived home around 5:30 to find me on the patio drinking. I told her that her shopping expeditions where she didn't buy anything were becoming suspicious. I asked her if she was seeing someone. Again, giving Helen a chance to come clean but she denied my accusation. In my drunken state I told her to go take a shower and wash him off of her as I could smell her from where I was sitting. We didn't speak to each other all night.

Saturday we acted normal around each other but I had little to say to her. That night Helen tried to instigate sex but I simply told her I had a headache, an excuse neither of us had ever used in 35 years of marriage. I wasn't having sloppy seconds, even if it was the day after!

Sunday, while having coffee, Helen announced she was going out with the girls for the afternoon. She went to shower and get dressed then reappeared looking like she was going out dancing. I commented on her choice of dress and she just said she felt like dressing up. I knew where she was going.

We had gone a week without sex. This was the first time since we had gotten married that we had gone a week without sex. Even after her surgeries we found a way to pleasure each other without intercourse. Of course this week was my fault, but I felt I had justification.

I said Helen sit down we need to talk. Helen said she needed to go as she was meeting the girls in five minutes. I then said SIT DOWN! That got her attention and she sat down.

I told Helen that I knew she was fucking Dr. Daniel Clark! At first she denied it but I told her I had proof. I told her about the iPhone app and standing outside the door Wednesday while you were having sex. I even said I could hear you inside. I told her about finding the cum in her panties. I asked her if he had a really big dick and could fuck her all afternoon especially since he was only 33, over 20 years her junior.

By now Helen was crying and calling it all a mistake. She asked me what I wanted her to do. I gave her two choices: text her lover and tell him it's over and she would be stopping her volunteer work as well OR if she walked out the door now she would not be welcome back. I told her I was torn up and felt like she had killed our marriage, in just a seven-day period. Furthermore, if you stay, we will work on getting out marriage back on track otherwise 35 years of marriage would be down the drain and also I intended to call our children tonight and tell them what was going on. The choice was hers.

I would like to say she choose option one and stayed with me to repair our marriage but she got up and said I have to do this and was gone. I told her not to come home.

I was shattered. It was Sunday but I called a locksmith and asked he could change the locks on all the doors. He asked if it was an emergency and I told him it was. He said he had to charge extra as it was Sunday and I told him I didn't care. So the locks were changed. I also reprogrammed the code for the alarm just in case she was able to get into the house.

She didn't take any clothes except what she was wearing so I knew she intended to return home.

About 9:00 I heard the garage door open and knew she would soon be pounding on the door. When she couldn't get in the doors she called me. I answered and told her she made her choice and it wasn't me so she could get lost. She replied that it was over and I simply told her to tell it to her lawyer as I was calling the kids. As far as I was concerned our marriage was over. She sat on the porch and cried for over an hour.

I did call both of my children and asked their advice. This was what we did when the family had a crisis. Needless to say, both children were shocked that their mother would do such a thing. I told both of them that mom had changed, both mentally and physically. I told them to sleep on it and give their opinion the next day.

Not even five minutes later Helen started shouting abuse at me. Both kids had texted her and apparently said some bad things to her. Helen's world as she knew it was over.

I went to bed and finally around midnight I received a text from Helen asking why her credit cards didn't work. I just replied that sluts don't need credit cards.

The next day I visited a divorce lawyer. After explaining all the details, I requested she be served as quickly as humanly possible. The lawyer also got a restraining order so she could not come within a 1,000 yards of me. That meant she couldn't come inside the gated community.

I notified the gate security and they assured me they would keep her out.

Helen was served the following Wednesday at the hospital. Apparently, she took it very hard.

My children talked to her on the phone and she claims she ended her short affair on Sunday night after I locked her out of the house. I guess I got her attention after all.

I'm not sure when the affair ended but the doctor was sued for alienation of affection with a married woman on Wednesday. Helen was served the same day.

My lawyer was a shark and he always went for the jugular and I told him to use all his legal powers on Dr. Clark. I wanted Dr. Clark to pay dearly as I was sure this wasn't the first time that he had broken up a happy marriage. My lawyer even told Dr. Clark's wife what was going on and then she filed for divorce. My lawyer even filed a suit against the hospital. I didn't blame the hospital because this could have happened anywhere but my lawyer was adamant the hospital had to share part of the blame. I wasn't sure how the courts would see that.

Helen was staying at the Holiday Inn and I asked Julie or David if either could come down and help her move stuff from the house. Both kids showed up on Friday and spent the weekend removing all of Helen's possessions from the house. This was a terrible inconvenience for my kids because they both live on the coast, one east and one west. But family takes care of family, period.

I asked them how she was doing and they replied awful. She was no longer looking 35 but now about 65. They replied that all she did was cry. The hospital had discovered the affair and terminated her volunteer contract. The doctor was also dismissed. I asked if she was still seeing him and they both told me no. Julie asked if I would consider taking her back.

I looked my daughter in the eye and told her that Helen had really hurt me. I told them I knew from the first day and gave their mom several opportunities to come clean and she refused. I told them that I told her on Sunday that I knew what was going on and with whom and gave her another chance but she went out anyway. Furthermore, I said I just didn't know how I could ever trust her again. We had a great marriage until she had the surgery and became so beautiful that she was constantly being hit upon and somewhere deep down I knew it was just a matter of time before her defenses caved.

I asked them what they would do in my shoes? They both replied give her another chance.

I asked how long can they stay? David had to be at work the next day but Julie replied she had taken a week's vacation.

I asked Julie if she would be the go between myself and their mom. She said of course.

I told David to go see his mom before going to the airport. I wanted him to tell her how much she had hurt me and destroyed the trust in our marriage.

Julie and I went to the clubhouse for dinner. We shared a bottle of wine and I told her that I really wished David and her lived closer to us and even though I really liked where I was currently living I regretted leaving Boston. We talked about Helen and all the good times we had in 35 years and how close we always were as a family. Recalling all the good times really became emotional for me and then I started crying, and couldn't stop. I told Julie that if I didn't see myself living without Helen, my life would be empty.

Julie got me home and in bed but I was still crying. I got really depressed and went into my dressing room and opened my gun safe. I was in a state of mind where taking my life seemed to be the most beautiful thing in the world and would solve all my problems. I have never taken drugs but I compared that feeling to being high. I just knew I was doing the right thing so I placed the .22 caliber revolver against me head and pulled the trigger...

Julie heard the gunshot and came running finding me lying on the floor in my dressing room. She immediately called 911 then her skills as an emergency room nurse kicked in. She discovered I was still breathing and got some towels and covered my scalp to slow the bleeding and keep my brain intact. A couple of times I stopped breathing and she had to do mouth to mouth and chest compressions and each time she brought me back to life.

David had gotten as far as Denver when he was notified while changing planes. He immediately reversed his travel planes and returned to Austin. Julie called her mom and told her and Helen immediately came to the hospital. They all, including David, arrived while I was undergoing what turned out to be a twelve-hour surgery. It was nip and tuck but I was still alive when I was rolled into ICU.

I woke up four days later with a terrible headache. My entire family was in my room, including Helen. I was pumped full of pain killers and must have had a thousand wires hanging off me. I asked what had happened because I had no memory. Julie explained I had tried to commit suicide but didn't do a good job, in fact, I had only shot myself at an angle missing all of my brain, however, my shot still take off a chunk of my head and I was in very serious condition. I had been in surgery for over twelve hours and been in a coma for the past four days. The surgeon didn't know if I would live or not. My chances of living were only 30%, not good odds. Then I passed out again.

I didn't wake up the next day or the next but I did on the following day. I looked around and Helen was there holding my hand. I had been in the hospital a week, in a coma, and later discovered that Helen refused to leave me, even for a minute.

Helen looked at me and said "I'm so sorry, I've been such a fool, but I never stopped loving you."

I told her I loved her so much that I couldn't live without her and that's why I tried to take my life.

I asked her why?

She said this doctor had been hitting on her since the day she started volunteering. He was not only great looking but very suave and pervasive. He kept hitting on her and telling her how good it was going to be until she caved. She said the sex was beyond just good and he was not only very large but he was hard as steel and could fuck forever. I realized these were all the things I was incapable of doing. After the first time she was hooked, it was like a drug to her. She knew the guy was a bastard and just using her but the sex was so good she became captivated by it. She thought I figured out what was going on but felt powerless to stop. She said that when I wouldn't let her into the house Sunday night she texted him and ended the affair. She had however, stayed on working with the kids at the hospital until they terminated her. Now she had no family or anywhere to go but would give anything to return home with me.

I asked her, how at her age of 55, could even think of having an affair with a married doctor who was younger than her own son. She said she hadn't thought that way, especially after they had sex the first time.

I was out of the woods but still required more surgery and I was in the OR two more times in the coming week. I now had a very expensive piece of titanium for a skull. The surgeon explained to me that I was very lucky to still be alive and if my daughter had not been there I would indeed by six feet under right now.

Helen never left my room. The kids brought her food and clean clothes.

The day came to go home but I would need around the clock care for at least a month before being able to care for myself. Helen reminded me of how I cared for her after all her surgeries and volunteered to look after me so finally I agreed.

Helen was an awesome nurse and rarely left my side. If she did leave me, it was only to do laundry or cook. I am not sure if she was taking care of me out of duty to family or if she was feeling guilty and realized she had nowhere else to go.

I finally got her to sleep in the guest bedroom instead of the recliner in our bedroom.

Three weeks passed and I was on the road to a full recovery. I was walking and starting to do things for myself. One night I felt a presence in my bed and realized Helen had crawled in. I reached over and held her tight to my body and told her that was where she belonged. Helen kissed me and agreed.

Helen began sleeping in my bed every night but we never had sex. Slowly, I could see the old Helen returning. She was still slim and beautiful but mentally she was the old Helen.

Finally, I asked Helen what she wanted to do.

She said "family first, she had forgotten that and had only been thinking of herself but didn't realize that until I was in the hospital. She said I want to rebuild our relationship. Maybe moving to Texas was a mistake, we were happy in Boston and close to our daughter." I agreed with her about the move and told her we should move back home.

I said, "Helen as beautiful as you are, you are going to have men hitting on you no matter where we live. How will you be able to cope with that? Furthermore, it could even be our next door neighbor who puts the make on you."

I then asked her how she expected me to trust her again and she said can we just take it one day at a time. I promise I will regain your trust.

I asked "how can you go without sex?"

She replied "we had a great sex life for 35 years before she broke our vows and expected us to have great sex for many more years." She rarely used the word fuck but replied "we don't have to fuck every time we have sex to have a great sex life."

I told her we need to renew our wedding vows and then agreed to take it one day at a time.

The following week I took my golf clubs to the Goodwill shop and the next week we listed our house and made plans to return to Boston.

Did we make it? Yes, but Helen continued to be hit on by good looking men but she never once accepted nor did she ever dance with anyone but me. Our marriage, if anything, is stronger now than ever before although we didn't resume sex for several months. I realized that I had a mental breakdown when I tried to take my life so I agreed see a specialist and sex didn't come till I was able to come to terms with what happened and get past some terrible memories.