tagHumor & SatireThe Tale of Mrs.Theresa Scalia

The Tale of Mrs.Theresa Scalia


Our story begins in an affluent community of Connecticut. A town of upper middle class families whose husbands earned salaries that allowed wives to remain at home often with too much time on their hands. Dominic and Theresa Scalia had moved to the area from California three years ago. Dominic had purchased the major banking institution in town and was operating it as President and CEO. He held a great amount of influence in the community. Theresa or Terri as she was usually called, was very active in charitable and community activities. A little too active. Terri was aggressive, vocal, and downright pushy. She soon made it known that things would be done her way and she had the clout to see that it was. This attitude did nothing to ingratiate her with the other wives of the community all of which were active in those organizations and none of them wished to suffer Terri’s sharp tongue if they stood up to her. She also used her husband’s position to leverage things to her benefit. Now while the wives of the town soon became resentful of Terri, she had no problem winning over the husbands of their social circle.

To say that Terri was attractive would be an understatement. This woman was a knockout. Terri was of Italian descent, age 33, height around 5’7”, weight a well distributed 135 pounds, measurements 36 – 24 – 37.Not bad for having a son of 10, Dominic Jr. Her hair was dark brown and below her shoulders in length. Her skin had that Mediterranean coloring and was flawless. She also had those big brown eyes. Terri always dressed well. Not provocative, but always with a sense of style and an eye toward promoting her best physical asset. The men of the community soon learned to appreciate Terri Scalia’s derriere. Terri’s ass was legendary. Supported by a pair of shapely, but strongly built legs was nothing less than a magnificent butt. If she wore jeans they fitted her well. If she wore shorts they were short and tight. Her attire for more formal occasions was less obvious but still fitted her bottom well. And she always wore heels whether it was at soccer practice or at the community theatre. After all, wearing heels gives those cheeks a saucy tilt. She soon became known, among the men, as the P. A. (perfect ass). And among the women, P. A. stood for pain in the ass.

Terri was the subject of considerable speculation on the authenticity of her breasts. She never was without a bra and she had no problem wearing low-cut blouses and tops. Her boobs just looked too perfect. And of course, the other wives made their share of catty comments regarding cosmetic surgery and possible strategically placed foam rubber. After all she has had a child. The other thing Terri did to alienate other wives beyond her physical appearance and aggressive social climbing was her ability to blend with the men. She had a way to win over all the men in their group of friends. She could talk sports, she could talk finance, and with a little bump of the hip, wink of the eye, or ever so slight brush of a breast to an arm, she could always give a man the impression that she might be available, but both parties knew it could never happen. She used her “feminine wiles” to advance her social status and to manipulate events to her satisfaction. Terri also gained access to financial records of her husband’s clients. Dominic’s bank controlled most of the commercial and business loans in the town.

Terri had established herself as the queen bee of the community. For two years she was without a rival. Then Mark and Barbara Anderson moved into town. A couple in their early 30s with a son of 9, Chad. Mark was in insurance and had been very successful. Barbara was a stay at home mother who also spent her time in charitable and voluntary activities. Barbara was 30, 5 ft. 6 in. in height and weighed 125 pounds. Her hair was natural blond and fell just to her shoulders. Always tanned and fit, Barbara was an athletic 35 – 24 – 35. In warm weather she was given to halters and shorts. Her chest wasn’t huge, but she kept in good shape and her breasts could be described as perky. Her bottom was firm, not flat with some shape. She was an avid tanner and maintained a healthy shade the year round. Barb’s best feature were her legs. And she enjoyed in showing them off to their best advantage. Skirts were above the knee at least and hose always worn. Barbara had been president of the Hospital Auxiliary, Women’s Club, and Community Theatre in the town they lived in previous. She took pride in her volunteer achievements and hoped to do the same in the their new home. Barbara was diplomatic in her personal relationships, but would not allow herself to be pushed around. Mark and Barbara soon found themselves in the same group of friends as Dominic and Terri.

A cocktail party was held at the Country Club to introduce Mark and Barbara to the community. Barbara was chatting with Ellen and Susan, two local wives, about life in the town, schools, shopping, community activities etc.

“There’s several opportunities in town for volunteering, although a lot depends on who you’re working with” Susan explained.

Ellen chimed in “There Is one person who controls most of the activities, if you can put up with her. She can be difficult to deal with”

“That having been said, our community leader seems to be heading this way,” Susan warned. “Well honey, good luck here comes Terri Scalia you are about to have your first encounter with the P.A.”

“What do you mean P. A.?” Barbara didn’t get an answer; Susan and Ellen strolled away towards the bar. Barbara turned to see who was approaching. She made a few mental notes of the woman walking up to her. “Dressed nicely, hair looks good, looks very confident, a classic hour glass figure”

“So very nice to meet you” Barbara said to Terri. “I have been told you do a great deal of work with The Community Theatre.”

Terri regarded Barbara up and down making an assessment of her. Making mental notes Terri thought “kind of a Barbie doll, not much on top, kind of flat on the bottom, trying to make the most of her legs that’s for sure”

“Yes we have a new Theatre and it’s a tremendous amount of work to get things started.”

“I’ve done some work with community Theatre.” said Barbara.

Terri remarked condescendingly “Well how nice. We do need someone to paint scenery, sew costumes, grunge work you know.”

“Actually I was president of the Theatre Guild and Artistic Director.” replied Barbara.

“Oh really? I’m sure it was a very modest theater. Did you do puppet shows? We plan on putting together some professional level productions.” said Terri.

Terri then turned her attention to Mark. Mark and Dominic were across the room deep in conversation. “Is that your husband? My he looks like he works out. Excuse me” Terri turned her back to Barbara and walked across the room towards the men, hips swaying.

At home after the party had ended Mark and Barbara were getting ready for bed and discussing the acquaintances they had made.

“What did you think of the Scalias?” Barbara asked slipping out of her dress.

“I talked with Dominic quite a while. He seems like a decent fellow. Terri’s very oh I guess you could say va va voom.” Mark said. “ Dominic says she’s active in local theater. Did you happen to talk her about theater participation?”

“Well I tried” Barbara said “she made it clear she was not interested in me. I mentioned the Theatre Guild and she tried to make it sound cheap. So you think Terri is pretty hot?”

“She has her assets” Mark replied with a chuckle.

“So you like a large back porch? She certainly has a shapely one and she knows it too.” said Barbara.

“Now you know I’m a leg man. Why do you think I married you?” Mark said as he put his arm around Barbara’s waist and pulled her to him.

“Just make sure that Italian honey doesn’t get too friendly with you” Barbara cautioned as she slid her hand down the front of Mark’s boxers.

Over at the Scalia’s a similar conversation was taking place.

“The Andersen’s seem like a very nice couple. I’m going to recommend Mark for membership at the club. I understand Barbara was very active in theater. Why don’t you get her to help you?” said Dominic.

“You mean that blond Barbie? I don’t think so” Terri commented “She tried to tell me about her little theater and how she was the president. Well in this town the theatre is my show and I’ll run it”

“Jesus Terri, I was just suggesting something. You don’t have many friends and I thought this would be an opportunity.”

“Well buddy boy, that blond appears to me to have ambitions and I’m not going to let her step on my toes.”

In the weeks that followed Mark and Dominic became fast friends. They played golf, went to sporting events, coached each other’s sons in sports. Unfortunately the wives took and almost instant dislike to each other at that initial party and the situation only got worse. Barbara tried to become involved in the community. Her love was theater and she did manage to participate. Terri, however was constantly critical of Barbara’s work almost to the point of persecution.

“Mark that Terri Scalia is impossible to be around. Everything in that theater has to have her personal stamp of approval” Barbara complained. “There are times I could just choke her.”

“If being around her bothers you that much why don’t you just quit? It can be worth all the stress she causes you.” Mark offered.

Barbara told Mark “I’m not a quitter, I won’t give that bitch the satisfaction of seeing me resign. Someone has to stand up to her.”

“ Fine, OK, great, do whatever you want. I’m tired of listening to your complaints about Terri. This crap has been going on for an entire year. It’s time to move on. Settle your differences and get it finished” advised Mark.

Terri continued to be president of the Community Theatre and had big plans. Barbara had offered her assistance and was rudely informed by Terri that her assistance was not needed nor wanted. This set the tone for about a year. Barbara became involved in activities that Terri was not in. And the two kept their distance. What brought things to conflict was a production the Community Theatre was putting on that fall. The theater group had decided to produce “The Sword and the Stone”. It was a production involving both adults and children. The lead child’s role would be that of Arthur, heir to the throne of England. The role called for a boy of eight to twelve years of age. Terri, of course, had decided that her son would be the lead in the play. She could not circumvent the open auditions for the part, but she could influence the decision of the director of the play. Terri had a distorted picture of Dominic Jr.’s talents. The kid had little if any talent, but did what his mother wanted. Barbara also had a budding actor. Chad would be perfect for the role.

The auditions were set for Saturday. Both mothers had coached their sons as best they could on their lines and presentation. The auditions were held in the new Community Theatre. This was the first production to be held in the new facility. Everything was state-of-the-art. Seating for 500, digital sound system with full CD library, remote control light board, five camera video recording capability, remote controlled curtains (these will play a factor later in our story). There were about six boys auditioning for the role of Arthur. Terri took a seat next to Bill Wilson the play director. Chad Anderson was third inline to audition. Barbara was positioned at the back of the auditorium to watch how Chad did. She noticed Terri making comments to Bill during the first two auditions. Barbara didn’t think that it was proper for Terri to be providing input on auditions when her son was up for the part.

“I wonder what she’s up to” Barbara thought “I’m sure she’s lobbying for Dominic Jr.. Maybe I can slip down to within a couple rows of them and hear what’s going on” Barbara tiptoed down the aisle and sat behind Terri and Bill.

“Well those first two brats were a couple of no talents” Terri snickered. “Let’s see who’s next. It’s the Andersen boy. I suppose with his mother’s vast theatrical experience he may be capable of learning one or two lines.”

Barbara could hear this clearly. She had tolerated Terri’s attitude for quite sometime but when her son was being insulted Barbara began to see red. Chad began his audition in a scene with the actor playing Merlin the magician. Not more than two minutes into the audition Terri began commenting to Bill.

“Oh you must be kidding, this boy is just terrible why are they wasting our time? Bill you wait until Dominic Jr. comes out. You’ll be thrilled.”

Again Barbara took this all in and she began to seethe.

“You know Terri, you have a conflict of interest and I am supposed to be impartial and choose the best actor for the role” Bill cautioned.

“Oh don’t worry about that, I know that Dominic Jr. is the boy for this part”

Barbara couldn’t believe her ears. This woman was so blatant. Barbara hoped that Bill’s sense of fair play and responsibility would prevail. Chad’s audition concluded. He did a wonderful job. He knew his lines and was comfortable onstage. Chad looked to be a born actor. He stepped off to stage right. Dominic Jr. was next. Barbara wanted to stay at her surveillance position to hear what Terri would have to say. Dominic Jr.’s audition was at best wooden. He made two mistakes with his lines, but his delivery was flat and uninspiring. Dominic Jr. was also somewhat of a clumsy child. The boy could trip over his own feet.

“Wasn’t he great? I always knew he would be a performer. This is his first step to stardom” gushed Terri.

“Dominic Jr. did fine” said Bill being very diplomatic “ There are two more auditions to go and I’ll evaluate them all, but I can tell you right now that unless these last two actors are head and shoulders above everyone else I’ve found my Arthur”

“Oh thank you Bill I’m so glad you chose Dominic Jr.”

“Wait a minute Terri, my Arthur is going to be Chad Anderson. He is obviously very talented”

“You can’t mean that. My son was far and away the best Arthur.”

“Yes I do mean that. I want Chad to play Arthur and that’s that. “ Bill declared.

“You listen to me Bill Wilson, I know you have a critical loan application with my husband. If you don’t give my son this role I will see to it that my husband denies your application. I also know that without this loan your business expansion can’t take place and you will probably lose your existing businesses.” Terri was serious and Bill knew she would carry out her threat.

“Okay Terri, what ever you say.” Bill slumped in his seat, defeated.

Again, Barbara couldn’t believe her ears. “This bitch means business” she thought “she’ll do anything to get her way”

Chad had been looking for his mother after his audition finished. He had walked to the rear of the auditorium and saw Barbara sitting behind Terri and Bill. Chad walked up behind Barbara and said quite audibly “Mom are you ready to leave?” Terri and Bill both turned around to see Barbara trying to shrink in her seat.

“Shit I’m busted” Barbara thought. “I’ve got to get out of here right now!”

“Yes Chad, I think we should both be leaving now” Barbara swiftly rose from her seat and hustled out of the theater.

Terry was thinking “That eavesdropping little bitch heard everything I’ve told Bill. Well if she knows what’s good for her, she’ll keep her mouth shut.”

Barbara went home and discussed which he had learned with Mark.

“That’s a dirty, under handed stunt she pulled” said Mark “but I wouldn’t let it bother me. There will always be other parts to play for Chad.”

“Yes they’ll be other parts but somebody needs to get control of that woman. This can’t continue.” Barbara was fuming.

“I’ll tell you who needs to be in control, and that person is you. Get over your rivalry with Terri. It ends now. I mean it or there will be repercussions for you.” warned Mark.

The following day Bill Wilson telephoned Barbara.

“Barbara I’m very sorry that you had to witness what went on yesterday. You heard the conversation and I have no choice. She’s got me over a barrel.”

“That’s okay Bill, I understand completely. I wish I could do something for you to help out.”

“Well as far has the production is concerned, I certainly can use an assistant. I think you’re shrewd enough to stay out of Terri’s way for the run of the play.”

“Thank you Bill, I’d be happy to help you and it will be an opportunity to keep tabs on Ms. Scalia.”

“One more thing Barbara, I’d like to Chad to understudy Dominic Jr. in the Arthur role. And he can be an extra and get some stage time.”

“That’s great Bill, I’ll talk to you tomorrow about the work schedule.”

Scenery was built, sets were decorated, costumes made, dialog learned, scenes blocked, rehearsals, dress rehearsals, and full run throughs. All was ready for opening night. Dominic Jr. did his best, but the boy was obviously not ready for the stage. Of course no one would mention this out loud. His mother had made her decision to star her son. Barbara worked diligently on all aspects of the production. She made herself scarce when Terri was around, even though it was against her nature and fueled more resentment and contempt for Terri. It was obvious to the rest of the cast and crew that the production was doomed. And they all knew who was responsible. This was opening night and he would give it their best effort regardless.

Curtain time was 6 p.m.. Mark and Barbara arrived at Theatre at 6:30. Barbara’s duties backstage were completed. She intended to watch the production from the audience. There was a cast party after the performance and she had dressed for it. Barbara was wearing a powder blue dress, a couple inches above the knee, sleeve less with a straight skirt. And she was wearing white hose with matching powder blue pumps. They dropped Chad off at the dressing room and took seats in the audience. Dominic and Terri walked into the theater at 6:50 p.m. The house had begun to fill and Terri wanted to be last to be seated so those in the audience could gaze upon her beauty, or so she thought. Terri had also dressed for the cast party. She was wearing a black, empire waist, sleeveless dress with scoop neck and back. The dress was knee length and the ensemble was completed with black hose, black pumps, and a double strand of pearls that drew attention to Terri’s cleavage. As the Scalias passed the Andersons, Dominic smiled and said hello. Terri acknowledged Mark and ignored Barbara’s presence.

“Ooooh that woman!” Barbara hissed to Mark.

“Now look, let’s get through this evening as pleasantly as possible” Mark told Barbara.

Bill Wilson, the play director, stepped out into the audience from the front of the stage. He spotted Barbara and walked up to her.

“Barbara, I need your help. Sam Mason took sick and can’t be here to run the lights. You know the lighting cues don’t you?”

“Well Bill, I have a rough idea and I think I could get through it”

“Great, let’s get backstage and get ready to raise the curtain.”

Barbara looked at Mark “I guess I’ll see you later. As long as the P. A. stays out front things should go fine.”

Barbara got up from her seat and headed to the front of the auditorium and to the side door to go backstage.

“Where she going?” Terri said to Dominic.

“May be she’s needed backstage for something, how should I know? Besides what are you worried about?”

“Well I’m not going to let her do anything she wants on opening night. She might try to sabotage Downing Jr.’s performance. After all Dominic Jr. beat out her own son for the part. I’m going back there.”

Terri left her seat and followed the path that Barbara had taken. The two divas crossed paths at the light board.

“What do you think you’re doing here?” Terri demanded of Barbara.

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