The Things You Make Me Feel Ch. 03

"Y-yes," Ellie murmured, water amassing in her eyes.

Alice had always been very sensitive to her daughter. In theory, parents should love their children equally and with no bias; in reality though, they rarely do. Whether they admit it or not, their love is almost always swayed towards one child. Ellie was her mother's little girl, her only girl, and her best friend. Her daughter's pain tore at her heart.

"Is it too much to ask for you to behave yourself for just this one night? You had to upset her?!"

"I'm so terribly sorry, Mother. If I could only turn back the wheels of time. Sis, do you think you could find it in your heart to forgive mean Dave?"

Ellie wiped the tears off her cheeks and sprang to her feet. "I'm expecting you outside. Now."

She stormed out to the concerned faces of her family.

*

"I come bearing gifts," Dave announced while carrying a plate of blueberry pie in one hand and a bottle of aged brandy coupled with a duo of glasses in his other.

Ellie glowered at him in silence, observing him laying his peace offering before her.

"Come on, stop sulking." He poured them the brandy and sat next to her. "It's not like I was actually going to say anything. I was just having a bit of fun."

"A bit of fun?" she echoed in painful perplexity. "I'm so glad you find my pain and suffering entertaining, Dave."

"You see, when you say it like that, it makes me come off like some sadistic brother."

He tried wrapping them in the wool blanket, but Ellie scooched away from him.

"Aren't you? You knew about this for months, and don't think I haven't noticed your clever insinuations."

"Oh, you have? Thank you! And here I thought I wasn't blunt enough. I gotta say, I was beginning to question your intelligence when you—"

"You twisted fuck! Do you think it's a joke?! My life is falling apart, and you're celebrating the success of your sick mind game?! How much more messed up can you be?!"

"I must say, I find this question quite ironic, seeing that it wasn't me who was seconds away from doing my own sibling while being engaged to be married."

"That may be so, but that doesn't make you any less a troubled creep."

"Alright, alright. I'll concede that I acted badly if you concede that you are, at the very least, as messed up as I am."

Ellie shot him a look in reply.

"Alright. I might be slightly more messed up. Are you happy now?"

"I'll be happy when you're dead."

"Splendid! Let's drink to that." He raised his glass and offered her hers.

Ellie tried to bite back her giggle but found it impossible the more she looked into his goofy eyes.

"There you go," he chuckled along. "Just let go of all this anger. Don't be such a mean grumpster to poor Dave."

"Oh my god," she tittered, "you're such a hopeless case..."

"True. Let's drink to that."

Ellie shook her head, laughing, and took the glass from his hand. They sipped the brandy and admired the complexity and depth of that exquisite bottle. She was slowly perking up, and she even reached for the pie and started nibbling it.

"So, you're in love with Oliver," he said matter-of-factly, as though it were as banal as discussing the weather. "How did that happen?"

"Who said I was in love with him?"

"Sis, please. I may be a lot of things..."

"Fuck," she sighed and sipped her brandy in dismay. "Who can tell? I mean, you've seen him; he's nothing like what he used to be... I guess those five years alienated us enough to enable this disaster."

He nibbled the pie alongside her. "Did you do it?"

She tensed up. "I'm not going to dignify that with an answer."

"Which means yes."

"No. It means... it means no."

He pushed another morsel of pie into his mouth. "He's crazy about you."

Her blue eyes lit up. "Really? How do you know? Has he said anything about me?"

He studied her face before he gave an incredulous chuckle. "It's ridiculous, isn't it? You really are excited to hear that, that your own brother wants you."

She looked away and stroked her hair back as her cheeks grew red-hot with shame.

Dave finished his glass and filled them another round. His eyes skimmed over the sofa they were sitting on. "That was quite the show you put on here."

"You must have been so grossed out," she sighed while avoiding eye contact.

"At first... but then the strangest thing happened: I was getting aroused. Just watching you with your legs spread and panties—"

"Okay, that's enough. You're starting to creep me out."

"It's not fair. This has affected me, also."

"What do you want?" she said in distinct exasperation.

"Only a few minutes to talk about my feelings..."

"Nothing dirty?"

"Promise."

"Fine," she sighed and rolled her eyes. "Please, let's discuss how it's affected you. Lord knows, that's exactly what I want to talk about now."

"Thank you; I appreciate it." He took a sip, ignoring her sarcasm. "It really threw me for a loop. I mean, there you were, my sister, about to go all the way with Oliver, and I was like why... not me?"

"Perv!" she exclaimed in shock.

"Takes one to know one."

They burst out laughing, albeit tentatively, conflicted with the contentious nature of the conversation.

"Seriously though, Dave," Ellie said quietly after a moment of joint reflection, "academically speaking... would you really want to? To get it on with me?"

He poured himself more brandy.

"Dave?"

He took a small sip. "I feel pressured by your eyes to say no."

"Oh my god... you do want to?"

He frowned in thought.

"Dave! Oh my god!"

"What?! I'd be lying if I said that I didn't find you attractive! Like... super-hot. You've got such a great ass, Ellie"—his eyes roved her body hungrily—"and your rack is so fucking hug—"

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no..." She lurched to her feet, palms clamped over her ears. "I can't listen to this anymore. You can't say these things to me."

"Oh, so when Oliver was about to bang—"

"Don't," she warned with a scowl.

They locked eyes, and a discomforting silence took over while each was pondering this revelation. There they were, a sister and brother, openly discussing in-house incest; two incidents of it to be exact.

"Kidding aside, Dave, do you understand what you're saying to me here?"

"If it helps, I never had these thoughts about you before that night."

"Jesus Christ," she sighed. "This is beyond fucked up. Do you even get that?"

"Regretfully."

Ellie paced about, agitatedly sipping her brandy. "So... are you just attracted to me? Or is it like..."

She was too afraid to finish, and Dave wasn't about to finish it for her. The casual, jester-like vibe that surrounded him for the better part of the night was now perceivably gone. The gravity of what it all meant had dawned on him a moment ago.

She looked into his eyes. "Dave?"

He clammed up, leaving the talking to his eyes.

"You can't be serious," Ellie murmured, stupefied.

"Whatever."

She sat next to him, in a daze.

"Are you ever coming inside?" Jack asked after opening the patio door. "Because we'd love some company."

"Soon," Ellie said while boring into Dave.

Jack closed the door and left them to ruminate over their taboo talk.

"Dave, I love you so much, and you know—"

"Please don't. Don't... try to sugarcoat it."

"I'm not! I don't need to 'cause this is ridiculous! You're my brother!"

"And Oliver is what exactly?"

She heaved a painful sigh, looking so weary and defeated. "A phenomenon that I cannot explain."

He bobbed his head and sipped his brandy, seeming less hurt than what he truly was.

"Dave"—she ruffled his hair—"this is not a competition between you two. I am a trophy that neither Oliver nor you would want to win."

"But somehow it feels like you are. And I'm losing."

"No, you're not! You're winning!" She sighed at his dismayed face. "This is not something I would ever actively pursue. You said so yourself: there is no viable solution to this. You wouldn't want that."

"But you would? In spite of what you just said?"

"I'm saying... that the position I'm in is slightly trickier. I'm desperate to walk away from this, from him... but it's just so fucking hard." She gobbled up her brandy until there was nothing left to gulp. She shivered as the full burn ran through her. "And the wedding is putting a lot of pressure on me to realize my next move before it's too late. For god's sake, I have a booked venue, I have my wedding dress fitted, flowers, catering, music... and I don't even know if I'm able to go through with it. That's a horrible feeling, Dave: to want out from something you've wanted for some time now."

He contemplated her words. "So you do admit you want out."

She chuckled, her stomach knotting at the epiphany. "Would you believe me that this is, here and now, the first time I'm actually realizing it? Truly comprehending it?" She shook her head. "Holy crap..."

"What are you gonna do then? You don't love Jason anymore. We can now say that with plenty of certainty."

"I don't know. I really... don't know. I don't know if I can do that to Jason, to bail at such an advanced stage of... and I've tried to be hopeful, that I might love him that way again, but the more I think about it the more dejected I get... what am I going to do, Dave?" Tears streamed down her cheeks as the conflict was breaking her down. "What am I going to do?"

Dave stroked her golden hair in his embrace, calmly shushing her as she wept in his arms. "For my money, there's only one thing you must do: you can't get into a loveless marriage. It's not fair to Jason, but it's even worse for you, to know that you could've evaded it and still didn't. Just picture yourself five years from now, being locked in this marriage with kids... it's not gonna be pretty, and I think that trumps any moral difficultly you're facing now."

"I know I should break it off, but I'm... so afraid to."

"Why? Because of Jason?"

She shook her head as tears furrowed her pale cheeks. "Because of Oliver..."

"I don't follow. I was under the impression—from what I could tell from observing—that he wants... to get involved with you."

"He does, and that's the problem."

"That he wants you?"

"Yes! I don't want to be... in a relationship with my brother."

"Okay... but you don't have to. What you need to do is to call off the wedding, and then you'll have all the time in the world to think about that. For all you know, you might fall in love with some guy a year from now, and all your problems would be gone."

They sat still, reflecting, with only Ellie's sniveling on her brother's chest disturbing the quietness.

"Dave, how would you feel, theoretically, if..."

She left out the obvious ending to her question.

He chuckled. "You're asking me that now?"

"I mean in concept. How would you feel about it once you stopped... wanting me."

"I don't know. It'd be super-weird at first, but... I think I'd eventually get used to it."

"You would?" she croaked, suddenly rejuvenated.

"I might... eventually."

"The folks? Jack?"

"That's going to be brutal... at first, but... look, we only live once till proven otherwise, right? You should go after your happiness whatever it is, and sure, you're gonna face a buttload of shit and complications, but if you couldn't avoid it, then maybe, in the grand scheme of things... it might be worth it after all."

Jack popped his head from inside. "You know we're like waiting for you, don't you?"

"We're coming," Dave said.

"Together?" Jack said, making sure they made up.

"Yes," Ellie said as she stood up.

"I wish," Dave quipped after Jack went back inside.

"Jerk!"

He laughed at her grimace of disgust. "Come on, let's get some food in your skinny, hot body."

"I didn't hear that," Ellie said, repulsed, and stepped inside with her brother on her fine tail.

*****