The Ties That Bind: Addendum

Note to readers: After a bit of reflection, I recognize that I owe an apology to the readers of this series. It appears that I was too cavalier in the writing of this tale. I made silly errors and I didn't give the story the attention that it deserved. For that I apologize.

To the many who emailed me with words of encouragement, a thank you; they were truly appreciated. To those who commented with constructive criticism in a respectful and calm manner, I also thank. Your comments and suggestions were appreciated and taken to heart.

Now a note to those who seem to delight in demeaning and degrading those who make the attempt to entertain readers on this site. Your attacks drip with the venom that you spew. In fact, there are those who delight in attacking with words of derision and with a zero score, and then resume the attack with additional comments of anger and, to add insult to injury, additional zero scores. Are my tales so completely worthless? You felt there was enough interest that you kept reading chapter after chapter. A suggestion and a plea: PLEASE, do not read anything that I may submit in the future; and you will then be not offended or upset. Just bypass anything that I may submit. Believe me, we'll both be happier.

Now a word to those readers who felt that the ending was weak. I took another look at the story and I fully agree with you. It was a crappy end to the story. I plead guilty. I don't even know why I came up with that. Anyway, I revisited this tale and while I'm not sure this new ending is too much better, at least I made the attempt, and I feel a little better about how this tale ended.

So now I sit back, catch my breath, and take a break. Again, my sincere thanks and appreciation to the many who have contacted me and the many who have penned constructive comments.

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I sat in my car, mulling over my next move. I knew what I had to do, or more accurately, what I wanted to do. Yet, I was uncertain, unsure....no, perhaps just a bit fearful. I realized that it's a little difficult to be decisive when you're not the only player in the game. I started the car and began to drive.

I walked to the front door of our townhouse. I entered silently, stood still for a moment, but heard nothing. I looked around, it all seemed so empty and somewhat forlorn, or was that my mood? I walked to the kitchen, my steps muffled by the soft carpet. I saw Shelly sitting at the table, her hands clasping a cup of coffee. She visibly started when she saw me standing there. Her face paled and she lowered her eyes to the table.

I sat down opposite her, not saying anything. I saw her begin to tremble a bit, obviously agitated. "How.....how can you stand to look at me? she whispered. "I know I must disgust you, almost as much as I disgust myself."

She sat there, pale and trembling, but stoically accepting the fact that she had destroyed our marriage. There were no tears though her eyes were moist. I imagine that she must have cried herself out. I became certain, at that moment that I had to do what my mind and heart told me to do. I had to be totally honest with her, even though I still could not fully answer George's question.

I sat down in front of Shelly and began, "Shelly, I want you to listen carefully to what I have to say. It's important to me that you understand."

I leaned forward a bit and took her hands in mine.

"What you did to me was probably the most loathsome thing imaginable. . You had so little trust in me that you wouldn't come and voice your concerns. You, instead, chose to humiliate, degrade and demean me in the worst possible way. But even more horrific, you drugged me. You really had no idea what that bastard gave you - you followed his instructions and drugged me. You realize, of course, that you could have killed me. Whatever it was that you put in my drink could have ended my life. You didn't think of that obviously, and to me, that was even more devastating than your infidelity."

Shelly's head had dropped to the table, but I still had her hands in mine. I could hear her soft sobs. I held her hands tightly and continued.

"I understand that you are ill, that there is a illness that you are attempting to overcome. I have spoken to your doctor and I can understand everything that he has seen fit to tell me. I understand and appreciate all of that on an intellectual level. That really doesn't make it any easier for me. Emotionally I can't even begin to tell you how, on some level, I truly hate you and hate what you have done. I want you to understand that. You need to accept how I now feel."

I took a deep breath and continued speaking softly, trying to ignore Shelly's soft weeping. "Shelly, that being said, I do not intend to desert you. I cannot live with you, I cannot continue to be your husband, the pain is just too great, but I will not desert you. Your recovery is important to me, I intend to do everything I can possibly do to aid you in that recovery. Your doctor is optimistic and I take him at his word. I don't know what the future has in store for us, and to be honest, I don't think that's terribly important right now. I will continue to live in my apartment, but I will be in contact with you as often as possible. I will be seeing your doctor on a regular basis and I will follow any suggestion he may have during your therapy. You are going to need all of your strength, but I am certain you will find the courage to overcome the demons that lie within you, and I'll be there to help in anyway that I can."

Shelly looked up with an expression of astonishment on her face. "David, I don't deserve........how can you even stand........ " She stopped, unable to truly express herself, then looked up at me and softly asked. "David, could you just hold me for a minute...... just for a minute."

I took enfolded her and felt her tremble. I again thought, "What a mess, what a God awful mess," as I held Shelly in my arms.