The Trouble With Emily Ch. 04

Then there were the pictures where Emily began to appear, in her massacred cheerleader outfit for Halloween, in her tank and PJ pants lounging near the Christmas tree, in an elegant light blue dress before going out with Brian. In little more than a year, she had become such a dear part of their family, and there no longer seemed to be a huge empty gap in their home.

Mitchell slipped the heavy album back onto the shelf and gazed at the other older volumes. Impulsively he pulled down one from two years before. There was Kelly in braces and Timothy in his Cub Scout uniform. There was Mitchell and Angela, arm-in-arm in front of a wishing well while on vacation. Even though they had been having problems, they were both smiling broadly. He had always thought that there would be time to patch things up between them, to get back to the way things had been when they were first together, the fun little trips, the dinner parties with friends, the terrific sex. But then she found out the bad news and there was no time for anything other than doctors and clinics and hospital stays. He grinned sadly. There are no Mulligan's in life, he thought. No second chances, just the pain and guilt.

"Whatcha doing?" Emily asked cheerfully as she poked her head in the doorway. She was flushed and rosy from her workout and edged into the room, setting her purse and gym bag down by the door.

"Oh, just going through some old pictures," Mitchell said, flipping over a couple of pages.

"Is that Angela?" she asked as she sidled up beside where Mitchell sat in the high-backed chair.

"Yeah," Mitchell nodded. "This was at her parent's 50th wedding anniversary."

"She's pretty."

"Yeah, she was," Mitchell replied, feeling his voice tremble. "I thought she was the love of my lifetime. Maybe that's what's wrong with me, maybe that was my one and only chance at happiness and I blew it."

"What do you mean, blew it?" Emily asked. "It wasn't your fault that she got ill."

"I know, but that's not what I mean," Mitchell said. He looked up as Emily sat on the edge of the desk right beside him, looking intently at the open photo album. "Things hadn't been going real well for a while between us, things were said and done, things that we never had time to make up for."

"That's all right, Mitch," Emily said, her voice soft and comforting. She put her arm around his shoulders.

"She passed so quickly, I never had the chance to tell her that I was sorry. I never had the chance to make it up to her."

"There's a lot of things we never have time for, aren't there, Mitch?" Emily said softly. "That's why there's always a new tomorrow to try and make things better. That's why you have to live for the future and not dwell in the past."

"You're starting to sound like Stuart," Mitchell chuckled painfully.

"Maybe that's because we both care about you and want to see you happy."

"Do you? Do you want to see me happy?"

"Of course, Mitch. I just love you and your kids to pieces and want the very best for all of you. You know that."

"I guess I do, but it's comforting to hear you say it."

"Anything I can do for you, honey. You've been such a help for me lately, it's the least I can do."

Emily wrapped her arms around his neck, nuzzling her face into his hair, surrounding him with a warm hug. Mitchell patted her arm and sighed deeply.

"I can move on, I've done that I think," Mitchell admitted. "It's just that I'm not sure that I can forgive myself for treating her so badly."

"Didn't you see to it that she went to the doctor, and cared for her when she needed you most, and visited her every chance you could?"

"Yes, I had to, I wanted to."

"Didn't you see to it that her every last need was met, and ever since haven't you honored her by being the best dad you can to your kids?"

"Of course."

"Then I don't think you have to beat yourself over the head with some lingering feelings of guilt," Emily said, lifting her head up and turning his face up toward her. "You did everything you could with the opportunities you had. I think you've been amazing."

"Thanks, Emmie," Mitchell replied, patting his hand on top of hers. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Emily nodded and hugged him again. "A wise man told me once that there is always a tomorrow, isn't there?" she said.

Mitchell stretched out and looped his arms up and around her in an awkward but well-intentioned hug. She leaned toward him and giggled when she slipped off the desk and plopped onto his lap.

"Oh, my," Mitchell said, feeling the warm firm curves of her ass press into his lap.

"Well, isn't this cozy?" Emily remarked.

"Yes. Cozy. Very," Mitchell replied. They leaned toward each other, their foreheads touching lightly. "Thank you for being such a sweetheart, Emmie. I don't know what I would have done this past year without you."

"And thank you for taking me into your home and making this so much more than just a job," Emily said.

"Better than your last family?" Mitchell asked.

"Oh, much better," Emily replied. "They were nice and all, but I never really felt as safe and as well-loved as I have here with you guys."

There was a warmth and intimacy to the moment, something that seemed to pull them closer together.

"Dad! Dad!" Timothy called out as he rushed into the office. He pulled up short and stared when he saw Emily sitting on his father's lap. Mitchell jumped at the innocent intrusion and Emily tried to get up from his lap.

"What is it?" Mitchell said excitedly as Emily slipped off his lap and he stood up.

"Kelly won't get off the computer and she isn't doing homework."

"What do you need it for?"

"I hafta find some revolutionary war pictures for my Social Studies project," Timothy explained. "She's been on it all night chatting with her friends and won't get off."

"That's all right, sweetie," Emily said. "You can use my computer if you want."

"Cool," Timothy responded.

"Just don't let her get any cooties on you," Mitchell warned.

"Dad! There are no such things as cooties," Timothy insisted before storming off up the stairs.

"Your little boy is growing up so fast," Emily said to Mitchell as she followed Timothy upstairs.

Mitchell smiled and filed away the old photo albums. As he paused and glanced out the window, he felt an unfamiliar sense of relief. Somehow just talking with Emily had helped him immensely. All of his convoluted emotions felt like they were straightened out. The more he thought about it, the more he became convinced that he had given his all. Sure, he had made mistakes and fate had taken away the possibility of making up for his errors. But every day since he had tried to do all he could for his kids. Now maybe he was truly ready to do something for himself.

When he went upstairs to check on Timothy's progress, Mitchell got a chuckle out of seeing his boy sitting with Emily at her computer, laughing and joking as they surfed together for the pictures he needed. Emily looked up and smiled, a twinkling blue-green eye winking at him. When he lay down to sleep that night, Mitchell felt completely relaxed, tired from the day, but loose and light and settled. He had this king-sized bed and a lot of love and passion to share. Would the girl of his dreams be ready to step out of his reverie now that he was ready to accept her?

* * *

"Anybody home?" Mitchell called out as he closed the front door behind him. It was a Friday evening and he was late getting home from work.

"Just me," Emily sang out from upstairs.

Mitchell set down his briefcase and keys and climbed the stairs.

"What are the kids up to?" he asked.

"Timothy is over at Duncan's house and Kelly is spending the night at Eileen's," Emily replied from inside her room. She was sitting at her desk writing.

"When's Timmy due home?"

"Don't you remember, he's spending the night so they can get an early start on their Boy Scout outing at the Science Center tomorrow."

"Yeah, that's right," Mitchell remarked, remembering. "So when are you heading out tonight?"

"I'm not," Emily said. "I'm thinking of spending a quiet evening at home."

"Really? You look like you're dressed up to go out."

"This old outfit?" she asked, looking herself over. A bulky white knit sweater and a short gray plaid skirt was topped off with a pair of tall black boots. "I guess. Maybe."

"I think you look cute," he said, looking her over.

"Thank you," she said sounding appreciative but otherwise unimpressed.

"Tell you what, Emmie, if you aren't doing anything tonight, do you feel like grabbing a bite to eat someplace? I'm starved."

"I am kind of hungry. Sure, why not?"

"Let me wash up real quick and I'll meet you downstairs."

Mitchell was the one who ended up waiting downstairs. Emily came to the head of the stairs and then glided down slowly. Mitchell looked up at her and smiled. She hadn't changed her clothes, maybe touched up her hair and makeup, but she looked terrific.

"You look gorgeous, Emmie," he said.

Emily didn't respond immediately but her grin spoke of her pleasure for receiving his compliment.

"So where do you want to go?" she asked. "I'm kind of poor."

"How about Shiro? I'll pay."

"I haven't been there yet. I've heard they have a yummy sushi bar."

"Anything you want tonight."

Mitchell helped Emily into her black leather jacket, slipped on his own and they headed out to dine. The restaurant was near by, housed in an older Greek Revival styled mansion built many years ago by a wealthy industrialist. They left Mitchell's SUV with the valet and entered the serene and slightly funky foyer. The soft lighting, pale walls, fine linens and cozy fireplaces lent an air of comfort and quiet. They were met by a tall, beautiful Asian hostess, and were shown past the array of Asian artwork and rich wood paneling up the grand center stairway. Their intimate table was set near an inviting field stone fireplace that flickered warmly.

"This feels strange not having the kids around," Mitchell remarked as they settled in. "But it's nice, don't you think?"

Emily nodded.

"So is this a date?" she asked, her blue-green eyes sparkling.

"A date?" Mitchell said, a little confused for the moment. "Hardly. At least I don't think so. You're still my nanny so it really can't be a date."

Emily looked disappointed.

"Let's just say that we're a couple of friends celebrating ... um, let's see ... how about a great start to your final year of Master's studies."

Her look of disappointment didn't diminish.

"I was kind of hoping for the date angle," she remarked.

"Why? Would you like to date someone like me?"

"Not someone like you, Mitch," she said, her eyes rich with feeling as she gazed over at him. "I think you'd make a great date."

Their lovely Asian waitress approached them quietly and respectfully interrupted them, introducing herself with a formal little bow. Mitchell ordered some sake for them and they looked over the menu, which was an interesting blend of Japanese and French cuisine.

"So what's good here?" she asked.

"Everything," Mitchell replied. "I'm not that big on sushi so I can't judge that, but everything else I've tried is great."

They settled on the wasabi shumai and the foie gras with raspberry demi-glace and fresh berries for appetizers. Emily ordered one of the house special plates of sushi and Mitchell settled on the panko shrimp and crab cakes. They made a certain agreement to share.

"So have you heard from Brian?" Mitchell asked. Emily looked down and away sadly for a moment. Then her expression brightened and she looked back up at him.

"He's doing terrific as always," she said. "He's that way you know. Nothing ever bothers him."

"Then how are you doing about all that?"

"I'm okay. I've gotten through it and I'm not looking back."

"I'm glad to hear that. I only wish that there was something more that I could do."

"What more could you do, Mitch? You were so terrific. You were supportive and yet gave me my own space. I don't know what I would have done without you and the rest of my friends and family."

Mitchell looked at her closely. She was smiling and looking bright and optimistic. There was a lingering trace of regret in her eyes, but just a trace. Otherwise she was upbeat and fresh and lively.

"You know. If there is ever anything that I can do for you, anything, all you have to do is ask."

"I know," she responded. "And I am so glad that you are that way."

Their waitress brought the wasabi shumai and the foie gras, refreshed their sake and they began to eat.

"This is sooo good!" Emily exclaimed as she sampled the wasabi.

Mitchell fell in love with the look on her face, so expressive, so intense, so animated, so on the edge. He grabbed his own fork and was forced to admit that the flavor was terrific. Emily sampled the foie gras and looked across at him intently.

"Can I ask you something?" she said in a soft voice.

"Sure. Anything."

"Tell me about your wife," Emily said.

Other than a few nights ago looking at the photo albums, they had never really talked about Angela. Emily had never asked, Mitchell had never spoken. But the subject had always been sitting there between them.

"At one point, for a long time actually, I thought that our love was going to last forever," Mitchell began. "She was beautiful and smart and everything a man could ask for in a woman."

"Why do I get the feeling that there is a 'but' in there someplace?"

"I thought I had the world by the balls. I had everything, a great house, a terrific job, the woman of my dreams."

"So what happened?"

"I'm not sure exactly. The kids came along and suddenly the whole world changed. I was ready for them. We had married fairly late in life, you know. But I was mature and was ready for the midnight feedings and poopy diapers and all of that parenthood stuff. But somehow, someway, she changed. Angela went from being this sweet sexy woman of my dreams to some sort of perverted nightmare. I loved her so much that I kept trying to make it work, I took her crap and bitchiness hoping that someday she would realize the way I felt about her, but she seemed to push me away at every step of the path."

"That's sad."

"I mean, it got so that she didn't like the way I kissed her, the way I touched her. Hell, she even criticized me for the way I took off my pants. It was like I suddenly woke up sleeping beside a stranger. She wanted me to change virtually everything about myself but I had to accept her the way she was. There was no sweet and sexy girl anymore, just this insufferable bitch."

"So what happened?"

"For a long time, nothing. Then she came home one day from her doctor's visit, all in tears. There was something suspicious and she needed to go back for more tests. I went with her and stood beside her all the way. Cancer. Modern man's nightmare. She was riddled with it. I knew from her family history that she was susceptible, but I had no idea. I was totally unprepared. So was she. As I look back on it, it's all a blur. Before I knew it, she was gone, and I've never forgiven myself for all the terrible things I said to her and the even worse things that I thought about her. Those I kept to myself."

Emily reached across the table to him.

"How long has it been?" she asked letting her warm hand settle on his.

"Two years."

"Don't you think it's time that you did something about it?"

"Like what?"

"Mitchell, you need to find yourself another sweet and sexy girl. You have a lot to offer her. I can see it in your intensity, your deep feelings, and your sense of what's right. I think you need to look to the future, you know. When your kids are grown and moved out you'll need someone or something to keep you occupied."

"You're right. That's what Stuart is always saying. But it's so hard. So fucking hard. Without the right one, the right woman ..."

"Maybe you need to look someplace new, find someone new."

"I know. I've looked around. But it's hard for me. I'm not like most guys. I don't just jump the first set of bones that comes along."

"I know, and that's part of your charm."

"But look at me and my situation, I'm close to fifty, still with two kids to support. The young women I meet are way too young and aren't ready for the family scene, and the older ones are pretty much done raising their kids and want some freedom. Besides they seem too ... too ... too old and set in their ways. I still have some growing to do. Maybe that sounds weird, but I haven't found a happy medium."

"Maybe you're placing too much emphasis on your age. It's really the least important thing after looks for making a solid relationship."

"You're probably right."

"I know I'm right, Mitch."

"In the last few months I've come to realize that I've still got so much to offer. I know that I have this great capacity to love someone, someone special. Every day I can feel that love and passion in my heart and soul. Guess the next girl who comes into my life will enjoy the benefits."

"I'm jealous."

"What do you mean?"

"I wish I was that girl."

Out of nowhere, their waitress quietly appeared and cleared away their finished appetizers. She seemed so apologetic to be interrupting them, but their mood had shifted direction and a moment later their waitress returned with their superbly presented entrees.

"You should try this," Emily said, offering up a forkful of sushi.

"But it's raw fish and who knows what else," Mitchell protested.

"Trust me. It's really good. Maybe you'll like it."

"And maybe I'll get really sick or have some sort of hideous allergic reaction."

Mitchell knew that his protest was futile. He accepted the forkful and, after finding it delicious, asked for a second. Emily presented him with another and he nibbled it off her fork.

"This is really nice," Mitchell remarked looking around at the dining room.

"It is. I just love the food," Emily replied.

"Well, yeah, that too," Mitchell said. "But I meant this, you and me." He waved his fork back and forth between them. "This is really nice."

"It is. You're a really fun companion, Mitch."

"Thanks."

"You know, this may sound weird but I've been noticing the old lady over there, kind of over your shoulder-don't look just yet. But she's been giving us the eye ever since we sat down."

"Hmm, oh really," Mitchell remarked, trying to resist the desire to look at the old lady. "And what do you think that's all about?"

"I think she disapproves."

"Of what?"

"You here with me."

"Too bad for her."

"Of course, we could always give her something to really disapprove."

"Huh?"

Emily set down her fork and leaned forward over the intimate little table. Mitchell cast a quick look over his shoulder at the little old lady who was sitting with some little old man and giving them a nasty look. Was it the difference in their ages or were the biddy's undies in a bunch for some other reason? When Mitchell turned back toward Emily, her face was nearly right before him and he leaned forward the last inch to kiss her.

The melding of their lips together sent violins ringing through the air. The kiss may have started to be all about show but its effect on the participants was considerably different. Mitchell couldn't believe how soft and sweet and moist were Emily's lips, tasting of sake and sushi. The moment had come so quickly, the impulse so sudden, that he hadn't taken the time to realize just what was happening. But once their lips touched, his mind began whirling and he leaned forward into the kiss, burning the memory deep into his mind.

"Well," Emily said as they parted and picked up their forks again. "How do you like your crab cakes?"

"Um, they're ... uh, great," he replied, his eyes never leaving hers. "Moist, tender, very tasty. Want a bite?"