The Twelve Vitali Ch. 19

"It's not the same love. You're two different men. But it scares me that I know I still love him. If I acknowledge those feelings and how much it hurt to leave him, I'm not sure what happens next. How can this work? I don't know that I can be enough for either of you, let alone both of you." She paused and finally looked at Ricco. "I understand now why you kept me away from your family and friends. You're loyal and trustworthy, and you're a man who keeps his word, which only makes you more attractive and me regretful for the way we broke up and the accusations I made."

"First, you were right to break up with me; it was me who was being the selfish bastard. I was stringing you along with no hope of a real future together at the time. Matteo once said that if we had been honest with each other back then we may have stayed together, and then he would have never have met you. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty happy the three of us have wound up here together. Second, you love me?" Ricco asked incredulously in an equally quiet voice.

Cat looked at Matteo, hating that she might be hurting him, but he only gave her a small smile of encouragement. She looked back at Ricco and nodded, unsure of herself now that she had said it.

"It's okay, Kitten," Matteo murmured close to her ear. "This is a good thing. Marrying me is a two for one deal, and you will always be enough for both of us, I promise." He took her hand in his, noticing that Ricco still held her other hand on the table. "We can work it all out if we are honest about what we want and need from each other."

"You do not want to know what I want right now," Ricco said in a husky voice, waggling his eyebrows at her in a teasing way.

"Dessert?" Cat asked with a crooked smile, withdrawing her hands and trying to regain her equilibrium after her confession.

"In a manner of speaking," he admitted.

"I don't know if I could manage dessert tonight after all this pasta," she said seriously, unsure if she was ready to take that step into intimacy immediately after admitting she still loved him. She needed to know Matteo was secure and still loved her the same way he always did.

Matteo could see the pleasure his brother felt at Cat's admission radiate from him. Strangely, he wasn't jealous, he knew from everything she had said about their past relationships and the small but intimate talks they had managed recently that, although she cared and obviously cared deeply for Ricco, it was a different relationship to the one they had. Matteo had worked hard to convince her that he loved her and could be trusted to never let her down; his brother still had that work to do, especially as he had let her down once already. He knew Ricco could and would win her trust and respect again, but it wouldn't eclipse what he had built with Cat, it never could.

"I'll get this if we're done for tonight?" Matteo offered.

"No need, it's taken care of," Ricco said easily. "Are you ready to go?" he asked Cat.

"I am," she said. "I have a few things I'd like to do when we get home, and we spent so much time at the penthouse, it's getting late."

"Like what?" Matteo asked frowning.

"Well, getting my car from my townhouse, for starters, so I don't have to rely on Knox being available when I go out just to pick up a few things here and there," she laughed lightly.

"He doesn't mind, especially while we are at work. Where are you planning to go that you need to drive?" Matteo pressed her.

"Maybe we can talk about this at home," she said, looking around at the other customers as they left the restaurant.

"No maybe about it," he grumbled and slid into the passenger seat of the car. He had let Ricco drive knowing that his style of driving and the speed at which he liked to drive scared Cat on more than one occasion.

Cat sat in the back of the car saying nothing as they drove home. Each time one of the men addressed her she pretended she couldn't hear them properly and waved away the question until they returned home. She needed to word what she had to say carefully or risk getting into an argument with Matteo in front of Ricco. She had thought that his reticence to leave her at home alone was more because he had missed her, but as the days had gone by she realised there was something more to his need to know where she was at all times. She couldn't live like that, she needed some freedoms, even if only to go and buy some art supplies for the studio he had built for her in the penthouse. She didn't want someone who didn't understand what she needed doing that for her like they had in Brisbane. She wanted to start painting again and thinking about her career, as well as the life she would have with him. He and Ricco had become her entire world, and she had realised tonight when talking to Vanessa that she needed to indulge her own interests, as well as theirs.

In the elevator, they had stood side by side, and Ricco had taken her hand, squeezing it as if he knew an argument was brewing and wanted to give her encouragement. She smiled slightly as she looked up at him and then immediately turned the same smile on Matteo. Even now, only a short time after the confession of her feelings, she was feeling pressure to not favour one over the other.

Despite being given the night off, Lisa met them at the door and took their jackets and asked if they needed anything.

"We can manage for ourselves, thank you, Lisa," Matteo said stiffly, and Cat knew there was going to be little she could say that would get her the freedom she wanted. Before giving in to him, however, she would need to know why he was so worried about her doing what she needed to alone. She walked ahead of the men into the apartment and went out onto the deck to clear her head before she faced him and pleaded her case.

"Now tell me why you need your car, instead of using Knox?" Matteo asked in a much calmer voice than she had expected when he walked out onto the deck.

"It might surprise you, but I lived quite well driving myself around for years before flying to Brisbane and meeting you," she said. "I've never even been in an accident."

"I'm aware, but from what David and Ricco said your car wasn't particularly reliable or roadworthy. What do you need to do that you have to do alone?" He asked again.

"I want to be able to go shopping on the spur of the moment without having to check if you or Ricco are busy or need Knox. I'd like to go and start looking for wedding dresses, or just buy some magazines. I just want to be able to go wherever I want when I want without having to make an appointment to go and pick up a paintbrush. I have an appointment to see the doctor, and I wouldn't mind getting a trim," she was clutching at straws as she listed off things she needed to do. "I want a new laptop or tablet so I can talk to Peri about the new commission without having to ask to borrow yours. I need some independence, Matt, I feel almost like I need to ask permission to breathe because I'm suffocating lately." She hadn't meant to say as much as she had, and the look of shock on Matteo's face made her wish she could suck the words back into her mouth and forget she had ever uttered them.

"I'm suffocating you?" he asked in a soft, slow voice.

"I had more freedom and independence at the Battaglia facility," she admitted. Or at least she had more until Hella had moved her into the room adjoining hers. "I'm sure Knox has far more important things to do than drive me around all day."

"What if we bought her a newer, safer car and she agreed to have a tracker installed on it and her phone so we could find her if we needed to at any given time?" Ricco suggested, seeing that his brother had taken her accusation that he had been suffocating her badly. "Or I bought it as an engagement present to you both?" he amended.

"Why would I need a tracker? You trust me, don't you?" she asked. "With two future husbands to please, I'm hardly going to go out looking to have an affair," she laughed at the idea.

"Why don't we sit down and talk about it," Ricco said, watching as the pair faced each other, both feeling unsure of what the other was asking or why.

"Talk about what? I've done everything that's been asked of me, and now I'm being treated like a virtual prisoner. I just want to go shopping or visit a friend now and then. What's so wrong with that? I did have friends before going to Brisbane, you realise!" she said with a small trace of anger in her voice.

"I'm sure they were also friends with Ned Kelso," Matteo growled in frustration at her.

"I don't think Frankie and Anna would have approved of him somehow. Do you?" Cat said flippantly.

"Okay," Ricco stepped in. "I'm not letting this get out of hand. It's a stupid thing to fight over. Just sit down and tell her why we would want to track her movements or I will. It's better she knows so she can be more vigilant and appreciate why you're a totally overbearing asshat."

"I'll listen, it doesn't mean I'll agree," Cat said and took a seat. She hadn't argued with anyone for over a month, and now that she had gotten mad she found it hard to back down. Ricco was right, it was a silly thing to argue over, and she was sure he had a good reason now, but he also had to know she was never going to come back from the training facility and her trial a complete submissive who would just follow arbitrary rules without explanation.

"Come on, Matt, even I know she needs explanations for everything she is asked to do," Ricco sighed at his brother. "You owe her the same honesty you expect from us."

"Then you tell her your version of why I wouldn't want her driving an old rust bucket on her own," Matteo shrugged, feeling even more frustrated by his brother's calm attitude. He was right, it was a silly fight, but now that Cat was his he didn't want to take any chances with her safety, whether she liked it or not.

"The short version is that it can be dangerous to be part of one of the twelve families, and, in his own control freak way, Matt is just protective. The longer version will take some time to explain. So would you like a drink? Need a bathroom break?" he asked with a chuckle.

"No I'm good," Cat said, interested in finding out what this explanation was.

"When our families came to this country and began setting up our business interests and taking over certain sectors of the markets in their hometowns they were met by opposition. This wasn't the first time; it had happened in other countries as well that our families had immigrated to. This opposition comes from another set of families that we call the Seubi. They tend to deal in the shadowy world of the criminal underbelly, whereas our interests tend to be legitimate. Sometimes our interests clash, and there has been a feud or small war at play between the two sides since medieval times. Perhaps even before that," Ricco began his longer explanation.

"In the last decade, there have been several attacks on different families in different ways. Perhaps the worst case was their infiltration of the Pellegrini family where they preyed on weak leaders and almost carried out the massacre of the complete Donati table just after Josh took the chair. The Gambaro family and the Sartori's also had dreadful losses of their own. If the wrong people found out that the Vitali table was changing before everything was put in place, then members of the new Vitali table would be at risk," he gave her a serious look. "The fact that it is public knowledge that Stefano has been so unwell puts all of us at risk, including you, if the people who would do us harm work out that Matteo and I are preparing to take over for Papa."

"I see, this is why no one knows of Roberto's illness as yet," Cat nodded at the gravity of the situation. She had known about the attempted massacre of the Donati family from within their own ranks. Ben still wore a haunted look from time to time if Emily's name was mentioned.

"Okay, so I have a tracker, in my car and my phone. That's fine; I don't have anything to hide. I just want to be able to pop down the road for some chocolate if I have a craving," she said. "It's no big deal, honestly, Matt. I just want to feel like I don't have to ask permission to do even the simple things in my life. Ricco's right, now that I know I will be more careful."

"If you have a craving for chocolate?" Matteo asked carefully.

"No, not that sort of craving, but who knows. You know I am going to the doctor to discuss it tomorrow," she said reasonably.

"You got an appointment with Paolo?" Ricco asked, wondering how he didn't know about this. "Why are you in such a hurry to have children? You're not even married yet."

"Roberto seemed to really need the opportunity to know he had grandchildren to ensure the next generation of his family, and we always planned to have babies, it will just be a little sooner than we thought, if we're lucky," Cat said, genuinely happy with the idea of having a family of her own. The idea had appealed more and more after spending time with the close-knit Donati family.

"Makes sense, I guess," he said grudgingly. He had hoped they would be intimate before Cat tried to fall pregnant so that the children would be theirs rather than definitively Matteo's. "A doctor's appointment is important, maybe we should go with you," Ricco said carefully.

"I don't want you driving that old unreliable car," Matteo said in a calmer voice. "I'd rather you had a driver, so someone was with you, just in case, but if you insist on having a car of your own then let Ric buy you one," he smirked at his brother. "He offered, after all. Get a Mercedes, they have some of the best safety standards."

"I don't need a Mercedes, I'm sure we can find a little second-hand car that won't cost too much, and I have the money from the Donati commission," she said. "There is no need for Ricco or you to buy me a car."

"No, I'll buy the car, I never got you an engagement present, this can be it. It's not as good as the house or ring that Matt got you, but I'm sure we can find something suitable," Ricco chuckled, realising that Cat's independent streak was going to be an ongoing problem for Matt and himself. "And I'll call Sebastian about the trackers once we've decided on a model and run it past Chase. He might have one you can borrow until whatever we decide on tomorrow is ready."

"I'm going to call Papa. We can't keep operating like Siamese twins and live our lives. Cat's right, we need to be able to go shopping, even for cars without making it a family trip. We're good, we're together and happy to be together, there's no need for this anymore," he held up his wrist and shook the watch.

"We could always just rebel and throw them off the roof," Ricco suggested.

"Let's call first and see if that works. If they don't agree, we'll do it your way," Matteo said with a grin. He stood up and kissed Cat lightly before walking back inside to grab his phone.

"You don't have to buy me a car," Cat repeated softly as Matteo walked away.

"You know I do or he will dig his heels in about a driver. He's a good guy, but he's dealing with a lot at the moment, and it will be one less thing for him to worry about if he knows you're safe. We can and will do this for him, because what the family is asking of him during the gathering is a big deal and he needs our support," Ricco took the opportunity to explain while Matteo was inside. He'd had no time alone with Cat up until this point, and he wasn't sure he would get more than a minute.

"Okay, but we talk about it properly before we decide on the car, okay?" she said, trying to retain some choice in her life.

"I'll clear my calendar, and we can shop for whatever you like tomorrow morning and Matteo can get some work done. Even if you find a car you like tomorrow it will take a week or so to get the registration and insurance sorted out," Ricco explained further. "We can go see Chase after that; he probably has a car you can borrow until yours is ready, but even that might take a day or two to sort out the insurance."

"They've been turned off since the ball," Matteo grumbled, coming back out onto the deck. "When you called and said something had gone wrong they turned them off and left them that way. They just forgot to tell us that was the case."

"It wouldn't have mattered anyway. We've needed to be together the last few days," Ricco said easily. "I've got used to being attached to you over the last month, I doubt it will change how we operate now, it'll just give us options for days like tomorrow. You go to work in the morning, and I'll take Cat car shopping, and we'll meet for lunch before going to Papa's."

"That could work. When's your doctor's appointment?" Matteo asked Cat.

"Eleven, we could meet you at the office after that, if you don't mind. I wanted to have another quick look at the penthouse art studio as well, if that's okay," Cat answered. "It will be nice to have a space of my own again." She tried to make her point as clear as she could. She loved these men, but lately she had to go to the bathroom to even get a few minutes of time alone with her scattered thoughts. They must be feeling the same way, she couldn't imagine how they weren't both climbing the walls after being tied together for a month.

"I'm sorry," Matteo said finally. "I guess we're just used to always having someone around. Even when we strike out on our own, chances are we're being watched by someone. I guess it comes with being part of a family like ours. It doesn't even occur to me that someone may feel suffocated by the constant attention of people who love them."

"That makes me sound awful for wanting some thinking time," she sighed. "I'm just used to being able to find time to work out what's going on in my head. You have to admit your family is a lot to take on, and I haven't had any time to just be alone with my thoughts, which is how I deal with stressful situations. I guess I need to withdraw and put my messed up thoughts in order. I just keep taking on more and more of your family's demands, and then you put me on the spot, like tonight at dinner. I haven't had the time to sort through how I feel properly, which is why Ricco probably feels like I cringe when it's more like I just have no idea what I'm doing anymore," she sighed heavily. "I need some time to be on my own and do some things for myself. I want to lose myself in a painting and do the things that make me, me!"

"Sounds reasonable," Ricco said, carefully watching Matteo. "As long as you had a tracker in your phone or car."

"What about spending a day here at home alone to think?" Matteo said, still not happy about her driving all over Melbourne on her own, and he would have Lisa and Knox nearby in case she needed anything.

"We left so suddenly that I left all my art supplies in Brisbane, which is fine, because they weren't brands or tools I would normally use, and I want some new supplies more than anything so I can paint and think and daydream. I would be bored at home alone without them. I need it like you need work, and I haven't been able to do anything for over a month, so let me go and get the stuff I like without trying to negotiate how I do it. I promise I'll be careful, but you have to loosen the reins a little," she tried to make him see how much she was giving up for him, things he had once promised he would never make her compromise. "I'm living a life where the only thing I love is you. I don't have my art or my brother or any of my own belongings. I'm losing me, and you fell in love with the girl who had paint on her face and under her fingernails. Not this polished carefully created version of me," she sighed again.

"You never said anything," he frowned at her.

"You never tried to make me a prisoner here before now. Up until now I always thought I had the option to collect my car and do my own thing. When I asked for my car, however, you pretty much said no unless I go with a guard who can alert the warden if I put a foot out of place. You have to trust me as much as I trust you, or we may as well call off the wedding now!" she said in a stronger voice than how she felt. This was their first real argument, and, as Ricco has said, it was over something silly, but there was more to her words than just a car. She needed her freedom and independence to be herself. Matteo looked at her in painful shock, and she instantly regretted her words about the wedding.