The Vicar of St. Dunstan's Ep. 05

While I enjoyed my meal, I listened to my recording of Handel's Messiah done on period instruments by Christopher Hogwood and the Academy of Ancient Music. The elegant simplicity of that recording I prized more than any with modern orchestras and choruses, and it put me in the holiday spirit. In the time between tea and the midnight service, I opened my mailbox and sent e-mails home to my parents and siblings.

The service went off beautifully in every way: the choir under Niall's direction was superb as usual, and the turnout was the largest yet. I didn't get fancy with the Christmas message; sometimes when we labor so thoroughly to gild the lily we forget the lovely flower that won our hearts in the first place, and so it is with this story. During communion, Jenny Button gave me a huge wink which completely discombobulated me as I gave her the host; she was wearing a plunging neckline that gave me an excellent view of her cleavage as she knelt at the altar rail. After communion, Mary Sterns stood up to announce that there was a great Christmas reception in the Undercroft immediately afterward, and since they were already awake at one in the morning, they bloody well ought to stay a bit longer to continue the celebration.

I thought it would be some punch and cookies awaiting us as I descended the stairs, but I was wrong. The Undercroft was decorated within an inch of its life with a massive tree in the corner; many kinds of sweets and cookies rested on the table beside some sandwiches, vegetables, and other substantial finger food. The great quilt the ladies were working on was hung across the front of the Undercroft, and Mary was selling chances for a drawing to possess it. Almost everyone at the service came down the stairs, settling at tables in family groups but individuals wandered the hall freely to chat with one another. The children started chasing one another in the open spaces of the room, while the youth collected in their own groups by gender. I floated through the room to say hello to everyone, and in the middle discovered that someone had hung a sprig of mistletoe. Agnes Sterns and Jenny Button came up to me with broad grins on their faces as I was talking with Percy Wilton and Stan Dover, pulled me head down and planted wet kisses on both my cheeks simultaneously before I knew what was happening. Percy and Stan pointed up and laughed themselves silly at my surprise and embarrassment.

The room was abuzz with all the conversations when Mary Sterns stepped up to a microphone and called for order. "Good evening, St. Dunstan's, and Happy Christmas. Are we all having a good time?" An uncoordinated set of cheers greeted her question. "Well, be sure and help yourself to more goodies, we've got a lot to go around. I promise that we won't have a long program, and Father Christmas will be here in a minute for the kiddies. We'll have the drawing for the raffle shortly.

"On a serious note, we had a very moving mission from our Rev. Brenda Porter a few months ago about her fine work in Australia. We haven't had formal campaign for her, but I can tell you that this Christmas, we've raised £5,000 for her mission in Alice Springs. Well done, St. Dunstan's." Warm applause replied to her announcement, and the room quieted down shortly after. "Now I'd like to ask Father Alfred to come forward for something special."

Oh no, I said to myself, what are they up to now? I was at the back of the hall and made my way forward with some trepidation; the look on Mary's face was reason to think that something I might regret was going to happen. Finally, I arrived beside Mary, who shook my hand and took out an envelope she had in her bag.

"Vicar, we know that you've been working very hard the past couple of months as we paid off the mortgage, and as you lead us through Advent season to get ready for tonight's celebration. I know that your work behind the scenes to help Rev. Brenda has also been untiring. So we're going to help you relax a bit." A round of applause greeted these words, and a picture taken at that moment had my face screwed in a ridiculous look.

"You've been planning this summer for a trip to our sister parish, to visit Rev. Brenda's mission and tell our sister parish about St. Dunstan's. Well, some of us have been thinking that it would be safer if this money order didn't have a chance to get lost in the mail, and it's fortunate that you're ready for a holiday. So here's a ticket for Australia; you leave the day after tomorrow."

My jaw dropped. What the fuck was going on here? I was going to Australia, now? How long?

"You'll be gone for three weeks, Vicar. We've got Rev. Jennings lined up to take your place while you're gone, and our Brenda knows you're on your way. She's looking forward to seeing you very much." Mary gave me a broad smile, handed me the envelope, and gestured me to the microphone.

I took my place reluctantly. "What? Really? Now? How come? Thanks, I guess. When did you set that up? Goodness gracious."

Mary put her arm around my shoulder. "We love the job you're doing for us here, Vicar, and we wanted to show you our thanks. God love you, Fr. Alfred, you're a real blessing for us all." The twinkle in her eye disturbed me, but I finally gathered myself to bow in appreciation as they gave me their heartfelt applause. I knew I didn't deserve it but a long shot, but it would be rude to stop them.

Harry Hazleton came out dressed as Father Christmas, and was immediately swarmed by all under the age of ten. He kept good spirits as he passed out trinkets to the boys and girls, saying: ". . .there's more under the tree at home for you there. I just came from your houses; and William, I caught you trying to peek at me from the top of the stairs. You'll have to be a better boy next year." Four year old William's jaw dropped at 'Father Christmas' insight, his eyes bugging out and he ran to tell his mother about how he was caught. The North Pole denizen then sat down on the podium and proceeded to let several young ladies of the parish tell him what they wanted for Christmas to the vast amusement of all, then some of the next generation came forward ending with Mavis, who wanted a new husband and received a smack on the derriere in response. Sheila won the drawing for the quilt, drawing cries of "Fix, fix." from the crowd, including her husband. The party kept rolling until three in the morning, and all drifted into the early Christmas morning laughing and at peace.

Epiphany after evensong, Rev. Brenda Porter took me out for a picnic in the outback under the stars in her Land Rover. The promised comet trailed a long tail across the sky, three days away from disappearing on its loop around the far side of the Sun. We settled down on a bank next to an alkali pool, spread our blanket and laid back to look at the stars. It had been a lovely week: Brenda had shown me the entire area around Alice Springs and introduced me to her parishioners, who were eager to hear my stories from both Western Kansas and England. I was part of social gatherings and native rituals, tourist excursions and sedentary meditation. The nights together had been magic: we reveled in our physicality like old lovers reunited. Brenda had gone on the Pill for the month, so we could move as the spirit moved us, and I was able to indulge her anal desires until she was almost sated.

We spread out the picnic and shared our snack with some cold beer. Afterward we stretched out side by side in wonder at the universe above us. "Penny for your thoughts," Brenda said.

I paused for thought. "This reminds me of home, Bren. The stars are all different, but the canopy of lights from horizon to horizon is just what I'd see from a hillside in western Kansas. The heat is about right, too, it's blazing there after dark in midsummer, just like here. I was just thinking about visiting home before I left, and since I was able to make this trip now, I can go back there this summer."

"That's lovely, Alfie. It'll do you good to see the home country, even if you struggle with it."

"It's sticky there after sundown as well."

"Well, if you're too hot, you're probably wearing too many clothes. Let me help you."

She started unbuttoning my shirt, pausing to run her hand over my sweaty chest, and pulled it back to trace her fingernails over my skin. I reached up to pull her t-shirt over her head, then undid her front clasp bra to release her full, heavy breasts. We spent a long time just moving our hands on each other's skin; I teased her right nipple with my finger, and she gasped. "It's been too long, Alfie, too long. Almost had an orgasm when Mary sent me the e-mail to tell me you were coming now rather than June."

"Bren, I almost popped my cork when I found out I was on my way. It was a reception after Christmas midnight Eucharist and it would have been embarrassing to soil my wide front in front of the whole parish."

Brenda chuckled. "Well, I'm glad they made it possible now, Alfie. My people are glad you're here, and you've made quite an impression on them. Wouldn't be surprised if they made you an honorary member of the tribe before you go."

"Well, I like them as well; you have a warm, wonderful group of people to serve here. You're lucky, Bren."

"You are too, Alfie." She began unbuckling my belt and undoing my shorts. "I wonder if there's anything for me down here."

I stroked her bare back as she pulled off the rest of my clothes and started massaging my member. "I think you're a little to hot as well. Let me get you out of these." I unzipped her shorts and pulled them off, revealing her wonderful broad hips in the first quarter moonlight. My hand traversed the expanse, teasing her vertical smile with my fingertips as she bend over my cock. She rolled over and we started kissing deeply, rubbing our sweat slick bodies together as our hands moved all around each other's backs. Our tongues did a whirling Christmas dance, our bodies sought to make as much contact as possible, chest against breasts, belly against belly, crotch against crotch, legs entwined. I laid her on her back, and she stopped me to get something out of the hamper. It was a long, think cucumber, that she lubricated with some oil.

I took the oil and put some on my hand, then worked some of it into her pucker with my fingers as I prepared to delve into her moist vagina. She laid back and purred as I got three fingers into her rectum, then I started pushing my nine inch cock into her pussy lips. I felt the cucumber and moved my hand aside so she could guide it up her ass. As we thrust against each other, she worked the cucumber around with her free hand, sweat flying off our bodies in the evening's heat until we exploded simultaneously.

We lay looking up at the stars for a while, holding hands, until I had recovered enough for another session. She had left the cucumber up her ass as she came up on all fours, and I inserted its twin into her still soppy swamp gradually. Kneeling before here, I was able to manipulate both vegetables while her exquisite mouth did its magic on my cock and balls. I was about to spend my load when I stopped, went around behind her, lubricated my erection, removed the cucumber from her ass and replaced it with my own greased imitation.

"Oh Alfie, pound my ass, you wonderful man. I've been dreaming of your cock up my bum ever since my last visit home. What a spiritual experience this is, I feel the universe all around me and universal love coursing through my blood stream. Yes, yes, yes, Alfie. You're grand with the cucumber in my cunt as well, I think I'm coming unglued. Halfway in, yes, yes, keep going my love, keep going." Her tight rectum was heavenly around my John Thomas, and I knew it wouldn't be long before I fulfilled her deepest desire. "All the way in, let me savor it for a minute, Alfie love. Now pound me, stud, pound me. Give it to me rough, stud."

It was several minutes before Brenda screamed her ecstacy into the night, and shortly afterward I shot several times into her darkness. She asked me to stay inside her until I was completely spent and my pecker returned to flaccidity, which I did gladly. We lay entwined afterward, and she took a wet wipe to clean off my penis. The stars still shone down on us kindly, and the air was still and hot; the comet trailed its promise of a new age across the sky. "Happy Twelfth Night," Brenda whispered in my ear.

"Happy Twelfth Night, love."