The Vicar of St. Dunstan's Guide

To be obvious: this isn't a story, but a guide to the series. Since the series covers 24 episodes, I thought this list would help in keeping track of the major characters, especially their descriptions and basic history. It may not be comprehensive guide, but I hope it's helpful. If there's something that should be here and isn't, please let me know; I would be happy to improve this guide to serve its purpose better even though the series is concluded.

I've learned in the course of my life never to say never, however, it seems to be time to conclude the Vicar's story and I don't anticipate his return. The decision to leave St. Dunstan's wasn't easy. If I visit the characters of St, Dunstan's neighborhood again, it will be through another's eyes.

VICAR ALFRED: The Vicar of St. Dunstan's. As the story begins, he's thirty five years old, around 6'1", 185 pounds with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He's from a ranch near Hays, Kansas, and ordained for the Episcopal Diocese of Topeka where he served in parishes as an associate pastor. Five years before the story begins, he came to England for graduate study in theology, and managed to stay. He studied music before theology, and has a great love for High Church Anglican worship. Runs and works out regularly, so he had a hard body, and keeps his Quilting Ladies happy. He also works hard at being a good pastor, and is working on a doctoral dissertation, which he gets eventually.

Parents: Fletcher and Wilma, Alfred's the youngest of six.

THE QUILTING LADIES

MARY STERNS Medium height and build, bottle redhead of sixty years (but who looks fifteen years younger) at the beginning of the story, her skin is white and freckled. She is chair of the Vestry and a woman of influence. Her husband Tommy died six years before, she lives with her almost adult grandchildren Agnes and Derrick, who lost their parents in an auto accident. Has other children that are unspecified Vivacious lady who has a hidden wild streak. Went back to school and became a solicitor after her husband's death.

SHEILA BUTTON A tall, thin woman in her mid sixties whose hair is progressing from blond to silver with dignity. A homemaker who lives with her husband Bert and nineteen year old granddaughter Jenny, who lost her parents in an accident ten years earlier. Bert is rather uninterested in sex, spending his time in front of the Telly and at the Pub, and is glad that Sheila is taken care of by someone he trusts. Mother of four, one deceased.

Bert Button passes away in Episode 12, Sheila eventually moves to the English Riviera.

MAVIS HAZELTON A plump, medium height lady whose dark hair is almost completely surrendering to grey. Her breasts are enormous, volleyball sized, with nipples seven inches in diameter and nubs that stretch out and inch and half, a half inch thick. Mother of six girls, and grandmother of twenty and counting, she has almost inexhaustible energy and gusto for what she likes. Her husband Harry is a genial man mostly interested in the Telly and the Pub like his pal Bert Button, and proud of his grandchildren. Also glad that Mavis has someone to occupy her sexual energy.

REVEREND BRENDA PORTER Vicar of St. Dunstan's sister parish in Alice Springs, Australia. Medium height big boned woman, neither plump nor skinny, with light brown hair, brown eyes, long, tanned legs. 38C breasts, fond of anal sex. Grew up in St. Dunstan's, her mother still lives there. Had to leave England for having unfortunate affairs with men in her parishes; leaves the priesthood for an Australian parishioner in Episode 12.

MOTHER MARY RUFUS aka Barbara. Mother Superior of St. George's, a nearby Catholic Convent with an unusual history. Tall, average build, compelling brown eyes and rarely seen blond hair. Perfectly proportioned body with teardrop breasts displayed when her habit's not on, sensitive about her hair and never wears panties. Extremely intelligent and wise, dynamic and composed, a brilliant leader and extremely discreet about letting her wild side out to play.

THE YOUNG PEOPLE

AGNES STERNS is slightly above average height, relatively slender, with blue eyes, freckles, red hair. She is Mary's Sterns grandmother, who raised her. Quite voluptuous, tan and active, she is a Quilting Lady in her own right. Agnes becomes the assistant organist/choir master, and then adds housekeeper to her official responsibilities.

DERRICK STERNS is Agnes' younger brother, and serves as Sexton of St. Dunstan's after Episode 12. He's similar to her in build and coloring, and sports a considerable endowment as well. A student, he marries Jenny Button just after Episode 8.

JENNY BUTTON STERNS is a little shorter than her grandmother Sheila, with dark hair, blue eyes, and full breasts and hips. She succeeds her grandfather Bert as Verger of St. Dunstan's in episode 12, and gives birth to Derrick's son and the Vicar's namesake in Episode 14. Lives with Derrick, her son and his grandmother Mary.

SISTER MARY FRANCIS XAVIER first appears in Episode 21. She is 5 feet tall, skinny, with short red hair and a perfectly proportioned body under her habit. Raised by an adoptive mother who aptly named her Helen Joy, she became deaf at age 3. She is energetic, impish, impulsive, and very bright. Just took her First Vows before Episode 21.

KIERAN HALI is the son of Reverend Miriam Hali, the Vicar of St. Will's. Tall, lanky, with light chocolate skin, well developed muscles and curly red hair. After trying pre-Law and football, he decided to study for the Anglican Priesthood. Living at St. Dunstan's as a seminarian, and learning the ropes about life, love and the way of the Dog Collar.

BETSY AND BEA BURKITT are Mavis' oldest grandchildren, identical twins. They are a head taller than their grandmother, with dark hair, light skin, blue eyes and oval faces, and excellent figures. When Agnes' job description shifts to the music side, they take over the housekeeping and some of the cooking but not on a live-in basis. Their bright younger brother, FREDDY, sang as a choir boy early in the series, and at the end is helping with the music program.

OTHER CAST MEMBERS

JANET The Vicar's ex-wife, his college sweetheart who married him in seminary and left him after three years in England. Blond, average height and weight. Resettled in Western Kansas, remarried and the mother of twins by her second husband.

PERCY WITSON and STAN DOVER Ordinary guys of dubious skill who do the handy work around St. Dunstan's with mixed results. Their wives Peggy and Doris are average housewives.

Percy has a big nose, and Stan is the polar opposite of Harrison Ford in looks.

CLARISSA CLYDE-WALKER A rich patron of the parish, a thirty something young woman six feet tall, bleach blond hair, long legs, Kate Moss thin with 33B breasts. Married to Percival (a gay man she dislikes) in a marriage of convenience, heiress to a fortune. Brazenly manipulative.

Simon is her very gay butler. Used the Vicar as an unwitting sperm donor in Episode 13, delivered a daughter, Vanessa Clarissa Frederika nine months later.

LUCINDA PARKHURST-FRAZELTON Eight five year old matron who's exceedingly rich. A small, thin fragile woman with thin grey hair. Mother of five, oral sex enthusiast. Exceedingly kind, exceedingly generous, her body and mind are deteriorating. Willikins is her butler, Barbara (Mother Mary Rufus) her youngest daughter, and Mary Sterns her solicitor.

VOILETTE DELACROIX The Bishop's Daughter. A tall, extremely thin thirty year old woman, mousy hair, no breasts until pregnant, pale skin. Her face: dark eyebrows, green eyes, weak chin, eyes that bug out. Coarse sense of humor, thrice divorced, manipulative, spoiled, very aggressively sexual yet into submission and punishment.

Made pregnant by an anonymous father (Derrick Sterns) by the Vicar's arrangement; calls her son after the Vicar's least favorite nickname (Freddy).

NIALL JONES Organist/Choirmaster at St. Dunstan's. Respected and works well with Vicar Alfred. Gay, and source of inside information on the Chancery. Lives with his partner Francis. They move to Topeka, Kansas during Episode 22.

CLERGY

BISHOP HORACE DELACROIX A short, portly man with a red face, huge nose and straggly, white hair that's combed over. Dotes on his daughter and known to punish priests who don't make her happy. Gay and has a wild side. Genial in person; incredibly dull public speaker. Not far from retirement, and working on becoming an indulgent grandfather.

ARCHDEACON TOMMY HUGHES A favorite of the Bishop, his right hand man in more ways than one. Ambitious and ruthless, wants to be the next Bishop. Unpopular with most of the priests of his diocese, who he rides very hard metaphorically, except Arthur Farnsworth, an occasional lover who rides him hard.

REVEREND STOKELEY Alfred's predecessor at St. Dunstan's. Wife and two daughters, bisexual. Manipulative and cheap; not remembered fondly at St. Dunstan's for the most part. Became a Suffragan Bishop in Northumbria.

REVEREND ARTHUR FARNSWORTH Vicar of St. Edmund the Confessor parish, neighbor to Alfred. Short, thin, thirty something, dark hair and eyes. A good friend of Alfred's in the beginning, but very erratic and known to take a runner when chasing someone.

REVEREND GEORGE STATON Vicar of St. Alban's, in the same deanery. Middle aged, brown eyes, hair almost completely turned from black to grey, lean but a small paunch. Straight and married. A mentor of Alfred's. His wife is Rachel, a tall woman with blond hair, clear blue eyes, tanned and fit, who usually dresses well and looks gorgeous.

REVEREND MIRIAM HALI Vicar of St. Will's. A thin, Nigerian woman just turned forty. Raised her son as a single mother after becoming pregnant by an Irish priest in Nigeria. An admirer of Vicar Alfred's, whom she trusts a great deal.

OTHER DEANERY VICARS: Roberta Okoye of St, Barnabas, a short, skinny Nigerian in her early 40's with a few flecks on white in her short black hair; Beatrice Williams of St. Paul's, a medium height, pleasingly plump woman not yet 30, whose dark brown skin, dark brown eyes and dark hair betrays her Indian ancestry; Pamela Andrews of St. Helen's, a thirty something brunette with blue eyes and rounded curves who hails from Brighton.

ST SCHLOMO Protector of Plato's Cave. When he's in a sister's mailbox at St. George's convent dining, keep your distance from Plato's Cave unless you're specially invited.

Deep thanks to my friend B.D., who's given me some great ideas, feedback and support, as well as Mother Mary Rufus. You, my friend, are appointed an honorary member of the Quilting Ladies. My gratitude also goes to all who gave me feedback and ideas throughout the creation of the series.

Episode Guide

1The Quilting Ladies

2Next Year in Alice Springs

3The Bishop's Daughter

4Fund Raising

5A Comet for Twelfth Night

6A Rainy Day's Lessons

7Keeping the Witsons Together

8The Bishop's Recognition Dinner

9The Recreation Room

10Going Home

11Plato's Cave

12Requiem for a Verger

13The Vicarage Roof

14Boxing Day

15Audited!

16Snow Storm

17Fat Tuesday

18Doing Penance

19The Merry Go Round

20Running Around Town

21Not a Word Was Spoken

22Deconstruction/Reconstruction

23Origins

24Initiations

At the End

I encourage imagination, since it's been fun for me, and I'm sure you can fill in the gaps if anyone in this series has caught your eye, or visualize possible futures that I haven't spelled out. Mary will probably take Kieran around the world, Sheila will enjoy a healthy relationship with her new husband, Mavis will probably find a huge, rugged Scotsman to keep her happy. You know, the typical happily ever after crap for everybody.

March 2007