The View

As her eyes circled the room seeking out her neighbours who she realised would be pretty unexceptional in here, Heather suddenly felt the intensity of being surrounded simply by women. Whilst she was certain some were here just for a drink and a dance, she was also sure many had sex on their minds and sex with one of the other women around them, whether already a partner or someone they hoped would be. Heather felt a kind of honesty in that realisation, a freedom. Whilst they might not be the mainstream outside, in here no-one questioned their tastes. Saying that, maybe the distinction was less clear than a few years back, given how lesbian culture fed into so much popular culture these days.

As she watched the women dancing, Heather's mind once more filled with the images of her neighbours. Of course dancing could easily be seen as a precursor for sex, but now having been jammed with such visions over the past few weeks, the connection was all that more immediate. Heather squirmed as once again she was assailed with the sights in her mind's eye of entwining female bodies, the imagined scent and touches and the burst of arousal that she tried to shake off. Here it was different; here such images were legitimate and were probably featuring in the thoughts of at least a few of the women in front of her.

"Enjoying yourself?" Tanya asked.

Heather was brought back to the here and now. A little guiltily, she realised that she had been simply scanning the room and had neglected her guide to this scene.

"Sorry?"

Tanya smiled broadly, an expression that Heather realised she liked on her.

"Eyes closed, that grin on your face. You're here, but it's taking you somewhere else."

"Was it that obvious?" Heather asked a little nervously worrying that she had given her inner thoughts away too clearly.

Tanya answered with a laugh. "Which one is she? Point her out."

Heather realised that yet again misunderstanding had so easily come. How should she answer? She guessed some form of honesty would work best.

"No-one in particular."

"Okay. I thought, I had begun hoping I guess, that you might be glancing sideways."

It was another reference Heather realised she had not fully understood. She had now developed a tactic to deal with it when that happened.

"How about you?"

"I've surprised myself. I spotted her outside."

"That's good. Don't let me stop you, go over, have a word."

Heather spoke with seriousness, wondering if the opportunity had come to shake off Tanya without sounding impolite. Tanya gave a rather weak smile and Heather realised she had probably missed something else now.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"Sure, same again."

"Okay." Heather said, grasping her bottle so she could order replicas.

"I'll find somewhere quieter, you come find me out." Tanya rested her hand on Heather's bare arm as if seeking reassurance that she would.

Heather hesitated, she had wondered if she should indeed shake off Tanya and get back to her hunt. However, she was increasingly certain that the couple had given her the slip and despite their instructions to the cab driver had never ended up here. However, she sensed something like vulnerability in Tanya, a concern that Heather would not come back. Heather felt she had no option and realised that in her focus in tracking down her neighbours she had overlooked how she had already mucked up Tanya's plans and it would be simply rude to now abandon her. Unless she handled this carefully, even if she could dodge Tanya in the club, there would be the risk of great embarrassment if they ran into each other at work.

"Of course I will."

Tanya smiled warmly at that and stood for a moment staring at Heather as if expecting something else.

"I couldn't finish two bottles on my own." Heather joked and it broke the moment.

"Not in one go."

Tanya let go Heather's arm and she realised how soft the touch had been: noticeable but not a grasp. Funnily it had seemed to make a connection that calmed the torrent of thoughts and concerns she was tackling this evening. Tanya gestured in the direction she was heading and Heather nodded before turning to the bar. She was served quickly and was soon back with Tanya, standing closed to a pillar talking with two black-haired women one European and one East Asian looking.

"This is Kaoru and Marije." Tanya said.

Kaoru had a moon-like face with a thrust of black spiky hair. She was dressed in a stunning red dress and patent matching shoe-boots. Marije had a similar length cut but it was slicked down and Heather was reminded of what she had done to her own hair. She wore a tight black sleeveless top with bright white buttons down the top. Beneath were black leggings that showed shapely legs. Her feet wore flat black patent boots. Heather tried to stop imagining herself dressed similarly if she had to come back here to complete her plan.

"I'm Heather, erm, hello. You must be Tanya's friends."

"Yes. Unfortunately a bit of a crisis has come up." Kaoru explained. "We were keen to find Tanya before we went. I am happier she's not in here on her own."

"Yes, well, er, well, I'll look after her." Heather said hesitantly. "We work together, well, at the same place. That's how I know her."

Now she had gone beyond worrying about being mistaken for being Tanya's partner to realising that the chance of getting away from her had all but disintegrated.

"You'll have to come over for dinner, Heather, one night." Marije invited.

Now Heather worried what sort of hole she was quickly digging for herself.

"Well, I don't sleep well and I don't live round here, it could be tricky." Heather scrambled for excuses.

She saw Marije taking in what she was saying and again cursed her own loathing of being seen to be rude.

"But, I'll liaise with Tanya, I'm sure we can sort something out, that'll be great." Heather back-tracked quickly but it appeared to have a positive effect.

"That's good to hear. Now, we really must head out. We'll see you soon."

Then there was the kissing between all four and Heather just went with it. It was not that different to if she met with a group of American businesswomen and they all insisted on air kissing. She tried not to worry about if it had any other connotations and told herself it was probably all just about 'sisterhood' in this context as at work.

Soon the pair were gone and finally Heather handed over the bottle and clambered aboard her own stool next to the one Tanya was already on. From here Heather could see other parts of the club and from a different perspective. She resumed her search, though she wondered whether there was much point and she should simply head home. Saying that, given what she had told Kaoru she did not want to seem to be going back on it and, after all, there would be no harm in hanging on a little longer. It seemed a shame to Heather that Tanya was a lesbian, otherwise she could imagine going out with her for a drink in a bar or even to see a movie. However, she knew that that would not work and one of the key things she did with friends, checking out the men, would fall flat.

Then she heard Tanya give her soft laugh. "I like you, you're a challenge, but I like a challenge and you make me laugh."

"Okay, that sounds good." Heather responded, less certain than she sounded.

"So, let's rephrase it. What's giving you that pleasure at the moment?"

"Just the whole thing, the place, the people, the dancing." She rambled not certain how she should answer given that here she was haunted by doubts not buoyed up by having fun. "I sort of get, erm, flashbacks." Heather sought to explain.

"Oh, now that does sound interesting." Tanya responded with exaggerated delight. "Well, if you get flashbacks from the dancing, let's dive in."

Tanya took the bottle from Heather's hand and then took the hand itself and led her into the crowd. Heather had not danced in public since university, but she had to admit it would be fun. The music was a bizarre selection but all of it was accessible. No-one seemed fussed about anyone's dance style. Heather moved around like any typical British woman on the dance floor who was not yet that drunk that she had no control of her limbs. She did not know if it was worse here than when she was simply looking on. Now she was surrounded by women in the widest range of styles possible, all moving, back and forth and around her. There was a buzz that she guessed would be present in any night club, but quickly she recognised right here it was just ramming back into her all those secret, mischievous, almost naughty, perhaps even guilty, sensations. Even more than ever, the fantasies in which a woman, even the woman she was dancing with she now remembered, slipped into the role of sexual partner, were taking on an almost physical form. Of course, she was not going to have sex with any of these women, but there were elements of women in motion, with a passion, with desire, that made what had up to now been just in her mind, become so much more tangible.

Then the music slowed and Heather wondered if somehow she had been transported back to a disco of the kind her aunt had talked about. Slow tunes had even been a feature of package holidays she remembered from her teenage years. Yet, the discos had never been like this and she certainly had never found herself caught up in the arms of a woman who was now resting her head on her shoulder. Heather went rigid, highly conscious, as she tried to step in the way those around her doing, of the pressure of Tanya against her. There was the yielding weight of her breasts and the scent of her skin and the braids that fell against her and the feel of her breathing, even of her pacing heart. Now only one woman was in her mind's eye, only Tanya with her flame hair and the body that could do all of those things that had run through Heather's imagining for what now felt like so long. Heather cursed all that she had done. This whole evening had failed. Rather than get her neighbours to stop or at least obscure the love making that had plagued her evenings, she had ended up achieving almost the opposite. Now she had a colleague not only thinking she was a lesbian, but who now apparently fancied her. More than that, even if she could dodge out of that mistake, the visions, images, fantasies, that she had hoped to banish had been given an actress. Worse still, she now had a face for the fantasy woman but one that she might happen to see any working day. Melodramatic thoughts of fleeing from here, of resigning from her job, of at least going on long-term sick leave all flowed in her mind.

The next tune was in a similar style. Heather wondered if she could make an excuse and get out of this situation. However, Tanya lifted her head and gazed right into Heather's eyes. Something in the gesture gave Heather a delightful shiver. She realised she had seen the couple doing this. Moments later, Tanya's lips were smooth and moist against her own. They had an impossible slipperiness that almost startled Heather. She gasped, surprised not only by the sensation but also how good it felt to her.

Tanya pulled back. "Too fast?"

Heather did not know how to reply. Of course it was too fast, and, in fact, too far. It was from a completely alien agenda. Heather realised that she had so worried that she ran the risk of being found out as an imposter, that her efforts had made her seen to be a perfect insider. A new form of guilt about the blunders she had made that had encouraged Tanya to make these misapprehensions came to her. She did not know what to say and worried that any words she came up with would simply cause upset. Unfortunately Tanya appeared to misunderstand Heather's hesitation. She now had her hands clasping Heather's hips and as she leant back a little, their eyes roughly on the same level, Heather was conscious of how her body was pressed against Tanya. Only some few layers of cloth and leather separated the very heart of their sex and Heather was unnerved as she realised that that fact made her aroused. No, that was not true. It was clear now that she had not realised that she been aroused for a while and despite her missing that it was now stepping up a level.

Tanya came in again and her lips were soft and her tongue probing as if asking more questions; checking on where Heather wanted this to go. Heather wanted this to stop. She wanted her decision to be reversed and her to be back in her flat, distracting herself with something rather than being here where it was like her dreams had come real. Madly she wondered if allowing Tanya into that fantasy had somehow magically brought her here. Yet she did not break free, she did not stamp off, she did not even blush and apologise. It was too pleasurable for that. Maybe it was because her mind was loaded with lesbian sexual scenes that her body was content to yield, well, perhaps, not just yield, as now her tongue began a pursuit of Tanya's.

In her mind, Heather kept thinking this was wrong, but that sense just came up against a feeling that it was right. If her body was enjoying it, then why should she stop? No-one was here to question her, to criticise her, in fact the complete opposite. She was surrounded by people who she knew, if they gave it any thought, would have applauded her actions. Had her body and her mind somehow conspired to trick her? Or was it the opposite, had her conscious self, the part wrapped up in what 'should be' been lying to her about what she truly felt? Had her obsession with her neighbours not simply been because their sexual activities appeared incessant and there was no way to block them out? Was it more because she was envious of them and what they so clearly had? Had she come here less to stop them and more to mimic them? Those arguments appeared to be weak given how much she had planned this all out. Yet, still, she could not deny that a part of her clearly liked what she was doing with Tanya.

Heather realised that as these thoughts had been running through her mind, she had been kissing and dancing with and embracing this woman as if this was typical activity for her on a Saturday night. Steadily though things began slotting into place and as Tanya had become the woman she envisaged in those sexual positions she increasingly felt a need to make them real. Even the resistant part of her, the part that said that there was no way she could be a lesbian, was coming to feel that acting out such activities might at least purge them from her mind.

"There's a lot to work out." Heather said. "I need to get home."

She saw the look of concern on Tanya's face, but from the evidence she had so far, she guessed that she would be accepting. After all, she had already wondered if this was going too fast. However, Heather felt sad at having to disappoint Tanya. She also found herself recognising that, in fact, she was having the best fun she had had in ages. Ending it now was not what she really needed.

"Shall we take this somewhere quieter?" Heather added quickly with a smile as if it had been her intention all along.

She was rewarded with that smile from Tanya that she was finding she was becoming addicted to.

"Certainly."

Thus, within the next few minutes, Heather found herself leaving 'No Panic Room' having achieved nothing that she had come here for, Instead she was feeling at least curious, if not a little excited, that she was going home with a woman she had been dancing hip to hip with and kissing for the last thirty minutes. Somehow that made her feel very adult, very in control of her life, two things that she recognised she was enjoying. They got a taxi without difficulty and were soon on their way to Heather's flat. Tanya held her hand and Heather fluctuated between feeling pleased and self-conscious about that.

"Nice place." Tanya said was she walked into the flat.

"Thank you. Yes, I like it."

"Great view."

At that Heather coughed nervously feeling that if it had not been for the view nothing that she was doing at the moment would have ever happened. It had been so long since she had brought anyone back to her place, with Marcus it had always been his, that she did not know how to play it.

"There's wine, white."

"Fine."

Heather grabbed the bottle and two glasses and went into the living room. Tanya was stood close to the window but with her back to it. Heather did not know where to put herself so set down the bottle and glasses and walked over to Tanya, standing a little out of her reach.

"You've not done this before." Tanya said quietly.

Heather blushed feeling it ironic that she was now self-conscious about confessing that. "No. I've not done relationships at all for a while. Sorry, now that sounds desperate ... Let me start again. No, I have not done this before."

"And when you said you were out, you meant just out for the evening as I first thought but then you seemed to be beyond that; looking for something else."

"Yes, you read that so right. I was on a mission."

"Okay. To find your neighbours?"

Heather laughed. "Sort of. More complex than that. Now I see it was more about me than them. I've just been, well, I've just been seeing things. Sorry, no that sounds like I am mad. I keep imagining scenes, scenes of women, well, having sex. Then it became me as one of those women, having sex and once it was me having it, sex, having sex with you. Not just you, some other women from work as well. No, not all at once, okay?"

"Okay." Tanya said slowly but with a smile that showed she was going along with Heather.

"In the club, where there were so many women who were probably going to be having sex with women, well, of course, it rather crashed on me."

"And while you worried about it, your body went with the flow."

"I guess so."

"I know so. I've seen enough aroused women to know the signs, trust me. I am not going to try to convince you that we need to be making love, because I think your body has agreed to that already. If you weren't a lesbian at heart, then it would not react that way. No-one can make you a lesbian, it's just what you are."

Heather wondered if that was in fact true. Her irritated part complained that the behaviour of the women across the street had simply filled her mind so full of lesbianism that she could no longer see things any other way and maybe her body had been reprogrammed by all of that.

"You liked the kissing?" Tanya asked.

Heather just blushed again.

"Now don't pretend you didn't. You had the chance to bail out and did you take it? No. So, I'd say you liked the kissing. That doesn't mean you have to have more. Just tell me know and I'll have my drink and I'll be out of here. The last thing I want you to feel is that you were rushed or pushed or misled or anything like this. I know you're a lesbian but you need to come to that in your own time. I would like it to be with me, but perhaps it's not tonight; perhaps it's not with me. I'm a big girl, I can handle that."

"Okay. I'm hearing all that."

"Good. So would you like more kissing? I think we were doing well with that, not to tip your opinion in any direction."

Heather knew in theory that she could say no, but in all practicality was incapable of doing so. In the last few minutes, Tanya had risen from being high in her estimation to someone she could think of seeing, of seeing regularly, of being a lover, a girlfriend, a partner. That was all too fast, but Heather knew she would be lying if she denied that now it seemed more than possible, to deny it would simply be churlish, foolish, the worst thing she might ever do. She took small steps to Tanya and pressed her lips on to hers. As their tongues mingled once more Heather knew that Tanya had been entirely right. However much she might question it, her body wanted sex with this woman. The pair stood looking into each other's eyes. Slowly Tanya reached out and gently took one of Heather's nipples between her fingers tugging the cloth of her top in and Heather shuddered knowing that she had thought of this for so many weeks now.