The Wallflower Ch. 08

Hey, everyone. Sorry this is so late. In fact, its 137 days late to be exact, according to my app. I know ya'll have been asking if I will finish this story, and the answer is yes. I'm on summer break now, so I should be posting regularly like when I first started writing my story. To make up for the time I haven't written, I wrote 20 pages, so hopefully it comes out as four pages on the site. These next few chapters will delve more into story and character development. Rate/ Comment/ Email me your opinions. Also if you really want to know when I'll post my next chapter, just email me. I've noticed how people want to know when the next one will be up, but they're always anonymous, so I can never give them an answer. Please email me with a respond email for information on how to get updates. Hope you enjoy the fruits of my labor :P

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"You excited about your date," Vanessa grinned at her like the Cheshire cat as Lily sat at the front desk of the library. It was a pretty slow Monday. The returned books as well as the new arrivals were all put on the shelves in order. At most, there were only five people in the library. With no work to do, they just sat in the front talking about nonsense.

"Well...yeah," Lily said, stretching her stiff legs. "It is my first date."

"And got yourself a sexy Puerto Rican at that." Vanessa poked her finger into Lily's side playfully. "Maybe if you're lucky you'll experience another first with him."

"Uh unh, Nessa! That's nasty!" Lily punched Vanessa in the arm as Vanessa laughed and feigned an attempt to dodge the attack.

"Lily, you can't be the Virgin Mary forever." She stuck her tongue out at Lily. "You can't say it hasn't crossed his mind. I saw how he was checking out your ass throughout the night. What are you going to wear anyway?"

"Well he told me we were going to go to a restaurant and then a movie, so I'm wearing something classy yet casual. I bought me a new dress, some ankle boots, and some accessories. I'll send you a picture when I put it on tonight."

"See? What I tell you? You come hang out with me and what happened? You got a sexy new outfit. Go to a party. Now you got a date with a sexy guy. And now you're even getting some confidence that I've never seen you have before. That makes me happy." Vanessa said quietly, almost to herself. Vanessa quiet for some time that Lily looked over at her friend to see what was wrong.

Vanessa had this look of contentment on her face as she looked in front of her as if she was looking back on her life. More like a look of satisfaction of completing a goal. Lily never truly thought about how much Vanessa cared about her. Lily always thought that Vanessa was just being nice about building up her confidence. But that was so far from the truth. As the truth began to come to her eyes, Lily began to see the truth more clearly. Vanessa sincerely thought Lily was a beautiful person. Not just because she was Lily's friend. She would believe that if they were friends or not.

Lily thought about the times she and Vanessa would get into fights just because she just didn't believe she was beautiful. It got so bad that she didn't believe that she should be treated as a person. That she deserved everything that was happening to her. Vanessa would get angry and looked as if she was in pain when Lily talked about herself like she was lower that a dog. As if she didn't deserve to be treated like a human being. Like she deserved to be treated like how her mom and Brandon had described. What made Lily almost break down crying was that she actually believed she deserved to be treated the way they described. And she still believed she deserved to be treated that way. Somewhat at least.

That's why Vanessa was so angry with Lily when she talked down about herself. Her low self esteem was not just the usual. It was a disease that was eating her alive. This was a disease that Vanessa was trying to save Lily from for years. This one bit of confidence told Vanessa that her efforts were not in vain.

Vanessa turned her head to look at Lily, and her eyes spoke of all the love she held for Lily. But after a while that flicker of love disappeared and was replaced by cold dark pupils. "Lily, I need to ask you something."

"Yeah, sure. What's up?"

"What happened Friday night?"

'Why's she's asking about that?' Lily thought. But Lily didn't even had to really ask. This conversation stunk of Brandon.

"What do you mean?"

"Why did you leave the party early? Brandon would have taken you home."

'Not after what I did to him.'

"I just had to go is all." Lily reached her hands towards her water bottle and took a swig of water, all the while hoping that Vanessa didn't ask any more questions. But unfortunately that wasn't the case.

Vanessa looked at Lily with a hard expression that stated that she didn't believe a word of it.

"That's not what I was told," Vanessa said emotionless.

Lily already knew who was the cause of the mess, but just to entertain the conversation she asked,"And who told you different?"

"Brandon."

Lily mentally rolled her eyes. Of fucking course. 'When will this guy ever give it a break? He must have nothing to do if all he has time to do is create drama in my life.'

"What did he say was the reason?" Lily said with a sigh of boredom.

"If it was really just nothing, Lily, then why does it matter what Brandon said?" Vanessa asked with a hint of annoyance. Lily took a glance at Vanessa and for once in her life Vanessa actually seemed to be mad at her.

"Just tell me what it was, Nessa."

"He said he tried to flirt with you, but you caught an attitude with him. That you were spouting all this stuff about how you were a bad bitch and being too good for pussies like him. After you told him off, you threw your drink at him in front of everyone and laughed at him. Look, Lily, it's awesome you gained some-"

"You actually believe this bullshit?" Lily couldn't help but let out the chilling anger in her voice.

A long silence came between them as they looked at each other. Lily's eyes were furrowed in hope that Vanessa was about to say no, but Vanessa's eyes gazed back in an unwavering hard gaze.

"He was soaked in soda."

Lily closed her eyes and breathed slowly through her nose. So this was how Brandon was going to play it. The last card he could play. Making the last person who cared about her choose between her and him. And right now, the odds looked more in his favor.

"He's lying to you, Vanessa."

"Really, Lily?" Vanessa's gaze began to harden as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Because so far, I have a complete story from him, witnesses, and proof. All I have from you is a vague excuse. I don't want to believe you did it, Lily, but so far you've given me anything but the truth."

'Tell her the truth, you idiot!' Lily yelled at herself. She had one thing that Brandon didn't count on. The bruises. Today, she had made sure to wear a long sleeved shirt to cover the fading bruises. Her hand was at her sleeve ready to pull it up. She wanted to show her right there and right now what kind of monster Brandon really was. She wanted to tell her who was making her life hell for the past four years. Why she not only felt, but believed that she was worthless.

Lily's mouth was open to confess it all. She was ready to tell her to stay away from him, before she learned the truth about him the hard way. Because then it would be too late. Vanessa would be stuck with this monster. But her mouth refused to speak the truth.

She licked her lips and tried again. And again... And again

But each time some unforeseen threat constricted around her heart like a clenched fist. Each time it squeezed harder, causing her to freeze in pain. Lily had released her mind from Brandon's hold. But her body was still captured in his grasp. He still had control over her. As long as that control was there, the truth would always be controlled. No matter how much courage she had to speak the truth. As long as the control was not hers, she could not tell.

"I want to check out these books," Lily heard a familiar voice say. She turned around to find Nicholas's gray eyes staring back at her.

'Oh yeah it is Monday,' she reminded herself. Nicholas, like last time, looked more drawn in than his usual self. His face was nearly bare of all piercings except for his snake bites. He was wearing an overly large black shirt and low riding jeans. His unruly black curly hair was contained in a skull cap. She wondered why she hadn't noticed him, especially since the library was pretty much vacant. Even though he was quiet today, his bright tattoos could be seen a mile away.

"Hey," Lily said quietly, before clearing her throat. She took the books out of his hands and typed in the books to check them out.

"Be careful, Nicholas. You may be too beneath her to talk to after awhile," Vanessa said coldly as she got up and left.

Nicholas looked after her, before asking, "What's with her?"

"I'll tell you later, Nicholas. I don't feel like talking about it right now.

"Well do you wanna talk about it during your lunch break?" he asked, shifting his weight onto his other foot.

"It's in another hour." She really didn't feel like repeating all of this crazy mess to him.

"I can wait. I got nothing else to do. I read all day, remember?" He gave me a small smile, but Lily didn't return it. His smile faded into a line as he looked to be searching for the right words. He bent over and rested his elbows on the desktop. "Look, I'll make a deal with you. If you go out to lunch with me, I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

Lily looked up into Nicholas's eyes and searched for any hesitancy. Last time she asked him a question about his life, she hit and nerve and he flipped out on her. "You promise not to get mad?" Lily asked, not breaking her gaze from his.

"I won't get mad."

Lily bit her lip while weighting her options in her head. She really did want some answers.

"Fine," she said with a sigh.

"Good, I'll read my books in the Non-Fiction section when you're ready"

She gave him a simple ok before he gave her smile and went back to the Non-Fiction area.

~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~

"I'm done." Lily said, stepping towards an immersed Nicholas. She pulled a seat up next to Nicholas and waited for him to put the book down.

Nicholas gave her a sideways glance and asked without putting the book down, "Why are you sitting down?"

Lily looked at him as if he had asked "Why was she breathing?".

"Well you wanted to talk."

"Yeah, but not here. You can't talk in a library, cowgirl, and you know it." He stuck his tongue out at her as he closed his book and got up. "We're going to my hideout."

"Aren't you too old to have a hideout?" she asked as they headed out the door.

"Nah, a hideout is just a place to get away from people and think. Kinda like how women in the 50s and 60s go off somewhere and had themselves a drink after dealing with their bratty ass children and an unappreciative demanding husband." He laughed to himself as he took out one of his blunts and rolled it around in his fingers while he looked for his lighter.

They passed by a few buildings as they walked. Each one, she hoped would be their stop. But after a while she noticed they were on a dirt path as they started down a forested trail route.

"Nicholas, where are we going?" she asked as she maneuvered her feet through the dirt trail in her low heels.

"I told you. My hideout."

"Couldn't you have picked something...I don't know...less strenuous?"

Nicholas let out a loud snort as he pushed away branches and plants. "If this is strenuous, I can tell you don't exercise much."

"Excuse me?!" Lily tried to swat him on the back of the head, but realized she was too short, so she had to settle for his forearm. 'Damn him for being so freaking tall.'

"It's just a light walk through the woods. Even little kids can do it. I should know because I've been coming here ever since I was five."

"Well aren't you a real mountain man." Lily said sarcastically.

"Well at least more than you'll ever be," he shot back.

After some time of walking, he pushed apart some plants on the side and began walking off the trail. All Lily could do was stare off after him. The thought of his hideout being in the woods already creeped her out. The only comfort she got from it at all was that there was a trail that warded off the thought of getting lost. But that little security she felt now dissipated as the vastness of the wilderness stared back at her.

It wasn't the woods that scared her. It was the vastness. The openness. The uncertainty. The forest was full of so many possibilities and held so many secrets, yet gave so few answers in return to unbeknownst travelers. Whatever answers it did give were sometimes best to be left unknown.

A pair of snapping fingers brought her out of her reverie. "Lily?" Nicholas called as he continued to snap his fingers at her.

"What?"

"I've been calling you for a few minutes," Nicholas sighed as he pushed his hair out of his face. "Seriously, you were standing there like a statue. What's up with you?"

"Nothing... it's just...do we have to go this way?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, the hideout isn't on the trail. You'll be just fine."

Lily looked back at him nervously. A million questions raced through her mind. What was in there? Are there wolves? Could she run fast enough? What if she lost sight of Nicholas and got lost? She'd never get out by herself. What if she touched something poisonous? What if she hit her head on a rock and-

"Lily! You're doing it again!" Nicholas said, getting obviously annoyed.

"Could we just stay here and talk?" she asked in a voice that was barely louder than a squeak.

"Nope. My deal is I give you answers when we're at the hideout."

Lily let out a loud sigh as she rolled her eyes and looked down at her shoes. Nicholas was going to be difficult as usual.

"C'mon." Lily felt a warm touch underneath her chin as Nicholas tilted her head so she could look into his steel grey eyes. "The hideout is right through here. You don't need to worry about anything. I won't let anything harm you. I'll be right here." After he was done with what he had said. He grabbed her hand firmly and pushed the thick foliage out the way as he stepped through and encouraged her to do so as well.

What Lily saw was not what she'd thought to see at all. She had thought of thick forest trees clouding her vision with gnarled roots poking through the soil in hopes to trip her. Instead, she found a small wide open space with a single tree near a small shallow pond. This simple space was not littered with roots, but with brightly colored flowers, so inviting, that it seemed as if they begged for someone to pick them.

Nicholas took his hand away from hers as he walked over to the tree and sat down to lean against it. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply and let out what Lily could best describe as stress. His head lolled back against the tree while his shoulders visibly slumped downward in relaxation. His right elbow rested against his bent knee while the other leg laid flat against the ground. His chest rose up and down slowly as he continued to exhale all the stress from his body and dissipate into the air. Being here had immediately softened his stormy Monday personality. His blunt, long ago put out, didn't even relieve him as much as this scenery did.

Even though Nicholas was becoming fully at peace, Lily couldn't help but think of the odd picture he made when in his present environment. In this bright environment, Nicholas was dressed in black from head to toe. Being as pale as he was, the black popped out boldly against his skin. It made her think that this is what it would look like if the grim reaper was relaxing in a field of flowers.

Nicholas peaked out from beneath his hair and motioned for her to sit with him. Slowly. Lily sat down beside him near the base of the tree. She scrunched up her legs to her chest and rested her head on her knees. She snuck a few quick glances at Nicholas while he let his body unwind and his moodiness dissipate. He no longer seemed stress but neither did his usual wild boy personality resurface either. Lily was seeing another side of Nicholas's complicated personality...And she liked this one the most.

Unknowingly, Lily strained her neck to get a better look at him. His smoke filled eyes drifted downwards as he gazed out at the pond as it rippled in front of him. As she continued to look at him, she began to imagine a five year old Nicholas playing in this field. Probably running across the bright meadow like the wild boy he still is with his bushy head of curls flopping across his face. She smiled at the thought of it.

"You really need to control your acts of voyeurism," Nicholas said unexpectedly as he turned his head and gazed up at her.

Lily's face began to burn as she realized she had been caught, once again, staring for too long. "I was just imagining you playing in the fields as a kid is all," she admitted.

His eyes hardened for a moment, but relaxed back into a peaceful haze. "I did not play in these fields. I mourned here." He picked up a small pebble and skipped it across the pond, watching the elliptical ripples he had made.

"Mourn? What is there to mourn here?" She looked back at the enchanting meadow and wondered if Nicholas was blind. The scenery was so vivid and peaceful. It was a vast sea of pink, blue, and yellow flowers. The grass was so green that it rivaled the beauty of an emerald. The water was so clear and inviting that she wouldn't have minded going for a swim if she didn't have to work that day. What was there that would make anyone want to mourn?

"I don't see it. This place looks like the opposite of mournful. It's blooming with life."

"You may see a field of bouquet flowers, but all I saw was a field of funeral flowers with dried dead leaves."

"Was it that different from what it looks like today?" Lily said, looking back at the field, trying to envision the somber scene he had painted.

"No, it looks the same as it did when I found it."

Lily finally turned her head to look at him confused. "Then what is it here that is so mournful?"

Nicholas broke off his stare of the scenery and looked back at her. In a voice devoid of all emotion, he uttered, "He lost everything here. And it looked just as bright and cheerful the same day he lost it all."

Lily sat back in silence as she absorbed what he was saying. Whatever cheerfulness she saw in this place, now had lost its luster as she could now finally feel the remorse that this place well hid.

"What did he lose exactly?" Lily whispered, to not disturb any peace that this place held.

"His life. Ironic, since this was his hideout to be free of the world's atrocities. He could be himself here. He could do things here and not be judged. He could run wild through the grass and enjoy himself. Be free. But he realized that his freedom was an illusion the day it was just as quickly taken away."

A pause settled between them as the information dissolved into the air.

"How was he killed?"

"That knife back at the house...it was used to cut out his tongue. Leaving him to drown on his own blood as he laid in this same meadow."

Lily turned her head and covered her mouth, resisting the urge to gag. She breathed in and out deeply trying to control it. 'What the fuck?!' she screamed in her head. 'What the fuck did he do that was so bad that he had to die that way?!' Lily wanted to ask more information, but her brain was unwilling to ask anymore question. She had learned enough information that she could possibly stomach.